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Topic : 12/26 Cheating Disasters

Number of Replies: 372
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Created on : Friday, October 27, 2006, 02:15:59 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/31/06) Cheating can take many forms: secret meetings, romantic text messages and flirtatious e-mails, among others? Dr. Phil’s guests say they need help moving past an infidelity. Noelle says she can’t stop obsessing about her husband, Robert’s, affair. She calls the other woman "a whore" and even beats Robert up in front of their children. Find out what happens when the ex-mistress weighs in. Can Robert and Noelle get closure and get their family back on track? Then, Randy recently found out his wife, Kally, was cheating on him while he was at work. He says Kally went on dates with another man and even brought the kids along! Kally says her husband’s controlling and jealous ways made her cheat. Will Randy and Kally be able to salvage their relationship? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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October 28, 2006, 2:17 pm CDT

Can't Wait!

I can't wait to see this show.......was thru the EXACT thing starting in 2000 - still married - but, it's HARD. I always wanted Dr Phil's take on this particular situation.
 
October 28, 2006, 3:56 pm CDT

Me Too

 I have been married for 28 year and my husband had 2 emotional affairs and now he is in the middle of a physical affair. We are separated.  Not where I wanted to be at 52 that's for sure. Saw him through school and had children. Raised them primarily myself and now this. What galls me the most is that the "Other women" never seem to give a dam. It's all about them and what they want.  I have always believed that firstly you are a woman and if men are to respect us, we must respect each other and ourselves.  MY husband travelled all of the time and holds a grudge about my past (before I met him) and I believe all of or most of what he has done, he blames me for.
 
October 28, 2006, 6:41 pm CDT

Anxious To See What Dr. Phil Has To Say, I Am In The Middle of A Divorce For Doing The Same Thing

I am currently in the middle of a divorce and am very confused on where my life stands. I am a 26-year-old mother of two (ages 5 & 3). I previously married my High School sweetheart and after a son & 1 1/2 years of marriage I filed for a divorce. He was extremely abusive and an alcoholic. It was very easy for me to walk away from that marriage and have no regrets. I married my husband within a year of my divorce. We have been married for almost 4 years now and have a daughter together. He also was married prior for 13 years and has two teenagers from his ex. Let me also add that my husband is 16 years older than I. He is pretty set in his ways and there is NO room for change with him. He has basically said from the start of our marriage that "if I didn't like it, there's the door." About a year and a half into our marriage I had heard that phrase one too many times and left. I moved into my parent's house and within a few weeks had started dating someone else. I ended up coming back home after a month or two and trying to start fresh, Tony doesn't hold this over my head so much since he had repeatedly told me to go. It was basically same old same old arguments and I left again. I went to my parent's again, but within a couple weeks was back home thinking I was going to work it out with my husband. Within a week of being home and trying to make things ok, I left, moved in with another man (friend of a friends) which in turn became an affair. MY husband filed for a divorce during that time, but started raking me over the coals about our daughter & custody. He basically begged me to come home and I agreed, as I wanted too also. It has been over 2 years and I live this every day of my life. I should add that I take medicine daily for bipolar disorder, which wasn't found until I had the affair. My husband was the one who pointed out the problem and who I though understood it as he researched a lot about it. After signing off on our first filing for a divorce, he filed again in April of 2006. We are still living together, etc. but I am the most depressed person ever! He knows how I am feeling and basically has told me it's a straight convenience marriage. I do love my husband and for the last 6 months have been busting my butt to show him. I have told him twice now that I would leave and he tells me just enough to keep me during that time. His ex also had and affair as well as a prior serious ex girlfriend and his Mother who has since passed away. My husband's Sister also just had an affair and is in the process of a divorce. My husband has told me that I am getting it 10 fold from all of the other affairs that he has suffered through and never dealt with. I would love for us to try to make this work, but he just tells me give it time and it MAY work, but no promises. I almost feel like I owe him time, yet feel I cannot pay for my mistakes forever. I know I will probably get bashed by many of you and I understand that, but I would love outsider’s opinions on this.

 

Deeply Depressed in Indiana

 
October 28, 2006, 8:51 pm CDT

My daughter cheated, I told her husband

My daughter recently had a one night stand with a guy  who works with her husband.  They were out at a bar one night, her husband wanted to go home and go to bed, he left her there with his friend and figured she was in good hands.

This is absolutely totally out of character for her to have done this.  Completely opposite of what she believes and stands for.  She lost a baby just a few short weeks prior to this incident and had lost her grandfather just 2 months prior to that.

She told me about it the very next day and I decided that I needed to tell her husband.  Many factors played a part in my deciding to do this, but one was that he has tried to commit suicie on more than once occasion and I felt that he needed to find this out in a "controlled enviorment" so to speak.

They have been separated for 4 weeks now, she is living with me.  For the first couple of weeks he was very upset as expected.  He then started to examine how this could have happened and actually got over it for a few days, long enough for them to take a mini vacation together.

Then suddenly out of the blue he turned into a raging bull.  He has torn their home all to peices, even tried to burn it down.  Holes in the wall, if it was glass it's now broken, and even cutting down some trees that her beloved grandfather had gotten her prior to his death.  He has done several thousand dollars worth of damage to the home.

As for her husband, he is a 30 year old child, she is 25.  He has tried to commit suicide twice, he has a very bad porn addiction, he is controlling and unloving and selfish.

She has lost all self esteem that she had prior to her marriage to him, has a low self image, and has become depressed.  She has lost all respect or desire for him because of his porn addiction.  She says it makes her sick to her stomach.

He has taken this opportunity to unleash terror on her and everyone around.  He now feels he has the total right and actually duty to inflict his rage at anytime on anyone.  In fact when he tried to burn down the house and she threaten to call the police he was outraged to think she would call the police on him since it was her that cheated.

I too am interested in this up coming show and feedback from the members here.  I have a mess on my hands and don't know where to turn.


 
October 28, 2006, 10:03 pm CDT

would,nt play the game

Quote From: meadan

 I have been married for 28 year and my husband had 2 emotional affairs and now he is in the middle of a physical affair. We are separated.  Not where I wanted to be at 52 that's for sure. Saw him through school and had children. Raised them primarily myself and now this. What galls me the most is that the "Other women" never seem to give a dam. It's all about them and what they want.  I have always believed that firstly you are a woman and if men are to respect us, we must respect each other and ourselves.  MY husband travelled all of the time and holds a grudge about my past (before I met him) and I believe all of or most of what he has done, he blames me for.

 

 Been there done that, and i would,nt do it again. In my last long term relationship, the woman ( i would,nt give her the satisfaction of calling her a lady) had what i,d call commitment problems. Not only did they manifest themselves in the relationship, but also throughout her life. Being in a job she did,nt like for years, never letting go of past relationships, and always hedging her bets with other possibilities whilst paying lip service to commitment. personally i feel people who do this, generally have low self esteem and can be very manipulative, always looking for some one somewhere to pander to their needs. She suffered from depression too and years of counselling made not a blind bit of difference. Her parents did much the same behavioural stuff as well , so perhaps a case of monkey see monkey do, When i finnally got fed up with it, and met someone else, she came crying and begging for me to stay and make it work with endless promises, and i love you letters, and please , please give me this chance phone calls. Which, stupidly i did for a while. Only to discover that at the same time she had joined a dating agency in secret, and had caught up with an ex boyfriend whilst on holiday. Sure she did,nt tell lies when she was found out, but thats not the point is it.  Just one of those people that get through life by their "looks", with little else to offer.

Would i ever go back, and would i do the same again in similar circumstances. NO way, i,d tell them whoever it was to hit the road. leopards, dont change their spots in my opinion, so look for past patterns is what i leaned from that. Once a cheat always a cheat. Lack of commitment i think also seems to have spin offs in other areas of these peoples lives as well. NO second chance is where i,d stand. The one lesson i did learn from it, was what did it say about me to be in a relationship with that sort of person in the first place, Always an interesting question to ask.

 
October 28, 2006, 10:44 pm CDT

Been their before

My husband had an affair 20 years ago. I had confronted him when it was going on and he denied it. Then when the women he was having the affair with got  Aids he told me. I stayed with him thinking that he made a mistake and we had 20 years invested in our marriage and didn't want to throw it away. Eventhough he had told my 18 year old daughter (at the time that he was having this affair and I was depressed as well as not getting along with him,) that I was sick and she should talk to me.

Well history repeats itself, and eventhough he is not having a sexual affair, he had or has a female friend that they are very close. I asked him to give up the friendship 2x, it came down to he left , didn't say anything to his children no good byes just left.,sending me and them an email while I was at  my daughters house .  He moved to another state, set himself up in a senior trailer park in May.

I got sick in Nov. that same year and he drove 17 hours back to be with me.

We decided to try and make it work. I was honest and upfront with him telling him that this female friend could not be in the picture and he would have to end the friendship. He agreed.

That was in December on my birhday, now I find out that he had let her stay at his place in Jan and Feb. He told me that she was down their , however he neglected to tell me it was after he said he would not contact her and he wanted to work things out between us.

We are married 41 years. He still thinks I'm sick and should see a dr. ha ha ha

I'm back at my daughters, and his(female) friend called me Looney Tunes. I just told him I agree with her, I got to be sick to think that he loves me like he says.

Bottom line is I think I should have left the first time. Now that we are married 41 years I see it as there is nothing there. A marriage take two, who need trust, loyalty, compassion, understanding. Love can take you so far, but with out the basic building blocks, it can't hold. 

 

 
October 29, 2006, 12:11 am CDT

Cheating Disasters

Quote From: justlildz

I can't wait to see this show.......was thru the EXACT thing starting in 2000 - still married - but, it's HARD. I always wanted Dr Phil's take on this particular situation.

 "Cheating" to me is just as bad as someone getting up in your face and verbally abusing you!  How can you mend a Broken Heart when someone breaks your Trust, and your Spirit too?  I too went through a similar situation years ago when I was married.  My daughter was only 5 years old at the time and I finally filed for a Divorice because I got tired of her hearing her Father and I argue, and of course his other women to!  Plus, children are very smart and they can usually pick up on things (even though we think they are too young to notice), it really does affect them!  When we become Mothers I think we pretty much take an oath to provide a good Life, good Home and hopefully a Healthy Environment for them to grow up in.  So, I think a child watching Violence and hearing their parents fight is not Healthy!  However, I do know that sometimes we can't leave for Financial reasons - there should be more options made available to Women who do want to leave - Like, a Loan they can take out to at least give them money to leave and get on their feet until they can get a job and get control of their Life!  That is why so many women stay with a "Cheater" or even in Domestic Violent relationships too!  I was sick and had no money or no place to go, so I stayed in a very Violent relationship for years!  Thank God we now have Dr. Phil and his wonderful Wife that will listen and help up!

 
October 29, 2006, 2:39 am CST

Cheaters booooo

cheating is some think very painful. people that cheat is either sick or they don't love there spouses. nothing will help! this message for Noelle, you should call your husband "whore" and not the other women. it's not her fault it him. if he loved you he would not see the other women, but I don't think he does, sorry you should let him go it will be better for you, the kids and for him because your family will never be back on track!
 
October 29, 2006, 3:37 am CST

Marital Affairs

Quote From: meadan

 I have been married for 28 year and my husband had 2 emotional affairs and now he is in the middle of a physical affair. We are separated.  Not where I wanted to be at 52 that's for sure. Saw him through school and had children. Raised them primarily myself and now this. What galls me the most is that the "Other women" never seem to give a dam. It's all about them and what they want.  I have always believed that firstly you are a woman and if men are to respect us, we must respect each other and ourselves.  MY husband travelled all of the time and holds a grudge about my past (before I met him) and I believe all of or most of what he has done, he blames me for.
Hi Meadan,  This is Shanelle in Australia.  I understand how u feel.  I have been married twice and both my husbands had affairs.  I am 47 years old and I know what it feels like to have supported a man and raised his children during the best years of my life and the thanks that a genuine woman gets is their man cheating.  Please don't let your husband blame u because, as Dr Phil says, it's got nothing to do with you.  The 'other women' don't get a dam, you are correct.  But maybe u should heed Dr Phil's advice to other women who have been down the same road, and tell your husband "not to let the door hit him on the butt on the way out."  I left my husband six years ago when I had enough of him spending hundreds of dollars (buying her designer label clothes) on his younger girlfriend, taking her on lovely trips ('business trips', he called them) and gambling.  Meanwhile, my sons and I had to live on $200 a fortnight (yes, a fortnight!) and he had quite a well-paying job.  I'm not saying its easy being single again, its hard and my sons miss their father very much, but I felt that I had to have some respect for myself and teach my boys that their father's treatment of me is not the right way to treat women.  Hope I have helped u some, take care - you are valuable to yourself and your children.  Your children love you, I'm sure and if you aren't happy, they won't be. 
 
October 29, 2006, 3:41 am CST

Cheating disasters

Quote From: justlildz

I can't wait to see this show.......was thru the EXACT thing starting in 2000 - still married - but, it's HARD. I always wanted Dr Phil's take on this particular situation.
Hello!  this is Shanelle from Australia. I'm sorry to hear about your bad luck with cheating.  I have been through two marriages to cheating husbands, and I know how it feels to be hurt like this.  I really admire u for staying - I couldn't do it because it hurt too much and my husbands were not willing to change their ways.  I have been on my own for six years now and its not easy.  My boys miss their Dad, and there are all sorts of challenges for me out in the world.  But, at least I don't have the added misery of a cheating husband.  Take care and best regards!
 
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