Topic : Ready for Marriage?

Hello everyone.   

This is my first post. Please forgive me if my lingo is not the norm for message boards.   

I have this issue. It's just eating away at me. I can't talk to anyone about it, because no one around here is mature enough to give decent advice. What I mean by mature is I am 31, and even my own mother thinks the best way to get a man is playing hard-to-get in a bar. OYE!  

Ok...I have been the victim of one horrible relationship after another. As of late, I have been burying myself in work. I can't take another heartbreak.   

Well, I recently started talking to a work collegue from two years ago. We never really talked in the past because we both were really just reserved, or had other things happening at that time. Who knows These days, he often works out of the country. So we have been spending an average of 4-5 hours a night chatting back and fourth. Not intentionally, we just get to gabbing..and suddenly 5 hours have passed. I am too the point where my day doesnt feel complete without at least a 'Hello' from him.   

We have come to realize, that we are sooooo much the same person in spirit. So much so infact, that I can be sitting here reading The NY Post and suddenly he pop's up with an oddly relevant comment to what Im reading, come to find out...we are reading the same piece. Me not even aware that he is reading the same publication. He has quickly become a very dear friend of mine. I feel like I have known him forever. 

Ok, now, the clincher.   

I found out the night before last that he is due to be married within the week of his return to the states. I shouldn't be surprised...he is an amazing man. Yet after I found out, I flipped. I cried my eyes out...became REALLLY depressed, and have had this nagging feeling...like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I had no idea I felt this way about him. I wasnt looking for anyone. If you know me, you'd know that crying over "some guy" is a thing I have worked VERY HARD to learn not to do ever again.   

I don't know what to do. I am usually not big on the soul mate mumbo jumbo....but what if they do exsist, and  he is mine?   

The girl he is to marry sounds like a wonderful young lady. She sounds sweet, nieve, beautiful...I cant imagine interferring. Yet I feel suddenly as if my best friend is about to be unjustly executed and there is nothing I can do.   

I have never told him how I feel. But I am certain, after things he has said that he feels our connection too.  Someone help me!   

Hi there, I just had to reply to your post because I have a good idea of how you are feeling. I am now married and have a child with my husband, our son is 14 months old, we have been together for 3 years and he has 2 daughters from a previous marriage. When my husband and I met, it was as if we were soulmates- we were together from that day on. In the beginning I did feel that he also made me feel as if  "i'm not worth a penny" sometimes, especially when his kids were around. I was 20 when we met, and I had been taking care of myself and doing my own thing for 2 years quite successfully at that point. I refused to allow him to make me feel that way but when I would tell him, he honestly didnt notice that he was doing it, he didnt realise because that is how things were in his previous marriage and that was normal for him. His parents didnt have a good marriage and he just quite simply did not know how to be a good husband and father. I showed him by example and we are all a happy little family now - except for his ex-wife, ofcourse, she is just a huge pain in my rear, but I also refuse to allow her to dictate anything in my life. The kids and I have a great relationship- in fact the oldest girl asked me last weekend if she could call me mommy!! My husband and I have the strongest relationship, we love each other madly and there is much love in our household. We have been through the rigger though- believe me!! But yes, as far as I can see, it is most definitely worth it. It was hard work for the first 2 years, the ex still tries to get her nose in, but we simply put a very polite stop on it. You already love your fiance and it sounds as if you adore the kids aswell. Dont let her have any power in your life and I swear it will be worth it in the end. It is hard in the beginning but it gets better as time passes. And you appreciate each other and your relationship so much more when you go through these types of difficulties. Good Luck, please contact me if you wanna talk, vent or moan. I promise you I will listen and give the best advise I can, and if I cant I will offer you as much support as I can. Much love and Good Luck!! 

Hi!  

I am 30 yrs old and my live in boyfriend of 2 1/2 yrs is 26.  I never bring up marriage because I was married once before.  In the beginning of our relationship, he would always say I was the one etc... He said at one time that he wanted to get married eventually, but not anytime soon.  He knows that I do want to be married.  I really don' t know why. It has nothing to do with the security.  I just want to be someone's wife ( of course not just anyone).  I am in no rush, but I do want to be married.  It recently came up as a joke.  I deceided to talk to him about it being that it came up.  He informed me that he loves me very much and couldn't see himself with anyone else, but he doesn't see himself ever wanting to get married.  His parents are still together and was brought up in a decent family.  I have tried to talk to him about it and he just gets mad.  I just can't understand how he could say he pretty close to never wants to get married.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  

I am a divorced mother of 3. I have been dating a great guy for the last 3 years.  Lets call him BIFF. BIFF loves the kids dearly and treats them like they are his own. I have never in my life met someone that can make me laugh like he can, after 3 years we still act like little kids when we are together.  We see each other on a regular basis but  we each have new houses of our own...so there has not been talk about moving in together. 

BIFF has never been married before ( he's 36). I think he may have commitment issues. 

My dilemma is this...I love him and I know he loves me. I at some point  I would like to remarry but I think he would be very content keeping things the way they are. When I told him I think we need to have "the  talk" he said he was not ready and that "good things came to those who wait" 

WAIT? How long do I wait? Is 3 years not long enough?