Topic : 06/01 Home Wreckers

 I guess you didnt really listen to Sean,  he said that he had to take Kristy to court and that is why he didnt get the kids this summer, maybe their was money issues.. grant it Dr. Phil didnt address this matter and he should have so that people could see that Sean and Lisa have tried to see the children.

It is amazing that some people can say that emotinal baggage wouldnt make people do the things to hurt there ex's, I dont think that Kristy wanted Sean back but I do thing that she is mad that he has moved on, and I know that Sean and Lisa has given Kristy school clothes, and shoes, and school supplies, and the children received packages almost every other month. 

It's not much a "father can do 2000 miles away so, if someone is blocking the only time that he can see his children than what else is he suppose to do...

Jettav, I think you and Penny both make valid points.

My husband and I took vows in front of family, friends, and (for us) God to love and honor through good times and bad. So I hold my husband completely accountable to those vows, and I expect him to hold me to them too. If my husband ever had an affair or dishonored our marriage, it would be on him, not some other person. there was no other woman or other person taking those vows at our wedding. I get so frustrated when I see married women blaming the "other women" for the affair and forgiving their husbands so easily. I don't condone anyone trying to sleep with a married person, but put the blame and responsibility squarely on the person who broke the vows.

On the other hand, many of my friends who married young are now divorced. I don't think many people in their early twenties can completely predict what their values or priorities will be as they get older and more serious, nor can we predict how we will handle all the struggles that serious life brings.  My marriage is very strong, and I am more in love with my husband now after two kids, some health struggles, a few pounds, and a receding hairline then I was when I met him. But I do not lull myself into thinking we are bullet proof.

There are a  lot of people who marry with the best intentions, but you cannot force your partner to do the work required to keep the commitment strong and the love alive. If one partner has a religious epiphany that the other does not, it will be difficult. If one partner changes other values, such as substance abuse or financial values, it is very difficult.  I have watched very good people go through heart wrenching divorces and I am loathe to think I am any better or more "blessed" than they. I don't think God chose for me and my husband to have a strong, honest marriage, and for another person, who may be of equal of better moral value than me, was chosen to be deceived or betrayed. I think luck plays its hand, and I think gratitude should play a bigger hand.

Jettav, I think you and Penny both make valid points.

My husband and I took vows in front of family, friends, and (for us) God to love and honor through good times and bad. So I hold my husband completely accountable to those vows, and I expect him to hold me to them too. If my husband ever had an affair or dishonored our marriage, it would be on him, not some other person. there was no other woman or other person taking those vows at our wedding. I get so frustrated when I see married women blaming the "other women" for the affair and forgiving their husbands so easily. I don't condone anyone trying to sleep with a married person, but put the blame and responsibility squarely on the person who broke the vows.

On the other hand, many of my friends who married young are now divorced. I don't think many people in their early twenties can completely predict what their values or priorities will be as they get older and more serious, nor can we predict how we will handle all the struggles that serious life brings.  My marriage is very strong, and I am more in love with my husband now after two kids, some health struggles, a few pounds, and a receding hairline then I was when I met him. But I do not lull myself into thinking we are bullet proof.

There are a  lot of people who marry with the best intentions, but you cannot force your partner to do the work required to keep the commitment strong and the love alive. If one partner has a religious epiphany that the other does not, it will be difficult. If one partner changes other values, such as substance abuse or financial values, it is very difficult.  I have watched very good people go through heart wrenching divorces and I am loathe to think I am any better or more "blessed" than they. I don't think God chose for me and my husband to have a strong, honest marriage, and for another person, who may be of equal of better moral value than me, was chosen to be deceived or betrayed. I think luck plays its hand, and I think gratitude should play a bigger hand.

I'm 46 years old, mother of 3 grown, happy, healty children and in a relationship with a man the same age who became a new father at the age of 40. He's a great guy! I love him with all of my heart and we are, for the most part, happy. He's very good to me and a great father to his now, 6-year-old daughter.

Our problem is his ex, who he believes is bi-polar. She manipulates my boyfriend at every turn and uses their daughter to get her way. When we first began dating, she would call his cell while we were on our dates, and put on his daughter, crying and begging her daddy to come and get her. That stopped when he began to leave his phone in the car! (my suggestion) We also have mutual friends and she has made up incredulous stories about me, called me every name in the book and is just vicious towards me. She has called my boyfriend's bosses and told them that he is abusing his expense account and using drugs, calls his family out of state and makes up stories, calls nearly everyday to pick a fight with him, hangs up, calls back....this can go on for hours! My boyfriend works from home and I work nights, so, I'm here when this happens and it's incredibly frustrating to witness! She manipulates their visitation schedule to ruin our plans, as she knows my work schedule. She's taken his mail from his mailbox, got a lien against his house without his permission, forged his signature....the list goes on and on.

I've aske dhim to not accept her constant phonecalls and believe that the only contact she needs to have with him should be limited to her calling to tell their daughter goodnight, important schedule changes, and emergencies. But, that hasn't happened. He believes she cannot control herself and expects me to be understanding about it. He thinks that if I could ignore it and not let it bother me, it wouldn't be such an issue. He tells me that when I approach the subject, especially after a long day of dealing with her, that I only add to his problems and compound them.

I'm at a loss here as to what can be done. I've suggested he stop answering the phone and let her leave a message and screen her calls, but, he says that when he has tried that in the past, then, she will ignore his calls so he can't tell his daughter goodnight. He shoots down every suggestion I make, saying he's already tried it and it won't work. This situation is very frustrating!

I love my boyfriend and we movedin together a few months ago and we have a great relationship between us and his child. I'm a healthy, happy, mature adult women who just wants a peaceful and harmonious relationship with her mate. I want a normal relationship and I need peace! What can I do to better equipt myself with coping tools? Should I just learn to ignore the craziness and act like it doesn't effect me? I don't want to compound my boyfriends' problems or cause fights by bringing up the subject anymore but, how does it get fixed if no one does anything about it? It seems that everyone in her life would rather just lie there and take it so it will get over with quicker. I can't do that.

I also feel she is still in love with my boyfriend because she seems to have a need to be in constant contact with him good or bad and pries into our personal lives too much, as well as her viciousness towards me. She cheated on him during their marriage and left him for the other man, who she is still with. She and my boyfriend have been divorced for 5 years now. I would think that she would have better things to do with her time as I could care less about my ex's love life or who he's seeing ect..

Are there any answers out there? Any solutions that we could both live with? We both need a peaceful resolution.

I'm 46 years old, mother of 3 grown, happy, healty children and in a relationship with a man the same age who became a new father at the age of 40. He's a great guy! I love him with all of my heart and we are, for the most part, happy. He's very good to me and a great father to his now, 6-year-old daughter.

Our problem is his ex, who he believes is bi-polar. She manipulates my boyfriend at every turn and uses their daughter to get her way. When we first began dating, she would call his cell while we were on our dates, and put on his daughter, crying and begging her daddy to come and get her. That stopped when he began to leave his phone in the car! (my suggestion) We also have mutual friends and she has made up incredulous stories about me, called me every name in the book and is just vicious towards me. She has called my boyfriend's bosses and told them that he is abusing his expense account and using drugs, calls his family out of state and makes up stories, calls nearly everyday to pick a fight with him, hangs up, calls back....this can go on for hours! My boyfriend works from home and I work nights, so, I'm here when this happens and it's incredibly frustrating to witness! She manipulates their visitation schedule to ruin our plans, as she knows my work schedule. She's taken his mail from his mailbox, got a lien against his house without his permission, forged his signature....the list goes on and on.

I've aske dhim to not accept her constant phonecalls and believe that the only contact she needs to have with him should be limited to her calling to tell their daughter goodnight, important schedule changes, and emergencies. But, that hasn't happened. He believes she cannot control herself and expects me to be understanding about it. He thinks that if I could ignore it and not let it bother me, it wouldn't be such an issue. He tells me that when I approach the subject, especially after a long day of dealing with her, that I only add to his problems and compound them.

I'm at a loss here as to what can be done. I've suggested he stop answering the phone and let her leave a message and screen her calls, but, he says that when he has tried that in the past, then, she will ignore his calls so he can't tell his daughter goodnight. He shoots down every suggestion I make, saying he's already tried it and it won't work. This situation is very frustrating!

I love my boyfriend and we movedin together a few months ago and we have a great relationship between us and his child. I'm a healthy, happy, mature adult women who just wants a peaceful and harmonious relationship with her mate. I want a normal relationship and I need peace! What can I do to better equipt myself with coping tools? Should I just learn to ignore the craziness and act like it doesn't effect me? I don't want to compound my boyfriends' problems or cause fights by bringing up the subject anymore but, how does it get fixed if no one does anything about it? It seems that everyone in her life would rather just lie there and take it so it will get over with quicker. I can't do that.

I also feel she is still in love with my boyfriend because she seems to have a need to be in constant contact with him good or bad and pries into our personal lives too much, as well as her viciousness towards me. She cheated on him during their marriage and left him for the other man, who she is still with. She and my boyfriend have been divorced for 5 years now. I would think that she would have better things to do with her time as I could care less about my ex's love life or who he's seeing ect..

Are there any answers out there? Any solutions that we could both live with? We both need a peaceful resolution.

I'm 46 years old, mother of 3 grown, happy, healty children and in a relationship with a man the same age who became a new father at the age of 40. He's a great guy! I love him with all of my heart and we are, for the most part, happy. He's very good to me and a great father to his now, 6-year-old daughter.

Our problem is his ex, who he believes is bi-polar. She manipulates my boyfriend at every turn and uses their daughter to get her way. When we first began dating, she would call his cell while we were on our dates, and put on his daughter, crying and begging her daddy to come and get her. That stopped when he began to leave his phone in the car! (my suggestion) We also have mutual friends and she has made up incredulous stories about me, called me every name in the book and is just vicious towards me. She has called my boyfriend's bosses and told them that he is abusing his expense account and using drugs, calls his family out of state and makes up stories, calls nearly everyday to pick a fight with him, hangs up, calls back....this can go on for hours! My boyfriend works from home and I work nights, so, I'm here when this happens and it's incredibly frustrating to witness! She manipulates their visitation schedule to ruin our plans, as she knows my work schedule. She's taken his mail from his mailbox, got a lien against his house without his permission, forged his signature....the list goes on and on.

I've aske dhim to not accept her constant phonecalls and believe that the only contact she needs to have with him should be limited to her calling to tell their daughter goodnight, important schedule changes, and emergencies. But, that hasn't happened. He believes she cannot control herself and expects me to be understanding about it. He thinks that if I could ignore it and not let it bother me, it wouldn't be such an issue. He tells me that when I approach the subject, especially after a long day of dealing with her, that I only add to his problems and compound them.

I'm at a loss here as to what can be done. I've suggested he stop answering the phone and let her leave a message and screen her calls, but, he says that when he has tried that in the past, then, she will ignore his calls so he can't tell his daughter goodnight. He shoots down every suggestion I make, saying he's already tried it and it won't work. This situation is very frustrating!

I love my boyfriend and we movedin together a few months ago and we have a great relationship between us and his child. I'm a healthy, happy, mature adult women who just wants a peaceful and harmonious relationship with her mate. I want a normal relationship and I need peace! What can I do to better equipt myself with coping tools? Should I just learn to ignore the craziness and act like it doesn't effect me? I don't want to compound my boyfriends' problems or cause fights by bringing up the subject anymore but, how does it get fixed if no one does anything about it? It seems that everyone in her life would rather just lie there and take it so it will get over with quicker. I can't do that.

I also feel she is still in love with my boyfriend because she seems to have a need to be in constant contact with him good or bad and pries into our personal lives too much, as well as her viciousness towards me. She cheated on him during their marriage and left him for the other man, who she is still with. She and my boyfriend have been divorced for 5 years now. I would think that she would have better things to do with her time as I could care less about my ex's love life or who he's seeing ect..

Are there any answers out there? Any solutions that we could both live with? We both need a peaceful resolution.

Don't be insensitive to his daughters' needs regardless of his Ex. His daughter was there before you, and he needs you to be supportive of his situation, not set ultimatums.

How can you expect him to abandon his daughter and take himself away from her to set boundary lines with his Ex that would please you?? It would traumatize his child and further enrage his ex-wife. Bi-polar or not.

When he said your reactions are causing him stress why are you not listening to him? He means it, and it's not against you. You're making him choose, and how can a loving father and a loving boyfriend (your description)  not be in a dilemma over that? Would you settle for that concerning your own children if you were in his shoes?? I doubt it.

Suck it up...respond to what's in his child's best interest or get out of their lives. He might get over losing you, but he won't put his daughter in the position of losing him.

She's only six, and you're 46. You're pitting yourself against a child, not the Ex. The Ex will be rubbing her hands, because she succeeded in breaking up your relationship. She will try it with any woman he brings into his life. She's mean and arrogant, and doesn't care about her childs' feelings. She will tell that innocent child in the cruelest of ways that her Daddy doesn't care about her, if he gives in to your pressures about setting boundary lines.

So far, you, too, are just showing your boyfriend that you don't care that he care's about his childs' needs, and he might end his relationship with you, before you get the chance.

A lot of divorced Daddies can't put their children on the back burner, contrary to popular belief.   

I'm sorry if I gave off the impression that I would ever try to stand in the way of my BF and his child. Not at all. I encourage their relationship and support them in every way I can. I respect the parent/child relationship....and would not ask him to do anything to jeopardize his relationship with her.

He and his ex have joint custody and it's basically one week on, one week off. They have their child each half the time. It doesn't matter if she's here with us or with her mom...the drama is all the time and it gets frustrating and disruptive for us and our home. They each call every night to say goodnight to their daughter and I have absolutely no problems with that. Only when she insists on dragging me into it and overstepping what should be her boundaries. I believe they should call only when it pertains to their daughter and what's best for her but, that doesn't happen. The ex  insists on interjecting herself into our lives and home and future plans ect.. I don't believe it's any of her business. She knows my BF is a great father and has no problems leaving their daughter with us for a week or more at a time so, why call his job and family members to tell them he's a drug addict and needs to go to rehab and be drug tested, which is completely untrue! Those are the 'limitations' and 'boundaries' I'm suggesting here. She can't keep her nose out of our lives and actively seeks new ways to cause us pain and upset.....on a regular basis. It's because she can't or won't try to stay civil and keep to the subject of the welfare of their child that I have a hard time dealing with. I just think the communication should be kept for the sole purpose of visitation changes, illness, emergencies....the nightly 'goodnight' call and that's it.