Topic : Ready for Marriage?

 SHAKE HIM UP ! 

   Move Out... You would not believe how motivated a guy will become when he's threatened with losing his bed warmer.  Seriously !   Just know he wont like it, and he will sulk, so you risk losing him, but then again- what are you losing ?   Some guy who wants the milk but won't buy the cow ? 

  You and cow move back into Mom and Dad's... or rent a room or something... It will wake him up.  

I am 19 and my boyfriend of three years is 22. Recently we have decided to move in together, and the phrase that my mother told me a week ago after I told her about our plans keeps echoing in my mind "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". I have told my boyfriend that I love him and that I would prefer to be engaged before we moved in with each other. We see each other everyday, I cook for him everyday, make his lunch, we are intimate, I help him with chores/laundry, run errands for/with him and quite honestly it seems as if we are already married. He has told me that he loves me, and wants to marry me, but is going to wait until I am at least 25 before asking me so we have a lower chance of getting a devoice. He says he is not ready for marriage and I respect that, but he wont open up and tell me why he is not ready and last time I asked him to talk with me about it, he forbid me for ever bringing marriage up again. I love him and I don't want to push him away buy trying to manipulate him into marrying me, but I would like to know why he is ready to act like were married, without actually getting married. Am I trying to rush into things too soon? How should I go about trying to get him to open up?   

I would be grateful for any input.  

Thank you so much for reading.  

He's used to having is own way and can be difficult sometimes he'll try to control every situation and he thinks he's always right we have a hard time to communicate but isn't everyone going throught that ?  

 Um, No.... 

   These are what the oldsters call "Red Flags" .  Pay attention.  if your interested in uprooting your life, quitting the job you :"Dont really like"  that's up to you.   I suggest you start looking at the world around you, and how much your passing up for a person not willing to move to Canada for  YOU.  

It does not sound from your post like he can't live without you.   I suggest you let him find out what your absence from his life will be like, and at the same time-- you find out how nice life can be WITHOUT someone with all those red flags.  You deserve better, and it's closer than you think. 
He's not really very nice to YOU is he ?  

   Listen Carefully.....  

     Would you wear a wedding dress to the grocery store ?   Really, would you ?  It's just a dress... it's just a "hunk of cloth" right ?   Imagine it... all the "Brides" in line at the grocery store.    

 I know, you think that's ridiculous right ?  how silly, wearing your wedding dress to the grocery store, to run errands in... Wedding dresses are for sacred special occassions, not every day kind of things like errands and trips to the store !   I know, but hey... just imagine it.   

  So, if you can say that about a wedding dress, that it's special-- and it should not be worn to the grocery store---why cant you say that about yourself and your  own body ??  Aren't you worth something ?  Aren't you valuable for a special occassion ?   

   "He says he wants to wait till Im' 25  so we have a lower rate of divoce" ...  

 (this is why evil prays on the young...they really don't know any better )   

  From the perspective of a person on this earth long enough to spot a snake in the grass from a mile off--   "I want to wait till I find something better than you, but stick around, I like the "friends with benefits gig I have now ".   

 The math is... 3 years for him, and 7 years for you  (when your both 25...) by then.. he's gonna find someone else to bear his children..   

  MOVE BACK IN WiTH MOM.... and dont move in with him, until after you wear that wedding dress.   

   I was in a similar situation and we were married just a couple months ago! I wouldnt worry about it.Dont let people stress you out. If your relationship is good and you two are in love in my opinion thats all that matters. I understand  your frustration I was there too. Im sure it will all work out for you it did for me. Being married is not much different by the way we still love each other just as much! I hope these words help you. 

 A.  Your twisting your kids into knots.  

  I know your mother bear is in there somewhere.  We teach people how to treat us, and your telling your husband, through YOUR actions, that your going to take whatever he can dish out.  That's your choice.  I understand that you want to keep you family together.  So your choices appear to be this.... 

   Let him continue to behave this way-- or move out, take your boys, and start over.  

I'm just a font, I'm words on a page and I cant do the work for you ( I think you deserve better)  but the choice is yours.  Your boys may end up hating their father, or disrespecting women, but in the end-- the choices is yours.  

 We all have to live with our decisions, good and bad.  No amount of complaining helps. 

Actually no, he isn't always nice to me the dog as more attention then I do when I tell him about that he gets furious.  He doesn't know how to show is feelings but still say that he loves me that he's showing me is way.....  I think that I see myself being 37y old with no kids and a job that I don't like i'm scared to end up alone.   I'm wondering if someone else then him will ever want me.  Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it.