Topic : 12/26 Cheating Disasters

Give him time, he'll probably end up doing the same thing to her that he did to you. At that point you will have moved on to where you'll look at him and wonder what you ever saw in him to begin with.

The fact that it's coming up to the first annivesary to all this is what's got you down. You'll see next year it'll be easier.

I'm a 50 year old woman who's been single all her life, though was in quite a few long term relationships.

One rule I made when I was 19 was never get involved with a married man, never did, never will. Any man who cheats on his wife, will cheat on you.

One day you'll see he did you a big favor by showing you what he really was about. Count your blessings. Better days are coming.

 

Today's show struck a cord with me. 

Two years ago I learned that my husband and my best friend's emotional affair had progressed to a physical level.  After much turmoil and emotional distress we started attending therapy sessions in which my husband agreed to cut her out of his life forever.

A month ago he opened up and admitted to me that he had resumed seeing her.  For over a year he has been taking afternoons off from work and spending time with her and her children. 

He has since shared with me his suspicions that her youngest child is his, the result of their one night stand together.  For me this has been extreamly hard to take. 

For three years I have been trying to get pregnant and have his first child.  That has now been stolen away from me.  I have even lost over 100lbs in an effort to get pregnant and now fear I might not be able to.  I face a future with many fears that I will never be able to give my husband what she has, a child.  I feel that I am less of a woman and that he and she will always have this physical bond as represented in a child.

Because of this innocent child that they both brought into the world (through their stupidity in not using protection) I feel I no longer have the right to refuse his seeing her and his daughter.  He asks me to trust him, but I am not sure I am ready to.  There has been too much deceptiveness for me to do that. 

But as hard as all of this is, I really do love him with all of my heart, and I want to make this work.  I am certain he does to.  Sometimes I just wish he would grow up and start being 100% honest with me instead of hiding things for fear that I will get hurt.

Anyway, I just felt like sharing.  These things aren't the end of the world even when they feel like they are.  We all wish that we would be the only person our significant other will ever love, but the reality is that there are probably many people in the world that they are compatable with.  Life isn't the fairytale we expect.  After prince charming pulls you up on his horse, you realize you actually don't know how to ride and all you can do is hold on for dear life.

Just keep living one day at a time, and try to keep a positive attitude that things will eventually get better.

They deserve each other. You're not washed up and ugly, they are lying cheating lowdown sneaks. Perfect for each other.

Go find someone who is GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!

Peacefulgirl - That's a bad deal you went through too . You know what though , there still remains the "laws of physics" - " what goes up MUST come down " .. I don't mean that in a vengeful sense either .  It's just the facts  . Some believe in karma even ( to me , it's all similar ) - If she cheated with him , she'll do it to him ( eventually ) & likewise . 

 

You're better off - Time makes a big difference in how we later perceive things .  True ?

 

Best wishes to you & for you ..

 

Elaine

To not protect his wife, to "make love" to her without warning her he had been unfaithful - c'mon, men withhold sex when they have a cold! To not want to rip the other woman into shreds, instead to seem to defend her even when put on the spot on national tv. Robert is being passively abusive and driving his wife nuts.

 

You lack of knowledge of the herpes virus is underwhelming.  Get a grip, it's hardly a life sentence. 

I see that most of the postings are women telling of their husband cheating on them. Well, mine is different ... my wife of 27 years cheated on me. I never saw it coming - we had what I thought to be the a wonderful marriage. I could not have been more blind. I found out about her "friend" at work, she refused to discuss anything, moved out (supposedly for 3 months - in fact she never planned on returning), walked out of marriage counseling when the counselor told her she was not working on the marriage, and, refuses to face anything or anyone. After 2-years, I filed for divorce. It was final on 10/25.

 

I have learned SO much from this ... most of what I have learned is about ME. I wasn't the best husband but I was FAR from being the worst. My wife was spoiled rotten. She never heard the word "no" and this was a huge mistake on my part. Did you know that 70 to 75% of divorces are filed by Women - true.

 

I'd give most anything for an hour or two with Dr. Phil to pick his mind about what happened to us and what I need to do to make sure it doesn't happen again.

My ex had multiple affairs online and IRL.  He got into porn, forced me to watch the human-animal sex video he loved, and left it out for our small boys to find.  That was the last straw.  I left him and moved in with a woman.  He threatened to take the kids, and I produced hard copies of his online sex sessions, among other things, and he backed off.  I knew more about computers than he did, and I made sure I used that knowledge to ensure that my kids were kept OUT of it.  I refused to allow a custody battle to start.  After he found out what I had on him, he agreed to keep the kids out of it and things went much more smoothly.  I got a lawyer to work things out so that my ex was pretty much forced to see the kids at least every other weekend.  (I grew up without my father in my life, and I'd be damned if I was going to allow my ex to be the kind of weasle my father was.)  Had I not forced him to see his kids, he would have found excuses to spend all his time with his stripper girlfriend (a drug addict/alcoholic) and none with his children.  I did make it clear that he wasn't to allow porn anywhere near my kids, because if I found out he did, he'd regret it.  I wasn't angry or cruel, just firm in holding to my decisions (for a change).  He finally agreed that the kids had to be kept as secure and settled as possible.

 

Our divorce was final on October 22, 2000.  He died in a car accident on December 7, 2000.  There were no skid marks.  One of his friends insists it was suicide.

 

My youngest son once said that if I hadn't left his daddy he'd still be alive.  I was a wreck for weeks after that.  He was right.

 

So, did I do the right thing?  My kids were in danger of being exposed to porn and an abusive father (he hit our youngest on the side of the head and controlled me tightly, in addition to repeatedly accusing me of cheating on him  - which I never did - and physically restraining me for his own purposes).  What might have happened if I'd stayed with him?  Would he have carried through on the threats he made to me?  Would I have been dead instead of him?  Was my leaving him a selfish act on my part?

 

I don't know the answers to any of those questions.  The fifth anniversary of his death was last December, and I began a long downward emotional spiral that ultimately led to my quitting my job and walking out in tears (with incredibly painful stomach cramps).  I still have no job and my kids are back on Medicaid.  Taking handouts is painful for me, but I don't know what else to do.  So much is going on inside that I can't even begin to get a handle on any of it. 

 

My fear is that I killed him, but what else was I to do to protect my kids??  I had to get them away from him on a day-to-day basis and try to make sure that his weekend time with them was porn-free.  I had to protect my kids.  I always fall back on that line.  Is it an excuse for selfishness?  Was I stupid to try to make sure he stayed in their lives on a limited basis? 

 

I don't know.  I started this post to just sort of put in my two cents' worth and it's ended up being a source of frustration and depression and guilt.  Methinks it's time to go.

 

I feel for all those who've been cheated on....

 

Valoren

Noelle...I watched today's show and you could have been telling my story.  I know what that rage feels like.  What people don't realize is that the emotional trauma and pain is so overwhelming that it comes out in anger.  Fortunately my husband and I have worked thru the pain, trust and issues relating to infidelity thru counselling and a lot of communication.  Hang in there.  As your husband earns his trust back, which may take a long time, your marriage will be stronger.  What really angers and frustrates me is that the "whores" that knowingly and intentionally pursue married men for their own agenda, do not have to pay for the consequences of the pain they cause families.  I wish there was a way to expose these low life whores so that they won't hurt another family...because they will....they have no conscience.  Be strong for your children and for yourself.  One thing I did learn is this.....I won because my husband wanted me back and has done everything in his power to prove it.  I got the impression that your husband is also very remorseful and does want you and not some trashy whore with no integrity, morals or conscience.  So you are the winner.  Best of Luck and I will keep you in my prayers.

Wow , 27 yrs is a very long time .   No telling what kind of mental mode you must have been in during the 2 yrs prior , filing for the divorce .  I'm sure it was shaded and then some .  I too would love an hour or two with Dr. Phil . I don't have a 27 yr history with any one person , however , I do have almost 38 of my 42 yrs , that were problematic/ stressful ,  in some form or fashion . I MUST be a strong woman , even when I think I'm down to nothing . I am still here .

 

Trial & error , some are greater than others , but nevertheless , as long as we're still able to learn "something" from them all , then more to our advantage , eh .  I take notes now ( mental ones ) , but notes .  I'm finally getting " it " .

 

Here's to better days ahead for you :)

 

Elaine -