Topic : Ready for Marriage?

Here's a thought...

 

Why don't you go for a guy who actually WANTS to be married.

 

God!  You girls are lacking!  That's why MEN are more intelligent. 

When something doesn't work, we throw it away and get something else.  You girls, however, like to cry about the guy with whom you wasted your youth and you cry that he doesn't want to get married.

 

Look for a guy who wants to get married in the first place.  I know I'm coming from a logical point of view, but women don't understand logic-which is why you've been frustrated for 3 1/2 years.

Kids get in the way of a marriage.

 

 

So Jim, have you ever been married and do you have kids?  I read some of your responses and liked them, straight to the point, no BS.

Hi,
I am 24 and my precious baby girl is just 3 weeks old.  Her dad and I were together for two years - in immature, rocky relationship.   I broke up with him last fall - found out I was pregnant the next day - and still did not want to be with him.   Lived with my parents all during pregnancy - extremely nauseous for first four months.   The dad and I reconciled and became a couple again while I was pregnant.   He lives 2.5 hours away  but visited often and went to childbirth classes with me.  Suddenly, he said he would be supportive of the baby, but did not want to be in relationship with me.  Was very hard for me, since I had thought we were getting married.  Two weeks before baby's birth, I caught him texting and phoning a girl in London (we live in Florida USA).  He did not understand why I was upset, and told me he never wanted to see me again and did not want to see the baby.   I called him when I went into labor.  He was there and very supportive during labor and delivery, stayed with me in hospital for 2 days - all the time texting this other girl.  Two weeks ago, I met another guy who really likes me and i am attracted to him too.  We've been seeing each other some.   Baby's dad found about about him and, predictably, now wants me back.   I am torn.  On one hand, just a month ago I really wanted to be with him.  And I know would be better for baby if we are together.  On other hand,  I really like this new guy.  And I don't trust the baby's dad anymore, and he does not trust me.  Don't know if I should stop seeing the new guy and focus on forgiveness and trust issues with the baby's dad.  Or if I should admit that we never have had a strong mature relationship and stay separate rather than exposing the baby to our drama and anger.

Ideas???

Thanks!
Gingerlily

 
 

Kids do not ruin marriages.  That is done by the actions of one or both of the married parties.  My kids didn't ruin my marriage, my cheating husband did.  Some things are fine to say straight to the point, yet an opinion like that should be kept to yourself, it is an opinion, not a helpful gesture.

hello all...i'd appreciate any input whatsoever, as i've been thinking about what is bothering me for over a year (and having those annoying curcular conversations to boot!) to no avail:

my boyfriend is 2 years older than i am. neither of has ever been married, though we had both been in committed long-term relationships before getting together three years ago. i am very much interested in getting married and having a child (or children)...while i am confident that my boyfriend loves me, he is not sure that he wants either.  if he sat me down and said "we want different things", i'd end the relationship immediately. my problem has been that he won't say "i don't want marriage" or "i'm not interested in having kids" or even "i wantt o get married but not to you!", and we're going on 3 years of exclusively dating one another.  i love him dearly, but he's 37 going on 25 (and fully admits that).  i'm so pissed that he could date me another 3 years, decide it's not working, then marry someone 10 years younger than himself and still have time for children if he wants to!  i keep telling him that if i were 25 right now, the future of our relationship wouldn't be such an issue for us right now---but i'm not.  i HAVE to think about biology, right?  should i end this now and start looking for someone else?  i'm well-educated and have a fantastic job...and --not to be obnoxious--i'm still pretty cute at this point (if i do say so myself).  i don't want to waste another 3 years if this isn't going anywhere....

Thank you for the response, although there is more to the story then I shared the first time.  I guess I was just using marriage as a distraction for everything I have been feeling.  I was sexually assaulted 4 years ago and never dealt with it.  And for that, I have internalized all of my emotions that I have felt up until this point for my relationship with this man.  I don't want to marry him anymore because I know that's not what the real issue is.  The reason all of this surfaced is because we got into a fight and he grabbed my leg and it unleashed everything that had happened to me four years ago that i hadn't dealt with.  And you are right, most girls do act this way but I'm not one of them.  I'm going to counseling now and facing my issues.  I just wish I could get Dr. Phil to help me. 

This is a tricky situation partiularly with all the emotions involved however I think you need to start by openly talking about this with each other. Find out what his concerns are about marriage/ having children and talk about possible solutions for his concerns. If he cannot agree to any solutions perhaps this is his way of saying he just doen't want kids. Sometimes not making a desision is a decision in its self (in this case not making a decision could mean he does not want marriage or kids) and as you said it is quite possible for him to string you along and ruin your chances of having children. Therefore after having a dicussion perhaps you could give him a time frame of giving you an answer (3mths?) then if he cannot give you an anwer it may be time to move on.

  I don't think when he gave me the ring he ment it that way. I was the one at first not wanting to rush and get married. I did it once and got my heart broken. I didn't break my vowls I was betrayd. Anyway, He says to me whatever I want to do is fine with him. I just don't want to go threw what I did in my past. And how do u not let that happen again??? I don't know the answer to that at all nor do I think anyone eals miaght or might not.

  I know that I love him and want to grow old togeather. I know he loves me but is he in love with me??/ He said yes he is. When I ask him how do you know you love me and want to be with me he said this I just know I can't say why I just know I love you and want to be with you. I said ok, you don't know why u do, u just do. and he said yes excakly. I know how I feel about him and why. Is this normal or what????  Am I to exprseve or is he not enough?? I know that people have diffrent ways and some have a harder time doing so but how do u not know why you feel the way u do???

  once again thank you. Do you have any ideas about this please do tell. Blynn.

I'm real sorry that this happened to you and I have no idea what it feels like to come from that edge of the sword.  I hope things work for you.