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Topic : 11/03 Shocking Accusations

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Created on : Friday, October 27, 2006, 02:27:37 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Don't miss the first of a multi-part event so riveting, Dr. Phil needed three days to tell the whole story. Bonii, a desperate grandmother, sent Dr. Phil a video showing how her 3-year-old granddaughter, Kaylee, hysterically reacts when she returns from visits with her father, Jeremy. Bonii and her daughter Krista, Kaylee's mom, are accusing Jeremy of molesting Kaylee for the last year. Jeremy maintains his innocence, and says that Bonii and Krista are coaching Kaylee to say bad things about him. Both sides bring a video to prove their point. What does Dr. Phil think of the parents' actions? In a dramatic move, he calls a time-out during the middle of the show to have one-on-one conversations with each parent. Are Jeremy and Krista being honest with Dr. Phil? They agree to be put to the test. Dr. Phil vows to find out the truth, and make sure Kaylee has a safe home. Join the discussion and tell us what you think.

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October 30, 2006, 9:28 pm CST

11/03 Shocking Accusations

Quote From: faeryedark

 I must say I believe God weeps when people are inhumane to each other, unfortunately we live in a fallen world and people have free will. Prayer is good but sometimes we need to be the answer to those prayers ie; if you see or know of injustice do something. If I know someone's being abused you can bet I'm gonna jump in. I too, hope that they're able to figure out what the truth is for this family.

Prayer is good and always we are the answers to those prayers!  Jesus uses us, imperfect people to carry out His plan, what an awesome God we have.  Jesus says we are not to call evil good and good evil and that is what is happening in this world. 

 

We can pray together and be in agreement that Jesus shine the light on the truth, for His truth to prevail. In Jesus name Amen

 
October 30, 2006, 9:49 pm CST

Wow

Wow this hits very close to home.  I have 3 children that were molested by my ex-boyfriend.  He was caught in the act on Feb 6, 2006.  Therefore, there was no denying it.  At the time my twins were 3 and my oldest daughter was 4, they are now 4 and 5.  When everything in court was said and done he received 120 prison shock time.  He was released last week on probation for 5 years after he served the whole whopping 120 days.  Big whoop!!!  Its me and my children that are left to suffer with all the pain and clean up the mess.  I can say from my own experience that a 3 year old child does not have the knowledge to just make up false accusations like that.  I hope Dr. Phil finds out the truth and nails whoever is at fault to the wall.  I pray to God that this little girl sees more justice than my children did!!!!  If it turns out that the Mother and Grandmother are just convincing her to make these accusations then I think the little girl should be taken away from them and they should never be allowed to see her again.  I know it may seem a little harsh but if they are just going to make crap like this up they don't deserve to have a child in their life.  This is a very serious problem that is getting worse everyday and something has to be done to stop it!!!!!  I would also like to know why the Mother is broadcasting this on national television instead of taking it to her local police department.  Dr. Phil please help this little girl and help her get the justice she deserves!!!
 
October 30, 2006, 9:56 pm CST

reading stories like im reading here relly makes me think.

this world could learn from animals it seems to me, i mean look even a animal waits untill the female is in heat before he messes with her, god put us above the animals, but it would seem we relly are below them, what indeed has this world come to?
 
October 30, 2006, 10:20 pm CST

Questions

Quote From: mswing10

There have only been a few clips shown and already so many of you are believing this man hurt his child.  What's up with that?   You can't guess the truth by a few sound bites - at least watch the show first. 

 

I didn't see the show, has this guy been formally accused of a crime? has this gone to trial? What is the status of the reporting?  Have their been psychological profiles done on both parents. 

 

I know little children don't make these things up, but I also know that little children can be made to be afraid of things and thought and ideas can be planted in their minds.  Sometimes the reaction of the other parent can add trauma to an already traumatic situation. 

 

I am in no way downplaying this situtation or know the facts, just adding a few thoughts

 
October 30, 2006, 10:36 pm CST

Praise you sister

Quote From: macgurl03

Take it from me!!  Your kids are reaching out to you to keep them safe.  They are depending on you to make it stop and to help them know that no matter what happens in the future parts of their lives, they can and will be believed.  You are the crucial key to keeping those kids sanity and childhood intact! 

 

STEP UP AND PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!!!  Those kids deserve your undivided attention.  I was where you are about 3 weeks ago....  With God's help I was able to get my husband to admit to some of the allegations...  Although he is not to full admission yet, this gave me the edge I needed to stop all contact between he and the children.  RECORD your conversations to ensure belief from those who support him.  DONT BLAME YOURSELF...  Men/Women with this addiction cannot overcome their desire without first acknowledging there is one.  Secondly, they have made the actions that they are doing "normal" in their own minds.  So when questioned they are in disbelief that they could EVER inflict pain or suffering on any child. 

 

For the SAFETY OF YOUR CHILDREN, you MUST take action now...  my oldest (now 14) was brave enough to say something....  after 2 1/2 years...  she has supressed the majority of what has happened to her.  I was in disbelief because of the actions she had prior to the allegations and then my husband had always been "perfect in my eyes".  Leader in the Church, wonderful to my children....  He to stole money from us, his own family, I believe even his job and the boyscouts....  He has even been investigated by the FBI for child pornography on his work computer and lied to get out of it.

 

I have been through a tremendous ordeal trying to get to the TRUTH....  The TRUTH is that my husband has had a sexual addiction even prior to our marriage.  The TRUTH is my husband's addiction has consumed his life and it bled into every part of our "happy " marriage.  I shyed away from the "intuitions" that I had had...  If you feel it, something is there.  Don't dismiss it.  It will only cause more harm to the child/ren.  Believe them...  It is better to believe and be proven wrong than vice versa.  Your child risks the chance of suffering deep hurt for the remainder of their life.  How you handle the situation can make or break the relationship that you have with your children in the future.  It says a lot that the girls told you first...  They must have felt safe with you and felt confident that you would take care of the situation.

 

If you want the truth from your husband....  research his addictions from "his" prespectives.  Change your verbiage to "theirs" (pedophiles) and you'll be surprised at his response.  Don't accuse...  ask open ended questions with compassion.  Remember this is an addiction that has escalated far beyond their own desire.  Most are seriously trying to stop what they are doing.  They have a sincere desire to quit and some really try, only to be swept back into a vicious cycle.  Nagging...  accusatory statements...  lashing out....  will only make him angry and compulsive to what he is doing.  A loving attitude and a sincere desire to seek the help you both need is detremental in trying to achieve an open mind and heart to face the demons that are lurking inside.

 

When he tells you what he has done...  Don't be angry...  Don't lash out...  Don't accuse....  AGAIN it will only deter your progress.  Ask open ending loving questions....  He will continue to try to lie, but will only cause him to forget things he has already said and contradictions will then arise.  He will blame you for everything but the world coming to an end and might even do that if he is really trying to cover it up.  Whatever you do, don't lie about anything....  Don't give him any reason to say ha ha you have issues too.  He will use whatever he can get to take the attention off of himself.

 

Get others involved.  YOU MUST GO TO THOSE THAT BELIEVE HIM THE MOST.  Open your heart and show your desire for the truth.  You have let those people see your emotions.  If you are like me, you have a difficult time in showing people that you can't do this by yourself.  Especially when one door is slammed in your face, you feel that no one will listen, so I guess I will just sit here and ponder on it.  IF THAT DOOR IS CLOSED... OPEN THE NEXT ONE....  SO AND SO ON!!  Do not be idol!  PRAY!

 

ALL ANSWERS TO THE TRUTH ARE IN THE BIBLE!  You may not be a believer but I am and even more now than ever...  Proverbs helped me sincerely in what I should expect from others and what God expects from me.  How to react to certain situations and the attitude that I should have.  God does not condone these actions, it is stated repeatedly.  You, however, are not the judge.  But you must reprove him to get him to see....  It is a long battle and he will fight you every step.  You must follow up on every request you make of him.  He will hate it.  Keep pushing...  KEEP YOUR CHILDREN IN FORWARD SIGHT!  He will do anything in his power to cover it up and even keep the kids close to him.  They are his prize possession.  He will even try to convince you that you were never there enough for them.  You weren't a great mother.  He will point out every flaw (imagined or not) to draw the attention away from himself. 

 

You must only admit the things that needed work and FIX THEM.  Showing him that anything brought to your attention is fixed IMMEDIATELY.  Whether it is fun time with the kids.  Working too much.  This will be a key later for use to prove that you were willing to change the things brought to your attention.  He must abide by his own rules. 

 

LASTLY, you can NOT do this on your own.  YOU must seek help!  There are so many resources.  If you are like me, you don't read between the lines very well and you just need someone to say he did or didn't do it.  They are trained not to tell you.  They have to go about it the same way I am telling you to get you to see the truth yourself.  If you are not getting the desired response from the Social Worker that you seek, you must seek other resources.  There are always other people who do that same job.  They are also trained to make sure that you are sincerely concerned for the safety of your children.  Forensic specialists can conduct interviews with your children.  They are trained to see the truth. Don't hide your intuitions....  Ask questions, don't be afraid.  You are more afraid of the truth...  it would be so easy to believe it didn't happen than to believe that it did. 

 

Find the right people.  If you are getting negative responses...  go back to the drawing board....  research more.  Another key is to get him to admit to others he has wronged.  This is where your skill and your sanity will be tested....  He will quickly revert back to the stories that he originally used to explain certain situations in the past.  CALL HIM ON IT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER INDIVIDUAL.  This individual must be held of high esteem to your spouse, otherwise he will see right through it and continue his lie. 

 

My battle has only begun.  It started June 20th of this year.  I have suffered from post traumatic stress syndrome and am in therapy...  I do not battle alone.  I have an incredible support system.  I didn't even know it was there.  I finally opened that door and now can't believe the flood of people who love me and the kids are supporting us through this emotional roller coaster.  My husband is still seeking his truth...  With God's help, I have given him doors to open.  I know that if I TELL him what is wrong with him, he will never see the truth and continue to conflict this pain on others.  I love my husband.  I have dealt with the loss of our marriage.  Although, not divorced (It would only harm him more now than do good) I know that we will not be able to continue in a loving relationship.  He will always be tempted by his desires.  I can't be willing to subject my children to any type of relapse.  It is for the safety of my children and my husband.  But I do desire he gets the help he needs to control this addiction.  It is time consuming and life draining.  But God will reward in the end....  I pray everyday that God will help him and more especially help my children to have the most "normal" lives as possible and help me to be positive about every negative thing.  That so my children will know that no matter how bad it seems....  there is a time to grieve....  then there is a time for joy.  When we overcome traumatic events in our lives is when we can say we have achieved happiness.  I look forward to their happiness and mine.  God brought me through this for a reason....  I believe my children are that reason.  May God bless you and your children!  May you find the truth to set you free from your despair....

My heart goes out to you and your battle.  The Lord is with you and He will never leave you.  Addictions are just the tip of the iceberg, underneath that tip is an iceberg that is miles long, the hurt, the pain, the bitterness, resentments and unforgiveness, guilt that your husband has is insurmountable to him.  His addiction is a way of escape from having to face all those ugly emotions that he has.  Where they all began only God knows.  When we don't face our addictions we are not willing to let the Lord do His work in our lives, we want to suppress all those ugly and scary emotions and develop some kind of addiction that will help us to escape our pain. 

 

 
October 30, 2006, 10:57 pm CST

11/03 Shocking Accusations

Quote From: getclaireified

 When I was 4 years old, my mother took my dad to court on the accusation that he had sexually harrassed me by touching my 'private parts'. I didn't get to see my dad very often after that, and now, over 15 years later, I do not under any circumstances believe that my father did anything to harm me. I think my mother viciously attacked my father, and took something very simple completely out of context. My father is a wonderful person, and I find it very hard to believe that that could have ever happened.

This episode is really going to bother me. I don't really know the facts, but after personally going through a similar experience in the eyes of that child who was talking on the camera about her father touching her pee-pee (I had said something like my father touched my privates), I immediantly felt in denial about it. I felt some sort of compassion towards the father, just because I know that if he was indeed innocent then I have a father who would know exactly how he felt. I don't know how else to explain my reaction to the preview of this episode. Part of me wants to say that maybe the mom might be taking the daughters words out of context. I tend to believe that little kids when they're younger don't know what they're saying, and it can be taken out of context. I guess it's important to take action in this case, incase the Dad isn't innocent. But I also know if he really is innocent, then he'll be traumatized for the rest of his life, just like my father has been.

I love my father dearly, and I feel completely for this episode. I don't know how I'm going to take it, but I plan on watching it to see what happens...

Ah, you are fortunate in seeing the truth of the matter.  Good for you! 

 

There are, indeed, women who, for one reason or another, make malicious accusations against their (ex)spouse.  My husband has been suffering this for over 8 years.  (There had been no accusations until the separation.  The final reason he left?  She wouldn't let him go to his mother's funeral.  What she told the kids about the divorce?  Daddy  had a girl friend.  A definite lie.)  Unfortunately, for him and his children, they have had no contact even though they live two miles away.  He can't even send a greeting card without some sort of retaliation.  He found out, by accident, last December that his eldest daughter had married the previous month.  He found out two months ago, again by someone mentioning that they knew his daughter, that he was a grandfather.  He has been terribly traumatized by the accusations and continuing threats, etc. against him.  He has, his father and siblings have, and even I have been deeply affected by the continuing lies perpetuated by this obviously disturbed woman.  We wonder about the children's personal development.

 

You seem to be  a very wise young woman.  Do not despise your mother.  Forgive her, if you haven't already,  and continue to enjoy your relationship with your dad and your extended family.

 
October 30, 2006, 11:20 pm CST

No kidding!

Quote From: mswing10

There have only been a few clips shown and already so many of you are believing this man hurt his child.  What's up with that?   You can't guess the truth by a few sound bites - at least watch the show first. 

 

I agree!  Good grief!  Thank goodness there isn't a mob banging at his door to tar and feather him like in the old days.  Sheesh!

 

If the man is guilty then he should pay the consequence. 

 

If the women are guilty, then they should.

 

The problem is in detemining the truth.  Some liars can be so convincing they even fool themselves. 

 

I am the wife of a man who, after separating from his first wife of 18 years, was falsley accused of molesting his daughters.  Even though he took a polygraph and the girls were examinied and found unharmed (what a sick thing to put them through) he still has not seen his children in over 8 years even though they live minutes away.  We found out his eldest daugher is married and now has a child.  His ex continues to tell people lies.  (For example: we recently learned that she has been telling a dentist, she is pursuing, that my husband does not pay child support.  Boy, is THAT a whopper!) 

 

I do wish that people would not be so hasty to judge.  We all know there are women being treated horribly by men, but there are also good men out there who are being treated horribly by women. It is just too bad, in either case, that the child(ren) is/are the one(s) to suffer the most.  (Not to mention extended family.) We were almost on Dr. Phil a year or two ago as we sought help for our situation.  (His ex-wife wouldn't come on the show so we were dropped.)  I hope these people will be exposed and that the child will come out the victor.  Go, Dr. Phil!!!

 

 

 
October 30, 2006, 11:34 pm CST

YES

Quote From: eagleyecp

Please do not get me wrong, If this father is abusing his daughter, he should go to jail for the rest of his life. But, If it is proven that this mother or anyone else is coaching this little girl, she needs to go to jail to. My brother has three kids and is a pretty high ranking soldier in the Army. During a custody battle which got real ugly his daughter accused him of sexual abuse. After the civilian courts found that she had been coached by her mother. (she finally confessed as much) Then the Army began it's own investigation. That was almost eight years ago. This investigation also cleared my brother of any wrong doing. But that information is still in his personell jacket with the Army and still comes to light everytime he is up for a promotion or an award of any kind. My neice has also suffered because of this. She was only a small girl but she carries alot of guilt for this and their relationship has never been the same. She is now 18 but the scars seem brand new. A child as young as 3 will eventually believe that this has happened to them IF they are being coached, and suffer the same problems for the rest of their lives that they would have had if it had actually happened. That is why I think if the child has been coached in any way, the person doing the coaching should also face criminal charges for abuse. The results are the same. For everyones sake especially this little girl, I hope the truth comes out and this girl gets the help she needs. 

I couldn't have said it better.  

 

The results ARE the same and it IS abuse when a parent coaches/brainwashes.   We are living it. 

 

Thank you, for you comments.  Even though it hurts my husband (and me) so very much, it is almost comforting to know that we are not alone.  We yearn to have this problem with his "ex" resolved.  It has been over eight years and that time cannot be regained. 

 

We are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  (And we are pretty sure it isn't another train!)

 

The recovery for all will be long, expensive, and difficult, but we look forward to it!

 
October 31, 2006, 6:18 am CST

i wonder who is telling the truth

i think they both are brainwashing kaylee, there should be parent classes for parents expecting a child and there should be a parent license. no matter what happens help kaylee!
 
October 31, 2006, 9:16 am CST

11/03 Shocking Accusations

Quote From: jettav

Well, thankfully some of us have a whole lot more sense and love and respect then to allow this crap to happen within our marriages and family life. marriage is wonderful and I am in one of the greastest marriages around. We may not be considered honeymooners, but even after almost 14 years of marriage we are going strong, it is possible to live in a happy, loving and lasting marriage, people represented on these shows only prove that selfishness, stupidity, and whatever else can ruin a marriage. too bad Dr, Phil doesn't get people on there who has had long lasting marriages but of course htey are not the ones who need a doctor................
"Well, thankfully some of us have a whole lot more sense and love and respect then to allow this crap to happen within our marriages"

Your comment implies that child abuse is something a senseless mother "allows" in her family.  I suspect that you aren't too enlightened on this subject, and perhaps you should do some reasearch.

I agree with you that Dr. Phil should do a show on couples who ARE working.  I met my wife on the telephone when I lived in the Florida Keys and she lived in Calgary.  We had almost nothing in common.  She was raised by strict religious parents on a Saskatchewan farm, and I was raised by a  Teamster in New York City.  When she called the educational tourist attraction for which I worked, looking for info, she and I hit it off.

Four inches of calling cards later, I decided to go to Canada to meet her.  I took a Greyhound bus from about 100 miles north of Havana, Cuba to Calgary, Alberta, which is alleged to not be too far from the north pole.   On the bus ride across the Canadian Prairie, I met a couple dozen students from Quebec who were heading to B.C. for summer jobs.  We didn't speak the same language, but a couple had guitars, and so did I, and we knew some of the same songs.  We jammed on that bus through the night across Manitoba and Alberta.  Everyone including the driver was into the music.  I told a couple of the co-eds about my romantic journey, and they were spellbound.

By the time I got to my stop in Brooks Alberta (near Calgary - she was eager to meet me and drove to a couple stops before Calgary to do so!), I had a new "family" of French Canadians who got off the bus with me.  When I went to get my luggage, they all walked over to the woman I was to meet and started introducing themselves as if they were my old friends.  When I met this woman for the first time, it was with a circle of a couple dozen students around us!  

We got into her car, and as we drove out of the parking lot, my entire new "family" was standing outside the bus waving at us.

Six weeks later we were married, and it was the best thing I ever did.  That was just over four years ago.  We had a lot of struggles especially in the first months, but we worked them through.  In spite of not having a lot of things in common other than beliefs, we have crafted a beautiful marriage.  I'd love to tell our story on a special Dr. Phil Valentine's Day episode of couples that WORK to make their marriages successful.
 
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