Quote From: macgurl03Take it from me!! Your kids are reaching out to you to keep them safe. They are depending on you to make it stop and to help them know that no matter what happens in the future parts of their lives, they can and will be believed. You are the crucial key to keeping those kids sanity and childhood intact!
STEP UP AND PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!!! Those kids deserve your undivided attention. I was where you are about 3 weeks ago.... With God's help I was able to get my husband to admit to some of the allegations... Although he is not to full admission yet, this gave me the edge I needed to stop all contact between he and the children. RECORD your conversations to ensure belief from those who support him. DONT BLAME YOURSELF... Men/Women with this addiction cannot overcome their desire without first acknowledging there is one. Secondly, they have made the actions that they are doing "normal" in their own minds. So when questioned they are in disbelief that they could EVER inflict pain or suffering on any child.
For the SAFETY OF YOUR CHILDREN, you MUST take action now... my oldest (now 14) was brave enough to say something.... after 2 1/2 years... she has supressed the majority of what has happened to her. I was in disbelief because of the actions she had prior to the allegations and then my husband had always been "perfect in my eyes". Leader in the Church, wonderful to my children.... He to stole money from us, his own family, I believe even his job and the boyscouts.... He has even been investigated by the FBI for child pornography on his work computer and lied to get out of it.
I have been through a tremendous ordeal trying to get to the TRUTH.... The TRUTH is that my husband has had a sexual addiction even prior to our marriage. The TRUTH is my husband's addiction has consumed his life and it bled into every part of our "happy " marriage. I shyed away from the "intuitions" that I had had... If you feel it, something is there. Don't dismiss it. It will only cause more harm to the child/ren. Believe them... It is better to believe and be proven wrong than vice versa. Your child risks the chance of suffering deep hurt for the remainder of their life. How you handle the situation can make or break the relationship that you have with your children in the future. It says a lot that the girls told you first... They must have felt safe with you and felt confident that you would take care of the situation.
If you want the truth from your husband.... research his addictions from "his" prespectives. Change your verbiage to "theirs" (pedophiles) and you'll be surprised at his response. Don't accuse... ask open ended questions with compassion. Remember this is an addiction that has escalated far beyond their own desire. Most are seriously trying to stop what they are doing. They have a sincere desire to quit and some really try, only to be swept back into a vicious cycle. Nagging... accusatory statements... lashing out.... will only make him angry and compulsive to what he is doing. A loving attitude and a sincere desire to seek the help you both need is detremental in trying to achieve an open mind and heart to face the demons that are lurking inside.
When he tells you what he has done... Don't be angry... Don't lash out... Don't accuse.... AGAIN it will only deter your progress. Ask open ending loving questions.... He will continue to try to lie, but will only cause him to forget things he has already said and contradictions will then arise. He will blame you for everything but the world coming to an end and might even do that if he is really trying to cover it up. Whatever you do, don't lie about anything.... Don't give him any reason to say ha ha you have issues too. He will use whatever he can get to take the attention off of himself.
Get others involved. YOU MUST GO TO THOSE THAT BELIEVE HIM THE MOST. Open your heart and show your desire for the truth. You have let those people see your emotions. If you are like me, you have a difficult time in showing people that you can't do this by yourself. Especially when one door is slammed in your face, you feel that no one will listen, so I guess I will just sit here and ponder on it. IF THAT DOOR IS CLOSED... OPEN THE NEXT ONE.... SO AND SO ON!! Do not be idol! PRAY!
ALL ANSWERS TO THE TRUTH ARE IN THE BIBLE! You may not be a believer but I am and even more now than ever... Proverbs helped me sincerely in what I should expect from others and what God expects from me. How to react to certain situations and the attitude that I should have. God does not condone these actions, it is stated repeatedly. You, however, are not the judge. But you must reprove him to get him to see.... It is a long battle and he will fight you every step. You must follow up on every request you make of him. He will hate it. Keep pushing... KEEP YOUR CHILDREN IN FORWARD SIGHT! He will do anything in his power to cover it up and even keep the kids close to him. They are his prize possession. He will even try to convince you that you were never there enough for them. You weren't a great mother. He will point out every flaw (imagined or not) to draw the attention away from himself.
You must only admit the things that needed work and FIX THEM. Showing him that anything brought to your attention is fixed IMMEDIATELY. Whether it is fun time with the kids. Working too much. This will be a key later for use to prove that you were willing to change the things brought to your attention. He must abide by his own rules.
LASTLY, you can NOT do this on your own. YOU must seek help! There are so many resources. If you are like me, you don't read between the lines very well and you just need someone to say he did or didn't do it. They are trained not to tell you. They have to go about it the same way I am telling you to get you to see the truth yourself. If you are not getting the desired response from the Social Worker that you seek, you must seek other resources. There are always other people who do that same job. They are also trained to make sure that you are sincerely concerned for the safety of your children. Forensic specialists can conduct interviews with your children. They are trained to see the truth. Don't hide your intuitions.... Ask questions, don't be afraid. You are more afraid of the truth... it would be so easy to believe it didn't happen than to believe that it did.
Find the right people. If you are getting negative responses... go back to the drawing board.... research more. Another key is to get him to admit to others he has wronged. This is where your skill and your sanity will be tested.... He will quickly revert back to the stories that he originally used to explain certain situations in the past. CALL HIM ON IT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER INDIVIDUAL. This individual must be held of high esteem to your spouse, otherwise he will see right through it and continue his lie.
My battle has only begun. It started June 20th of this year. I have suffered from post traumatic stress syndrome and am in therapy... I do not battle alone. I have an incredible support system. I didn't even know it was there. I finally opened that door and now can't believe the flood of people who love me and the kids are supporting us through this emotional roller coaster. My husband is still seeking his truth... With God's help, I have given him doors to open. I know that if I TELL him what is wrong with him, he will never see the truth and continue to conflict this pain on others. I love my husband. I have dealt with the loss of our marriage. Although, not divorced (It would only harm him more now than do good) I know that we will not be able to continue in a loving relationship. He will always be tempted by his desires. I can't be willing to subject my children to any type of relapse. It is for the safety of my children and my husband. But I do desire he gets the help he needs to control this addiction. It is time consuming and life draining. But God will reward in the end.... I pray everyday that God will help him and more especially help my children to have the most "normal" lives as possible and help me to be positive about every negative thing. That so my children will know that no matter how bad it seems.... there is a time to grieve.... then there is a time for joy. When we overcome traumatic events in our lives is when we can say we have achieved happiness. I look forward to their happiness and mine. God brought me through this for a reason.... I believe my children are that reason. May God bless you and your children! May you find the truth to set you free from your despair....
My heart goes out to you and your battle. The Lord is with you and He will never leave you. Addictions are just the tip of the iceberg, underneath that tip is an iceberg that is miles long, the hurt, the pain, the bitterness, resentments and unforgiveness, guilt that your husband has is insurmountable to him. His addiction is a way of escape from having to face all those ugly emotions that he has. Where they all began only God knows. When we don't face our addictions we are not willing to let the Lord do His work in our lives, we want to suppress all those ugly and scary emotions and develop some kind of addiction that will help us to escape our pain.
Don't miss the first of a multi-part event so riveting, Dr. Phil needed three days to tell the whole story. Bonii, a desperate grandmother, sent Dr. Phil a video showing how her 3-year-old granddaughter, Kaylee, hysterically reacts when she returns from visits with her father, Jeremy. Bonii and her daughter Krista, Kaylee's mom, are accusing Jeremy of molesting Kaylee for the last year. Jeremy maintains his innocence, and says that Bonii and Krista are coaching Kaylee to say bad things about him. Both sides bring a video to prove their point. What does Dr. Phil think of the parents' actions? In a dramatic move, he calls a time-out during the middle of the show to have one-on-one conversations with each parent. Are Jeremy and Krista being honest with Dr. Phil? They agree to be put to the test. Dr. Phil vows to find out the truth, and make sure Kaylee has a safe home. Join the discussion and tell us what you think.
