Topic : Ready for Marriage?

Hey there! 

      First of all congrats on your engagement! I'm sure you were smiling as you read that part. Anyway, I read your Message, and can't tell you how happy I am to know someone out there feels the same. Like yourself, I'm also 20 years old, and it seems that everyone around me is getting engaged, or married, in fact, my boyfriend's sister just announced her engagement last night and I'm totally happy for them; however marriage is a big deal and does take committment and compromise. I believe when you marry someone you marry them for life, not just tell you hit a midlife crisis. I don't thnk marriage is always great, but you gotta stick it out, and not give up with a divorce.  

       I realize the divorce rate is getting scary high ( my sister and her husband are divorcing after 13 yrs.) so it's on my mind too. But I think you can't let that get to your head too much. What you and your fiance have is awesome, and it seems that you two are taking marriage, and all that comes with it seriously, which is a great start. Just know what the two of you have, and forget society. It seems as though you're religious so you know what I'm taking about as far as not being of this world, just in it.  

            I know my sister's divorce is effecting me, but I just can't allow it to effect my relationship. It seems her ex hasn't taken that whole "death do us part" vow seriously, but I do know that someday I will. Anyway, my final suggestion is that there really is no guarantee to a marriage free of divorce, but find peace in knowing that you're gonna give it all you've got for the one that you love. I hope to keep in touch with you. (there's more where that came from.)  

                                                      Understandingly, Crystal 

how are you? hope you had a good christmas as well  

well me and my b/f ( now fiance) are wanting to get a house as well  

and looking to get married in the fall of next year  

got engaged the day after christmas 

we went to a restaurant that we went to alot in our relationship 

and had one of the guys there take our picture 

very happy  

take care 

Personally, I think you need to put a little more faith in yourself and in God.  (Jerimiah "I have plans for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.") It sounds as if you've lost yourself in this relationship (which most of us have all done at one time or another so don't feel bad).  I would suggest you start by looking for new/additional work to become self supporting, take a class (or go to church), or try to make a new friend outside the relationship - in fact try leaving the relationship out of the new friendship - something completely independent from your current boyfriend (don't misunderstand what I'm saying, I am NOT telling you to look for a new boyfriend or to leave your boyfriend - I AM telling you to find something that makes you feel good, a hobby.)  NO one should treat another human the way he's been treating you.  Ask yourself, would you treat him that way?  I can answer that - no you wouldn't, you care for him....  Then why are you allowing him to treat you that way?  (Side note, the verse above is something that gives me personal strength knowing that someone knows what's going on.....)  :O)  I wish you only the best! 

First of all, have you and your fiance spoken to his parents about how you feel.  Have they told "YOU" why it is they dislike you. And if so, just let them know that even though they dis-approve of you two getting married, You want them to be a part of the wedding as all parent should be, but they need to understand that their son loves you enough to marry you and they should respect that. If they are still unable, inform them that you will be there when they change their minds. It could be a hard process, but letting them know that you are not going to let them break up your wedding could make them take a step back and re-evaluate their doings. Believe me I know, my in-law were the same way. My husband is from Africa and his family was TOTALLY against him marrying me. But after some time, they understood that they could no longer control what their son does and backed off. I am now happy to call them Mom and Dad. 

I don't want to san anything to hurt your feelings...but i am going to be blunt with you.  He is not into it.  And it is a 'shut up' ring.  You need to give his ring back (if you haven't done so already) and become completely self supporting.  Either get your current employer to give you more hours or find another job that will give you 35 to 40 hours a week.  Get your own place.  He doesn't have a hard time expressing himself.  His actions are speaking very loudly here and they are speaking for him.  He left without saying good buy to you?  He looks at interent porn and other girls?  And out of the five or so years that you two have been togther he hasn't said 'I love you' a single time?  You cannot make him do something that he doesn't want to do.  And what he doesn't want to do is marry.  He doesn't love you.  He loves himself more than he loves you and he is putting his own interests before yours.  It is obvious that he doesn't want you as a wife.  He wants you as a back up plan.  Move on girl.  He is not worth it.  Your self esteem is suffering here and you are starving yourself of a life filled with all of the lovely things that only you can make them to be.  But the thing here...is while you are creating your own self-supporting life....don't say a word to him about it.  He obviously keeps you out of a lot of apsects of his life.  You should do the same so that he can get a taste of his own medicine.  If he loves you as he says he does, why is it so hard for him to say it?  Don't waste your time anymore with this loser.  PLEASE move on.  Or you will subject yourself to a life that you will hate, regret, and despise him for much later on in life (that is if you married him).  He will more than likely continue his 'habits' regardless of how you feel or think.  I would not even be suprised if he already cheated on you and hid it from you.  He left you downtown and unplugged the phone?  dude...i see abuse in your future if you do not get away.  Please PLEASE move out ASAP.