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Topic : 12/26 Cheating Disasters

Number of Replies: 372
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Created on : Friday, October 27, 2006, 02:15:59 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/31/06) Cheating can take many forms: secret meetings, romantic text messages and flirtatious e-mails, among others? Dr. Phil’s guests say they need help moving past an infidelity. Noelle says she can’t stop obsessing about her husband, Robert’s, affair. She calls the other woman "a whore" and even beats Robert up in front of their children. Find out what happens when the ex-mistress weighs in. Can Robert and Noelle get closure and get their family back on track? Then, Randy recently found out his wife, Kally, was cheating on him while he was at work. He says Kally went on dates with another man and even brought the kids along! Kally says her husband’s controlling and jealous ways made her cheat. Will Randy and Kally be able to salvage their relationship? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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October 29, 2006, 1:40 pm CST

how does one move on ....

My common law spouse and I have been together for 3+ yrs.... This past winter he began having an emotional affair with an employee.. He never realized the extent of his own involvement until I finally broke down and asked him to stop choosing her over me (((I have a severe medical  back condition))... This employee took it upon herself to come to our HOME and start a confrontation..infront of my son .. where she proceeded to say things to my son (((you're dad doesnt love mom any more the only reason he's here is because of you))) after she finally left I sat down with "him" and realized that he would NEVER come clean about how far it went . But I love him ... so I said "NO MORE" we tried to make things ok between us ... and then this summer I came across leud emails, text msgs, phone calls and PICTURES between him and some "online" friends. When I confronted him he of course denied it all ..... Its been 4mths since the whole thing went down... Im sleeping on the couch ...we're still living together (((nicely))) we dont argue or fight (((especially not with my son home)))
I guess what Im tryin to get here .. is how do I get over this ??? I know how and what I feel .. But how do I get him to acknowledge that even though there was no physical affair it was still an affair .. of the worst kind ... how do we go forward if I cant trust him ?????
Someone help me .... It hurts too much to not be enough .....

~*~Chrystal~*~
 
October 29, 2006, 3:43 pm CST

10/31 Cheating Disasters

Men that cheat don't always tell the "other woman" they're married, either.  My physician never wore a ring, and one day he asked me out.  I was flattered and ended up dating him.  Prior to anything ever happening I asked his marital status to be sure - I didn't need nor want to be involved in that sort of mess.  He lied.  When I discovered he was married I confronted him and told him not to EVER contact me again.  I thought about calling his wife, but I felt like it would be cruel to do that to her.  If he wanted to hurt her, then that was his business - I wanted no part in it.  As many times as he was gone from home, she was bound to know - or maybe she just didn't want to know.  The ironic thing is Dr. Jerk  and I had conversations about fidelity and it's importance.  I wish I never met him.  He not only hurt me deeply, he betrayed his family.
 
October 29, 2006, 3:53 pm CST

10/31 Cheating Disasters

Quote From: debhgn

My daughter recently had a one night stand with a guy  who works with her husband.  They were out at a bar one night, her husband wanted to go home and go to bed, he left her there with his friend and figured she was in good hands.

This is absolutely totally out of character for her to have done this.  Completely opposite of what she believes and stands for.  She lost a baby just a few short weeks prior to this incident and had lost her grandfather just 2 months prior to that.

She told me about it the very next day and I decided that I needed to tell her husband.  Many factors played a part in my deciding to do this, but one was that he has tried to commit suicie on more than once occasion and I felt that he needed to find this out in a "controlled enviorment" so to speak.

They have been separated for 4 weeks now, she is living with me.  For the first couple of weeks he was very upset as expected.  He then started to examine how this could have happened and actually got over it for a few days, long enough for them to take a mini vacation together.

Then suddenly out of the blue he turned into a raging bull.  He has torn their home all to peices, even tried to burn it down.  Holes in the wall, if it was glass it's now broken, and even cutting down some trees that her beloved grandfather had gotten her prior to his death.  He has done several thousand dollars worth of damage to the home.

As for her husband, he is a 30 year old child, she is 25.  He has tried to commit suicide twice, he has a very bad porn addiction, he is controlling and unloving and selfish.

She has lost all self esteem that she had prior to her marriage to him, has a low self image, and has become depressed.  She has lost all respect or desire for him because of his porn addiction.  She says it makes her sick to her stomach.

He has taken this opportunity to unleash terror on her and everyone around.  He now feels he has the total right and actually duty to inflict his rage at anytime on anyone.  In fact when he tried to burn down the house and she threaten to call the police he was outraged to think she would call the police on him since it was her that cheated.

I too am interested in this up coming show and feedback from the members here.  I have a mess on my hands and don't know where to turn.


Wow...so your daughter cheated on her husband who was already emotionally and mentally fragile?

Your daughter CHEATS, she gets in bed with and orgasms with another man, and you have the nerve to call her husband names?

She should have left him, divorced him and got on with her life instead of cheating on him.

The mess is on your daughters hands, not yours. I think you should remove your nose from their business and get on with YOUR life.
 
October 29, 2006, 3:58 pm CST

10/31 Cheating Disasters

Quote From: strowhat

Some think that cheating is talking to someone, yes it can be!  However if it is all basic and not of a sexual nature taking the two of you further then it is not cheating. Do you know what true friends are?

 

 I caught my wife of 17 years via the computer and listening in on the many phone calls from men, she has cheated and let me tell you the men can say it is not hurting them, bull!  It Hurts!

 

What can give you a moment of pleasure can take away everything you have worked hard for in life..  My wife went out one nite and said she was going to walmart, never returned till about 9 the next morning with her sweater on inside out.  Yep really believe she went to walmart don't we!  Two affairs later and she swears she never did anything.  I can't get over it.  along with that she is an alcoholic and will not get help.  Lied to me prior to marriage about that.  Trust is just long gone! 

 

Ladies it is not that hard to keep a decent man happy, we do not require much, Love us, feed us, let us have our time with the guys and most of all be honest and no nagging.  We found you to be our one and then ask for the hand, we then want to keep the flame going but also have some life with the guys.

What?

What does your wife cheating on you have to do with you having "some life with the guys"?

And Love you? Sure. Feed you? Feed yourself! Time with the guys? Sure, a reasonable ammount, if you want to spend all your time with your guy friends, then maybe you shouldn't be married. And nagging? What does that mean?

This is strange.
 
October 29, 2006, 6:39 pm CST

Just a question

 

  What would be considered "cheating?"  There was a man who actively pursued me when he would come in for customer assistance. He listened when I needed someone, and I listened when he needed someone. I am married and he is married. So many times I told my husband that I needed more of hiim - not just the leftovers after he finished with his busy day. I told him I wanted to have a heart-to-heart with him and I told him my needs were being met somewhere else (I was on the way out the door to meet a girlfriend and go bar-hopping). He looked up from the TV show he was watching to say..."have a good night tonight, don't be out too long."  He even had dinner on the table when I would come home at night so I would "have a full belly" when I went out that night. Again, I tried to tell him that we needed to address a few issues,  and he insisted that I was making a big deal over our "perfect marriage" After all, he was happy. He never came out with me even if I asked. He has never touched a drink to his lips, nor does he ever have the desire. So....one night he asked me point blank if I was seeing someone else, and I was flat out honest and said yes. I told him that I wasn't sure I could give this person up -after all, neither one of us wanted to break up our marriages - we just needed someone to listen. He forgave me within a few days, and he has never wanted to talk about it. I have never been sexually involved with another man - I just wanted my needs to be met by HIM. I can't make him "get it." We live in this world of "I'm ok-you're ok...."  I insisted on counseling to try to work through some things.....he was apprehensive. Can't figure him out. We have been married for 11 years now, and I still find that I am persued by men who "want to listen"....but once they discover I will not begin a sexual affair, they split.  So....what do you think?  Am I crazy? My husband insists that *I* have the problem and therefore, he doesn't  need to be couseled.........

In the mean time, I broke my relationship up with this other person, but I find myself in this same position with another person who wants to get to know me.  So, can anyone tell me whether or not this was considered being unfaithful?? It doesn't even matter to him.....any advice??

 
October 29, 2006, 7:00 pm CST

this show could be about me

i can't believe this show title,,

it could be all about me,,

i have a loving husband who loves me very much,,

i have no idea why i have cheated on him sooo many times,, some says its an addiction,, something like drugs,, i look forward to the high,, of it,,

i would really like to get over this,, cause i know if he ever catches me again it would destroy him and us,,

he can't get over the first time he caught me ,, my husband can't get over the fact that i have strayed away from him like i did,,,

Dr Phil can u help me???

 
October 30, 2006, 4:37 am CST

What??

Quote From: rockin1018

i can't believe this show title,,

it could be all about me,,

i have a loving husband who loves me very much,,

i have no idea why i have cheated on him sooo many times,, some says its an addiction,, something like drugs,, i look forward to the high,, of it,,

i would really like to get over this,, cause i know if he ever catches me again it would destroy him and us,,

he can't get over the first time he caught me ,, my husband can't get over the fact that i have strayed away from him like i did,,,

Dr Phil can u help me???

What in the world are you thinking??? You really need some help.. Have you told your husband that you have a problem? Don't think that that's the only way to make him stay. I don't understand how people can cheat on their husbands/wifes and think that everything going to be "ok". It kills them, your family and kids.. Don't put yourself in the situations that makes that happen. If you do it's your fault no one elses.
 
October 30, 2006, 4:42 am CST

NO!!!

Quote From: purplepenny

Wow...so your daughter cheated on her husband who was already emotionally and mentally fragile?

Your daughter CHEATS, she gets in bed with and orgasms with another man, and you have the nerve to call her husband names?

She should have left him, divorced him and got on with her life instead of cheating on him.

The mess is on your daughters hands, not yours. I think you should remove your nose from their business and get on with YOUR life.

You have NO right to put your nose in her relationship. You knew how his behavior was before you told him.. Why would you do that??? Coming from someone whos mother-in-law is ALL in our business, your daughter will hate you for this. She should have been a bigger woman and told him for herself. I don't understand why parents take it upon themselves to get in things that has nothing to do with them. If you were my mother I would have nothing to do with you.

It's not to late get out of it now. I am not saying that you should not help your daughter but do it correctly.

 
October 30, 2006, 5:03 am CST

10/31 Cheating Disasters

Quote From: meadan

 I have been married for 28 year and my husband had 2 emotional affairs and now he is in the middle of a physical affair. We are separated.  Not where I wanted to be at 52 that's for sure. Saw him through school and had children. Raised them primarily myself and now this. What galls me the most is that the "Other women" never seem to give a dam. It's all about them and what they want.  I have always believed that firstly you are a woman and if men are to respect us, we must respect each other and ourselves.  MY husband travelled all of the time and holds a grudge about my past (before I met him) and I believe all of or most of what he has done, he blames me for.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What?  "What galls me the most is that the "Other women" never seem to give a dam. It's all about them and what they want. "

Give your head a shake.  I am responsible only for MY behavior, not another persons.  It is all about them?  What about your husband?  He was walking down the street and found himself in another woman's arms and had nothing to do with it?

The other woman is a symptom and not the problem.  The problem is your marriage, and that there is something wrong with it.  Notice that I did not say there is something wrong with you, just with the marriage.  It takes two people to make a marriage work, and if one checks out and does not want to do the work, then there is nothing the other partner can do about it.

Now before you jump all over me, my ex had an affair.  I took him back, oh woe is me.  Hindsight is great, I should have booted the bum out.  I had two more children with him, and I moved into a battered womens' shelter.  The fabulous thing to come out of that marriage is my three children. 

And I have me back

Presently, I am the other woman. Is it about all about me and what I want?  No, it is not. I have had many conversations with my lover, and now the decision is up to him.  And I do give a damn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
October 30, 2006, 5:50 am CST

Help

My boyfriend of 5 years came to me and told me he had made a mistake and he had cheated on me.  He begged my forgiveness and asked me to give him a chance to prove himself to me.  Since that time he has asked me to marry him (one plus I think) but on the negative, has done nothing but push me away.  He states that I just need to relax and when am I going to get over this.  If I ask him thing like "what did you do today" he says I am questioning him, he tells me I never give him any space and one time when I checked out his story he told me I was snooping and he hates a snoop.  Everything indicates to me that he is cheating again but he say no.  When I started seeing him he was involved with a married woman, he cheated on me with a married woman, and I found out through all of this that he cheated on his ex-wife with a married woman and I was not quite divorced when he started up with me.  Seems to be a pattern but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt (I don't know why).  I do I get past the affair if he will not talk to me and if I get upset and try to discuss how I am feeling with him he shuts me down and says he is tired of the crap.  Shouldn't he be kissing my ass.  How do I move on and also if I shouldn't....How do I say goodbye?

 

Desperate for help.

 
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