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October 30, 2006, 6:49 pm PST
10/31 Cheating Disasters
Quote From: juliebeth
What would be considered "cheating?" There was a man who actively pursued me when he would come in for customer assistance. He listened when I needed someone, and I listened when he needed someone. I am married and he is married. So many times I told my husband that I needed more of hiim - not just the leftovers after he finished with his busy day. I told him I wanted to have a heart-to-heart with him and I told him my needs were being met somewhere else (I was on the way out the door to meet a girlfriend and go bar-hopping). He looked up from the TV show he was watching to say..."have a good night tonight, don't be out too long." He even had dinner on the table when I would come home at night so I would "have a full belly" when I went out that night. Again, I tried to tell him that we needed to address a few issues, and he insisted that I was making a big deal over our "perfect marriage" After all, he was happy. He never came out with me even if I asked. He has never touched a drink to his lips, nor does he ever have the desire. So....one night he asked me point blank if I was seeing someone else, and I was flat out honest and said yes. I told him that I wasn't sure I could give this person up -after all, neither one of us wanted to break up our marriages - we just needed someone to listen. He forgave me within a few days, and he has never wanted to talk about it. I have never been sexually involved with another man - I just wanted my needs to be met by HIM. I can't make him "get it." We live in this world of "I'm ok-you're ok...." I insisted on counseling to try to work through some things.....he was apprehensive. Can't figure him out. We have been married for 11 years now, and I still find that I am persued by men who "want to listen"....but once they discover I will not begin a sexual affair, they split. So....what do you think? Am I crazy? My husband insists that *I* have the problem and therefore, he doesn't need to be couseled.........
In the mean time, I broke my relationship up with this other person, but I find myself in this same position with another person who wants to get to know me. So, can anyone tell me whether or not this was considered being unfaithful?? It doesn't even matter to him.....any advice?? Yup, I think the situation you described falls squarely into the category of cheating.
I know you said you never became physically involved with the other man
(men?), but like a lot of the posters on this board have said, you were
having an emotional affair, and it sounds like you are again.
Please understand, I am not berating you; I am simply answering your
question ("What would be considered 'cheating?'"). Now on to the part
where I sympathize; it sounds like you are very lonely and
***desperate*** for emotional connection to your husband, and the dude
sounds thick, though you portray him as decent and well-meaning. He
doesn't perceive at all your yearning for him.
It's very disturbing that, even despite what I would think would be a
devastating newflash to him, he still doesn't want to participate
in couples therapy with you. C'mon, dude, get a clue!
If you haven't already, see the counselor yourself, though ideally you
want your husband there, too. It's something, and the therapist can
help you get to the bottom of your issues and concerns. I know it
doesn't sound fair, but it's better than continuing what you're doing,
right? Perhaps this therapist can advise you on how to persuade your
husband to come along, or, in the most extreme case, how to leave him.
And, of COURSE those other men take off when they learn you won't "put
out." To all the ladies: if men know you are married, yet still pursue
you, what does that say about their characters? Nothing good, don't you
think?
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(Original Air Date: 10/31/06) Cheating can take many forms: secret meetings, romantic text messages and flirtatious e-mails, among others? Dr. Phil’s guests say they need help moving past an infidelity. Noelle says she can’t stop obsessing about her husband, Robert’s, affair. She calls the other woman "a whore" and even beats Robert up in front of their children. Find out what happens when the ex-mistress weighs in. Can Robert and Noelle get closure and get their family back on track? Then, Randy recently found out his wife, Kally, was cheating on him while he was at work. He says Kally went on dates with another man and even brought the kids along! Kally says her husband’s controlling and jealous ways made her cheat. Will Randy and Kally be able to salvage their relationship? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
