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Topic : 06/01 Home Wreckers

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Created on : Friday, October 20, 2006, 01:50:58 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/25/06) Dr. Phil's guests say they have a home wrecker in their life who has destroyed their marriage. Lisa says her five-month marriage to Sean is already in shambles because of his ex-wife, Kristy. Lisa says Kristy makes hateful phone calls, physical threats and frequent attempts to steal Sean away from her. Kristy says she doesn't want Sean back; she just wants him to be a good father to their kids. Then, Sherry says her daughter, Tammy, talked her into divorcing her husband, J.R. Now, Sherry wants to re-marry J.R., but both her daughters are making her choose between them or him. Tammy and her sister say that J.R. controls their mother and they won't support this reunion. Is Sherry making a big mistake, or are her daughters manipulating her? Join the discussion.

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October 25, 2006, 1:21 pm CDT

Child-Centered divorce -- an essential message

Dr. Phil's message throughout the show, reminding parents that their behavior has a lasting effect on their children, was so important. He's so right that children will ultimately turn and resent any parent who keeps the children from having healthy, loving relationships with the other parent. If only more parents understood how vital this is in affecting the self-esteem, confidence and long-term well-being of their children. If only parents realized the consequences of their selfishness in regard to the relationship of their children with their former spouse. We need more parents to stand up and tell their stories -- both positive and negative -- so others can grasp, in advance, the substantial benefits of creating a "child-centered" divorce. I was blessed to have created one, with my ex, and my now-grown son can attest to the value in his life. 
 
October 25, 2006, 1:25 pm CDT

tammy needs to realize her daughters love her

 DAUGHTERS CONCERN FOR THEIR MOTHER IS REAL, WHY DID DR. PHIL NOT QUESTION J.R ABOUT THE FACT THAT HIS WIFE WAS WORKING FULL TIME, AND HOW DID J.R SUPPORT HIMSELF? OR DID I MISS THAT? TAMMY MUST BE LONELY FOR MALE COMPANIONSHIP OR ELSE SHE WOULD NOT LET HIM KEEP HER AWAY FROM HER GRANDCHILDREN.  I AM SEEING SOMEONE THAT I WAS SEEING BEFORE MY GRANDCHILD WAS BORN AND I WOULD TOSS HIM IN A HEARTBEAT IF HE TRIED TO COME BETWEEN US.
 
October 25, 2006, 1:31 pm CDT

Been There

I would like to know if Lisa knew Sean was married when she met him.  If yes; why did she go out with him?  If no; then she wasn't to blame for Sean's marriage breaking up.  I have been in the same situation as Christy.  I have no respect for women or men who don't take commitment seriously.  When I became an ex-wife I swore I would never knowingly get involved with a married man and I am proud to say that 17 years later I have kept that promise. 
 
October 25, 2006, 1:40 pm CDT

Yup,

Quote From: shrimpety

I thought the whole Lisa/Kristy thing was sad. Lisa clearly didn't consider what she was signing up for by marrying someone with kids and an ex-wife. She seems to think their marriage comes before the kids well being. Maybe Lisa should consider that the man she married isn't willing to do everything he can to have a relationship with his kids and what kind of a person does that make him?

 

Long ago I dated someone with three kids. While the relationship between he and I was far from healthy, what I am proud of to this day is that the kids mom and I really made an effort to have a functional and healthy relationship so the kids didn't end up in the middle. What is sad is that had things been different I would have chosen her as a friend. When he and I split up she was very supportive & understanding about why I had to exit their lives entirely.

 

When I set out to find a new mate, and my now husband one of the deal breakers was that I wouldn't marry anyone with kids because I was choosing NOT to be a step parent. I am thankful to this day that I stuck to my guns because I have a wondeful husband and wouldn't change a thing.

 

I made a conscious decision not to be involved with anyone while I raised my kids and it was the best decision I ever made.Their father moved 2500 miles away to avoid any responsibility for them.. It just sickens me to see the games that all three of the people in the first situation are involved with. One is just as bad as the next.
 
October 25, 2006, 1:55 pm CDT

My life 5 yrs ago!

   Watching the first half-hour was like watching the first year of my marriage on tv! Well, all except for the fact that my DH and I weren't on the verge of divorcing. My DH's ex was way out of bounds in every way possible (nasty phone calls and withholding visitation, etc) and my DH admittedly wasn't at his strongest but he realized that all he wanted was his children to be happy and for our marriage to be strong enough to endure any storm. Somehow we worked it all out, made sacrifices and set boundaries all for the sake of the children. If today's couple will take Dr. Phil's advice they will succeed in having happy children and a solid marriage as a result. It takes a strong will to overcome bitterness but an even stronger will to not allow someone else's bitterness destroy happiness. His ex (the couple on the show) has lots of baggage still (who doesn't) but allowing her to dump her emotional weight on top of their lives shouldn't be an option and it shouldn't be for any situation where there are children involved. I agree wholeheartedly,they all need to put the children first in this instance, then their marriage and let the ex find her happiness in some other way.  What a great show to watch, brought back some awful memories but I'm very happy to know we were divinely inspired and are on the right track. So, I feel very hopeful for today's guests.

 
October 25, 2006, 1:55 pm CDT

10/25 Home Wreckers

dr phil the show on home wrecker has hit somewhat close to home. l am involved in a relationship were l have 2 children from a previous marriage and 1 child from this current relaionship. He has 2 from a previous marriage as well and we are in the same situation were the mother will not let the children come over to visit their little brother. He is currently in Iraq serving. Due to a disagreement between the mother and I, she will not let the children come over. The daughter is 13 and she wants to come over, but the mother will not let her and the son 9 really dosent say to much. He has made comments that "why does dad have to go with her and not with us". And the has made a comment that "daddy is not giving us money", the daughter corrected he brother and said that their "dad was giving them money. It was mom that was not giving them the money". My question is what can l say to the children to let them know that we are here for them and what can we do with the bad mouthing of the father. The daughter is waiting to come live with her dad and l once he returns from Iraq. The law will not let her stay here now. Please give some insite to this problem.

 
October 25, 2006, 1:59 pm CDT

10/25 Home Wreckers

Quote From: mona_lynn

 DAUGHTERS CONCERN FOR THEIR MOTHER IS REAL, WHY DID DR. PHIL NOT QUESTION J.R ABOUT THE FACT THAT HIS WIFE WAS WORKING FULL TIME, AND HOW DID J.R SUPPORT HIMSELF? OR DID I MISS THAT? TAMMY MUST BE LONELY FOR MALE COMPANIONSHIP OR ELSE SHE WOULD NOT LET HIM KEEP HER AWAY FROM HER GRANDCHILDREN.  I AM SEEING SOMEONE THAT I WAS SEEING BEFORE MY GRANDCHILD WAS BORN AND I WOULD TOSS HIM IN A HEARTBEAT IF HE TRIED TO COME BETWEEN US.
Nothing on this show  proved anything when it comes to this family. Nothing convincing on any of their parts, I agree that her daughters love her and I am sure they want what is best but I didn't read any thing negative other then what they "said", they contradict each other. And it is up to their mother on how she wants to live her life an if she wants to be with this guy, there is nothing they can do about it, but they can still love her and have her a part of thier lives, this giving her a choice really isn;t right, that is called manipulation to get what they want, at least thatis what I got from it and as I said before maybe there are issues but nothing was revealed or confirmed. maybe they will all have a change of heart after appearing on the show, it's much more funt o get along then to fight, at least that is what some of us believe.
 
October 25, 2006, 2:05 pm CDT

You said it!

Quote From: awardcyw

   These two woman need to learn to stop feeding off each other's anger. They just bicker back and forth and neither one stops and says " I will not participate". They need to grow up and each family needs to establish boundaries so the children can be happy. The children's happiness and emotional safety is the most important thing.
   It's like feeding a proverbial fire; One woman is the wind, and the other is the fuel and *poof* there's fire! Nothing puts out a flame better than withholding one of the ingredients. If they would just not talk to each other, there wouldn't be a problem between them. I know the strategy works; I've been married for nearly six years and I've talked to my DH's ex maybe six times. I wanted a friendly relationship but it was just too stressful and it wouldn't have helped the kids at all. I just gave the kids all the attention they wanted when they wanted it and basically ignored their mother whenever possible.
 
October 25, 2006, 2:12 pm CDT

Home Wreckers

  The story about the exwife and new wife really hits home for me.   I am in a long term relationship, we are not married yet, but we have been down that same road.  I know it can be tough, but if you try and really want to be with this person then you work it out.  In my case the exwife did try on many levels to get back together with the man I am with, which shocked because shes the who left him, but its been many years and him and I are still very much in love, and my stepkids, and my own kids are very well taken care of, me and the exwife on the other hand do not get along but we never show in front of the children.   The man in todays episode needs to be there for the kids and his new wife, and if his new wife cant except his children then she needs to be with someone who does not have children, its hard to deal with and it does take a understanding person to get involved in a relationship like this.  The exwife needs to give the new wife a chance to be a good step mother for her children that is the only way it seems to work.

 

Now on the second story.  It really hits home.   I lost my mother as a teenager, and my dad met and moved in with a woman 3 months later.  This woman did not except, and natuarally we were not very exceptant of her, but only because we were not ready, not because we did not like her.   From the beginning up until now even she hates us and is very unexceptant of us.  The thing that bothers me the most is she made my dad give my 14 year old brother up, and made him cut ties with us off and on for years, she has even had the nerve to come to my house and remove my mothers picture from the wall because she is jealous of my dead mother.  I tried many times to befriend her but, she uses my dad for money, and when he's broke for a while she splits, she has even accused me of having an sexual affair with my own father how sick is that......   With all this being said I feel for these two sisters and I can see them never wanting to befriend thier step dad.  Its hard seeing someone you love being tortured emotionally.  So I have to side with the sisters on this one, because I know how much it hurts to have your heart ripped over and over and over.  I just hope they dont give up on thier mother because even now after all these years I love my dad and see him when I can. I would rather see him and fight with for 10 minutes then not ever see him at all.

 
October 25, 2006, 2:21 pm CDT

J.R Mom and Daughters

 To the Mom:  Think very carefully about this.  I'll bet that if you suddenly became ill, you would want your daughters to be there for you - so be there for them.  Were do people get the idea that once children are "grown"  they can be thrown away? The reality is that family is for LIFE - he will be dead in five years. 

To the daughters:  I am in the same place as you and KNOW how much this rips like a knife - a Mom is supposed to be the one person in the entire world who will never abandon you - she has let you down emotionally, physically and spiritually.

This exact situation has happened in my family.  My Mom met a man 13 years after my Dad died, and our previously kind, loving, caring Mother is practically gone.  My kids have been shocked, hurt, disappointed and feel abandoned by their Grandmother, not to mention me.   I have told my Mom that he is not welcome in my home, and I never go to visit her anymore as she has disregarded our feelings about her relationship with him, and moved in with him.  I have tried to tell her my concerns and she shuts down thinking we are "against her".  We are for her.  This man has gotten everything he wants from this relationship, and she has lost SO much.  She has ocassionally come to visit us without him, but not half as much as she used to.  My daughter cried when she heard my Mom moved out of "grandma's house" and moved in with him.  Years ago my Mother had told my sister that if she lived with her fiance before they were married she would not help pay for the wedding - and now she is the one "living in sin", and thinks that we should just swallow it.  We are human beings with feelings too.

 Are families disposable because a "man" comes along.  She has EVERY right to be with some one and be happy.  Why pick someone who causes so much hurt and division in her family?  I think  she will  pay a big price when he is dead in a few years and she has alienated her kids. And to the Mom (on the show) you may as well.

Corinne



 
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