Topic : Sex

Gee ... really don't know if this should be in sex or depression because it is both.  I lived with a man for 4 years and thought he was my soulmate.  While fixing his computer for him, I inadvertently discovered some suspect online activities.  I knew he liked to look at porn but this was different.  I am a computer expert and investigated and discovered that he had personal ads at a bunch of "alternative" sites for bisexual encounters, encounters with couples ... well just about any encounter you could imagine.  We are both self-employed and worked from the residence, yet I didn't have a clue.  He would meet men in the afternoon and be gone just a short while.  He had a couple of nights out so I guess they weren't spent at the local pool hall as he had said.  I confronted him and he tried lying.  The evidence I had was concrete and when confronted with it, he finally admitted it, but was furious for what he considered an invasion of his privacy.  For about 3 months after that, he lied more and said he quit all that and we worked on the relationship.  I didn't trust him though and investigated again and found that he had never skipped a beat.  I left.  The biggest problem I guess is me.  I can't get over this.  My life is so different now.  I don't see people.  I hide away in my house.  My work has been affected terribly.  Some days I don't get out of bed.  I feel like any possibility of a romantic life is over.  I don't trust people anymore.  If someone that I thought I knew as well as I thought I knew him could fool me, anyone can.  I really hate my life now; everything about it.  It's like I have just given up on life.  I still see my adult children, but that's it and I put on a happy face for them, but it is a facade.  I have nightmares about it all and a day doesn't go by that I don't think about it.  It's been a year and a half and my life is just going to hell in a handbasket.  I am 55 and the rest of my life without romance ... spending here alone just seems very long, but the thought of another relationship literally makes me sick to my stomach.  I had to read alot of nasty stuff on his computer to find the truth and the thought of what he could have exposed me to ... all of that ... just makes me sick.      suzbuc

I'm sorry about this terrible experience that you have been through.  I am extremely concerned that it has taken such a toll on you and that you have turned into yourself.  It does take time to get over being betrayed in any way, shape or form.  However, you can NOT let one person have such control over you and your actions. 

  

I urge you to do two things.  First, if you haven't already, see your doctor and be tested for all STD's and have blood work to test for HIV.  I know that it's scary to do that but it's better to know and take care of anything that there may be instead of wondering about something that may not exist. 

Second, I want you to see a good counselor/therapist/psychiatrist.  This is something that you can't deal with on your own.  Seeing a professional who is trained in this can help you work through it.  They won't be judgmental.  I'm sure they've heard stories and helped people with issues worse then this (thought I know to you this is the worst and I can understand that).  

  

You also need to know that this happening wasn't your fault. He obviously had these issues prior to you and knew how to go about hiding them quite well.  Please seek the help that you need to get through this.  You don't know what the future may bring to you.  You may not be alone the rest of your life but right now you need to deal with the present.   

  

I wish you the best. 

Ok, I am not sure which category this goes under but I need some advice on a certain issue I have been having lately, it involves a guy, of course.  You see, we were "seeing" eachother for a while until we had sex.  Then I started feeling that he was just using me.... we had a talk about it, he told me he wasn't and then things were fine then we did it again and now things aren't going anywhere.  I mean, he told me that communication is key in a relationship, I TOTALLY agree with him, BUT, when I ask him what's bothering him he won't tell me, then I find out later what he's feeling or thinking.  One night we were text messaging and we kind of got into an arguement so he said he would prefer if we talked about it in person, so thursday night we went out for coffee and then he asked me, "is there something you wanted to talk about at all?" like, why can't HE talk about what's up with HIM?  Why do I have to be the one to say what's on my mind.  He has told me that he doesn't think I care anymore and that he doesn't know what he wants.  It's like he can't admit that he doesn't want me and I just want to know why?  Like, I did care for him, I did like him but I can't be treated this way, it's not going to work if it keeps up..... so any advice I'd really appreciate it.... thanks..

Have to told him that all your feelings.  Tell him he needs to be honest with you otherwise it won't go anywhere.  Tell him you are into him and want to make it work out but he needs to be open and honest and not be around the bush.  I think you BOTH are having issues with the same problem.  Talk to each other, before you have sex again!  Otherwise, you will end up going no where!

um hi.im only 13 and many of my boyfriends already wanna have sex with me but i say no im going to wait intill im married am i right or wrong for that?

I am 24 years old.  Through my high school life I had more than my fair share of sex partners.  It seems like in the beginning of a relationship that it brings you closer together, but that's not at all the case.  The guy just wants you to think that.  As the old adage goes, "Girls use sex to get love, boys use love to get sex."  Please don't mistake the two.  Sometimes at your age things like that seem to run together and it's hard to distinguish love from the other.  Love doesn't make you feel uncomfortable, and it doesn't hurt or pressure you to do anything you don't want to.  Love should always encourage you to be yourself and it should be supportive.  At this point in your life, I don't think you should be really ready to love any boy, but someday you will.  Trust me on this one, your parents will ALWAYS be there for you.  Now I am seeing what they were talking about when they said, "Someday you will understand."   

  

Did your mom or dad ever tell you the saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"  So true. 

  

As a last thought, if you have ANY feeling of self-worth, all having sex will do to you this early in life is to make you feel shameful about yourself.  Sex is something you just can't take back.  It took a lot of time to get over feeling like an object, like an old tissue, just used and thrown out.  I am just now learning how to be me again and appreciate who I am.  NEVER lose your dignity.   

thank you for replying and no m`am my parents never told me that m`am.all they said is that it is good that i want to wait that long.

 No, keep it that way till your ready , mature and  ready and know about what you need to know to protect  yourself .

Hello, 

I am 32 years old. My housemates bought me an Atlantic Snow from a recent trip to Hong Kong but I don't know quite what to do with it. Can anyone out there help me? Im totally at a loss.