Topic : 12/26 Cheating Disasters

Do men go through "menopause" too?

I was shocked to hear that my own son after being married and loyal for over thirteen years to his wife, suddenly was staying over in town, saying he was working late and was too tired to drive home at 1-2 am. He never stayed over before and his wife got suspicious. One day she went to his car and picked up his cell phone only to find a message on it from a woman...asking are they going to meet again? My DIL calls me all upset and ask's me "what should I do"?

I told you two years ago to go for marriage counseling because your marriage wasn't working but you dismissed my suggestion.

Then I had a talk with my son, alone, " what's going on , I asked him? His reply...well, I have a wife in name only. She gets angry and spiteful and we haven't been intimate in over a year. HMMMM? Well, son, if you have differences, you sould go for marriage counseling to work things out...well, mom, I'm willing but my wife isn't willing to go for help!" You know how hard I work, my family wants for nothing and my wife doesn't have to work, no she stays home with the children. Beside that she complains the house is too much to take care of, I tell her get a housekeeper. She gets a housekeeper but she's still complaining. then she wants me to take a job where I'm home by 6-7 pm at night. I tell her...well, tthis is all I know how to do and I'm good at what I do and I don't want to change jobs.  I don't know what she does with her time but she loves to shop!

OK....what about this women on your cell phone....is this serious? He laughs..NO. It's an "escort service". It doesn't mean anything, I love my wife! I ask him..how could you love your wife and go out with other women? Well, what would you do, if your wife hasn't been intimate with you for over a year? You could have gone for therapy for yourself. Yes, he replied, I did and no matter how I approcached my wife with going with me she wouldn't. Mom, this is the out come of her negative behavior. NO son, you made the choice to do what you did.

Several weeks gos by, I get a call from my DIL, she's crying ..help me please, I don't know what to do.

That am, went to their house and did an " intervention", telling them they MUST go for therapy as I'm more concerned about the children and how this effecting them. That their first responsibility was to the children, that no matter what, the children will feel the tension between them. They both started crying.. My DIL blamed herself for situation and her spitefullness. I talked to them seperately to find out just what they thought brought on this problem of infidelity.

My son said...I think I'm going thorugh "male menopause" and I feel unlove, unappreciated, so I want a kind word and  went to an escort service. I wouldn't have done that, if I was getting love, understanding and support from my wife.

Then I talked to my DIL....her reply, I want him home with the family. He works too hard and we can live for less, even if I have to go to work. I asked her..how does that make sense, you going to work? She went on to say, we can get a smaller house, he can get a different job, we don't need a lot of money to be happy. Hmmm? How will his getting a meanial job help him? He's a CEO of a company. What kind of work do you think he should do? she replied...well, he loves fishing when he has the time, so, I told him to open a bait store, then he can keep regular hours and be home for the family. I almost laughed at her reply and said...are you willing to live on $ 50,000 a year, that's with both of you working ? Are you willing to give up your son's golf lessons, your daughters music lessons and your designer clothes? She thought for a moment, looked at me and said....I didn't think about that, how the chidren would not be able continue their lessons. Yes, your life would change drasticly, your too naive' and must think this through intelligently...you MUST go for marriage counseling to work out your differences. She waited a fewf minutes and said...if I have to ,I will go for therapy to save my marriage.

This was soooo sad, to see, two grown adults crying like chidren and their pain could be felt.

Before I left them, made them promise ASAP to find a marriage counselor.

They are going for MC. I hope it's not too late!

Some think that cheating is talking to someone, yes it can be!  However if it is all basic and not of a sexual nature taking the two of you further then it is not cheating. Do you know what true friends are?

 I caught my wife of 17 years via the computer and listening in on the many phone calls from men, she has cheated and let me tell you the men can say it is not hurting them, bull!  It Hurts!

What can give you a moment of pleasure can take away everything you have worked hard for in life..  My wife went out one nite and said she was going to walmart, never returned till about 9 the next morning with her sweater on inside out.  Yep really believe she went to walmart don't we!  Two affairs later and she swears she never did anything.  I can't get over it.  along with that she is an alcoholic and will not get help.  Lied to me prior to marriage about that.  Trust is just long gone! 

Ladies it is not that hard to keep a decent man happy, we do not require much, Love us, feed us, let us have our time with the guys and most of all be honest and no nagging.  We found you to be our one and then ask for the hand, we then want to keep the flame going but also have some life with the guys.

It is sad that nowadays you hear a lot of baby-boomers going through separation and/or divorced after so many years of being married.  I am a baby-boomer and was married for 28 years also and I had an affair.  During the marriage, I have learned to cope and live with my ex-'s alcoholism and diabetes.  However, I found myself looking forward to our retirement years and how it was going to be the same - hardly any sexual relationship.  I wish we had heard of Viagra sooner!  It is sad to note that my ex and I became best friends and had closer relationship AFTER the divorce.  When my ex was diagnosed with bladder cancer in 2004 and went for surgery in 2005, I flew to California and literally stayed and took care of him for 2 months.  Unfortunately, he did not bounce back from surgery and passed away exactly 2 months after the surgery. Darn those HMO doctors!  To this date, I still miss my ex and I regret sincerely not uttering the words 'I love you' during my stay with him.

         Robert's gota cool his Jets, there's nothing wrong about telling a Joke, if your talken to one of your boys, but when you tell your wife or significant other, come on have some Class. Robert you need to cool ur Jets you ever think with your head that maybe your Wife doesn't appreciate your B---S--t Humor. You need to Grow Up .

                                                                                                                           Protect

In June of 2004 my husband of only 2 years had what I call an emotional affiar over the internet. We met in 1999 and had a great courtship of 2 years,  our familes get along, no major relationship issues. One of his old hs friends who was upset by us dating constantly tried to interfere. He swore she was just his friend and that he always wanted to be with her in hs but once he met me out of college his life changed - that upset her and she tried to break us up. But he did not speak with her and stopped returning emails, letters etc...so I thought all was well.

Our married life was very stressful. We had our first child in December of 2003 , then in  Jan of 2004  the best man in our wedding died ( my husband's best friend), then 6 months later his father died of stomach/liver cancer and I was attacked by a pit bull while walking our dog. Then after being in the hosiptal I came home, and went to turn on the computer to see a long IM message from my husband to this hs friend...first as I was reading it was flirty and I kept thinking to myself "why would he say things like that"...but then I kept reading and it got very sexual in nature and I could not believe it.  When he got in from work - he already knew I was upset b/c a mutual friend told him so - so he was trying to explain it but could not. He kept saying "it is just something we have done all the time"...I don't know about you, but if I spoke to any of my male friends in a sexual nature on IM and he found out , he would flip out.  For a long time I thought, god what did I do wrong, But i know it is not me.  Then I tought things would get better if we could just go to counseling , but he went 2 times and felt it was a waste of time and that all the therapists gang up on him...so he stopped going. Things improved for a while..then we lost our home b/c our daughter was sick and I had to stop working...and we reloaced into my MIIL's house for a while, which was stressful enough. Then we finally got back on our own in an apartment and we found out we were pregnant again. This time things were so good, I thought finally the stress has died down, we can work on us, etc...oh no. The next day he  gets IM's from this HS girl...I totally freaked on him. He said she contacts him and he does not contact her, but I don't believe it. So we are in our apartment  then his mom annouces that she has stage 4 breast cancer...it was shock. We went through 8 months of hell with her chemo and surgery and my life stopped b/c it was always about my husbands family. I have so much resentment for him because of how things have played out. I know I am partly responsible and I accept that. But the fact that I gave up everything to make our life and family great and he does not acknowledge that, is so bothersome.  And most recently I have asked him for a seperation because I just don't feel anything anymore. Between, the sexual IM's and all the other stress,  I am numb. I am only 30 and I do not want to live the next 10 years in a marrige of convienence.  I am full time mom by day and gave up my career to take care of my kids and work at night as a chasier b/c we can't afford full time care...it is just so hard. Do you stay in your marriage due to finances? The kids? Or to try to work it out? How do you know if there is still hope? I told my husband that he is a great father - I don't doubt that..he always takes care of his kids no matter what.. and we are friends and dont really fight...but I am just not in love with him....he said he wants to work it out and try to get back on track but I don't know if the damage is already done??