Topic : 12/26 Cheating Disasters

Hello,

I have previouly posted about myself and my situation, and I am not saying you are the same person as I, but maybe you should seek help. I am bipolar and just found out due to having an affair. I basically went out and did something that is out of my norm and thought NOTHING of it until later on after I saw how many people I hurt! Feel free to email me jami_0314@yahoo.com, I'd love to help!

He's not your "lover". He's someone else's husband that you are having sex with. And if you truly gave a damn, as you put it, you would at the least stop seeing him until he was divorced.

It amazes me how anyone whose been cheated on could even consider being the "other woman/man". And then justify it while still resenting their ex for cheating! That's so very hypocritical & pathetic. But of course, it's always different because it's them.

I have been married for 4 years, but have been with my husband for 7 years.  I worked in a government facility and I became friends with a married man.  I was unhappy with some things in my marriage that my husband wouldn't fix.  I needed someone to talk to.  Wrong answer!  I shouldn't have made a male friend.  You just don't mix opposite sex when you are married.  I began to become infactuated with the man and I kissed him.  As soon as I did this horrible feeling came over me.  I stopped the infidelity right there.  I never told my husband.  He saw my cell phone bill and he began finding out what was going on.  I continued to lie about everything,and he thought I had actually had a full fledge intimacy with the man.  He thought we had sex!  No way.  That didn't happen.  I am 23 years old, but my husband is almost 40 and he has an ex-wife and two teenage girls.  I've been through alot with all of that too.  Anyways, my husband has never treated me bad.  He is a very honest man and he even cleaned for me the whole time we have been together.  I screwed up.  I should've confronted the man.  My husband cheated on me for his so-called revenge and it hurt very bad.  I actually walked in my home and saw the girl lying naked and asleep in my bed.  The even worse thing was she was 4 years younger than me and that was last year.  I am having a hard time getting through, but it is possible if you really love the person and you give it your all.  Both people have to realize what they have done wrong and admit it.  Then you have to forgive yourself and the other person from your heart.  Once you have accomplished that, then you have to control your thoughts and your mouth.  You will want to last out on the past and things like that, but if you want your relationship to work then you have to let that go because you have already forgiven yourself and the other party.  Once you truly forgive someone or something then you are supposed to bury it and leave it behind.  It' s hard to start over, but it can be accomplished.  I promise.  It will take time, love, patience, control, and always GOD!  I can probably help and give advice to someone who is going through this.  There is more to my story, but it would take 20 full typed pages for me to tell all of the details of what I went through and my husband during and now 1 year later after all the madness.

Keep Strong!

Your wife had her cake and was eating it too for 7 long years.  She obviously doesn't respect you and never has, and I think you realize that.  That is why you can't get over it.  I went through something similar but the affair wasn't for that long.  One thing I did realize is if you can't find a way to get that trust back, then there really is no hope.  I tried to make it work and we nearly ended up putting each other in a mental institution.  

I can't tell by your letter if you have children together but if you do, please don't "stay together for the kids".  You are  doing them no favors.  Children are very perceptive and they know what's going on whether you think they do or not.

Since you want to work it out, I suggest staying in therapy and dealing with the mistruths and how to get past them.  You might want to also find some self-help classes for your self-esteem.  If you manage to boost that, you might be able to deal with the lies or leave much easier.

Good Luck!

I am 23 years old.  My husband is also 16 years older than I am.  He will be 40 in January.  I know what you mean by being set in their ways.  He is very much that.  He is not mean.  But we disagree on things everyday because he has been through this world alot more than I have, especially by him being in the military.  I made a male friend and it led to a kiss.  After the kiss, I made everything stop.  I didn't have a physical affair with sex, but with a kiss.  I did have an emotion affair, because my husband has an ex-wife of 11 years and he also had two teenage daughters, they are ages 12 and 15.  I've been through alot of crap with the ex-wife.  You probably know where I am coming from.  My story is long, but I will make it short.  If you would like to talk to me then I will tell you more in detail and try to help you.  It would take me 20 pages to tell all the details.   Which do help because you can compare. I lied to my husband and he found my cell bill.  He had a physical affair on me two months after he had found out for revenge.  I never knew.  He told me almost a year later.  He wanted me to know because he wanted to show me how it felt.  The night he told me I left and took our 3 year old son with me to my parents house.  I lived with them for a month.  The thing was that  my husband told me he cheated but he said it was a one time thing.  So, while I was living with my parents, I went to my home and found out different.  There is alot to that there.  I won't discuss it unless you ask me to.  It would take me about 30 lines just for details and that doesn't even include how I feel and how he justified it.  And the big blow up with the mistress who was 4 years younger than me and worked at Hooters!  Anyways, I lied to him about the little i did for over a year.  I told him the whole truth when I lived at my parents.  He wanted a divorce because he didn't think we could make it through because I used to verbally abuse him and he went through a pow wow with his ex-wife.  He was really wanting it to work because he was getting older and had been through hell for the past 11 years with hs ex-wife.  He didn't want to die old and lonely.  He knew he had to do something.  he didn't want to live miserably for the rest of his life, just so that he could be married.  Anyways, we got back together.  We moved from TN to KY because of the military and it has been alot better.  It has been hard, but better by moving away from the turmoil and the parties involved including his ex-wife., but bad for his two girls.  They are special to me and I do love them.  Well, you can ask me questions if you like.   I have tons more to say but i would be typing all day long.  Good Luck!  Hang on if you really want it to work.  don't do it just for the kids.  Kids will heal but it takes time and love from both parents.  Forgive but you never forget.  you only forgive someone if you mean it 100% from your heart.  Once you forgive someone you are supposed to let it all go and that is after you have discussed and got everything out in the open that needs to be in order for your life to go on smoothly after that.

a lot of affairs start out as just friends .. if he really had loved his wife and was committed to her  this wouldn't of happened..men and women can actually be just friends!   he was probably tired of getting beat up by this  bipolar crazy woman, he needs to leave and get help for his kids, too before she hurts them and leave the other woman alone who he dragged into the whole drama scene;  leave .... before you get hit with the rolling pin again.