Topic : Ready for Marriage?

The only person you have any control over is you. There isn’t anything you can do to make him want to get married- he has a pile of excuses that he is sticking to. In other words, he is trying to say that he is not ready for marriage and he doesn’t know when he will be ready, he might never be ready. Are you prepared to wait forever? Will you be content to just live together and eventually be “common law” partners? You have two choices, you either have to find a way to accept that he doesn’t want to get married and make peace with that, or, you need to leave the relationship. I know that right now, neither of those choices is easy for you- but what else can you do? You can’t just complain about it forever, you need to find a solution.

hi all!!

here is my situation. my boyfriend and i have been together 4.5 years and we've had a good relationship, we've been though very tough times that have made us much stronger and have grown together alot. i love him with all my heart and i know he loves me.

he's in the military and when he comes home in a few weeks, he's going to propose to me, i know this because we have been discussing engagement and marriage for the past several months. i have been VERY excited and happy about this!!!

but, the past week or so im starting to get nervous! i have alot of "what if's" going on in my brain... what if in 5 years ive changed so much i dont wanna be with him? what if we havent been together long enough? what if im still too young (going on 22)?

this isnt an all day thing or doesnt happen constantly, but since its getting much closer to the time im starting to freak a little! i always freak out with big life changes. ive always been that way.

i have alot of fears of divorce, maybe thats why. anyway my question is, is it normal for me to be nervous and anyalizing?

when we get engaged we will probably have a long engagement, a year and a half to two years, seeing he's going overseas. i feel very ready to be engaged and planning, but not quite ready to be a wife!!!! what if i NEVER feel ready to be a wife!?!?!

someone put my mind at ease, please :)  thank you!

I wonder what makes you think it is different to be a 'wife'? You are still you and still his partner, right? Do you think anything will change once you two get married? I wouldn't feel relaxed if I did... I feel by marrying my bf the only thing changing will be the legal part.

I'm sorry, I'm probably not helping, but I must admit I never had any doubts about marrying my bf... But judging by the very first part of your story you haven't much to worry about! Just stop thinking about the 'being a wife' part, you're not changing!

thanks for your reply!

im actually feeling much better about it, and your right, for some reason i have this idea in my head that being a "wife" means i have to COMPLETELY grow up. its weird. i'm the type of person that gets very anxious when there are big changes, so i knew this was gonna happen at some point =)

I feel for you my dear.

I think if you love a person you must love them no matter what kind of situation they find themselves in. A financial crisis is a very stressful situation and when you have a support system around you it eases the burden and makes you focus more on bettering the situation.

Your boyfriend is being selfish and unloving, he wants you only when you don't have problems but does not have the love to help you to get ou of a crisis. He should remember that problems are invertible and next time it might be him.

My advice is that don't take him to heart, get all the help you can get from people who love you enough to help you out of a rough time. Focus all you herat and energy in getting your business out a bad situation. Talk to him and let him know that you feel he is not supporting you and that one of his responsibilities as a boyfriend is to support you; even if he does not give you money, just being there to give you a hand when you need it, a shoulder to cry on and a massage after a lond day of working 3 man jobs. You need him to understand and act like he is understanding your situation. Help you with ideas of how best to deal with you situation. That is the most romantic thing he can do for you.

I have been with this girl for 7 months and only knew her for 8 months. im 22 and shes 20 I love her and am closer to her than i have ever been with anyone in my life.  She is like my best friend.  We love each other dearly.  She says we fight alot and i feel that its just part of a normal relationship.  she has brought up marriage within the last 2 months and i told her i wasn't ready, i told her i wouldnt marry unless i was in the relationship for atleast 2 years.  Today, and last night she has been trying to give me ultimatums saying now or never.  I told her at this point that she is the best thing that happened to me and that her being my wife is something i could see in my future.  she asked me to make a fake proposal over the phone like i would when i do ask.  We both acknoledge its fake and go to sleep afterwards.  the next day shes at her job telling people im gonna marry her other things i guess.  i am shocked she is taking it as if we are actually engaged.  maybe i shouldnt have done that.  i proceed to tell her that it was fake and she gets angry and begins to give me ultimatums. and i say no to the ultimatums.  i tell her im not ready but she is the only one in my life.  Yet she tells me why wait.... if you love me then you would.  i think she should respect my wishes and how i feel but she chooses to get mad and act as this is my fault and im being selfish.  I told her 2 weeks into the relationship i wanted to take this slow because i was already falling for her.   I love her so much and shes my everything.  how do i get her to understand that i am not gonna get engaged until i feel comfortable with the idea and that she needs to relax and let things take their course?

Also she gets this idea that im going to leave her, i have never cheated, yet she's stepped along that fine line; she says that this one of the reasons she wants to get married sooner.  we have had the same conversation several times in what i see as not yet a long enough relationship.  If she doesnt listen to what i am saying and stop pressuring me what should i do?

thanks for your help!

ill answer anything you need to know, just help!