Message Boards
Topic : 11/03 Shocking Accusations
Don't miss the first of a multi-part event so riveting, Dr. Phil needed three days to tell the whole story. Bonii, a desperate grandmother, sent Dr. Phil a video showing how her 3-year-old granddaughter, Kaylee, hysterically reacts when she returns from visits with her father, Jeremy. Bonii and her daughter Krista, Kaylee's mom, are accusing Jeremy of molesting Kaylee for the last year. Jeremy maintains his innocence, and says that Bonii and Krista are coaching Kaylee to say bad things about him. Both sides bring a video to prove their point. What does Dr. Phil think of the parents' actions? In a dramatic move, he calls a time-out during the middle of the show to have one-on-one conversations with each parent. Are Jeremy and Krista being honest with Dr. Phil? They agree to be put to the test. Dr. Phil vows to find out the truth, and make sure Kaylee has a safe home. Join the discussion and tell us what you think.Find out what happened on the show.
More November 2006 Show Boards.
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November 3, 2006, 7:26 am PST
 On october 17th while in threapy session my son screamed out you don't know but my Daddy sexually hurt me when I was little. He discribed what he had done to him and how he had been having reacuring night mares that he was sleeping in a dark room and someone is pulling his pants off ,then the light flicks on and it's his Daddy. Why wasn't I surprised ?You see I found out after our divorice that his Dad was sexually abused by his own family member at a very young age.Since he was 5 years old I have had many problems with my son. He has been in therapy for 6 yrs. I really began to feel like I was beating my head agaisnt the wall, because it seemed as if this therapy stuff was just a money making thing because we were getting no results for his behavior.He was so full of anger and confused about who he could trust. He has slept in my bed for ever.I tried everthing to get him to sleep in his own bed.He like to build tents to sleep under all the time,so I took an old tent and used the rods to bow over his bed and made him a tent this seemed to help.But he still climbs in my bed about 4 times a week before morning.Now that I know what happened to him I better understand he's behavior.I blamed myself for most of it because I felt like I had spoiled him.I guess the real mesage I want to relay here is to listen to your kids And watch thier behavior if thier personality changes suddenly ask questions . My son started having flash backs 1 year prior to telling me .I only wish he'd told me when they first began,but now that I know I can begin to help him heal thur therapy and lots of prayer, getting him involed in Boy scouts ,bowling, Martial Arts has been a big help . We don't want to bury the problem but getting him involed with boys and men he will eventually learn to trust other male figures in his life.Child protective services was advised and they pretty much said they weren't going to do anything because his Dad is in another state and they didn't feel he was a threat to cody any more..Da!!! what about the other kids he may come in contact with if he'll do it to his own flesh and blood he'd do to someone elses. They pretty much told me that I would have to go to the States attorneys office and file charges myself and it would be up to them if it was worth prceeding or not . |
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November 3, 2006, 7:28 am PST
dianed4610, my prayers are with you and your famliy. Your son-in-law should be hung by his you know whats. I sorry the system has failed you. God bless |
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November 3, 2006, 7:36 am PST
I am so disappointed in Dr. Phil. Today he backed up CPSand said that he has never heard of CPS not doing their job. I was a preschool teacher and had a student who was three years old and told me in detail what his DADDY did to him. I by law had to call CPS they told me and I quote, " Thank you for reporting this we will document this." I asked if there would be an investigation and they said , " there has to be more reports for us to do anything." I beleive that if there is a reprot they need to look into it. I know that not every claim is true but the ones that are could be getting through the system becasue they dont want to be wrong. We need to over do it rather than under do it. |
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November 3, 2006, 7:36 am PST
Dr. Phil....While there are many Children's Services Agencies and counselors that handle child sexual abuse issues with professionalism and knowledge, I can assure you that there are those who respond in exactly the way that this mom indicated. I am a Master's Degreed Social Worker (with 15 years of Social work experience) who worked in Children's Services for 5 years and ran the Sexual Abuse program in that agency for almost 3 years. I continued to work with Child Sexual Abuse in a county counseling agency for an add'l 2 years. My husband worked in Children's Services for over 5 years and was a supervisor over a specialized court program with the a focus of reducing court intervention and he worked with many families where sexual abuse occurred. He worked closely with and received training from Jay Haley during that time. My husband and I have a blended family and have now been together for 12 years. Sadly, our youngest child (he is now 9) reported being sexually molested at the age of 4 by my husband's oldest son from his previous marriage who at the time was 15. We utilized all of our social work knowledge to do everything we could to protect our 4 year old son and to try to initiate what would be necessary to get our oldest child the help that he would need and to find out if anything had happened to him. We reported the abuse to the local Children's Services and immediately initiated counseling services. The response we got from the local children's services agency was that our youngest son was too young to take seriously. In and interview with a counselor, he was very graphic about what had happened to him and this counselor called the sexual activity between our 4 year old and our 15 year old "normal sexual play". Needless to say, we were stunned by the reaction of the professionals that we were turning to for help. I would have never guessed that we would have gotten the reaction from the helping agencies that we did, but that's exactly what we got. We were lucky that we had the knowledge base that we did because it allowed us to take matters into our own hands and initiate those services that we felt would be of help to our sons. However, because the local Children's Services agency did not get involved, our oldest son ended up leaving our home and not getting the help we felt he so desperately needed. Please don't be so quick to dismiss the possibility that there are some Children's Services agencies that poorly handle sexual abuse reports and dismiss allegations without completing a thorough investigation of the situation. |
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November 3, 2006, 7:37 am PST
Dr. Phil
Can't you see this Dad is a liar!!!! He lied on your show. Jeremy first said he went to look for a diaper and then changed his story to he asked Krista where the diapers were and she said in a trash bag.
This child is SCREAMING not to go with her Dad. That is a NUMBER ONE CLUE!!!!!!
I am outraged that with this show...it makes me sick to think this child has to continually go through this each time she goes with her Dad.
roni |
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November 3, 2006, 7:37 am PST
Quote From: afraid Incest and sexual abuse are at epidemic proportions. Current statistics suggest that one out of four females is sexually abused by the time she reaches the age of 18, with about 75 percent of the perpetrators being family members. One out of 5 males is sexually abused by age 18. Incest is defined as sexual relations of any kind perpetrated by a biologically or non-biologically related person functioning in the role of a family member. Other trusted adults also sexually abuse children and teenagers; these include: fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, stepparents, grandparents, coaches, baby sitters, clergy, teachers. It really happens... and not just to other people. Children of every race, religion and economic status are abused and or incested. What makes this problem even worse is that the effects of incest don't stop when the abuse stops. They stay with the child as he or she grows through adolescence and into adulthood. Self-hatred, alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, eating disorders, the inability to trust and suicide are common results of incest and sexual abuse. What Kids Can't Say A small percentage of kids who are being incested find the courage to tell someone. These disclosures can be as painful as the incest itself; the child believing he/she is telling on someone he/she loves and reliving the horrible experience. They don't want to cause problems, they just want it to stop. No one really knows what makes one child disclose and another not. We do know that it is incredibly important for a disclosure to be heard respectfully and to be believed. Every child is vulnerable to sexual abuse. Since one out of four females is sexually abused by the time she reaches age 18 -- that could include you, or a friend, or a brother or sister of yours. Today's teenagers and children must face the possibility that someone may hurt or take advantage of them. Very young children, as well as older teenagers, are victimized. Almost all of these children will be abused by someone they know and trust: a relative, a family friend, or a caretaker. If you were ever sexually abused, even if it was years ago, it is okay to tell a trusted teacher, school nurse, guidance counselor or friend. Of course, this list goes on. Sexual abuse involves forcing, tricking, threatening, or pressuring a child into sexual awareness or activity. Sexual abuse occurs when an older or more knowledgeable child or an adult uses a child for sexual pleasure. The abuse often begins gradually and increases over time. Signs of Sexual Abuse - Signs that often go unnoticed Because most children cannot or do not tell about being sexually abused, it is up to concerned adults or friends to recognize signs of abuse. Physical evidence of abuse is rare. Therefore, we must look for behavior signs. Unfortunately, there is no one behavior alone that definitely determines a child has been sexually abused. The following are general behavior changes that may occur in children and teens who have been sexually abused: Depression Signs of Sexual Abuse - Signs that often go unnoticed Because most children cannot or do not tell about being sexually abused, it is up to concerned adults or friends to recognize signs of abuse. Physical evidence of abuse is rare. Therefore, we must look for behavior signs. Unfortunately, there is no one behavior alone that definitely determines a child has been sexually abused. The following are general behavior changes that may occur in children and teens who have been sexually abused: Depression The Silent Problem are too young to put what has happened into words Silence enables sexual abuse to continue. Silence protects sexual offenders and hurts children who are being abused. Sexual abuse is an extremely difficult and damaging experience. Today there are many resources to help victims and their families. Children no longer need to suffer in silence. No one can ever regain the childhood years they lost to sexual abuse or incest.
Children and teens who have been sexually abused feel many different (and often overwhelming) emotions, including: Fear
Anger
Sadness
Guilt
Confusion
Parents want to protect children from sexual abuse, but they can't always be there to do that. Since that is the reality in life, children and teens need to know about sexual abuse in order to increase their awareness and coping skills. Without frightening children and teens, we need to provide them with appropriate safety information and support at every stage of their development. Even the best educated child or teenager cannot always avoid sexual abuse, children who are well prepared will be more likely to tell if abuse has occurred. This is a person's best defense. As a teenager you need to know: you are loved and deserve to be safe someone trusts you enough to tell you about an incident of sexual abuse, you are in an important position to help that person recover. The following suggestions can help you provide positive support. Keep in mind that sometimes its important just to listen. Do: Keep calm. It is important to remember that you are not angry with them, but at what happened. Children can mistakenly interpret anger or disgust as directed towards them. Don't: Panic or overreact when the person talks about the experience. People need help and support to make it through this difficult time. Remember, there is 'life' after abuse. If you talk to someone: a teacher, a therapist, or a trusted adult, you may find that the feelings of anger, shame, guilt and depression start to fade away and that your life can have a brighter future, full of promise. Even though your memories of abuse may never go away, you can learn how to file them away into a place where they will be safe and you will no longer be haunted by them. Those nightmares may go away too, mine did. ************************* There is no magic cure for sexual abuse or incest. Each year, beginning in 1999, the Incest Awareness Foundation will organize a "To Tell The Truth Conference" for the greater New York area in the U.S. Started in 1992 by adult incest survivors, To Tell The Truth has become a nationwide network within which survivors can be heard and can heal. Many people's lives are touched by incest. You may have a friend or family member who is a survivor. You might be a survivor yourself. The effects of incest on our community are staggering. If you need someone to talk to about abuse or incest please call RAINN at 1-800-656-HOPE or in the United States, the Incest Awareness Foundation number is 1-888 -547-3222. See the Hotline page, there are new phone numbers there, I have had complaints about RAINN! FYI, no child or teenager is ever responsible for the actions of an abuser, adult or otherwise. You may feel you are to blame for your abuse. You may feel lots of different emotions, this is normal and a necessary part of the 'healing process'. Remember, there is 'life' after abuse. If you talk to someone: a teacher, a therapist, or a trusted adult, you may find that the feelings of anger, shame, guilt and depression start to fade away and that your life can have a brighter future, full of promise. Even though your memories of abuse may never go away, you can learn how to file them away into a place where they will be safe and you will no longer be haunted by them. Those nightmares may go away too, mine did. ************************* There is no magic cure for sexual abuse or incest. Each year, beginning in 1999, the Incest Awareness Foundation will organize a "To Tell The Truth Conference" for the greater New York area in the U.S. Started in 1992 by adult incest survivors, To Tell The Truth has become a nationwide network within which survivors can be heard and can heal. Many people's lives are touched by incest. You may have a friend or family member who is a survivor. You might be a survivor yourself. The effects of incest on our community are staggering. If you need someone to talk to about abuse or incest please call RAINN at 1-800-656-HOPE or in the United States, the Incest Awareness Foundation number is 1-888 -547-3222. See the Hotline page, there are new phone numbers there, I have had complaints about RAINN!Incest and sexual abuse are at epidemic proportions. Current statistics suggest that one out of four females is sexually abused by the time she reaches the age of 18, with about 75 percent of the perpetrators being family members. One out of 5 males is sexually abused by age 18. Incest is defined as sexual relations of any kind perpetrated by a biologically or non-biologically related person functioning in the role of a family member. Other trusted adults also sexually abuse children and teenagers; these include: fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, stepparents, grandparents, coaches, baby sitters, clergy, teachers. It really happens... and not just to other people. Children of every race, religion and economic status are abused and or incested. What makes this problem even worse is that the effects of incest don't stop when the abuse stops. They stay with the child as he or she grows through adolescence and into adulthood. Self-hatred, alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, eating disorders, the inability to trust and suicide are common results of incest and sexual abuse. What Kids Can't Say A small percentage of kids who are being incested find the courage to tell someone. These disclosures can be as painful as the incest itself; the child believing he/she is telling on someone he/she loves and reliving the horrible experience. They don't want to cause problems, they just want it to stop. No one really knows what makes one child disclose and another not. We do know that it is incredibly important for a disclosure to be heard respectfully and to be believed. Every child is vulnerable to sexual abuse. Since one out of four females is sexually abused by the time she reaches age 18 -- that could include you, or a friend, or a brother or sister of yours. Today's teenagers and children must face the possibility that someone may hurt or take advantage of them. Very young children, as well as older teenagers, are victimized. Almost all of these children will be abused by someone they know and trust: a relative, a family friend, or a caretaker. If you were ever sexually abused, even if it was years ago, it is okay to tell a trusted teacher, school nurse, guidance counselor or friend. Of course, this list goes on. Sexual abuse involves forcing, tricking, threatening, or pressuring a child into sexual awareness or activity. Sexual abuse occurs when an older or more knowledgeable child or an adult uses a child for sexual pleasure. The abuse often begins gradually and increases over time. Signs of Sexual Abuse - Signs that often go unnoticed Because most children cannot or do not tell about being sexually abused, it is up to concerned adults or friends to recognize signs of abuse. Physical evidence of abuse is rare. Therefore, we must look for behavior signs. Unfortunately, there is no one behavior alone that definitely determines a child has been sexually abused. The following are general behavior changes that may occur in children and teens who have been sexually abused: Depression Signs of Sexual Abuse - Signs that often go unnoticed Because most children cannot or do not tell about being sexually abused, it is up to concerned adults or friends to recognize signs of abuse. Physical evidence of abuse is rare. Therefore, we must look for behavior signs. Unfortunately, there is no one behavior alone that definitely determines a child has been sexually abused. The following are general behavior changes that may occur in children and teens who have been sexually abused: Depression The Silent Problem are too young to put what has happened into words Silence enables sexual abuse to continue. Silence protects sexual offenders and hurts children who are being abused. Sexual abuse is an extremely difficult and damaging experience. Today there are many resources to help victims and their families. Children no longer need to suffer in silence. No one can ever regain the childhood years they lost to sexual abuse or incest.
Children and teens who have been sexually abused feel many different (and often overwhelming) emotions, including: Fear
Anger
Sadness
Guilt
Confusion
Parents want to protect children from sexual abuse, but they can't always be there to do that. Since that is the reality in life, children and teens need to know about sexual abuse in order to increase their awareness and coping skills. Without frightening children and teens, we need to provide them with appropriate safety information and support at every stage of their development. Even the best educated child or teenager cannot always avoid sexual abuse, children who are well prepared will be more likely to tell if abuse has occurred. This is a person's best defense. As a teenager you need to know: you are loved and deserve to be safe someone trusts you enough to tell you about an incident of sexual abuse, you are in an important position to help that person recover. The following suggestions can help you provide positive support. Keep in mind that sometimes its important just to listen. Do: Keep calm. It is important to remember that you are not angry with them, but at what happened. Children can mistakenly interpret anger or disgust as directed towards them. Don't: Panic or overreact when the person talks about the experience. People need help and support to make it through this difficult time. Remember, there is 'life' after abuse. If you talk to someone: a teacher, a therapist, or a trusted adult, you may find that the feelings of anger, shame, guilt and depression start to fade away and that your life can have a brighter future, full of promise. Even though your memories of abuse may never go away, you can learn how to file them away into a place where they will be safe and you will no longer be haunted by them. Those nightmares may go away too, mine did. ************************* There is no magic cure for sexual abuse or incest. Each year, beginning in 1999, the Incest Awareness Foundation will organize a "To Tell The Truth Conference" for the greater New York area in the U.S. Started in 1992 by adult incest survivors, To Tell The Truth has become a nationwide network within which survivors can be heard and can heal. Many people's lives are touched by incest. You may have a friend or family member who is a survivor. You might be a survivor yourself. The effects of incest on our community are staggering. If you need someone to talk to about abuse or incest please call RAINN at 1-800-656-HOPE or in the United States, the Incest Awareness Foundation number is 1-888 -547-3222. See the Hotline page, there are new phone numbers there, I have had complaints about RAINN! FYI, no child or teenager is ever responsible for the actions of an abuser, adult or otherwise. You may feel you are to blame for your abuse. You may feel lots of different emotions, this is normal and a necessary part of the 'healing process'. Remember, there is 'life' after abuse. If you talk to someone: a teacher, a therapist, or a trusted adult, you may find that the feelings of anger, shame, guilt and depression start to fade away and that your life can have a brighter future, full of promise. Even though your memories of abuse may never go away, you can learn how to file them away into a place where they will be safe and you will no longer be haunted by them. Those nightmares may go away too, mine did. ************************* There is no magic cure for sexual abuse or incest. Each year, beginning in 1999, the Incest Awareness Foundation will organize a "To Tell The Truth Conference" for the greater New York area in the U.S. Started in 1992 by adult incest survivors, To Tell The Truth has become a nationwide network within which survivors can be heard and can heal. Many people's lives are touched by incest. You may have a friend or family member who is a survivor. You might be a survivor yourself. The effects of incest on our community are staggering. If you need someone to talk to about abuse or incest please call RAINN at 1-800-656-HOPE or in the United States, the Incest Awareness Foundation number is 1-888 -547-3222. See the Hotline page, there are new phone numbers there, I have had complaints about RAINN!
here is my question and frustration. We see a small 3 year old screaming "my daddy touched my PeePee" The grandmother is horrified. She vidios tapes her. Every one is horrified. My question is. If they know and bellieve she is being sexually abused then why do they keep sending her back to a monster to keep on touching her? For the life of me I dont understand this. I know the law seems to be on the side of the abuser. For all the reasons stated . If it were me and my child. I would find a way to run with her and hide her or him. Some have actually done this. My god we are talking about a child who cannot protect his or her self from either the abuser or those who know and allow the child to be put in harms way. Will someone please address this. Will Dr Phil please address this. |
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November 3, 2006, 7:42 am PST
Dr. Phil,
I watch your shows with admiration--you have given advice which I have used in my daily life situations, until today. I saw the previews for this show and I knew that I needed to watch it. Anyone that touches their children inappropriately, should be put away. Approximately, 10 years ago, I went through a very hard divorce, I had encounted sexual, verbal and physical abuse from my ex-husband, he is an alcoholic. At that time, we had 2 small children which witnessed alot of the abuse. Seperation finally came when he locked the kids in the car with the windows up-for hours and went in and passed out. I reported him and we had to move out. My life changed after that, we went through court hearings and the biggest waste of my time and my kids time- Child Protective Services. I became the victim, it didn't seem to matter what the facts actually were, my rep would miss appt's, not return phone calls, not show up at his house like she was suppose to and act as if what the kids encounted (being locked in a chicken coupe, seeing their dad choke his new girlfriend etc) was no big deal. I took matters in my own hands, reported her and got someone that actually worked with my kids, after all the facts were looked at, court etc., my ex-husband lost custody of his kids due to the environment he was exposing the kids to. You have not worked with all CPS workers, not all of them do their jobs the way they are suppose to. You have not lived through my eyes, or my childrens, you should be careful what you say on national TV because even you are not always right. Thank you.. |
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November 3, 2006, 7:46 am PST
i dont know who's lying here but why havent they questioned the wife i think she needs to get a lie detector also woman have in the past known to molest a child as sick as it may sound but i say everyone get a lied dector test |
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November 3, 2006, 7:47 am PST
Hi i was reading the message boards and seen one i wanted to reply to . Yet when i went and registered i lost where i was. So i am going to try and reply to it in a way that they (whomever wrote the message) will see this and know i was talking to them . It was a message about the same thing happening to her child. Yet the "SYSTEM" failed her . Well i am not saying that all systems fail us as parents. But i went thru a simular situation. My son 14 now has been mentally and once( that i know of) physically abused by a stepmother. I called DSS in the city and state in which they live and they told me that since it was a weekend i had to return my son to his dad and stepmother that sunday from my regular visitation times. Otherwise I would be slammed with kidnapping charges. My son had marks on his neck where his stepmom had put her hands and he told me that his dad made him wear make up to school for 2 days to cover it up. I took pictures as soon as we had gotten to my home and had them developed in an hour. I told DSS this and told them i wanted to talk with someone from CPS . They told me that they would try to have someone call me before sunday (when he was to retrn to his dads) . But that i would still need to take him home to keep from being accused of kidnapping. This still haunts me thinking of my son being there all week. He is a great kid. Not that he doesnt do as any normal kid would do and be mischieve. But over all he is a wonderful kid. He is about to the point of giving up on things though because everything he loves to do and enjoys doing the stepmom takes it away from him and forbids him to do. Or else she has the dad take it away. This year he has not been doing so good in his academic skills .He is in 9th grade. He goes to school, comes home feeds animals, and does whatever work they (dad and stepmom) tells him to do.He has had no time to play and be a kid from time he was 5 or 6. But not to stray from the subject here. I do feel that some times the "SYSTEM" does fail us and washes their hands with some that are trying to get help for our kids.I am not saying the mother is telling the truth. I am merely stating a fact due to i have been in her shoes as far as trying to get help from the SYSTEM goes. Best of luck to the little girl. She is going to need all the love and comfort she can get thru life.
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November 3, 2006, 7:47 am PST
I do not believe a word this man is saying. Number 1. He can't give Dr. Phil a straight answer without thinking about it first Number 2. The videos....who are they trying to kid. Number 3.. He knew that a lie detector test wasn't admissable in a court of law. He answers and tries to use words to make himself sound articulate, I doubt he knows what half of them mean. The mother and grandmother need to stop provoking the child's behavior and they all need counseling. We have too many children who need our help. You know that this man didn't need to lock the bathroom door to change a damn diaper, and he had to think about wether or not he put his tongue in her mouth Help Kaylee Dr, Phil. PLEASE Michelle |
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