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Topic : 06/01 Home Wreckers

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Created on : Friday, October 20, 2006, 01:50:58 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/25/06) Dr. Phil's guests say they have a home wrecker in their life who has destroyed their marriage. Lisa says her five-month marriage to Sean is already in shambles because of his ex-wife, Kristy. Lisa says Kristy makes hateful phone calls, physical threats and frequent attempts to steal Sean away from her. Kristy says she doesn't want Sean back; she just wants him to be a good father to their kids. Then, Sherry says her daughter, Tammy, talked her into divorcing her husband, J.R. Now, Sherry wants to re-marry J.R., but both her daughters are making her choose between them or him. Tammy and her sister say that J.R. controls their mother and they won't support this reunion. Is Sherry making a big mistake, or are her daughters manipulating her? Join the discussion.

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October 25, 2006, 5:04 am CDT

10/25 Home Wreckers

According to the preview, it was Kristie who moved 2,000 miles away.  I don't know what the reason for this move was, but it seems to me that by her moving that much of a distance and taking the children with her, she has created a situation which makes it difficult for any parent to arrange visitation.  I hope this is addressed.

 

As for Lisa, I agree with most of the comments here.  Seems to me that there are other marital issues that need to be addressed and that they need to review their own commitment to each other.

 
October 25, 2006, 6:30 am CDT

Give me a break!!!

The ex wife is really annoying.  She's griping about having her husband being involved, yet SHE moved 2000 miles away!!  She took the children away from him.  She should have very limited contact with the dad and his wife.  She need not be calling the new wife warning her about the husband.  The woman married him, if they have problems it's not the ex wife's concern!!  The ex wife is using those children and it's sick that she's sitting there thinking she's justified in anything she's been doing.  If the Dad can't find the time to spend with his children that's his loss.  If he's paying his child support and can't get his mess together to resolve this legally than this is his problem.  But the ex wife needs to get her smirk off her face and stop manipulating and butting in!!  She needs to just shut the hell up.  The only contact involved should be regarding the children and that's it, she's needs to vent her anger elsewhere!
 
October 25, 2006, 6:50 am CDT

I've been there

Quote From: noraann

 I am not judging, just voicing my two cents on a general topic Home Wreckers. My point is that if a marrage is strong enough, it can with stand "HOME WRECKERS" Is that not what the show is about? No one likes troubles in thier marraige. I hope that yours is strong enough to ward off the wreckers that do not like others to be happy.

 

PS......being a little touchy? Are you the only ones on the show??

Let me explain something to you. I've been in the EXACT the same situation as Sean, Lisa, and Kristy for years. My wife's name is even LISA! I can tell you first hand that  a vengeful ex wife can ruin your current marriage no matter how committed you are. My current wife and I just celebrated our 6th anniversary, but it wasn't easy. We have been to the brink of divorce several times SIMPLY because my ex would not let up. The ex used my daughter like a chess piece, and still does. She used to call my wife constantly, telling her things like "James cheats on you with me, James doesn't love you, he loves me, James can't see his child because of you, your marriage isn't real, etc." I never cheated on my wife, but it didn't stop the ex from making stuff up. She constantly berated my wife, calling her five and six times a day, making threats and accusations. She did this for YEARS! And I put up with it, because if I didn't she wouldn't let me see my child.  Whenever I wanted to see the child, there was always a problem. Whenever I sent money, no matter how much, it was always, "your Daddy loves his stepchildren more than you." After a while, no matter how much a women loves you, there's only so much she can take. I even got tired of  it, and did the stupidest thing I ever could have done, which was to sign away my rights. But because I love my child and I realized I was wrong, I still do what I'm supposed to do. I make sure I pay child support, I visit the child when I can, I make sure she has total access to me, I support all of her extracurricular activities. I have apologized both to my daughter and her mother for my actions several times. But it doesn't matter, because the ex always brings it down to "your father does'nt love you, he only loves his wife and her kids." As I right this comment, my daughter, my ex, my wife, and myself do not get along. We saved our marriage by finally deciding that I will deal with the ex and my daughter, and my wife would just mind her on business and be involved as less as possible. This has worked for us, but the relationship between me and my fourteen year old daughter is still in shambles. To my daughter, I'm just a money tree. The only time she calls is when she needs money. Otherwise, she just reiterates what her mom has taught her all these years, which is that I only love my wife and stepchildren, which is simply not true. I could go on, but my fingers are tired. My point is simply that there are exes out there who will do and say whatever to keep strife in a person's marriage. They will use the kids, they will make accusations, and they will harrass the new spouse. In the end, you have to basically break contact to preserve the peace in your home.
 
October 25, 2006, 7:37 am CDT

To Lisa from someone who has been there

I think Dr. Phil did not lend you enough credibility as to the effect the constant phone calls, etc. can have on a new marriage.  I do not think that  Kristy wants Sean back.  HOWEVER, I think it is more that she is having trouble seeing him happy and moving on with his life.  This happened to me 20 years ago; I am stil married but it was very, very difficult for many years.  This was before the days of caller ID, etc. and we were bombarded several times a week with phone calls that did cause the same type of arguments between my husband and I.  The only thing that kept me in the marriage the first year was my committment to my husband and I didn't want to tell my parents they just paid for a wedding that only lasted a few months!

 

That being said, please take his advice and do everything he offers to help with transitions with the children through a 3rd party, avoiding phone calls, if they can go through a mediator of some type, and do some type of either counseling or stress management for yourself.  I wish this type of thing was available when I was starting out.  Truly, the least amount of contact with Kristy, the better.  I also wish I could go back and not get sucked into the angry phone calls.  If you do answer the phone and the conversation gets angry, just hang up.  Just state that you do not want the conflict and have Sean return the call after everyone has had time to calm down.  It will not help the situation.  I know from experience.  Also, I agree that Sean should make every effort to see the kids.  We did maintain all visitation throughout the whole ordeal (even though at times I questioned whether it was better for his son to remain with just his mom to eliminate some of the turmoil in his life).  He now tells us (he is 28) it was the best thing for him despite the problems.

 

PS.  After my stepson turned 18, we received an apology letter from my husband's ex. stating that she was sorry for the way she made our lives so difficult throughout.   It is too bad this couldn't have happened sooner; it would be been better for all involved.  Always pay your child support and always see the children.  That way when they are older and look back, they will know that their dad loved them!

 
October 25, 2006, 7:55 am CDT

i wish i knew where my sons mother was for his sake.

i never had any problems with her after we divorced, i also never left any nasty messages on a answering  thingy nether, lol  kind of childish fora sopposly adult to do as i heard on that tape, but i guess the dumbest thing i ever heard was when that woman after every thing dr phil offered to do to help those children have a father in there lifes was to look at the other woman and say the truth hurts dosent it, instead of getting off her ass and giving dr phil a hug and thanking him for his assisantance, damn now come on lady get real here, no you dont want him back, BUT and i do say BUT, you cant stand the thought of another woman wanting him nether, thats what i see here, what you need to remember is this,!. one mans trash is another mans treasure but just put the word womans where i put the word mans, get it stop making those kids have to live a hell, stop the smart ass remsarks, that isnt helping any one least of all you, you need to relese that anger you harbor before it kills you, it will only put you in a early grave. dont you think those kids need you. well they do as they need there father as well. he needs to do what dr phil said and get off his ass and do what ever it takes to be a working part of his childrens lifes.wish i had dr phil to find my sons mother.she was always welcomed here. even after we devorced.hell i would hug his neck if he found her and made it possable for him to see her.i shure as hell would not give dr phil a slap in the face as you did, wow you relly didnt make a good effort in trying to resolve your issue here.!
 
October 25, 2006, 8:04 am CDT

10/25 Home Wreckers

I think it is a horrible thing that the ex tried to cut the dad out of the children's life by moving 2,000 miles away from him.  Shame on her.  I wonder if she is laughing at night when her children are crying for their daddy and wondering where he is.  She needs to quit complaining that the father is not in the picture for the kids because she made sure he wouldn't be there for them by moving that far away.  I feel horrible for the children.  And can people really be that nieve to think that an ex would not sabotage a new relationship, even if she didn't want the man for herself? I wish I lived in that fantasy world.  I understand, because my husband's ex (who left him for another man) still after ten years tries to interfere in our marriage.  And they were never even married, but had a child together.  What worked for us was blocking the number of the ex from our home phone so she could only call my husband's cell phone, and not me.  After all, she only needs to talk to my husband about their son, not to me.  This was VERY theraputic.  She could no longer interrupt our family during dinner, special events, private times, etc, and we could deal with her on our terms.  We can turn off the cell phone when we don't want to be disturbed.  And this has caused the unneccessary phone calls from ocurring, because she is not getting what she wants, DRAMA.  I wish the couple good luck.  It will be a very hard road.  Take it from me.  My only advice is not to have children together until you have the situation with the ex and their children stabilized, because no other innocent children need to be hurt in this mess.  And by the way, don't waste your money on the court and lawyers because the domestic system in this country is not about doing what is just or what is right for the children.  The courts are definately pro mother and anti-father.  Make sure you pay your child support, and don't expect the court to protect the children from their mother and her actions, it won't happen.  Contempts for noncomliance for visitation on the mother's part is also useless.  The court doesn't care.  Try to work it out on your own.  And prayer is a good way to find relief.
 
October 25, 2006, 8:12 am CDT

10/25 Home Wreckers

Quote From: jamesgouldlock

Let me explain something to you. I've been in the EXACT the same situation as Sean, Lisa, and Kristy for years. My wife's name is even LISA! I can tell you first hand that  a vengeful ex wife can ruin your current marriage no matter how committed you are. My current wife and I just celebrated our 6th anniversary, but it wasn't easy. We have been to the brink of divorce several times SIMPLY because my ex would not let up. The ex used my daughter like a chess piece, and still does. She used to call my wife constantly, telling her things like "James cheats on you with me, James doesn't love you, he loves me, James can't see his child because of you, your marriage isn't real, etc." I never cheated on my wife, but it didn't stop the ex from making stuff up. She constantly berated my wife, calling her five and six times a day, making threats and accusations. She did this for YEARS! And I put up with it, because if I didn't she wouldn't let me see my child.  Whenever I wanted to see the child, there was always a problem. Whenever I sent money, no matter how much, it was always, "your Daddy loves his stepchildren more than you." After a while, no matter how much a women loves you, there's only so much she can take. I even got tired of  it, and did the stupidest thing I ever could have done, which was to sign away my rights. But because I love my child and I realized I was wrong, I still do what I'm supposed to do. I make sure I pay child support, I visit the child when I can, I make sure she has total access to me, I support all of her extracurricular activities. I have apologized both to my daughter and her mother for my actions several times. But it doesn't matter, because the ex always brings it down to "your father does'nt love you, he only loves his wife and her kids." As I right this comment, my daughter, my ex, my wife, and myself do not get along. We saved our marriage by finally deciding that I will deal with the ex and my daughter, and my wife would just mind her on business and be involved as less as possible. This has worked for us, but the relationship between me and my fourteen year old daughter is still in shambles. To my daughter, I'm just a money tree. The only time she calls is when she needs money. Otherwise, she just reiterates what her mom has taught her all these years, which is that I only love my wife and stepchildren, which is simply not true. I could go on, but my fingers are tired. My point is simply that there are exes out there who will do and say whatever to keep strife in a person's marriage. They will use the kids, they will make accusations, and they will harrass the new spouse. In the end, you have to basically break contact to preserve the peace in your home.

I agree and also have been in this situation.  My boyfriend's ex has tried everything to get us to be apart.  He still isn't allowed to see his own son because of this woman.  I have even tried to be nice to her and do what she wants.  It is not enough.  She says he is not allowed to see his son because of me.  So he is going through the court.  She has even gone as far as breaking out my windshield and driver's window and stealing items from my car.  I could have left many times and maybe should have.  But I know I can be the better person.  I will not disappear or go away but I am willing to compromise because our children are brother and sister.  If both sides aren't willing then nothing will get better.  And just the same... if someone walks out on the marriage or cheats then there was never really a committment at all. One can try to blame "the other woman or man" but your spouse CHOSE to do what they did and were fully aware of what they were doing when they were doing it.  I do believe there are people out there who can be "homewreckers."  To me the definition of a homewrecker is someone who is with another person knowing they have a wife, partner, or spouse at home. 

 
October 25, 2006, 8:15 am CDT

10/25 Home Wreckers

Quote From: weasy123

This Kristy woman needs to mind her business.  She ought not be calling talking about anything but the children.  If the Dad doesn't get involved with the children then that's his loss.  We make choices everyday and if he choices not to get involved with his children then he'll regret that decision one day.  If he's paying his child support and doesn't take advantage of the court ordered visitation then that's his problem.  The mom should just enjoy not having to deal with the Dad.  As long as the mom is doing the best she can supporting (emotionally) the children then she need not worry about the dad and new wifes involvement.  Kristy needs to get the smirk off her face thinking she's done something and stop being vindictive!!  She really is using the children as much as she wants to deny it.  And as for the Dad, he needs to get his mess together and and handle this legally.  Kristy moved 2000 miles away, she took the children away from the Dad, she needs to get off his back.
She should have never moved away.  She was trying to make him want her or to harm the children.  To be she is not a very respectful person.  He is to blame for not making more of an effort but she should have never moved 2000 miles away.  She was trying to so something evil.  I think she still wants him although she says she doesn't
 
October 25, 2006, 8:48 am CDT

True True

Quote From: weasy123

The ex wife is really annoying.  She's griping about having her husband being involved, yet SHE moved 2000 miles away!!  She took the children away from him.  She should have very limited contact with the dad and his wife.  She need not be calling the new wife warning her about the husband.  The woman married him, if they have problems it's not the ex wife's concern!!  The ex wife is using those children and it's sick that she's sitting there thinking she's justified in anything she's been doing.  If the Dad can't find the time to spend with his children that's his loss.  If he's paying his child support and can't get his mess together to resolve this legally than this is his problem.  But the ex wife needs to get her smirk off her face and stop manipulating and butting in!!  She needs to just shut the hell up.  The only contact involved should be regarding the children and that's it, she's needs to vent her anger elsewhere!
My husband's ex-wife remarried before we ever met because she got pregnant by her boyfirend.  She moved 75 miles with their daughter.  We see his daughter about twice a month but we would like to see her everyday.  In 8 years the ex has never went back to court to have her child support payments increased and I think it is because she thinks we will sue for custody and she is absolutely right to think that.
 
October 25, 2006, 9:56 am CDT

10/25 Home Wreckers

Didn't watch the show but whatever the case, I have been around home wreckers and they are the type of people who are selfish, jeolous, low self image, and doesn't care about any ne but themselves, if they are miserable thent ehy expect every one else to be miserable including their own INNOCENT children. Believe me, I have beent here, as a child and it was not fun. These people need tog row upa nd get real and mind their own business and stop casueing problems, it's nothing but  awaste of time and energy. Lifeisn't worth living if all you think about is making some one else miserable, how productive is that!

When my husband and I were engaged, we had several people trying to split us up, telling us all kinds of crap, but thatnkfully, I wasn't gonna take their stuff and let them win over me and my future, I married my husband amd almost 14 years later we are going strong, happy and fullfilled with two beautiful little girls, I ity those in these self centered lives who have nothing better to do but to make others miserable, I guarentee that in the end, they will be the ones who loses including those who theya re SUPPOSE to love and care for, No home wrecker will ever have the opportunity to wreck my life and home, for I have the right to live my life as I feel to and the trouble makes need to stay clear cause I can make their lives miserable as well by not allowing them to win over me and that is exactly what I have done. Not an easy thing to do but it has to be done.

ANd those with children involved, if you are the ones casueing the problems, you bet, if your children grow upa nd have any sense at all,t hey will pick up on your stinking attitude and ways and you will lose all respect from those children who you decieved and caused misery over, believe me, I know for I come froma  family just like you and now THEY are paying the consequences of their actions, they are not too onvolved in my life and it is because as an adult, I read right through them and no way are they entering my life with those personalities, get over it people and get real or you WILL lose everything, you will be alone and wishin things were different and by then, it might be a little too late, don't want to die loney in a nursing home or ont he street now, do you?
 
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