Topic : Ready for Marriage?

So often we get caught up in the labels we give to the people in our lives. Friend, boyrfriend, lover, buddy, whatever.  But we forget that in order for someone to be a good lover and partner to us they must also be our friend. 

In your mind you should compare your relationships with both your friend and your boyfriend.  How do you communicate?  Are they there for you when you need them?  How close do you feel to each one? Has either one of them belittled you or put you down? Has either one physically harmed you or threatened to do so?  How do you feel when you are around each man? These are the kind of questions you should ask yourself. Even ask yourself who did you have better sex with. 

But you should also ask your friend does he have feelings of more than friendship for you. You shouldn't base your decision to leave your boyfriend on a future with your friend, but it is good to discus what your friends feelings toward you are. 

Personally, from what you wrote in your post I would say that you should be with your friend and not your boyfriend. It seems like he treats you better and really cares for you.  Would you be thinking about him all the time if you didn't feel something mroe for him?   

And frankly, you shouldn't have to try your hardest to fall back in love with someone. 

GET OUT!   GET OUT NOW!!!! 

I am just curious and want to know what some of you think. 

I was recently out to dinner with my new boyfriend, a very good friend of mine and her fiance.  This was the very first time everyone had met eachother.
My girlfriend and her fiance were seated across from me and my boyfriend.  While we were waiting to order, my girlfriends fiance blurts out, about our waitress, "I don't believe "those" are real", obviously referring to her breasts. So for the next 10 minutes the guys are checking out her breasts to determine whether or not they are real.  AFter a few minutes of pondering, my boyfriend gives his opinion. Yup! they're real. 

Now, then. I want all of you to know that I wasn't really uncomfortable, but felt it was a little tacky.  I think I felt more uncomfortable for my girlfriend. I know boys will be boys, but IN FRONT OF US????? Puuuullleeeezzz!  In hind sight, should I have looked at my girlfriend and said "How many inches do you think that guy over there is packing?  6 inches?  8 inches?   

I also want you to know that after we left the restaurant, I never brought this up with my boyfriend. 

Just curious as to what all of you think and how you would handle something like this down the road......in a graceful manner. 

I think that you are right, that was very tacky!! I think the best way to handle this type of situation would be with some humor, your idea about making a gesture towards a man's crotch would be a funny way to deflect the situation.  

I believe very, very strongly that when people say the phrase: "boys will be boys," that what they are really doing is making a lame excuse for rude and tacky behavior. I think that perhaps your friend's fiance was feeling as though he needed to prove his manhood to your boyfriend, or something (?)... whatever the reason, its definatly not good enough. 

I'm not saying break up with him..just find your own place. Give him time to figure out if he's ready to take the relationship to the next level. No amount of asking will make him ready if he isn't. He needs to feel what it's like not to have you there cooking dinner, waking up next to him and washing his clothes. Personally, I don't believe in shacking up; the man receives all the benefits without making the commitment. My question to you is...how long will you stay in this relationship? Will you stay another 3 1/2 years? During your separation, you should be asking yourself  whether HE is really the man for you? Frankly, If he doesn't know after 4 1/2 years that you are "The One", then why waste your time any longer. At some point you will want to have kids, no? I don't want to see you end up like so many women; 36 years old and unmarried because they spent the last 5-10 years with a man (or men) who had no intention of making them a bride. 

Good luck!!! I hope it all works out for the best (no matter what that may be). 

We have been dating for almost a year now. We know we want to get married. We both have been married before. We live in neighboring towns (about 30 min from each other). I have two school-age children.  

He suggests that I might move into his house if we get married. The thing is, I don't like his house for a few reasons: 1. I would have to drive an additional 30 min, just to take them to school in the morning, then there is an additional 45 minute commute to work from there. That makes for a long day. He also has a long commute - he actaully works all over town, so anywhere we lived would be a long drive for him as well.  

2. I feel like when we get married, would should have "our own house together", not just me moving into his house. I guess I don't like the idea of it always being his house, not ours.  

3. I don't like his house. It has a weird floor plan, it hasn't been remodled since the 80's, it's just not my style. 

He knows all this already. But I think we will eventually need to come up with a compromise. 

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!  :0) 

Please find some inner strength and get out. Anyway you can. It sounds like you may be in an abusive relationship. I was in one for over 15 years. You deserve much better. 

Check out the books; 

1. Cutting Loose by Ashton Applewhite 

2. The Emotionally Abused Woman by Beverly Engel 

3. and my favorite, Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft (a guy) 

Peace, 

saffronsis 

If he cannot be open with his finances and you plan to have a life together,  Just think about whatever else he is hiding.  I am in a similar situation and I have ended up paying for everything.  You need to have a serious talk about this and if he does not budge then you need to think about your future.  I know I am thanks to this board...