Topic : 03/13 Gorgeous Isn’t Enough

There are relationships that are so destructive that the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  Some of my favorite books which provide a great introduction and insight into the subject of repeated infidelity and personality types most likely to cheat repeatedly are:   

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery From Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland  

The decision to leave another person is never easy.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so that you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can eventually learn to live a joyful, peaceful and fulfilling life. 

Hope it helps! 

How SAD and unfortunate that people in 2007 STILL believe physical looks is what is important and what keeps (or should keep) a marriage together.

People are either the kind of people who think cheating is acceptable or who would not cheat under any circumstance. I have been married 18 years to a super guy. In that time, I have gained 110 lbs. There has been no change in our great relationship...I still am desired by him, still loved, still supported and still called "beautiful" often.

All our friends are on first-time marriages, are happy and have been married for over 16 years. This speaks volumes about the quality of the people...what they value (God, committment, providing a stable home to children, etc).

The first 3 years of our marriage was typical...a tough adjustment when two people (I was always very independent) have to compromise and get used to eachother. There was a time then when I was sad & unhappy...and a male friend of mine was very interested. I had plenty of opportunity to cheat, but I couldn't cross that line. I had enough respect for myself and my husband NOT to cross that line. I had decided that I would be honest and share my feelings about the situation (and for this other man) so we could work on our marriage. We did just that...and our marriage has been GREAT since year 4!!! 

Looks has LITTLE to do with LIFE. Our looks may affect our self-esteem, but that's our choice. I live a great life with lots of friends and lots of volunteer work, time with my husband and kids, a great Catholic parish and super family members and in-laws! NOTHING BEATS having a great marriage with happy children!!!

If you care about the PHYSICAL and use it as an excuse to cheat on someone you are supposed to love, YOU ARE A LOSER (sorry, there's no way around it!).

Sadly many people use lookism as a reason to cheat.  The old "My wife is not physically attractive anymore so I'll find someone who is" mantra means either you weren't in love with your wife to begin with, or that it's an excuse to have your cake and eat it too.  You have to ask yourself, if my spouse gains a bunch of weight, or gets wrinkles, or horribly disfigured in an accident, would I still be in love with them?  If you say "yes" then youre in love with that person.

In 2007, people still judge you on your appearance.  Tall men/attractive women supposedly make more money.  It's almost a golden ticket to everything you want.  Attractive people are treated differently by the opposite sex- I've been offered free meals and gifts from men, but refused because of strings attached (accepting them would be stringing them along to get more out of them (basically using each other) and I don't want to be that kind of woman).  If you bring that into a marriage, what does that teach your children?