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Topic : 06/01 Home Wreckers

Number of Replies: 380
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Created on : Friday, October 20, 2006, 01:50:58 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/25/06) Dr. Phil's guests say they have a home wrecker in their life who has destroyed their marriage. Lisa says her five-month marriage to Sean is already in shambles because of his ex-wife, Kristy. Lisa says Kristy makes hateful phone calls, physical threats and frequent attempts to steal Sean away from her. Kristy says she doesn't want Sean back; she just wants him to be a good father to their kids. Then, Sherry says her daughter, Tammy, talked her into divorcing her husband, J.R. Now, Sherry wants to re-marry J.R., but both her daughters are making her choose between them or him. Tammy and her sister say that J.R. controls their mother and they won't support this reunion. Is Sherry making a big mistake, or are her daughters manipulating her? Join the discussion.

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June 12, 2007, 5:32 am CDT

There is only one marriage--yours

Quote From: princess5000

WOW, You just said exactly how I feel about my own experiences and how angry i am that my second marriage is looked upon as leftovers instead of a real love and respectful relationship that is more rewarding to me and my son than my first marriage.  I have even been told by my husbands first wife, that she was first and there for he should always respect her, care about her, before me!!!!!  That she was his first wife, and mother of his children so that put her in a place in his life before me.. I dont think so if that were still true they would still be married.  Thank you for your comments.  That was really a good way to express your opinion..

Sometimes or often I should say, it is very difficult for an ex to understand that their ex has those feelings for someone else now, not them. It is the wise "ex" who works through their baser feelings of jealousy and anger and accepts that  that union is over, and that if they continue to deny the truth and act out by attacking the spouse they are hurting their own children. It frightens children when adults fight about things they don't understand because it makes them feel insecure.

 

Many good adult role models in the lives of children are  positive IF all the adults involved are engaged in the nuturing and development of the child, and not inducing some self-serving, vindictive scheme of punishing another adult by perverting the child's need for security by threatening very covertly to withdraw their love if that child shows love to another adult in their lives besides themselves. Love isn't finite and children are not personal property.

 

He is your husband, and this is your marriage. 

 
June 12, 2007, 5:40 am CDT

Need more clarification

Quote From: penny_lady

If the dating interferes with kids then it shouldn't be done. If the new marriage itself interferes then it should end. I will always put kids above a marriage, first, second, seventh. If the marriage is harming the kids then the marriage needs to be very quickly fixed or very quickly ended.

Marriage isn't inherently GOOD for kids. Kids only benefit from marriage if the marriage itself is healthy.

Well having said that marriage isn't inherently GOOD for kids unless it is healthy, using the same logic parents may not be inherently GOOD for kids either unless they are healthy people.  

 

We may be talking about exactly the same thing but from an entirely different approach. What do you mean by first?  

 
June 12, 2007, 8:31 am CDT

06/01 Home Wreckers

Quote From: seeyah

Well having said that marriage isn't inherently GOOD for kids unless it is healthy, using the same logic parents may not be inherently GOOD for kids either unless they are healthy people.  

 

We may be talking about exactly the same thing but from an entirely different approach. What do you mean by first?  

"...using the same logic parents may not be inherently GOOD for kids either unless they are healthy people."

I won't argue with that! That is very true sometimes. I don't think a parent or a marriage has to be PERFECT, but it certainly should be at least NEUTRAL in a child's life, ideally positive, but if it's a negative thing on a child's life, it's not worth it.

What I mean by "first" is that children didn't ask to be born, they didn't ask to be made. Their well being should come above a marriage. If a marriage is in some way harmful to kids then it should be removed. Just like anything else.
 
June 18, 2007, 9:11 pm CDT

It's About Time

Finally Dr. Phil tells a father how he needs to man up and see his children! The children should be on the top of his list! My X husband walked away 11 years ago and does not see our daughters.  His new wife and her 4 children are his focus.  Men who behave like this should go to prison. It should be a federal offense to walk away from your responsibility to your children “emotionally”.  Yes I know I sound out there and angry but I have been dealing with all the drama 4 daughters can bring.  Working through the teenage years and supporting my children through counseling and all the aspirations they have.  I realize in the long run I am so rich to have my children in my life. I would never give up on my children.

 
June 19, 2007, 6:55 am CDT

you are right but ?

Quote From: marcielynn

Finally Dr. Phil tells a father how he needs to man up and see his children! The children should be on the top of his list! My X husband walked away 11 years ago and does not see our daughters.  His new wife and her 4 children are his focus.  Men who behave like this should go to prison. It should be a federal offense to walk away from your responsibility to your children emotionally.  Yes I know I sound out there and angry but I have been dealing with all the drama 4 daughters can bring.  Working through the teenage years and supporting my children through counseling and all the aspirations they have.  I realize in the long run I am so rich to have my children in my life. I would never give up on my children.

You are right in your anger and your words, but in this case I saw were the mother was holding the children from him, so he didnt fly out there, I am not saying that you keeped your girls from seeing there father and that is why he wasnt around.  But during the show they said Sean took Kristy to court to see his children, to keep her from holding his kids back from him, and trying to build a relationship, that she had pulled the kids out of visitations in the past.. I am sorry that your ex husband has not been there for his children, but for the case of this show, I dont think that Dr. Phil gave the ex wife any blame for her behavior at all. 
 
July 5, 2007, 12:27 pm CDT

06/01 Home Wreckers

Quote From: aimrlyn

Thank you so much for that input. I love my husband, and he loves me, we have a very strong marriage. but his ex wife goes out of her way to make things as hard as she can, and then plays the " innocent, im disabled and a victim " routine. It makes it so that i dont want his son at our house, just to make her go away. I love this little boy, and hate that i have those feelings. I am trying very hard to give it to the Lord and let him have it. I have to remember that she only has as much control as i let her have, and to much of my dismay, i have allowed her far to much. But these ex's should have resolved thier feelings for thier spouses before the divorce. but thanks for the support of the new wives/husbands......its much appreciated from me.....

Did you not know that this was an issue before you got involved?

 

I personally don't date guys who have ongoing issues with their ex-wives.  No thanks.

 
August 23, 2007, 2:42 pm CDT

06/01 Home Wreckers

Quote From: purplepenny

Marriages don't exist in a vacuum. The members of a marriage are vulnerable to stress. Even the best of marriages have limits to the stress they can take.
I have the exact same situation as Lisa except my husband has two children by two different women. My husband is a great father to my kids and his. One of the mother's is ok. The other is impossible to tolerate. Sheis making my marriage a living hell. She moved out of state without telling my husband. He has seen his son twice in two years. Just recently, he saw him. She makes it  living hell for my husband to get him. My husband avoids her to keep down confusion and to be able to see his son.  I understand that. But should I be harassed by her because he refuses to seek legal advice? This hasbeen going on for three years. And that's how long we've been married. I love my husbandand don not care what he has to do to see his children, but I should not be harassed in the process. I feel that he should protect me from that. I am sooooo tired of this drama in my life. I have an ex husband. He is not the best father, but don't have much conflict. He has never done anything to harass  my husband. This woman calls my house, my cell phone, my job, my husband's cell phone and his job cursing us out.. We have both been in trouble on our jobs because of her.  I have messages where she has done such. I want out and at this point my husband does too because he feels that he don't have to do anything about her harassment.
 
January 9, 2008, 8:00 am CST

Homewrecking

How can the X wife be wrecking the marriage? I thought all marriage counselors would say that only the individuals involved can wreck their own marriage.

 

A happily married couple would not be vulnerable to such attacks.

 

 

 
February 12, 2008, 3:11 pm CST

06/01 Home Wreckers

Quote From: dragon_lady

How can the X wife be wrecking the marriage? I thought all marriage counselors would say that only the individuals involved can wreck their own marriage.

 

A happily married couple would not be vulnerable to such attacks.

 

 

The husband is letting his ex-wife call his home and he isn' t teling her to butt out and leave him alone...that is what is bothering his wife.  That he isn't telling Kristy off.

 

I am curious wha happened with this couple.

 
February 12, 2008, 3:48 pm CST

bumping this up

Quote From: stepcarefully

 Alot of the post reinterating Kristi's side of this mention that the father must love his new wife, Lisa, more than his kids.  Are you kidding me?  Since when is the love for a child and the love for a spouse the same thing?  It is a totally different relationship.  It should not be the same, God didn't mean for to be the same, it would be SICK if it were the same.  We are only allowed in these children's lives for a time.  This time it to PARENT them.

As far as the supervised visits, I have seen many NC fathers that have had supervised visits when they are not necessarily needed.  Most courts in this country still believe that a mom would not insist on something if is was not needed.   Well, let me tell ya, that is utterly, completely untrue!  Women can be vindictive people, I know this as I can be too and if we are honest with ourselves and we really looked at this show, Kristy is being pretty vindictive. 

As far as showing Kristy respect, why?  Is she MOTY?  Does Lisa owe her any respect?  I would respect a woman that uses her children as pawns.   I would respect anyone that talks the me like that.  Why should her ex-husband?  Because she is raising her children and keeping them from him?  It his her JOB to raise those kids, what does she need a medal?  She moved, people and if you feel that must have been best for the children because she decided, yo are most likely wrong.  Does she have a golden uterus or something?  Why is she so much more important than the father?

As far as he not seeing the children, I don't agree with that.  However, is it only on Kristi's terms?  Can Lisa come?  She is their stepmother now.  Is she supposed to suck it up and undestand Kristi's position, but Kristi does not have to understand hers?  Gimme a break.  There is not a woman who is true to herself that would put up with that.  Being a mother does not give you rights like that.  If anyone should look out for the best interests of those children, it is her. 

Let's face - Kristi wants to control her ex-husband through the children.  Apparently, there are people that think she should get a prize for it.
I thought this was very good and should be moved up.
 
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