Topic : Ready for Marriage?

I would like to get married again because I am going to become a divorced lady and in my first marriage, I was not happy with my first husband and he was not the one for me. When my divorce is final, I am going to move on with my life and to start a new relationship with a man who is older than me. I would like to start a one huge happy family because I truly love huge rich families.

There is no straight guy in the world who would ever consider sleeping with another guy, no way, no how!  Obviously this BF is bi-sexual whether he wants to admit it or not.  I hopeboth of you have been tested a few times for HIV / AIDS.

 

It's absolutely up to you on whether or not you want to marry this guy.  But let's face it, you run the risk of him finding himself years down the road admitting to himself that he may actually be gay or wants to experiment again.  How many men and women on these boards never ever thought their partner would cheat on them but come to find out that they did. 

 

This is a touchy situation.  I personally think you should have been told this info from the start so that you would not have to make a decison now after falling in love wit him.  I honesty do not believe he is straight.  Again, no straigh guy would ever sleep with another man!  EVER.  I'd walk away from this relationship, this is only my opinion, you have t decide for yourself. 

This is all about creating a balance in your lives.  I think it's a wonderful thing that your BF has a best friend who he enjoys spending time with but you need to gently communicate with him that you need alot of alone time together as well.  I'm thinking that you may be wondering if this is how married life will be with him a few years down the road.

This is all about communication and not attacking him but stating your concerns. I don't think once a month is reasonable, more like once a week.  Kinda like a guys night out with you doing the same with your friends. 

Are the Boundaries I'm Setting Reasonable?

I'm engaged to a man who shares a child with his ex-girlfriend.  When his ex found out that she was pregnant, she broke up with him.  He tried every way in the world to get her to stay, but she refused to get back together with him.  My fiance thinks that she was probably interested in a friend of his because when the two of them broke up, she got together with his friend.  He was pretty hurt by that because he has had his round of cheating girlfriends.  The two of us met a couple of months after the breakup.  We've been together for 6 months now and have recently gotten engaged.  He feels that he has finally found the right one, and I feel the same.  We could not possibly be any happier :)

 

The child he shares with this other woman is due anyday now.  I accept this child completely and will love/treat this child as if he were my own.  The baby's mother has already said that she is perfectly okay with me seeing the baby and spending time with it once it is born.  I also understand that since he and this other woman share a child together, she will forever be a part of our lives.  I love my fiance with all my heart, and I am accepting of this situation.  Many people would not be okay with entering into marriage with someone who has a child from a previous relationship.  But I know that he is the right one, and I know that we will get married one day :) 

 

However, I do believe there should be certain boundaries for all three of us.  My only question is if the boundaries I've set up for my fiance are reasonable.  I would prefer that my fiance not be with his ex-girlfriend unless I am with him.  I just don't feel that it is appropriate for them to be together if I'm unable to be there as well...even if it's to visit the baby.  If he wants to be with the child, I think we should set aside some time where we can visit the baby TOGETHER.  My fiance's only relationship to be sustained is the one with his child, and I fully support his relationship with this baby.  But I feel that since the relationship with his ex is over, they should not be together (even for the baby) if I'm unable to be there as well.  Do you think that this is an unreasonable boundary to set?  It's not that I don't trust my fiance; it's just that I feel like there are certain actions that are appropriate for a marriage...and I feel that being with an ex when your spouse is not present is just inappropriate regardless of the situation. 

 

When the child is older and able to stay with us on the weekends, it won't be quite so complicated.  But for the time being, do you think it is okay for me to ask this of my fiance, or do you think this boundary is unreasonable?  I don't want to be selfish or look paranoid.  I want to be fair and do what's right for our marriage and for this child.  Thanks in advance for your input.

 

Note: I know I've posted this topic in three different sections, but I wasn't exactly sure where this belonged ;)

 

I'm engaged to a man who shares a child with his ex-girlfriend.  When his ex found out that she was pregnant, she broke up with him.  He tried every way in the world to get her to stay, but she refused to get back together with him.  My fiance thinks that she was probably interested in a friend of his because when the two of them broke up, she got together with his friend.  He was pretty hurt by that because he has had his round of cheating girlfriends.  The two of us met a couple of months after the breakup.  We've been together for 6 months now and have recently gotten engaged.  He feels that he has finally found the right one, and I feel the same.  We could not possibly be any happier :)

 

The child he shares with this other woman is due anyday now.  I accept this child completely and will love/treat this child as if he were my own.  The baby's mother has already said that she is perfectly okay with me seeing the baby and spending time with it once it is born.  I also understand that since he and this other woman share a child together, she will forever be a part of our lives.  I love my fiance with all my heart, and I am accepting of this situation.  Many people would not be okay with entering into marriage with someone who has a child from a previous relationship.  But I know that he is the right one, and I know that we will get married one day :) 

 

However, I do believe there should be certain boundaries for all three of us.  My only question is if the boundaries I've set up for my fiance are reasonable.  I would prefer that my fiance not be with his ex-girlfriend unless I am with him.  I just don't feel that it is appropriate for them to be together if I'm unable to be there as well...even if it's to visit the baby.  If he wants to be with the child, I think we should set aside some time where we can visit the baby TOGETHER.  My fiance's only relationship to be sustained is the one with his child, and I fully support his relationship with this baby.  But I feel that since the relationship with his ex is over, they should not be together (even for the baby) if I'm unable to be there as well.  Do you think that this is an unreasonable boundary to set?  It's not that I don't trust my fiance; it's just that I feel like there are certain actions that are appropriate for a marriage...and I feel that being with an ex when your spouse is not present is just inappropriate regardless of the situation. 

 

When the child is older and able to stay with us on the weekends, it won't be quite so complicated.  But for the time being, do you think it is okay for me to ask this of my fiance, or do you think this boundary is unreasonable?  I don't want to be selfish or look paranoid.  I want to be fair and do what's right for our marriage and for this child.  Thanks in advance for your input.

 

Note: I know I've posted this topic in three different sections, but I wasn't exactly sure where this belonged ;)

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. I am just now graduating from dental assisting school and heading into extership. We have planned to move in together but I have waited until my school experiance was over because I thought that it would be less stressful to get school out of the way first. What are the signs that he might propose and how do I do this without disappointing myself? Should we be engaged before I move in with him? I am twenty two and feel I am definatley ready to get out of my parents house and start my own life but I am actually really scared. How can I shake this feeling of uncertainty?

When you and your boyfriend were talking about moving in together, did the subject of marriage come up? Has the topic ever come up in the five years that you’ve been together?
You are really scared of what- moving out of your parent’s home, or moving in with your boyfriend, or being married? My advice to you is to talk with your boyfriend about goals together. Once you are living together- then what? That is what you have to discuss with your boyfriend, and I urge you to do this ASAP. Best wishes to you!

Thank you very much Sandy. I totally agree with you. Yes we have been testing for HIV and all thankfully is well. His argument is that that people do experiment because of different reasons. When I was talking to him he cited Anne Hetche for me! I am still confused. I dont think he would hurt me intentionally but then again, so did Senator Craig's wife most probably! I still need more time to think about it... I still need more advice...

Hello,

I've been divorced for 4 years, not a bad divorce and still very friendly with my ex.  I have 2 boys ages 8 &9.

I met a man a little over 8 months ago that I can confidently say I am totally in love with. He is very much in love with me and is clear about where he wants to head in this relationship. He's never had children and would like one, and I would love to have another, but at 34 years old, our time is a bit limited. Clearly there's no immediate rush.  I've never had a healthy, positive relationship like this. We are best friends, we are on the same level, he is wonderful with my kids, we have similar goals in life, it's almost too perfect. Here's the thing... I AM SCARED. For every two steps forward we take, I take 5 steps back.  Putting a photo of us up in my office took me 6 months and was a huge step for me.  I know he wants to marry me and I know there is no one else that I want to spend my life with, but at the same time I  am so scared of failing again.  I don't want to go through another divorce and of course when I met my first husband and married him I really believed it was forever, never in a million years did I think I'd be divorced. It makes me question my judgement and not trust myself.  The passion both physically and emotionally I share with my boyfriend is unbelievable, but I just don't want to be hurt again. Any ideas on how to get past this?

Thanks!

I'm 22 years old, and freshly graduated from university.  I have been dating my boyfriend for close to 5 years and we have been living together for the past 4 months.  I plan to go to graduate school next fall, and depending on the program I may be in school for another 5-7 years.  My boyfriend and I have discussed marriage, but I feel as though I can't give him a time frame for when I will be ready.  He isn't ready to commit at this point either (he's only 23) but he knows he wants to be married and start a family before he turns 30.  I on the other hand find it difficult to commit 100% knowing that I have several more years of education in my future, I know I want to be with him but I can't give him a gaurantee that I will be ready in the near future. 

He feels that my hesitation at this point is a sign that I will likely never be ready to get married, I don't think this is true.  I just want to have all of my ducks in a line before I feel secure entering into a marriage.  To him, age, whether or not I'm in school, or whether we have jobs are irrelevant variables -- but I feel that these things are important, and I haven't reached a level of maturity that would make me feel ready for marriage.

I don't know how to explain this to him, whenever I try he twists it into an understanding where I will never be able to commit to him.  I hate to think we would end our relationship over something like this, but he has told me he won't wait forever...

What should I do??