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Topic : Ready for Marriage?

Number of Replies: 960
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:09:04 pm
Author : dataimport
Contemplating taking the plunge? Talk with others who are ready to make things permanent.

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March 5, 2008, 3:45 pm CST

I'm ready for more..but he isn't.

My boyfriend and I have been together now for 1.5 years in April. We have been living together since May of 2006. That's almost a year. Oh, living together in his parent's house I might add.

He is 24 and I am 19; I will be 20 in July.

My whole life, I have always been mature for my age as I had to be the only adult for myself. He on the other hand lived with both of his parent's his whole life and doesn't know really much of the "real world."

I have taken this into consideration the fact that he may have some fears but if this is the case, why has he been willing to date" and live together for this long so far?

I have been pressuring him a bit lately about becoming engaged. I tell him that I want to, I am ready because I know what I don't want to happen and I know I can make an engagement and even a marriage work. I would even settle for being engaged for years... It's just the fact that I want that next step.

Our relationship has endured many hardships and I'm sure will have many more. I have changed and grown a lot since the first 6 or so months of our relationship and am still willing to change. He however says he would like to as well to improve what we do have now but is a lot of talk and no action if you know what I mean.

Also, I don't know if he's ever going to leave home.

Like I said, I am ready. Should I move on and find someone else who shares my feelings? Should I stick around and "wait" for him or should I do something else?

Any advice is great advice as far as I'm concerned.

Thank you muchly!

 

 
March 10, 2008, 1:14 am CDT

Getting Married

My fiance and I have been going out for about 4 years now, we got engaged last year and are currently planning for our wedding in June. I love him more than anything in the world, he's the man of my dreams, and I'm looking forward to marrying him and being with him.

 

But recently, I've been thinking about my ex boyfriend alot, wondering what could have been if we had'nt broken up. I see him every once in a while which makes me think about him even more, sometimes I even dream about him, and us being together again. I feel that I want to talk to him about my feelings, but I'm worried that it may ruin everything I have with my fiance, and even the thought of loosing or jepordizing my relationship with my fiance brings me to tears.

 

I dont know what I'm doing, i feel confused, not sure why I'm thinking about my ex, rather than focusing on my future with my fiance.

 

Any advice?

 
March 12, 2008, 1:02 am CDT

Ready for Marriage?

Quote From: jaimie1974

It is possible that you are focusing on the past because you are fearful or uncertain of your future. You are looking to the past because you are wondering if the grass is greener. Most people will tell you this- the grass is NOT greener with your ex! There are reasons why you broke up, and throughout these four years that youve been apart, it is likely that he has developed into a different person. Im sure that youve developed into a different person, too. You cant help but to mature and evolve. You are looking into the past for a reason to not move forward, almost as though you are trying to be self destructive; dont do this to yourself! You deserve to have true happiness with the (one man) that you love.
 
Thank you for the reply... the part about being self destructive is so true, hearing it from someone else made me believe it even more, anything I do to persue these feelings would be self destructive! And I do love my fiance so much! Thank you
 
March 18, 2008, 7:23 pm CDT

Did I make a mistake?

 I met my husband on line back in May.  I lived in New York, he in Los Angeles.  I am 40 and never been married, he is 45 and was previously married and has a 19 yr. old who lives with the mother.  From the very beginning he was so attentive and loving.  Our conversations were warm and amazing.  He was and is everything I ever imagined.  I fell for him hard and am still extremely in love with him.  We fell in love the day we met.  He pdroposed 2  months later and we got engaged.  I left my job, my home, my parents and moved in with him in September, and we got married in December.  I want to have children and he doesn't.  He has convinced me that at our age it's not a good idea and I kind of agreed because I don't want to lose him.  I knew he didn't want children before we got married so I'll have to live with that.  He tells me he loves me every day 10 times and that we will always be together for ever.  That we are soul mates. Recently, when he wanted to visit his family whom we visit almost daily, I didn't feel like going.  He was upset and wrote me an e-mail the next day saying he was mad because he can't stand being away from me for more than 3 hours.  I thought that was so swee but a bit weird.  He says he doesn't believe in couples who travel alone.  Do you think I have made a mistake?  We are both from the same cultural background but I was raised more free.  Having read the whole story, do you think I made a mistake?  I do need to say that he is so kind and sweet to me.  I don't know how his past relationships were.  But I'm starting to feel he might be a bit controlling.  I know no body in California and he's all I got.  I'm not working yet and sometimes I'm so bored that I demand he come home and be with me and he does immediately.
He also has told me very sweetly that he doesn't want me to have contact with my ex boyfriend who is a dear friend yet he has female friens and I'm fine with it.  Did I make a mistake?  
 
March 24, 2008, 10:40 am CDT

How long should you wait?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 14 months.  We have talked about marriage and although he has not "officially" proposed to me we have talked extensively and both agree that we would like to marry each other.   I have been divorced for 7 years and have had plenty of time to "date around" and do a lot of healing.  My boyfriend, on the other hand, has only been divorced for 5 months.  He was seperated pending divorce (children involved) when we met.

I have asked him repeatedly if he is sure he is ready for marriage. He insists that he is and I want to believe him.  I also want to do everything possible to make sure our marriage lasts.  Is there a certain suggested time period to wait for getting married again?  How do you know when you're ready? I know this is a silly question as it  surely depends on the individual person but was just curious what your experience has been.

Thanks.

 
March 25, 2008, 9:22 pm CDT

What Should I do?

My fiance and I have been dating for almost 2 years now.I am 23 and he is 27. A total mommas boy. Just recently his mom has been a total B**** to me. I really don't understand what I did. I have been nothing but sweet to her and all of the sudden she is against me marrying her son. Now it seems her being this way has affected us getting married. He wants to wait to show her that everything is OK. He won't even discuss when we are going to get married . She totally controls every major decision he has . What can I do ? What should I do?
 
April 17, 2008, 11:55 am CDT

IS IT REALLY LOVE ?

 This will be kind of long & complicated but please help me out ! I really need some advice.

My Fiance & I have been dating for a little over 2 years now, and back then I was a bit controlling of my boyfriend & eventually he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend which was about 8 months into our relationship. he was seeing her behind my back for a month before i found out that he was cheating on me. once i confronted him about it, he told me he did like her, but he wanted to be with me and he broke it off with her and i took him back. even though i tried really hard to forget the past, thinking about what he did still hurt me inside and in some ways, you could say i wanted revenge.

my fiance left for the air force while we were dating for about 2 years and when he left, i found out he lied about some stuff that was a big deal to me at the time, but not so much to me anymore now. the reason i was so upset at the time was because of the fact that he lied to me and he has a history of lying to me about everything, constantly. So, i took that chance of him being gone for me to dump him and forget him. i thought " this is my chance to finally move on since he's not here anymore" i dumped him through a letter and then about a week after, i went out with this guy who had been interested in me for quite some time. while going out with this other guy, my fiance was still in the back of my mind constantly but that didnt mean i genuinely had feelings for this other guy as well. once my fiance came back, he we talked and ended up getting back together.

Later on, however, i found out he had been talking to this other girl behind my back for several months while we had gotten back together. He told me it was nothing but then when i looked at the phone bills, he had been talking to her for days straight and for LONG hours. sometimes even at 230 in the morning. He told me that he wanted to get back at me for what i had done.

when i had dated the other man, i thought that him and i were even and i felt a little better about everything. i felt that we could move on. but him doing that again makes me feel like i need revenge again for me to move on with this relationship happily. i know it sounds wrong but i just cant understand why he keeps doing that to me. its not even like i cheated on him. i don't know what to do. i'm scared that he will continue to do this in the future if he is unhappy with me or something. but he constantly assures me now that he loves only me and wants me to be his wife and that he cant imagine being with anyone else than me. should i believe him and give this marriage a chance? is it wrong if i "settle" the score again ? please help me with this confusion.
 
April 20, 2008, 11:33 pm CDT

My partner Hesitation

Good Day

 I’ve met a nice guy about 8 months ago after 3 months we decide to introduce each other to our family .After that his mother started to say bad things about me as she wants her son married to someone that she chooses for him. So his family do not accept we get engaged. From 5 months ago he is in struggle with his family so hard. Nobody pay attention to him so he gets so upset. About 1 month ago he said that he is not sure that he can manage this relationship. As he has lived alone for about 10 years he believes that he should be alone for rest of his life. He loses his confidence and nothing makes him happy. I asked him to be alone for a week and think if he wants to continue or not. After 10 days he came back to me and asked me to help him as he can’t not solve his problem alone. He assures me that nothing wrong with me and he loves me so much this is his inner problem. Now after about 2 weeks he still upset. He can’t sleep at night, he hesitates about everything. He has 2 job opportunities with high salary which even this situation does not make him happy. Pls help and informs me how I can help him. I want to know that is it only because of this stressful period of time and it will go away after a short time or it is much more important.Pls let me know about your Idea

 
May 19, 2008, 2:07 am CDT

My partner is not ready for marriage......

Good Day
 
I am despratly need your advice regarding my relationship. about 8 months ago i met a guy in the office which i work. After he asked for date almost everyday we went out with each other.Then after about 4 months he told me that he wanted to marry me and wanted to introduce me to his family.From then his mother objection has been started. Actualy she belives that her son should marry to a girl whom she choses for him not the one he wants(meanwhile he is 29 years old). Any way he struggled with his family for 4 month continually.as his family live in another city for new year he went to visit his family.After he came back he told me that he hesitated about our marriage as he was not sure that we will have happy marriage life in future regarding his family atitute. I told him that u can be alone for a while and think if you want to be in this relationship or not. After 10 days he came back and told me hat he loved me so much ad he can't live alone.we were toghether agian for about a moth till i foun out he was not the same guy which i've met. Again all his childhood dream(which is living alone and just study) came back to him.I tried with all my strenghth to save this relationship but again he asked that it would be better he leaves alone for a moth to think about continuing or spliting up.
 
now i really request to guide me what i should do.Is he reliable or i should break up with him as he cant makes up his mind.
 
Nafiseh
 
June 3, 2008, 9:25 am CDT

HELP ME!

ME AND MY B/F ARE 3 MONTHS AWAY FROM BEING TOGETHER 3 YEARS.  WE MOVED IN TOGETHER AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF. THINGS ARE GREAT.  IM WORRIED IF HE DOESNT PROPOSE B4 OUR 3 YEAR MARK I WILL NO LONGER BE WILLING TO WAIT.  I LOVE HIM TO DEATH BUT I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN A LONG TERM COMMITED RELATIONSHIP.  IM 23 RIGHT NOW AND HE IS 27.  IVE BROUGHT UP THIS TOPIC ALOT!! AND HE ALWAYS SAY THAT HE WANTS THINGS TO BE PERFECT. NO RELATIONSHIP IS PERFECT.  ON THE SAME NOTE HE HAS ALSO TOLD ME THAT HE WANTS TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH ME.  HE ALSO TOLD ME THAT HE WOULD NOT HAVE MOVED IN WITH ME IF HE DIDNT PLAN ON MARRYING ME.  SO SHOULD I KEEP WAITING ON SOMETHING THAT MAY NEVER HAPPEN.? OR JUST KEEP WAITING?  I FEEL LIKE AFTER A YEAR YOU SHOULD KNOW IF YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH SOMEBODY.  ESPECIALLY IF YOU SPEND TIME WITH THEM EVERYDAY.  PLEASE HELP ME MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION.   
 
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