Topic : 11/03 Shocking Accusations

Sadly this is not a freak occurence.  This is a nationwide epidemic.  Children and their mothers are being abused by father's with boudary and control issues and in the midst of bitter custody battles, courts are handing custody of these abused children over to the abusers and away from the protctive parents.  Sexual abuse and domestic violence are two of the most difficult crimes to deal with, and the most difficult to prove.  And even in the face of overwhelming evidence, all an abusive parent has to do is say the chidl is being coached and bam!!!  you have alienation and that means the protective parent is unfit.  Statistically speaking, in contested custody cases where abuse issues are raised, the parent who is accused of the abuse (be it partner abuse or chidl abuse), ends up with custody in 70% of these cases.  Abusers are much more likely to seek sole custody than non-abusers.  Abusers also use the court system as another tool in their arsenal of abuse.  There are happy endings but unfortunately with the laws that exist on the books regarding family law and child custody issues, abuse is not looked at correctly and children have been made and are being made to live a miserable existence in the home of their abuser or the protective parent and chidlren are abused even further through protracted litigation which is often costly, monetarily and emotionally.  Toughen laws on child and partner abuse or we will have a society of messed up children with no idea of who they are and where their own personal boundaries are.

This is so true.  The courts are often uneducated about these matters, and children do become innocent victims in a game played out by abusers.  My ex was very abusive to me and was what I would call a convenience dad to our child.  When she was doing soemthing he could show off, then he was dad.  Discipline, day to day parent stuff, he had no time for.  He has effectively used the court system as another tool in his arsenal to further abuse me.  He has no clue where he ends and where our chidl begins.  he interrogates her about my life with her, all the while refusing to share even a small piece of his life with her to me.  I hear when she returns from visits that I am a lousy mother, his new spouse is goingt o be her mommy, my family is garbage.  Confusing to our chidl because even at the age of 5 she grasps the concept that she is half dadddy and half mommy.  If mommy is garbage then she must be half garbage.  She does not understand why her father can speak to me how he does when I expect respect and I give her respect.  Abusers have no concept of a child's boundaries, and unless the laws are changed this will continue to happen.

This mother is extremely lucky that her ex has not grabbed and run with PAS.  This is a hand created non-recognized syndrome, created by a man who committed suicide and who sympathized with pedophiles who also had his own divorce issues.  Huge amounts of documented research is available online and off regarding PAS and the people who support it.  Pro-PAS supporters would be running scared if they realized what PAS means to pedophiles.  It is a license for a molester to molest, an abuser to abuse and a batterer to batter.  It is not in the DSM-IV and it is not recognized by the APA as a true psychological syndrome.

I am so pleased to see Dr. Phil tackle this issue.  The child needs help no matter what the truth.  Our system in the US or specifically California is not perfect.  I at one time in my life believed the government should stay out of our homes.  I believed it was a family or community matter.  However, I have grown so much and understand that families hide things. Communities turn their backs at time.  The simple truth about the majority of the time is we know longer live where people know each other.  A person may just see one instance of a action that may raise an eyebrow but they think to themselves that they do not want to cause a family pain if it was one bad action or if possibly it was misunderstood and not as bad as they think ect.  

We now need to think differently.  We need to intervene anytime there is a question of a child’s safety.   In return, the Child Protective Service needs to serve child and family first.  They need to look at each case with sensitivity to the family as well as the child. Maybe education is all the family needs. Maybe community support services, is all the family needs. We need to supply the least restrictive intervention possible to the family. We need to support the family for the child.  Every child loves their family abusive or not. (CPS does make mistakes. A worker came out and interviewed my grand-daughter. I do not know who made that report.  I do thank the person that cared enough to see my granddaughter needed help. However the worker did not even ask my granddaughter if she had bruises on her body.  Had they asked they would have seen the bruises that my granddaughter shamefully hides)  

I will tell you as a professional,  I do not believe that reunification can ever happen in the case of sexual abuse.  Due to my own experiences as well as professional experiences, Child sexual abuse is an illness that appears to be life long and needs to be managed and monitored.  I believe the perpetrator deserves help, deserves a life.  I do not believe that a child ever should be put at risk to give the sexual perpetrator another chance.  

I haven't even watched the show set for Friday, but I'm already disgusted.  When are parents in this country of ours going to step up to the plate and properly raise their children?

We are raising a generation of children who have no concept of accountability for the choices they make.

And where do they get this?  It's not in school.  It's from home.  Acorns don't fall too far from trees.

It scares me to think that we are raising a generation of children who don't know God or Jesus Christ and who have parents who think this is NOT IMPORTANT.  When children feel they have no where to turn . . . . . . . . 

This whole story is bizarre.  It's another poor excuse for two people who apparently don't have the brains God gave them to properly raise a child.  W hen is it going to end?