Topic : Sex

I have been married for 13 years and my husband has been looking at internet porn, videos, and magazines the whole time.  Each time I would magically find out (I never really looked, it just seemd to fall in my lap), my self-esteem would drop, I would become ashamed of my body and every emotion possible was stirred up.  I was a mess.  I became paranoid when other women would come around and talk to him, I would wonder if he was cheating behind my back.  When I would talk to others I would get comments like "all guys do it, just deal with it". 

 

For a long time I thought I was "messed up" in the head to feel so strongly about it.  I thought it might have to do with my childhood.  I was sexually abused from the age of 6, and when I was around 13 the abuser would take photos of me nude and show them to his friends.   I have shared this information with my husband, so he knows that there is some psychological issues with me in regards to nude photos. 

I have tried everything to get him to stop.  I even told him that I was going to put nude photos of myself on the internet, since he thought  internet porn was OKAY or go work at a strip club (not that I would really do it)!  He did not think my idea was okay, and didn't want his coworkers/friends looking at me. 

 

Humm... is there a double standard here?  If it is okay for him to look, then why is it not okay for others to look at me in the same fashion? 

I have been dating my bf for 1.5 years. In the begining we didn't have sex 20 times a day like a new relationship normally does lol. It was like once every week or so. Its been a month now and nothing!! Before I would have to complain and say its been about 2 weeks hello then we would. I want him to just want to give it to me and me not have to ask!!  He always complains that his shoulder hurts. He did have surgery a couple years or so ago and has screws and stuff in his shoulder and it bothers him when it rains.....but he plays softball golf and what ever!!! I have talked to my friends and they say their man would try to get some one more time if they where dying....I just dont know what to think. I know he loves me and isnt cheating but????????   I AM SO CONFUSED AND CONCERNED!!!!   Whats your opinions

I think you sound incredibly jaded.  You have an opinion that while clearly honest, is very short-sighted.  Your last sentence was, "you reap what you sow"  I have to wonder, what seeds are you planting?  Are you actively looking for a woman...no forget woman...a life partner that will be the yin to your yang?

 

Many women make poor choices because we are eternally optimistic.  We believe we are more powerful than maybe we are, I conceed that fact.  But that has nothing to do with being specifically an American woman.  That's a HUMAN characteristic.  We are all prideful by nature and need to learn some basic humility in this universe. 

 

Many women want to join into our man's (partner's) sexual fantasies...we just want to be part of that process.  We crave intimacy.  We fear what creates distance.  We are relationship driven and an honest,open man is the antidote.

 

So internet porn is no BFD?  Yeah, right.  You really need to reasearch the physiological effects of porn on the brain before you make comments like that.  Certainly, in a few rare cases there is time and place for visual stimulation.  I'm open to the multitude of purposes and exploration, but any time anything comes between a partnership, its wrong. 

 

It is a man's responsibility to bring his desires to his woman and vice versa.  If he chooses to self-soothe rather than experience the shared released endorphines, he is making an unhealthy relationship choice.  He is choosing to turn away from his partner, not toward her and greater intimacy!  You think those plastic girls care one little bit about you jerking off to their image?  No! They don't! In fact if you tell your friends and get them to sign up on their for profit web-site, you might even get a free photo layout or extended mebership.  You are (green) paper to them and they are nothing more than plastic to you.  What a shallow relationship you are having with yourself.

 

As far as "giving it up 100% of the time"...how about this idea...hold onto, well, something....its called SELF-CONTROL.  Man up.  Sometimes a little delayed gratifiaction can be good for you.  No one is asking you to abstain, just be considerate and share the desire.

 

Shared sex is the greatest thing on earth as far as I'm concerned!  Its passionate, hot, eduring and the ultimate way to connect with your partner.  It is supposed to be based on mutual regard and respect.  I do anything for you and it in turn pleases me....you do for anything me and it pleases you!  Its the unguarded giving of yourself, the vulnerabiltiy and resulting shared trust that is so very, very sexy.

 

With comments like you made, I think you will only find what you keep seeing.  Hollow, plastic women with high needs and little return on your investment.  I really hope you can approach your next meaningful encounter with a new set of eyes and expectency.

 

I am all woman here and I must say I do agree with the poster some. Women did want equal rights in everything. I know some women get offended when a man opens the door for them or does anything sweet the woman have the attitude I can do this I do not need a man to open a door for me or offer me his seat.They actually take it as an insult. Lucky for me I knew this all was going to happen so I chose to be a homemaker back in the 80's and I still am one.I was one before kids ,during kids and I will be one after my kids are grown and gone. I have a very  happy hubby and I am a very happy wife. I love my life and I   would not change it for all the tea in china. I enjoy all my womanly attributes and so does my husband. I am old fashioned the man goes to work the woman takes care of the home, kids, meals and has lots of steamy love making with her husband. I concentrate on my family and not my coworkers to who looks better or who can get the boss's attention. I think woman today are more worried how they look for coworkers then the are for their husbands. As for you poster you are not a kind man calling woman such names though. You know the women of the 70's made the first moves now it is a way of life. It takes two incomes here in California to make it now thanks to women's lib. I have two daugthers and it is a shame they will not have this choice unless they marry someone with money. I teach my girls you do not marry for those reasons so they must work unless they do fall in love with a man for his heart who does have money . You are very hostiel and angry in youw posting perhaps you are very frustrated and hadn't had soem loving in a while. You still have no right to call women names or degrade them. it is almost gettign impossible to live on an one income family. Don;t blame the new women of today for the womens choices who gave them no choice today due to inflation. Everything here is based on a two incomes. Why do you say us American women other women work out of this country too....You sound like a gripy prejudiced person. My husband would never talk to a woman like you did no matter what. Maybe you love American men they are cute arent they?....men treat woman in other countries like hos and they have many other women on the side...I am proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free!!! I would rather face having to work then have my man roaming the fields with other woman now that is degrading or having arranged marriages with strangers. Bottom line do nto worry abotu the women here you are no man so work on yourself instead od worrying about us. You have a black heart ful of hatred.

I met my EX-boyfriend online three years ago. We dated, had a good relationship for one year. Obviously he and I saw the relationship differently.  He mentioned celebrating our anniversary just two weeks before it was due to happen. And we talked of it the weekend before and were talking of spending the weekend doing various things. On the Thursday before, just two days before, he called me and told me he had met someone at Synagogue and we wouldn't be spending the anniversary together, he was breaking it off. I was devastated, eventually accepted it and he and I stayed on talking terms for the next year. At the end of the second year, he said he'd like to try again, that he learned in Synagogue that I was his "soulmate". He stated that all the women in that year proved to him, that he was too old for  that promiscuous lifestyle. So again we tried and it went really well for 6 months. At the end of six months he made the remark to me that he had been monogamous for 6 months, which was the longest for him....EVER!

You would think that this would have sent up flares and red flags but it didn't. The next couple months were rocky and I checked his computer a few times and found he was communicating with other women. Oh the excuses were unbelievably stupid yet I stayed.

Finally, when he turned me down for the 3rd time sexually, I asked him what was wrong. He took it as an assault to his virility. It was actually a question to his fidelity. So, a few days after I asked, he sent me an email and said he had plans for the weekend and we wouldn't be seeing each other. For a couples weeks the accusations and arguing ensued. Then I discovered a "bump" in the vulva area. When I finally got into a Dr. I was tested for STDs and told they felt it was HPV. So on I go to a Gyn. After a couple of visits and biopsies, it was confirmed.

In the meantime I am talking to "ex", telling him what I was going thru. I was sick (emotionally) and at the time I was also devastated. I truely thought I would commit suicide. I have had depression for years and had only recently been rediagnosed and put on meds.

The reason I was so devastated was because with ALL the information I gave this man...and YES he did admit to giving it to me....he continued to meet women online and have sex with them. When I told him he would have to inform his "other" girlfriend, he stated, "When I get my test results, I will inform THOSE who need to know." That really made me sick. I am quite sure, to this day, 6 weeks later, he has not informed anyone that he is a carrier. He stated that he now sees the importance of using condoms and does so. I am sure that too is a lie. But the thing that bother me most is that he continues to see numerous women, knowing that HPV can cause cancer. I have 13 out of 16 high risk strains. I had to have biopsies of four different areas. I can only imagine that he is knowingly putting other women at risk for this.

It was so completely devastating that I went to his place one night and took a bottle PLUS of different pills.

I had informed him for a couple of weeks that I was going to do this. I felt, and still feel, that there isn't much of a future for me except more pain. I felt and still feel that I have raised a wonderful family and that is what I was here to do. It is over and I see no improvement for the furture. I have always had a healthy attitude about death. I have never been afraid of it, I accept that it is just an ending. I know that we miss the people we love when they are gone but I honestly believe we go on to a better place and that is just the way it is. So the night that I took the pills at his place, was quite a disappointment. All it accomplished was vomitting all over his porch and myself. I somehow got myself home after passing out on his porch for 5 hours. Yes, he knew what I was going to do and told me to just do it. I did. But wasn't successful at it. There is no surprise!! I took over 50 sleeping pills, valium and anti depressants and only fell asleep, vomitted and woke up. That sucked.

I saw Dr. Phil's show on suicide and recognised alot of me and how I feel. I think the only thing I didn't hear that I think alot of people with depression go thru is that we are GREAT at faking it in front of people who know us, family, friends, co-workers, etc.  I prepared everything, down to advance directives, donating my body, health advocate, will, etc. No one suspected a thing except EXbf who I told everything to. I think he knew I would because he hid his pills and gun, suspecting that I still had access to his home. The night I took the pills, I called his daughter and told her what he had done and what I had done (gulping the pills).

I drove over to his place right after talking to her a but before the pills kicked in. I saw him moving his car, and walking around looking for mine. So I stayed out of sight until I saw his lights go out. I then went up his stairs so he would be the one to find me in the morning...yes, I wanted payback. I wasnt trying to kill myself because of him but because I knew the future was worse  than bleak. But I did want him to feel something...anything...and to react, to see what he played a part in. But failed at it.

I would do it again, just not sure when....next week, next month, two years from now....

And even tho my counselor knows I have suicidal thoughts, he never questioned me when I told him I lost or accidently threw out my sleeping pills. Just wrote another perscription. Sometimes it's just too easy.

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now, I have already slept with another guy no strings attached. My ex boyfriend who is the father of my son, we were together for nearly 4 years, I cheated on him 5 or 6 times with men alone (im bisexual). I crave the attention I know what im doing is wrong and I love my boyfriend so much I want to stop but its like I feed of the attention it brings, can someone help me with some advice?

I think its kinda funny that while I was reading it I was like... Did I post this? Because thats me to a T.. Well I'm still single myself unfortunately and I also only get looks but nothing more.. I always seem to get put into the friends catagory everyime I even get to know a girl.. I work at a convenience store (Assistant Mgr) so i meet alot of people and what not. I dunno if you work or not but thats the best place to start (Dont try to date the people you work with). Friends from work are a good way to meet other people.
But nothing is ever going to happen if you dont take a chance and do something out of the norm.. Like going to a party or something with your friends. I've had people invite me to parties and stuff and I normally turned them down.. But once I actually said ok and had alot of fun surprisingly..  The point is that if your not going to take the inititive then nothing is going to change.. Dont let life pass you by because your afraid to talk to people. No one will like you if you wont give them a chance to get to know you first... I mean it would be nice if some random girl came up and bam all of a sudden your dating and live happily ever after but unfortunately thats not how life seems to work.. Put your self out there a little, do something fun like bowling (alot of people in the open having fun) or get a friend and goto a bar for once (I never drank at first too but a friend took me to a "mom and pop" bar and it was fun  ^^.  So yeah.. Just take the inititive and put yourself out there... Never wait for the right one... I hate that because what if they are waiting too lol

Hi I'm 23 SINGLE guy who works full time at a Convenience store (Asst. Mgr and yes I hate it sometimes lol) and I'm going to college too. Ok well I'm a shy person until I feel comfortable around you then I tend to talk alot (well not too much but yea lol) and I'm an average guy all the way around I guess. I dunno I dont think of myself as an attractive person (probly because I always got dumped for someone better) and I kinda get a little clingy in a relationship. I'm kinda a sensitive person when it comes to women, I like to give them all the attention in the world and would do anything for them to make sure they are happy (I hear women all the time talking about how their man doesnt give them enough attention or what not) But i like doing them things but no one ever wants to date me >.>  everytime I do get with someone (which doesnt happen often) I get dumped for some other jerk. Its like the only way to keep a woman is to treat them like they dont matter.. I see it all the time..  Women date some guy who is always a jerk and they complain to me about it but they dont wanna leave him.. for example... I know this girl Talena... Shes a very attractive girl and me and her get along really good but shes dating this douche named Hal.. He kinda treats her nice during the weekdays but on the weekends he treats her like crap and leaves her at home all day, refuses to talk or her or spend anytime with her and goes to his "friends" house all night till the early morning.. So she always calls me to cheer her up.. She claims that shes tired of it all and whatnot and shes going to leave him but then comes monday and everything is back to how it was... hes acting nice keeping her on a leash.. and shes to "in love" with him to see it.. He even told her the relationship was over but yet she stays with him.. why? I told her that I liked her and I can treat her a hell alot better than he ever could.. But nope.. She wants to give it another chance (like 200 chances)..

I just dont understand women.. They say they want this and that in a guy but when one shows up they wont give them the time of day.. Since when was treating a woman like crap a manly thing to do? Do women like to be treated like crap or what?

But yeah I'm tired of being single and tired of being mr. fix-it for everyone elses relationship. I mean why is everyone else allowed to be happy but me >,<  Its like the undeserving people get happiness but people that deserve happiness get nothing but pain and suffering to no end..

Its weird.. most of my friends are girls and all of em are dating someone.. I dont have any single friends.. I dont understand it either lol.. But I hear the same thing all the time.. "You'll find someone one day" which to me means "Well I found someone and I dunno what to tell you.." and that I deserve someone special or whatever.. If thats the case then why havent I found anyone..

Makes me think theres something wrong with me like I'm broken or something.. I mean is there something about me that  makes a woman think I'm not manly enough for her or what? I just like to give them attention and make sure they are happy because I hate it when they are sad and crying.. So naturally i would like some attention to.. I mean who wouldnt want a girl to smother then with attention every now and then? But yeah... It makes me think that some people are just meant to be alone..  I could give so much to a relationship but no one will give me the chance to make them happy.. Life can be a cruel to some people... 

I would like to know why my boyfriend will have sex witheveryother woman especially loose women but he won't have sex with me I am his girlfriend for almost two years. Please someone help me to understand.

I'm new here and am looking for answers. My life has been shattered.

Until a little more than a month ago, I lived with my significant other. I thought we were enjoying our lives, we were talking about getting married, I loved him very much.

One night I woke up and he wasn't in bed. When I went to check on him, I found him in the computer room. As soon as I walked in, he turned the computer off.

The next morning after he went to work, I looked at the history to see what he had been doing.

What I found made me sick to my stomach. He had been looking at "teen" porn ... and he hadn't just stumbled across it, he had done a google search for it and visited several sites, including a "chat."

When he got home from work that night, I asked him about it. He denied it and blew me off.

Several days went by and I was just a mess. Sick to my stomach, sad, unable to sleep, etc.

Finally, I brought it up again. This time, he became really angry. We argued ... and I lost my temper and slapped him. The police were called. Trashy, huh?

When they arrived, one of them asked me if I had slapped him and I was honest about it. He asked me why I slapped him, and I told him.

We were both taken to jail ... and they confiscated his computer. They went to his job the next day and confiscated his work computer as well.

While no charges were filed against me, I did spend the night in jail. I'm 47 years old, educated, and have never been in jail for anything. I've not even had a speeding ticket in more than 20 years.

I had to have my grown son pick me up the next day. We went out out to the house and got my car and some of my things. I'm staying with my son and his wife until I can find a full-time job and an apartment.

I have had several friends make me feel like I made too big a deal out of what he was doing. My feelings are that it's not normal for a man in his 50's to be looking for "teen" porn. Am I wrong?