Topic : Ready for Marriage?

So I met Kimmy years ago in High school. She was a cute little shy red head. I was a confused, drugged out, drunk, goth. We were from different worlds. I dropped her in a second glance to follow a high school dream of following the booze and drugs all the way to college. I forgot Kimmy, she was just another cute girl I couldn't have. I went to college, quite doing drugs. Slowed downed on drinking. It kust got old. I wanted more. I wanted a career, a family, a life someday. Puking in a dumpster one night on New years I promised if I was alone, without a permanet plan this time next year I would follow my grandfather and join the Air Force. After a semester of searching for the right one I met no one. I ran into Kimmy at a party... It was weird if anything else. Not use to much more than party girls and one night stands I was crushed with what to do when I ran into her again. Even if she didn't remember me from high school. Off and on I would see Kimmy. Until September of 2006 I got the balls and called her, I started hanging out with her almost everyweek after that. The problem was I was in love with my best friend's girl...too long of a story to put it in words. She was hanging out with Kimmy she said she was hanging out with her now ex. I thought she was taken, and continued to put myself through missery over a girl I could never have, my friend's girl. I was very good friends with my friend's girl. So good of friends I slept with her....when my friend was neglecting her. It was the worst thing I've ever done. Something I will regret until I die. December aproached and I was coming to my promise that I would join the Air Force if nothing was working. I told Kimmy I was sleeping with the other girl. To this day I have never been able to lie to her... She was angry with me. We didn't talk for 2 weeks. I almost killed myself, partially over my slipping grades in college, even though I managed to get my associates degree somehow!. But luckly the .22 bullet was a dud. After that .22 bullet clicked and I wasn't dead, I stopped crying and got up off the college parking lot ground and called a friend to take my gun from me. Then I called Kimmy. I told her everything. That I was joining the Air Force and that I needed to get away. She supported me 100%. I joined the Air Force in early january 2007. Best diccision I've ever made. Boot camp made me the man I am today. I'm living in Japan! I've dreamed of coming to Japan since I was a child, studied Japanese in College. But most importantly, Kimmy wrote me everyday in boot camp! I felt it inappropriate to tell her in letters, but I loved her. I always did. I couldn't admit it to myself. She had felt the same way for almost as long. We both thought we were taken for almost 2 years... When we were only trying to replace each other. It was so stupid. I went to tech school and we talked on the phone everyday for 2 months. I was crazy about her. I've never been some much more happy in my life. I came home on leave for 6 short days before I went to Japan, best 6 days of my life. Full of passion I've never felt in 20 years. Love I've never felt more than in 20 years. companionship and friendship more than I've felt more than in 20 years. I got to Japan and It's been 2 months. A marriage is looking very probable. But am I really ready? I've known who she was 4-5 years ago, I've been friends with her a year and a half, I've been dating her for 6 months. If I marry her I can get her away from a bad area in Cali, a whole other story. If I marry her I can be with her forever, minum deployment, here in Japan. Instead of only on chance occasions I can come and see her on leave. If I marry her I get a huge pay raise in the Air Force and a bigger house. She has made me so freak'in happy in the last 6 months, I don't want to lose her. I know I've fairly young, but she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I can't let that go. I feel like if I don't marry her soon she will someday get sick of the distance that we have.  She wants to marry me, we've talked about it. It's just a matter of me making the dissicion and asking her with a ring. She would gladly come to Japan, and anywhere else in the world the Air Force drags me to. I just feel like thats a kind of girl that's hard to find. Someone please give me some advice, my parents/her parents/my friends/her friends all say we should get married....I want other opinions that aren't so bias. One of my main conserns are that we live together before we get married,,,but it's impossible with me in the Air Force. The only way we can live together is if we are married. So that's kind of a hard topic. What the hell should I do? I don't want to get divorced for making a bad dissicion while I'm young, but I don't want to pass up a good thing.

Sorry I was a little drunk when I wrote this, please dismiss the spelling errors and grammer mistakes.

 

I have known my husband's family since I was fourteen years old.  We have now been married for twenty years and I still do not feel welcomed by his siblings nor did I ever feel accepted by his father (now deceased for two years). This has come to a head so to speak since we moved back to our home territory within the last year.  Previously, we lived over 2 hours away and this tension only occasionally came to our attention.

 

To make a long story short, my husband has two sisters who can be very unfriendly toward me and my two teenaged children.  This is even more confusing to them because they were always treated very well by them as small children and they truly value this extended family.  My son and daughter express frustration and are hurt when they are snubbed by these sisters and some of the sister's children.  I guess I have gotten used to their unexplainable distancing from me, but now that we are back, it seems to have escalated.  All I can think of is that there was some resentment expressed when my daughter lived with her grandmother for a summer so she could work two part-time jobs in the area.  There were some feelings shared with my husband from his siblings that she took advantage of her grandparent’s generosity and that she should not have been there when her grandfather was ill.  However, we checked repeatedly thoughout that summer with my mother-in-law about her being there and if she should maybe come home, but she (the grandmother) was adamant that she stay and that she wanted her company.  Other than this situation, I cannot think of any other reason why his siblings are so distant and resentful other than the fact that the grandmother appears to have a very special relationship with our daughter, her oldest grandchild.   Nothing other than the situation above has ever been stated outright; we just get our cues from their nonverbal and unwelcoming, and evasive behavior.

 

Please share any advice or comments that might help us deal effectively with this situation. Thank you.

   How do u realy know if 2 people are truly ready to get married????? I have been in my past and have been divorced from him for 4yrs or so. I have been with james for almost 4yrs now. we have a doughter who is almost 3yrs old and I have a doughter from my ex who is 11. How do u know this is my big qestion I have been asking myself for a long time now. James gave me a ring 2 x-masses ago and said he wanted to give me an agment ring but didn't have the cash for one so instead he got my my brithstone and called it a promise ring to spend his life with me and only me. Any way if u can answer my qestion or haveing any kind of advice please do tell me??? Thank u.

I've been with a guy for over 3 and 1/2 years.  I've always thought I wanted to marry him.  Until recently every time I tried to bring up the topic he'd get annoyed with me and tell me it was his decision and I shouldn't pressure him.  Now that we're living together, he says that he wants to marry me but he doesn't think I'm ready for it.  I feel like no matter what I do its always going to be something.  He doesn't trust me to know that I want to marry him, how can I trust him to ever propose.  I have currently left the house for a seperation.  I don't know if I want to go back.  I'm tired of him treating me like I'm already his wife.  I don't see things changing as I've given him the chance to and it hasn't.  Does anyone have any advice?  If he doesn't know after 3 1/2 years that I want to marry him, will he every really be ready to propose?

well thats are hard chose to make, and only you can do that. I would ask myself these qestions, Do I love him? Do I want to be with him( married or not)? Do I feel he loves respects and wants to be with me? after that I would meet him some were I don't know over coffie or something. And not when u guys are upset either. But meet and talk about it. lissen to eachother and mabie bring a note book and write things down. Mabie he is just as scared as u are. Good luck and I dokn't think I was much help but I hope I did a little.

I will try to keep this short, yet to the point.  I am engaged to be married for the 2nd time in August of this year.  There are a few things bothering me.  The biggest is that he treats his daughter different than he treats my son's, he is always nice to her and basically kisses her ass, almost like she is his wife.  He is nice to my son's when she is not around, yet he still treats them and myself very different.  My ex is out of the picture and these boys really need a fathers love if the figure is going to be there...maybe I am wrong.  I also feel that because of the way he treats his daughter that I feel I am not his #1 and I STRONGLY feel that your significant other should be your #1.  Granted, my kids are my #1 priority and I love them incredibly,  it is a different kind of love and one day the kids will be gone....then what, how will my fiance treat me then.  I find it so hard to talk to him about this, he always thinks I am attacking his daughter, well it isn't her, it is his actions that create this termoil.  I guess I feel stuck because I truly love this man, so what do I do...do I marry him and deal with these feelings because I don't want to be w/out the man I truly love or do I move on because I am not getting the love I need?  Help!

My fiance wants to have a wedding including the kids and our parents and I want to go to Hawaii and get married.  This is a once in a lifetime oppotunity to get married in Hawaii and this is what I want to do, just him & me.  He feels that since we already have kids that they should be included, I can understand his feelings on this.  Even if the wedding wasn't in Hawaii I would not want anyone there.  I don't want a wedding, I want a marriage.  Honestly, the whole ceremony part is not that important to me, being his future is important to me.  We are both stubborn and I am not so sure one of us will cave.  To be honest, I think he only wants the wedding because that is what his daughter and mother want, it is not their wedding, should he not be caring about what I want first and foremost?  I am also afraid that daughter and mommy will get all of the attention and my boys and I will be sitting on the sidelines.  Should I just give in to him?

Okay, he gave you a ring 2 years ago, not even an engagement ring, a promise ring....are we still in high school?  I am not trying to be rude but that is  a crock if you ask me.  You are not underage where you can't get married, so a promise ring is like a slap in the face.  Like he is saying, yes I want to spend my life with you, yet I am scared to make it permanent so I will give her whatever will keep her satisfied, yet you are not.  They know we are more sensitive and probably won't say anything because we don't want to hurt them, so they will only get away with what we let them.  The only other thing to think of is his views on marriage, he may not feel comfortable that you were married once, those vows were broken and that might scare him.  I guess you just have to weigh everything because only you know everything.  I hope this helps and I hope it didn't offend you.