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Topic : 11/03 Shocking Accusations

Number of Replies: 1300
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Created on : Friday, October 27, 2006, 02:27:37 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Don't miss the first of a multi-part event so riveting, Dr. Phil needed three days to tell the whole story. Bonii, a desperate grandmother, sent Dr. Phil a video showing how her 3-year-old granddaughter, Kaylee, hysterically reacts when she returns from visits with her father, Jeremy. Bonii and her daughter Krista, Kaylee's mom, are accusing Jeremy of molesting Kaylee for the last year. Jeremy maintains his innocence, and says that Bonii and Krista are coaching Kaylee to say bad things about him. Both sides bring a video to prove their point. What does Dr. Phil think of the parents' actions? In a dramatic move, he calls a time-out during the middle of the show to have one-on-one conversations with each parent. Are Jeremy and Krista being honest with Dr. Phil? They agree to be put to the test. Dr. Phil vows to find out the truth, and make sure Kaylee has a safe home. Join the discussion and tell us what you think.

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 29, 2006, 4:45 pm CST

Always Believe Them

When a child tells a parent or anyone that someone is touching them inappropriately, ALWAYS ALWAYS believe the child! Then you do everything in your power to find out if it is true or not...but you always go on the assumption that it is true. When a small child gives you details about a sexual abuse.....they would not know this stuff if they have not seen it, had it done to them, or have been told about it. Someone, somewhere in their lives is innapropriately telling, touching or coaching them in something that should not be happening. FIND OUT WHAT,  WHERE AND WHO! To the mom who was not believed in this message board....and is sending her children to overnight visits with their dad....please please call Child Protective Services everyday until someone investigates this case appropriately. File a complaint with this agency against the social worker who did not interview you or your children, this is part of their job and if they are not doing their job, then report them!! They need fired! Ask for their supervisor...if you do not get satisfaction with their agency then call the state agency on them and report them for not doing their job!!!  Child Protective Agencies are overwhelmed, overworked, and understaffed, but they MUST do their job...keep after them until they do. Talk to your lawyer about supervised visits only for your children until this is throughly investigated. If you have to go to court to get supervised visits, contact everyone you know that can testify on your children's behalf about his abusive and controlling behavior .....don't give up!! If you don't get satisfaction calling your state agency, then call one of your congressmen....go up the ladder till you find someone who will listen to you!

 

Dr. Phil can only bring awareness about topics to his viewers...and can only do so much. But bringing awareness is the first step to helping others. WE all must do our part too.

I have a 14 year old granddaughter who was molested by her father at the age of 3. After many many court battles, he is no longer part of her life. But her life is a mess. She is a run a way, is in alternative school due to her conduct, has had many many hours of counceling for years and years, and does not understand why she wants to cause herself so much destructive behavior. As of this writing she is in detention for 21 days for running away again. This type of abuse towards a child, no matter at what age, is devestating to them. If you are lucky, that child may be able to become a productive adult someday, but the abuse stays with them for life!

If a person is found guilty of abuse, then they should be locked up for life! Not signing up as a sex offender for the rest of their life. If they are still wanting to abuse children or others, they will find a way......please, please  everyone do your part to protect our children!

 
October 29, 2006, 4:51 pm CST

Don't give up

Quote From: mama1978

I am a mom who recently left a controling, manupulating and emotionaly abusive man. A year before we split up my daughter, then just shy of 3 years old, told me "daddy tickled my peepee" I asked her what she meant and wow was I shocked when she showed me! How would she know this if he hadnt done it? I told our social worker and it was investigated with no result. I let it go. About a month after my ex husband moved out, my oldest daughter confessed to me that her father had done the EXACT same thing! This time I took her seriously and I reported it straight to the child protection agency. It took 2 weeks for them to investigate and in the meantime my ex, e-mailed  the case worker repeatedly about our seperation and how I was being "vindictive". He even went as far as telling the case worker I was being vindictive for things I had not even known about! ( I knew he was manipulative and now I believe his seems even more guilty for having told the case worker so many lies) I was very shocked when they did not want to speak to me to hear what I thought about my daughter saying this,especially since they seemed to believe everything my ex husband was saying, nor did they want to speak to my youngest daughter who had originaly been the one to say she was molested a year ealier. They pretty much seemed to have decided it was all because of the upcomming divorce. ( I allready had full custody of the children) I am heartbroken now, I do not know if it is true, but I believe it is. Given my exs personality and our past history. ( He has many psycological problems and has even admited to using me  as a sexual object. But I left him for stealing 10,000$ from his best friend, because it was not the first time he stole from people) My daughters to this day still say they were molested, I am afraid to talk to them about it, incase I "put something" in their head, but I also dont want them to think they can not talk to me about it. It feels so complicated. This past weekend was their first sleepover at their dads and my youngest cried she didnt want to go because she didnt want daddy to touch her peepee again. I called child protection agency and they said because it was all ready looked into and the file was closed then there was nothing that could be done, and it seems it pretty much means that no one is going to believe it really happened. I feel like I am stuck in the middle of my children and my ex husband and there is nothing I can do. I also still have to send them for his overnight weekend access visits because he has a right to see them. I really dont mind them going for a weekend but not knowing and suspecting that he molested them kills me inside. I am still working hard to get some guidance, it feels like no one wants to help my children but me. (their father who has a lot of money wont even pay for therapy to get to the meaning of their accusations!)
Dear Mother of children, Report this social worker to her superiors for not doing her job. If you do not get satisfaction and your version told and your children interviewed as you should be, then call the state agency on them! Call anyone you can think of that could help you to get through the legal end of this to get help for your children and you. Go back to court and ask for supervised visits until this alligation is completely and thoroughly investigated. You must always believe the child! Then do everything in your power and don't give up until it is done correctly and until you are satisfied that the truth has been told regardless of what that truth might be. Yes, you do have to follow court orders about visitations, but you can get them changed if you feel your child is in danger!  Good luck! My prayers are with you and your children.
 
October 29, 2006, 5:12 pm CST

been there

It's just ugly how much this is happening.  Twenty years ago I was visiting my sister who was living with my parents.  She had left her husband because he was very abusive.  Her husband, however, had visitation rights to his 2 year old daughter.  I was there the day that he came to pick her up and this darling little girl started screaming and crying in terror that she didn't want to go.  Everyone just stood there and watched because they all felt so helpless since the courts had deemed that he had a right to see her.  I was horrified!  After one of her subsequent visits she came home saying her peepee hurt.  They took her to the emergency room and she immediately "assumed the position".  They found her to be red and sore but found no semen.  The doctor told my sister that she had all the symptoms of a child who had been molested.  However, later in court he refused to testify to this, so the courts let the father have visitation rights.  My sister had no choice but to flee, knowing that her ex-husband was too cheap to follow.  By law, he had to know where she was so he would still call, but she was right.  He was too cheap to follow.  He would call and ask to speak to this little 2-year old and this baby would scream and run away yelling "No!  He hurt my peepee!" 

  This beautiful 24 year old girl is still going through therapy to get over her abuse.  How can someone be so sick!  AND, why can't the law do a better job of protecting these babies?  I understand that if you can't gather enough proof, what else can the courts do, but it's just so frustrating to see these little darlings go through such hell and feel like there's nothing legally you can do!

 
October 29, 2006, 6:34 pm CST

The child is the one who suffers

No matter what the out come is of this show it will be the child who suffers the most. I am a mother of a 6 yr old boy who was molested by his father two years ago. And what my son told me there is no way in h--- he saw that on TV in my house or seen anything like that in our house. The day we found out I went to the police station and my husband went to find the SOB. Then I went to the ER for an exam. And too his father claimed he did nothing to him, but as this was going on I found out other mothers accused him of the same thing. This never went to court for the states attorney stated that the child was to young to go to court. But DCFS has found him guilty and he is not suppose to be around any child under the age of 16 for the next ten years. Which I think is horse s--- for I know they are not watching him.

 

Well the SOB is living in another state for I made sure everyone in our little town knew what he did, my son went through counseling, and I was afraid to let him play with other children for he would act out what was done to him. My older son had to see therapy for what his brother was doing to him. But my son will be dealing with this for the rest of his life. It's not a 10- 20 year sentence it's a life time. And as a parent you even protect your child more when this happens. You live on pin and needles to be sure you look up every sex offender in your town so you do not subject your child around them. My feelings for sex offenders is consider cruel but I feel they should be put through the same as what they did to the child then left to rot.

 

As for the parents if they are putting this in the child's head then they should be locked up lose there rights and let the child get help from therapy and be adopted by someone who would protect her from any harm. It's not the parents, offenders, family members who suffer. It's the child for life.

 

Krista

 
October 29, 2006, 9:13 pm CST

Don't be STUCK!!

Quote From: mama1978

I am a mom who recently left a controling, manupulating and emotionaly abusive man. A year before we split up my daughter, then just shy of 3 years old, told me "daddy tickled my peepee" I asked her what she meant and wow was I shocked when she showed me! How would she know this if he hadnt done it? I told our social worker and it was investigated with no result. I let it go. About a month after my ex husband moved out, my oldest daughter confessed to me that her father had done the EXACT same thing! This time I took her seriously and I reported it straight to the child protection agency. It took 2 weeks for them to investigate and in the meantime my ex, e-mailed  the case worker repeatedly about our seperation and how I was being "vindictive". He even went as far as telling the case worker I was being vindictive for things I had not even known about! ( I knew he was manipulative and now I believe his seems even more guilty for having told the case worker so many lies) I was very shocked when they did not want to speak to me to hear what I thought about my daughter saying this,especially since they seemed to believe everything my ex husband was saying, nor did they want to speak to my youngest daughter who had originaly been the one to say she was molested a year ealier. They pretty much seemed to have decided it was all because of the upcomming divorce. ( I allready had full custody of the children) I am heartbroken now, I do not know if it is true, but I believe it is. Given my exs personality and our past history. ( He has many psycological problems and has even admited to using me  as a sexual object. But I left him for stealing 10,000$ from his best friend, because it was not the first time he stole from people) My daughters to this day still say they were molested, I am afraid to talk to them about it, incase I "put something" in their head, but I also dont want them to think they can not talk to me about it. It feels so complicated. This past weekend was their first sleepover at their dads and my youngest cried she didnt want to go because she didnt want daddy to touch her peepee again. I called child protection agency and they said because it was all ready looked into and the file was closed then there was nothing that could be done, and it seems it pretty much means that no one is going to believe it really happened. I feel like I am stuck in the middle of my children and my ex husband and there is nothing I can do. I also still have to send them for his overnight weekend access visits because he has a right to see them. I really dont mind them going for a weekend but not knowing and suspecting that he molested them kills me inside. I am still working hard to get some guidance, it feels like no one wants to help my children but me. (their father who has a lot of money wont even pay for therapy to get to the meaning of their accusations!)

Take it from me!!  Your kids are reaching out to you to keep them safe.  They are depending on you to make it stop and to help them know that no matter what happens in the future parts of their lives, they can and will be believed.  You are the crucial key to keeping those kids sanity and childhood intact! 

 

STEP UP AND PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!!!  Those kids deserve your undivided attention.  I was where you are about 3 weeks ago....  With God's help I was able to get my husband to admit to some of the allegations...  Although he is not to full admission yet, this gave me the edge I needed to stop all contact between he and the children.  RECORD your conversations to ensure belief from those who support him.  DONT BLAME YOURSELF...  Men/Women with this addiction cannot overcome their desire without first acknowledging there is one.  Secondly, they have made the actions that they are doing "normal" in their own minds.  So when questioned they are in disbelief that they could EVER inflict pain or suffering on any child. 

 

For the SAFETY OF YOUR CHILDREN, you MUST take action now...  my oldest (now 14) was brave enough to say something....  after 2 1/2 years...  she has supressed the majority of what has happened to her.  I was in disbelief because of the actions she had prior to the allegations and then my husband had always been "perfect in my eyes".  Leader in the Church, wonderful to my children....  He to stole money from us, his own family, I believe even his job and the boyscouts....  He has even been investigated by the FBI for child pornography on his work computer and lied to get out of it.

 

I have been through a tremendous ordeal trying to get to the TRUTH....  The TRUTH is that my husband has had a sexual addiction even prior to our marriage.  The TRUTH is my husband's addiction has consumed his life and it bled into every part of our "happy " marriage.  I shyed away from the "intuitions" that I had had...  If you feel it, something is there.  Don't dismiss it.  It will only cause more harm to the child/ren.  Believe them...  It is better to believe and be proven wrong than vice versa.  Your child risks the chance of suffering deep hurt for the remainder of their life.  How you handle the situation can make or break the relationship that you have with your children in the future.  It says a lot that the girls told you first...  They must have felt safe with you and felt confident that you would take care of the situation.

 

If you want the truth from your husband....  research his addictions from "his" prespectives.  Change your verbiage to "theirs" (pedophiles) and you'll be surprised at his response.  Don't accuse...  ask open ended questions with compassion.  Remember this is an addiction that has escalated far beyond their own desire.  Most are seriously trying to stop what they are doing.  They have a sincere desire to quit and some really try, only to be swept back into a vicious cycle.  Nagging...  accusatory statements...  lashing out....  will only make him angry and compulsive to what he is doing.  A loving attitude and a sincere desire to seek the help you both need is detremental in trying to achieve an open mind and heart to face the demons that are lurking inside.

 

When he tells you what he has done...  Don't be angry...  Don't lash out...  Don't accuse....  AGAIN it will only deter your progress.  Ask open ending loving questions....  He will continue to try to lie, but will only cause him to forget things he has already said and contradictions will then arise.  He will blame you for everything but the world coming to an end and might even do that if he is really trying to cover it up.  Whatever you do, don't lie about anything....  Don't give him any reason to say ha ha you have issues too.  He will use whatever he can get to take the attention off of himself.

 

Get others involved.  YOU MUST GO TO THOSE THAT BELIEVE HIM THE MOST.  Open your heart and show your desire for the truth.  You have let those people see your emotions.  If you are like me, you have a difficult time in showing people that you can't do this by yourself.  Especially when one door is slammed in your face, you feel that no one will listen, so I guess I will just sit here and ponder on it.  IF THAT DOOR IS CLOSED... OPEN THE NEXT ONE....  SO AND SO ON!!  Do not be idol!  PRAY!

 

ALL ANSWERS TO THE TRUTH ARE IN THE BIBLE!  You may not be a believer but I am and even more now than ever...  Proverbs helped me sincerely in what I should expect from others and what God expects from me.  How to react to certain situations and the attitude that I should have.  God does not condone these actions, it is stated repeatedly.  You, however, are not the judge.  But you must reprove him to get him to see....  It is a long battle and he will fight you every step.  You must follow up on every request you make of him.  He will hate it.  Keep pushing...  KEEP YOUR CHILDREN IN FORWARD SIGHT!  He will do anything in his power to cover it up and even keep the kids close to him.  They are his prize possession.  He will even try to convince you that you were never there enough for them.  You weren't a great mother.  He will point out every flaw (imagined or not) to draw the attention away from himself. 

 

You must only admit the things that needed work and FIX THEM.  Showing him that anything brought to your attention is fixed IMMEDIATELY.  Whether it is fun time with the kids.  Working too much.  This will be a key later for use to prove that you were willing to change the things brought to your attention.  He must abide by his own rules. 

 

LASTLY, you can NOT do this on your own.  YOU must seek help!  There are so many resources.  If you are like me, you don't read between the lines very well and you just need someone to say he did or didn't do it.  They are trained not to tell you.  They have to go about it the same way I am telling you to get you to see the truth yourself.  If you are not getting the desired response from the Social Worker that you seek, you must seek other resources.  There are always other people who do that same job.  They are also trained to make sure that you are sincerely concerned for the safety of your children.  Forensic specialists can conduct interviews with your children.  They are trained to see the truth. Don't hide your intuitions....  Ask questions, don't be afraid.  You are more afraid of the truth...  it would be so easy to believe it didn't happen than to believe that it did. 

 

Find the right people.  If you are getting negative responses...  go back to the drawing board....  research more.  Another key is to get him to admit to others he has wronged.  This is where your skill and your sanity will be tested....  He will quickly revert back to the stories that he originally used to explain certain situations in the past.  CALL HIM ON IT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER INDIVIDUAL.  This individual must be held of high esteem to your spouse, otherwise he will see right through it and continue his lie. 

 

My battle has only begun.  It started June 20th of this year.  I have suffered from post traumatic stress syndrome and am in therapy...  I do not battle alone.  I have an incredible support system.  I didn't even know it was there.  I finally opened that door and now can't believe the flood of people who love me and the kids are supporting us through this emotional roller coaster.  My husband is still seeking his truth...  With God's help, I have given him doors to open.  I know that if I TELL him what is wrong with him, he will never see the truth and continue to conflict this pain on others.  I love my husband.  I have dealt with the loss of our marriage.  Although, not divorced (It would only harm him more now than do good) I know that we will not be able to continue in a loving relationship.  He will always be tempted by his desires.  I can't be willing to subject my children to any type of relapse.  It is for the safety of my children and my husband.  But I do desire he gets the help he needs to control this addiction.  It is time consuming and life draining.  But God will reward in the end....  I pray everyday that God will help him and more especially help my children to have the most "normal" lives as possible and help me to be positive about every negative thing.  That so my children will know that no matter how bad it seems....  there is a time to grieve....  then there is a time for joy.  When we overcome traumatic events in our lives is when we can say we have achieved happiness.  I look forward to their happiness and mine.  God brought me through this for a reason....  I believe my children are that reason.  May God bless you and your children!  May you find the truth to set you free from your despair....

 
October 30, 2006, 4:45 am CST

Kaylee

Dr. Phil Help this little girl... Please...I am a 52 year old woman. And I still have trouble with being sexually abused as a child. I know her fears. I hear her crying. I see the terror in her eyes. Help her Dr, Phil... Please Help Her. Before it's too late. Don't let her go through what I went through, and am going through and will go through for the rest of my life!!! I still have visions of what happen to me. Maybe if it's stopped soon enough she will forget what has happen this far. And she will have no memory of this. Like I do.

 

My heart goes out to Kaylee & her family. God Bless them. I've put this in his hands now, and yours Dr. Phil. Because unlike years ago there is help like you..

 

Thanks

Nancy

 
October 30, 2006, 6:49 am CST

which ever Parent is Lying, they need to go to jail.

Quote From: deantong

As someone who has a little knowledge and experience concerning this subject matter (www.abuse-excuse.com/ae_vita.html), and who has appeared on Dr. Phil's show, let me say that we don't decide if these allegations are true or false by reading tarot cards or tea leaves. In fact, polygraphs, while they can be persuasive to police officers in cases of criminal interference, for the most part are legally inadmissible in court. Their results vary widely dependent upon the polygraph examiner (should be DODPI certified) and the type of test (lafayette v. axciton).

 

Children as young as 3 & 1/2 can give salient details of molestation. Children this young do have the cognitive capacity to distinguish truth from lie. In addition, children this young can be very suggestible and impressionable, and they can be easily conditioned, indoctrinated, brainwashed, poisoned and coached to say things that please their interviewer.

 

Especially, if the interview is suggestive and leading and is not conducted in a structured manner. A parent who is alienating a child from another parent, wielding that child as ammunition (e.g. in a contentious custody battle), or a professional who is not privy to sound forensic child interview techniques, could use scripting, guided imagery, stereotype induction, closed-ended questions, anatomical dolls, puppets drawings, toys, cake, or candy or other means of positive reniforcement to unilaterally cajole a child into saying things that are not true.

 

Dr. Stephen Ceci's book - Jeopardy in the Courtroom - is the seminal book in this area of child suggestibility- as he conducted scores of scientific studies to prove that young kids can be easily manipulated. The first and foremost indicator that points to a reliable and valid child outcry or disclosure of sexual abuse is a contemporaneous or spontaneous report from the alleged child victim. Any possible contaminant such as  divorce, custody battle, parental discord, therapy, et al, can influence the reliability, credibility, and validity of the child's fresh complaint.

 

 

 

Please do not get me wrong, If this father is abusing his daughter, he should go to jail for the rest of his life. But, If it is proven that this mother or anyone else is coaching this little girl, she needs to go to jail to. My brother has three kids and is a pretty high ranking soldier in the Army. During a custody battle which got real ugly his daughter accused him of sexual abuse. After the civilian courts found that she had been coached by her mother. (she finally confessed as much) Then the Army began it's own investigation. That was almost eight years ago. This investigation also cleared my brother of any wrong doing. But that information is still in his personell jacket with the Army and still comes to light everytime he is up for a promotion or an award of any kind. My neice has also suffered because of this. She was only a small girl but she carries alot of guilt for this and their relationship has never been the same. She is now 18 but the scars seem brand new. A child as young as 3 will eventually believe that this has happened to them IF they are being coached, and suffer the same problems for the rest of their lives that they would have had if it had actually happened. That is why I think if the child has been coached in any way, the person doing the coaching should also face criminal charges for abuse. The results are the same. For everyones sake especially this little girl, I hope the truth comes out and this girl gets the help she needs. 
 
October 30, 2006, 11:16 am CST

What is wrong with you?

Quote From: drivingpnk

I haven't even watched the show set for Friday, but I'm already disgusted.  When are parents in this country of ours going to step up to the plate and properly raise their children?

We are raising a generation of children who have no concept of accountability for the choices they make.

And where do they get this?  It's not in school.  It's from home.  Acorns don't fall too far from trees.

It scares me to think that we are raising a generation of children who don't know God or Jesus Christ and who have parents who think this is NOT IMPORTANT.  When children feel they have no where to turn . . . . . . . . 

This whole story is bizarre.  It's another poor excuse for two people who apparently don't have the brains God gave them to properly raise a child.  W hen is it going to end?

Very rarely do I reply to comments in a negative manner, but I cannot bite my tongue this time. First of all, what does God have to do with anything? Where was God when this man tore this childs labia with a fork? Where was this so called God of yours when this child, or any other child in the world was being hurt? Oh thats right, he is sitting on a throne in a heaven with streets of gold, listening to everyone's prayers. The problem that I see with the world today is that so many people like you who want to sit back and pray to God for help, pray for God to make this a better world, pray, pray, pray. How about you get off your %*# and do something about child abuse other than pray to a higher force that has never ever ever ever proven himself to be real. Maybe the real problem with the world today is people like you, so busy living in a fantasy world, believing in the tooth fairy and such, that you haven't the slightest idea how to cope with real life.
 
October 30, 2006, 12:44 pm CST

This episode is going to hit hard.

 When I was 4 years old, my mother took my dad to court on the accusation that he had sexually harrassed me by touching my 'private parts'. I didn't get to see my dad very often after that, and now, over 15 years later, I do not under any circumstances believe that my father did anything to harm me. I think my mother viciously attacked my father, and took something very simple completely out of context. My father is a wonderful person, and I find it very hard to believe that that could have ever happened.

This episode is really going to bother me. I don't really know the facts, but after personally going through a similar experience in the eyes of that child who was talking on the camera about her father touching her pee-pee (I had said something like my father touched my privates), I immediantly felt in denial about it. I felt some sort of compassion towards the father, just because I know that if he was indeed innocent then I have a father who would know exactly how he felt. I don't know how else to explain my reaction to the preview of this episode. Part of me wants to say that maybe the mom might be taking the daughters words out of context. I tend to believe that little kids when they're younger don't know what they're saying, and it can be taken out of context. I guess it's important to take action in this case, incase the Dad isn't innocent. But I also know if he really is innocent, then he'll be traumatized for the rest of his life, just like my father has been.

I love my father dearly, and I feel completely for this episode. I don't know how I'm going to take it, but I plan on watching it to see what happens...
 
October 30, 2006, 8:55 pm CST

How can you tell?

There have only been a few clips shown and already so many of you are believing this man hurt his child.  What's up with that?   You can't guess the truth by a few sound bites - at least watch the show first. 

 

 
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