Topic : Ready for Marriage?

Quote From: vecna18

Ok, I have a classic situation that I at least feel like venting out. Comments are welcome. 

  

I've been living with my girl friend for about 4 months now, but we've dated for almost 2 years. We, with the exception of one or two issues, are very happy together and I recently told her that I'm planning on proposing to her by the end of the year. I'm working on my PhD and she has a decently paying job so things seem to be rolling along. 

  

Then there's the inlaws! My parents have met my girlfriend and seem to like her, but my girlfriend's mother is another matter. She has more than a passing dislike for me and when we are in the same room together the tension rises as we make certain to have total civility towards one another and not make eye contact.  

  

Why doesn't she like me? Well it wasn't always this way, when we first started dating she seemed to love me. My girlfriend was shocked because she never liked any of her boyfriends and used to ask, "What did you do to her?". This all changed after we seemed to break up, but patched things up relatively quickly. At this point she was totally opposed to us dating and it was some time before my girlfriend told her we were together again. Her reasons were this, I'm not Catholic, I'm younger than her, and I don't make alot of money. At one point she told my girlfriend she didn't think she could come to the wedding if we got marriend because it would not be a Catholic wedding. My girlfriend doesn't care about any of these issues and has even converted, but not told her mother.  

  

What is so bad about all of this? You're thinking, "Lots of inlaws don't like their kid's choices". She has  expressed this by pitching absolute hissy fits and starting the worst fights with my girlfriend that have brough her to absolute tears. According to my girlfriend, she has a bad temper and tends to use fear to manipulate her family members and to "rule" the family.  

  

I have alot of issues with this. I'm not one that will let myself be ruled by a coward using fear to manipulate others. Knowing her dislike for me, I have very real concerns about her spending time with my potential children and it makes me downright upset that she behaves in this way towards my girlfriend. The last time we met she did not say hello or goodbye to me and followed my girlfriend and I around throughout the house as if to chaparone us. The rest of her family has no problem with me. Her brother, sisters, and father like me fine and don't have any real issues so long as my girlfriend is happy and I treat her right.  

  

During our last visit one of my girlfriend's sisters brough a boy home and he was clearly going out of his way to suck up. I don't work that way I guess. I was nice, cordial and friendly to all of her family, but her mother simply was not receptive to it. I guess I won't jump out of my seat to go and try to please her.  

  

She's ended up saying that she would come to the wedding, but I am very worried at the prospect of enterning in this relationship with her. Its not enough to make me not want to marry my girlfriend, but I guess I'm just looking for a good way to manage it. I have my problems with her, and dislike her, but I'm willing to put forth a good faith effort to try and have a good relationship with her. She's doesn't seem to be receptive to that, so what to do. Just "manage" it from meeting to meeting or what? Those of you that have gone through this, please throw me a bone! 

Quote From: divergrl75

I have dated this guy for 5.5 years. I am 30 and he is 33. He finally poped the question and we got engaged.  Sometimes I feel like we are really just roomates.  Here's some reasons why. One time I was out with some friends and they left and I got stranded downtown. It happens in large crowds.  So, I called up my boyfriend to pick me up and he didn't pick up the phone so I had no phone book with me and only twenty dollars.  It wasn't enough to get home via cab.  I hitchiked home and when I got home the phone was unplugged. I plugged the phone back in and there were my messages.  I got really upset because he had the energy to get out of bed and disconnect the line but not to answer the phone or pick me up.  I need to know if I'm making a mistake by calling it off and moving forward alone.  I'm going through some tough times at work and only working small hours and not making a lot of money.  we had a deal where I paid for the bills and groceries and he paid for the rent.  With the small amount of money I get, I focuss on paying the bills and THEN I go grocery shopping with what I have left. As I mentioned, I haven't been working as much so I haven't made a whole lot.  I paid off our bills but this time I couldn't afford to buy groceries.  When he found out I couldn't afford to buy groceries, he got mad and said that he would buy them AGAIN and that I am not to eat his food.  I thought we were suppose to be a team.  Several times I do remember buying with little that I have I would still buy him what he wanted.  Another thing that bothers me is that after 5.5 years he still can't say he loves me.  Guys just say that he has a hard time expressing himself.  I need to know the truth. I mean come on.  FIVE years and he still can't say it?  I quit eating his food and started to sleep on the couch. I figure that if he wants to treat me like a roomate, I will act like a roomate and completely cut him off from sex and sleep on the couch. I have been feeling so empty and it's making me wonder why I am with him.  I found out that when he was younger his mother didn't want anything to do with him and that it was only till he ws a teenager that she just got involved in his life.  His father is a lot like him.  Another thing I don't like is that he doesn't understand why I get upset about him looking at internet porn/girls.  At first it really didn't bother me then the more I thought about it, It did bother me.  He can look at other woman and can't say he loves me or even show me he loves me. That is why I feel so crappy.  I'm not getting or feeling any love from him.  It all comes down to this ring he bought me.........I think it was a "shut up" ring.  He doesn't like to talk about setting a date (It's been 3 months) he told his friend when he asked when were getting married 2 years from now.  I gave back the ring and now I'm thinking I made a mistake. I'm feeling really confused because I love him. I have already spoke to him about how I feel and he sais that he wouldn't be with me if he didn't care or love me.  How can I get him to say he loves me and to start being a fiance instead of a roomate.   Or, am I really wasting my time with this one.  He woke up this morning and just left to work without saying goodbye.  He's making out like nothing is wrong or like he doesn't care.  Any Ideas?

Quote From: angela3376

My husbands best friends are my best fiends they are great guys. They are brothers one is single one has been in a relationship for over 10 years. He is very worried about his relationship with his girlfriend, she went away to visit her sister for a week and when she came back she had lots of questions for him. Where do you see yourself in 3 years? My parents want to know what are your intentions. Would you be responsible with money? Her parents don't want her to live with him before marriage. He is 28 and he said he would like to be married before he turns 30. Her parents and her would like him to start going to church he said he would like to but for her not for her mom and dad. Now the problem is they both still live at home with there parents, I think her parents are pressuring  to either move on or start thinking about plans for marriage but they want him to join there church. Growing up he didn't go to church very much, but he is willing to go for her. He said he didn't want to tell her that because she is trying to decide if she wants to move on without him or stay with him. He was willing to buy her a ring but she said she would say no right now  because he would be doing it since she is bringing everything up now. Same thing with the church issue he is willing but he doesn't want to say anything because she would think it was because she brought it up. She also said they never do anything different. I told him they are in a rut. Take her someplace new. he does and she just gets mad and says he is just doing it because of everything.  He doesn't know what to say or do to him it's just a waiting game he loves her and doesn't want her to brake up with him. We talked for hours about it and I just listened I was at a loss for words. I don't know what to say. She also asked him if he wondered what it would be like to be with someone else, he said sometimes but he would never want to be with anyone else. When he asks to talk about everything she gets mad at him. He wants to know if he should sit and wait for her to make up her mind or should he tell her to call him when she makes up her mind. What do you think of this?

Quote From: raywebb22

  I am a 22 year old white female and I have been dating my boyfriend for around 2 years.  I love him with all of my heart and our goals in life are one in the same.  I have had a lot of life experience for the age of 22 and I know myself very well.  So let me get down to my question.
        Kevin is 34 years old and a very hard working man.  He is a wonderful Christian man that wants to be my husband and also a father to "our children" one day.  We enjoy each others company tremendously and spend all our free time together usually doing outdoor sports.  At first we were just casually dating that eventually turned into head over hills love.  I want to marry the man of my dreams very soon!  My family thinks he's a good guy but he's too old so that makes him "just not the one for me."  I want to just go with my heart because I feel God sent him to me.
       He and I both know that most marriages these days end in divorce.  But both of us are pretty traditional and know we can make it work with lots of dedication.  Do you guys and gals think I am going to be making a mistake considering the age difference. Thanks again and I am looking forward to you guys response.

Quote From: april29

Help! I'm wondering if any of you out there have this problem.... I am dating a guy with a 5 year old.  I am completely in love with this guy and we have talked about marriage.  But, when visitation time comes - I can not be in the picture. (My boyfriend has to be with his son without me there).  He says that it's because they don't have that much time together and he feels like he needs to spend it with just him.  Although, there are times that he is with his son around his family (mom and dad, sister, nieces and nephews) - still I'm not invited.  I have tried talking with him about it and to suggest that we spend time with his son around his family so that his son will get use to me and we can build a relationship also... after all, if we are going to get married I will have to have a relationship with his son!  He has said to me that his son does not want to be around me and that he's not going to make him do something he doesn't want to do whether I like it or not.  Oh Lord!  Will this get any better?  Anybody with suggestions? 

Quote From: ruth0000

Hello,

 

I am 36 years old. Divorced 2 times. I tried the on-line dating and found a great guy but we lived 1 hour away from each other. He is 42 and 2 divorces too. With me having trouble with my ex. I moved to the town my new boyfriend lived into. I no longer had on problems with my ex. After six months we moved in together. We have been together over a year now. We get along so well but he does not say I love you. I have said it to him about 3 times and he leaves me hanging. Its been very hard on me for now I try not to say it for it makes me feel so bad not hearing it back. I am 99 % this is the man for me but I don't  think he will ever marry again for he was married 2 times be for. What should I do??

Quote From: april29

Help! I'm wondering if any of you out there have this problem.... I am dating a guy with a 5 year old.  I am completely in love with this guy and we have talked about marriage.  But, when visitation time comes - I can not be in the picture. (My boyfriend has to be with his son without me there).  He says that it's because they don't have that much time together and he feels like he needs to spend it with just him.  Although, there are times that he is with his son around his family (mom and dad, sister, nieces and nephews) - still I'm not invited.  I have tried talking with him about it and to suggest that we spend time with his son around his family so that his son will get use to me and we can build a relationship also... after all, if we are going to get married I will have to have a relationship with his son!  He has said to me that his son does not want to be around me and that he's not going to make him do something he doesn't want to do whether I like it or not.  Oh Lord!  Will this get any better?  Anybody with suggestions? 

Quote From: april29

Help! I'm wondering if any of you out there have this problem.... I am dating a guy with a 5 year old.  I am completely in love with this guy and we have talked about marriage.  But, when visitation time comes - I can not be in the picture. (My boyfriend has to be with his son without me there).  He says that it's because they don't have that much time together and he feels like he needs to spend it with just him.  Although, there are times that he is with his son around his family (mom and dad, sister, nieces and nephews) - still I'm not invited.  I have tried talking with him about it and to suggest that we spend time with his son around his family so that his son will get use to me and we can build a relationship also... after all, if we are going to get married I will have to have a relationship with his son!  He has said to me that his son does not want to be around me and that he's not going to make him do something he doesn't want to do whether I like it or not.  Oh Lord!  Will this get any better?  Anybody with suggestions?