Topic : 12/26 Cheating Disasters

My boyfriend of 5 years came to me and told me he had made a mistake and he had cheated on me.  He begged my forgiveness and asked me to give him a chance to prove himself to me.  Since that time he has asked me to marry him (one plus I think) but on the negative, has done nothing but push me away.  He states that I just need to relax and when am I going to get over this.  If I ask him thing like "what did you do today" he says I am questioning him, he tells me I never give him any space and one time when I checked out his story he told me I was snooping and he hates a snoop.  Everything indicates to me that he is cheating again but he say no.  When I started seeing him he was involved with a married woman, he cheated on me with a married woman, and I found out through all of this that he cheated on his ex-wife with a married woman and I was not quite divorced when he started up with me.  Seems to be a pattern but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt (I don't know why).  I do I get past the affair if he will not talk to me and if I get upset and try to discuss how I am feeling with him he shuts me down and says he is tired of the crap.  Shouldn't he be kissing my ass.  How do I move on and also if I shouldn't....How do I say goodbye?

Desperate for help.

I feel terrible for you. I went through the same thing 2 years ago. My husband cheated on me our first year of marriage, while I was pregnant. He lied about it the whole affair and then for a whole year after the affair ended. It drove me CRAZY...I seriously felt like I was losing my mind. I knew something happened but he was such a good liar, he actually turned it around, making me think I was the crazy, jealous person who needed to get a grip. Finally I found out about the affair, as soon as I knew it to be true I couldn't get enough information...I wanted every detail and I drove myself crazy all over again. A year after the affair happened, finding out, was like living it all over again. If you know he cheated on you, there are always going to be things you will not know. We love the men in our lives so much sometimes we are able to believe anything. "What is done in darkness will one day be shouted on the rooftops". All of his ways will be found out...don't drive yourself mad trying to find out every detail, it makes it worse on you. Remember every detail you know is one more detail you have to forget and forgive. I stayed with my husband and we are doing much better. What helped us the most was his attitude to be open and my attitude to let it go. I had to quit trying and just start enjoying and having fun with my husband. I also had to accept that it was NOT ME, it was not my fault. No matter what I did or didn't do or how pretty I was...nothing would have stopped it. He had a problem...GOOD LUCK, I really feel for you and will pray for you. =)

Do men go through "menopause" too?

I was shocked to hear that my own son after being married and loyal for over thirteen years to his wife, suddenly was staying over in town, saying he was working late and was too tired to drive home at 1-2 am. He never stayed over before and his wife got suspicious. One day she went to his car and picked up his cell phone only to find a message on it from a woman...asking are they going to meet again? My DIL calls me all upset and ask's me "what should I do"?

I told you two years ago to go for marriage counseling because your marriage wasn't working but you dismissed my suggestion.

Then I had a talk with my son, alone, " what's going on , I asked him? His reply...well, I have a wife in name only. She gets angry and spiteful and we haven't been intimate in over a year. HMMMM? Well, son, if you have differences, you sould go for marriage counseling to work things out...well, mom, I'm willing but my wife isn't willing to go for help!" You know how hard I work, my family wants for nothing and my wife doesn't have to work, no she stays home with the children. Beside that she complains the house is too much to take care of, I tell her get a housekeeper. She gets a housekeeper but she's still complaining. then she wants me to take a job where I'm home by 6-7 pm at night. I tell her...well, tthis is all I know how to do and I'm good at what I do and I don't want to change jobs.  I don't know what she does with her time but she loves to shop!

OK....what about this women on your cell phone....is this serious? He laughs..NO. It's an "escort service". It doesn't mean anything, I love my wife! I ask him..how could you love your wife and go out with other women? Well, what would you do, if your wife hasn't been intimate with you for over a year? You could have gone for therapy for yourself. Yes, he replied, I did and no matter how I approcached my wife with going with me she wouldn't. Mom, this is the out come of her negative behavior. NO son, you made the choice to do what you did.

Several weeks gos by, I get a call from my DIL, she's crying ..help me please, I don't know what to do.

That am, went to their house and did an " intervention", telling them they MUST go for therapy as I'm more concerned about the children and how this effecting them. That their first responsibility was to the children, that no matter what, the children will feel the tension between them. They both started crying.. My DIL blamed herself for situation and her spitefullness. I talked to them seperately to find out just what they thought brought on this problem of infidelity.

My son said...I think I'm going thorugh "male menopause" and I feel unlove, unappreciated, so I want a kind word and  went to an escort service. I wouldn't have done that, if I was getting love, understanding and support from my wife.

Then I talked to my DIL....her reply, I want him home with the family. He works too hard and we can live for less, even if I have to go to work. I asked her..how does that make sense, you going to work? She went on to say, we can get a smaller house, he can get a different job, we don't need a lot of money to be happy. Hmmm? How will his getting a meanial job help him? He's a CEO of a company. What kind of work do you think he should do? she replied...well, he loves fishing when he has the time, so, I told him to open a bait store, then he can keep regular hours and be home for the family. I almost laughed at her reply and said...are you willing to live on $ 50,000 a year, that's with both of you working ? Are you willing to give up your son's golf lessons, your daughters music lessons and your designer clothes? She thought for a moment, looked at me and said....I didn't think about that, how the chidren would not be able continue their lessons. Yes, your life would change drasticly, your too naive' and must think this through intelligently...you MUST go for marriage counseling to work out your differences. She waited a fewf minutes and said...if I have to ,I will go for therapy to save my marriage.

This was soooo sad, to see, two grown adults crying like chidren and their pain could be felt.

Before I left them, made them promise ASAP to find a marriage counselor.

They are going for MC. I hope it's not too late!