Quote From: mindyrnDear Dr. Phil,
You are one of my "most favorite people" and I respect your opinions and the advice you give to everyone....You give "concrete advice" from years of listening and helping people, sort through their own life's problems......BUT, today hit "my limit" on the reaction and reply you gave your guests, when they mentioned that CPS didn't follow through on an report of suspected abuse. Your reply was that CPS had never failed "in all of your years" of working with them, to investigate or ignore a alleged abuse issue, with a child (in our our town, in Indiana, the agency we would call is DCFS- Department of Children and Family Service). And you found what the woman said, to be very difficult to believe. Your reaction was one to quickly defend the system...."not that she was not telling the truth", but you didn't buy it.
I am an RN, with many years of working with families and children, and during a Home Health visit approximately 3 years ago...I felt "great concern" for a child, in an inappropriate environment. I consider my assessment skills to be excellent, and accept home conditions that are not "the best", dishelved, "not as clean as I would live", etc...I respect other people and those places being their homes, as long as the conditions are not a detriment to their health, or others living in the same house. I also have always respected being allowed to go into their homes, to supply necessary medical care as ordered by their physicians.....I am telling you all of this, so you will know that I do understand my "boundaries'.
The story I can never, ever forget....is when I went to a home, in which there were 2 adult siblings (brother and sister)...that were supposedly unable to leave their homes for lab work, etc. due to their "medical condition"....each being approx. 400# plus.....I had been in this home before, had known that the brother was told "not to have pornographic material out, whenever there was a child present". When I entered, after knocking and announcing that "the nurse is here"....I went around the corner, into the living room...where the siblings usually sat....and right away something felt "very wrong".....I saw a young boy, approx. 6 years old, sitting in a large chair. He was dressed very well, with his very clean white shirt, slacks and vest...was a darling little boy. I looked over at the brother, and he was sitting in his BVD's only(normal attire) and the sister was on the couch. She had baked brownines and the brownies were scattered around the couch, on the floor, etc.....There were often smears of feces on the bedroom walls, her sheets, etc....but I was told, "everyone knew this".....I wasn't sure the "thin brownines" were food or BM....but I looked closer, and they looked like thin, baked brownies....it was gross.
I said "hello" to the little boy, told him how nice he looked, etc. , while keeping a pleasant, professional demeanor and then asked him if he was "related to the" siblings?...He looked very scared and glancing over at the brother, said "no, I am just a friend"......He was very quiet, looked scared and just "out of place", totally......THAT was a huge clue to me, that something just wasn't right....I didn't want to ask questions of the siblings, as to why he was there, etc....since professionally, that not being the reason I was there....and I thought they might become defensive and suspect my concern. IMMEDIATELY when I left the house, in my car, I called DCF and talked to the "head" of the agency, about my concerns. Right away she said they "knew about this family, and that was probably just her son visiting"...I said "No, it is not her son.....her son is 13years old and bi-racial...and this was obviously NOT her son".......I told them "something just isn't right here"..Told them the story about the young boy's attire, how he seemed scared, how the brother was "dressed", etc.
I asked them if they could just please send the local police over to the house, as soon as possible, just to "check to see how things were", etc...so that the police could see for themselves, that there was a child in the home...and how the situation "just didn't look right".....It is a very small town, just North of here....and "everyone knows everyone"....I thought the police would surely know the child and protect him immediately....or at the least, see why he was there and get him back home. I told DCF that it just seemed to me that "some mom, had dressed her little boy up so cute, to walk to school or whereever...and he didn't make it."...I was afraid it may have been that type of scenario......He was definitely "out of place",in this home.
WELL, once again the woman at DCF said "not to worry about it", and they were sure it was nothing. I left that small town, crying....knowing that my gut feeling, concern for this little boy was "blown off" by DCF and all they had to do was send the "friendly local police" over. I could not go to the police myself, because that was not the "correct procedure" we were told to use, to report suspected abuse....Well, I did "go through the correct system" to report my concerns...AND MY CONCERNS WERE REJECTED!!!! It was one of those situations that needed to be acted on immediately, to prevent anything happening to that young boy.
When I got back to my office, I told our Social Worker about my concerns...she called DCF and they told her the same thing they told me...."not to worry"...SO, IT WAS DROPPED!!!! Our hands were tied at that point.....
I will NEVER know what happened to that little boy, or if there were other children that fell under that same umbrella of abuse.....Of course, DCF doesn't share case information with the public. so I will never know if my concerns developed into bigger issues....
Soon after, I told my sister about this. She is a first grade teacher, in our town....and she said she has "seen this before, where the school/teachers are concerned about a child...and it takes forever for anyone to do anything about helping"...where children living with Meth parents are returned, because there is no where else for them to go....or how the teachers can't believe that the children were allowed to go back to the families, because it happens over and over again.....
THAT is why it just "burns me up to here" when I hear you appear say and protect ALL CPS offices.....You seem surprised that someone would suggest that child protective service agencies don't do a thoroughjob. You don't budge on "maybe it isn't a perfect system"...You just mention all the people you have worked with, over the years...that are wonderful. Spend some time outside your circle of professional acquaintances, and see the "real world" of the thousands of cases that are overlooked, denied, etc. in towns everywhere....
A book, "Through the Cracks", written by Patti Bell and Debbie Schmidtnecht, tells the story of a family, in our town, who neglected and abused their children...and those children "fell through the cracks", and died. He was a physician and she a nurse. He was too highly respected, for "the system" to investigate any reports, etc...the reports were disregarded. It doesn't happen every time, by everyone....but it does happen. And I feel sure it has happened at the CPS agencies, that you are referrring to.....
This is not a perfect world, and you can't be the protector of everyone....but don't allow your knowledge or experience, to underestimate the children who have been ignored, shuffled, and even put into abusive foster care....by our goverment child protection agencies......
When I see positions posted in the newspaper for DCF Case Workers, I pray that maybe new, interested people will fill those positions...that can break the routine/ overburdened system that is already in place, in so many cities/towns.......I just know it has to be happening everywhere, not just here.....That is why It is SO discouraging to hear the allegiance and praise for CPS. It will just make alot of people, professionals, parents, etc. feel even more like "I know they won't believe us anyway".....when it comes to reporting suspected abuse.
Thank you....thank you.....I just hope you will reconsider your "concrete" view...Still love ya!...but you should be a crusader to investigate and ensure, that children are protected by "our system", if you believe they truely are.
Thanks for writing of your experience as a nurse and reporting on the failure of the system Dr. Phil holds in such high esteem. I, too, am surprised--perhaps "shocked" would be a better word--hearing Dr. Phil jump to the defense of all CPS workers. Yes, some are excellent, but like any profession there are those who are good and caring, and those who are not.
I speak from personal experience, having watched my daughter fight much the same battle this mother and grandmother are fighting. CPS hurt more than it helped, even calling the child, when he was 14 and filed his own complaint, a liar--and then blaming his mother instead of the person he accused of the abuse and throwing him back to the abusers.
We, none of us on this side of his family ever--not once!--spoke ill of his father in his presence, and we told ourselves that if he could just hold on that he would have more adult years than those we had no control over. However, he is 27 now and although he has cut himself off from his abusive father, he is forever marked by the decisions made by the judicial system and CPS. To top it off, we now have no relationship with him at all as he holds resentment toward his mother and us, his grandparents, for not rescuing him when we were powerless to do so.
If Dr. Phil is going to investigate child abuse perhaps he should start with the system. Giving them all high marks puts him way off the mark!
You have disappointed me, Dr. Phil.
Don't miss the first of a multi-part event so riveting, Dr. Phil needed three days to tell the whole story. Bonii, a desperate grandmother, sent Dr. Phil a video showing how her 3-year-old granddaughter, Kaylee, hysterically reacts when she returns from visits with her father, Jeremy. Bonii and her daughter Krista, Kaylee's mom, are accusing Jeremy of molesting Kaylee for the last year. Jeremy maintains his innocence, and says that Bonii and Krista are coaching Kaylee to say bad things about him. Both sides bring a video to prove their point. What does Dr. Phil think of the parents' actions? In a dramatic move, he calls a time-out during the middle of the show to have one-on-one conversations with each parent. Are Jeremy and Krista being honest with Dr. Phil? They agree to be put to the test. Dr. Phil vows to find out the truth, and make sure Kaylee has a safe home. Join the discussion and tell us what you think.
