Topic : Tired of Being Single

I am 23 years-old, and recently found a job through a summer youth program. I work at a food bank. This is where I met a guy I will call "Joe." Joe and I have been flirting, but the last few days it kind of wound down. I could see it in his eyes that he was thinking about not starting a relationship with me. He told me to give it time several weeks ago, and so I figured that I was being paranoid about the look in his eyes, because I am self-conscious. I am upset because I have been very distrustful of relationships, and then I meet "Joe," who is good looking, intelligent, and nice. I have lost a lot of respect for him, as he had none for me. Instead of talking with me privately, he had a conversation with other co-workers behind my back, then had another guy "Ben" tell me that he wasn't interested in a relationship. Am I disappointed, yes; do I respect his wishes? Definately. My problem, is that either a guy flirts, but doesn't ask me out; other guys only make comments about my body, so I avoid relationships with them (most times). I haven't dated in 2 years; my last date broke up with me the day after Valentine's Day, and I have never had an actual boyfriend, though my younger sisters and brother have had long term relationships. I am wonder, what am I doing wrong? What am I supposed to do to attract a good looking, intelligent, and nice man. What is wrong with me?

So, last April I sat at an internet site to search out a man that I have known for 30 years. I needed his advice on something important. We met in 1975. He made attempts to stay in touch with me in the 1980s. We reconnected in 1987. I had issues to sort out, so I gave him closure in 1989. He did not give me closure in return. So he had returned to the city that we originally met. We now live in the same town. During the year he seemed very glad to reconnect. I did not give him high expectations, except that I value his feedback and opinions. He likes to give me crash landings with his style of romance. I put on a parachute just in case he did it, again. He did. I pulled the cord and dragged out an explanation from him. I think that a 30 year friendship is a gift. I supported him when his father died in 1976. He supported me when my marriage turned hostile and he gave me refuge to sort things out. He has had trying relationships with women in the past. I have tried a different approach to being with men, simply getting to know them intellectually. I get more out of them this way. Anyway this past year was full of discovery that he and I have a similar, parallel like pathway. We have so much in common. We are both reckless. Yet I have learned to control my impulses. He takes more risks than I do. If he was a woman then he would be my number one girlfriend. He is sexy. I must stop looking him like he is cake! I always want to take a bite from him. We do share traditional rituals. I am confused because now he has given me a cold shoulder. He told me not to communicate with him any longer. But we talk about everything, politics, music, religion, housework, antiqueing, shopping, sports, porn, sex, food, you name it we talk about it. My emotions are hurt but I have reached out to other friends to talk about this. I don't get it. He says that I should look elsewhere for a new boyfriend. He told me to stop talking to him July 10, 2005. On July 23, he sent an inquiry to see if I want to stay connected with him by e mail. He likes to tease me. Our friendship is being tested, again. He brought home a woman who needed help, she moved in on him. She wanted me out of the picture. He chose to listen to her demands.

I would like a community imput on this because this did hurt me. And from the sound of his voice, he didn't seem to happy about it either. He is stubborn. But I think he has extended an olive branch to me. let me know what you all think please.

bsmith77 wrote: "Rememeber, women on average mature 7 YEARS than their male counterparts."

I'm not too convinced by this! The boyfriends I've got on best with in the past have been a year younger than me, and recently a male friend who is only 5 years older than me said that I was "much younger than him"!

I have never had a boyfriend my own age, only younger or much older guys seem to be interested in dating me. Something about my youthful apptroach to life seems to put them off, as they're all busy trying to make it in their careers in their mid-thirties, and I just want to enjoy life without being a slave to the wage :-) Not that I'm flaky, I'm responsible enough to have always had a job and payed my own way, it's just not the top priority of my existence to make it big in business..

Maybe this is off-putting to guys but I don't really understand why.

cat172

It is so important to be who you are and love yourself as you are.  That doesn't mean that you can't change things about yourself that YOU want to change.  You should never change things about yourself in order to make someone else happy or to make them desire you.  You should want someone to love you as you are and not something that they want you to be.

Are there things about yourself that you would like to change or improve because it will make you feel better?  I recently joined a gym because I wanted to drop some weight and tone up.  I am doing this to make myself happy and feel better about my appearance.  There is nothing wrong about looking your best and feeling good about yourself.  Get a new hairstyle, get a new outfit or get your nails done.  Do something for you.

You will find that people are attracted to confidence.  If you are feeling good about who you are and are confident about who you are and what you believe in, it will be noticed.  If you have never seen the movie "Runaway Bride" with Julia Roberts, I would suggest it.  She was always trying to mold who she was to each person she was with and realizes that she can't truly love anyone until she knew who she was and could love herself.

Let us know how you are doing.

the statement above is so true but it seems today that men are looking for a fantasy and so people like us never get a chance i'm 38 never been married and have not had a date in 10 years and i think its safe to say i will not find anyone in how the world seems today.

When you say, "people like us"?  Do you mean in your age group or is there something I missed?

I think a good policy is to never "generalize" all men or all women into a category.  Yes, there are men who are trying to find a fantasy woman that doesn't exist and therefore never are happy in any relationship and are always looking for something "better".  At the same time, there are men out there who are looking for someone to love, care about and spend the rest of their life sharing everything with each other.

I know it's easy to give up and think you won't find anyone.  Having a positive outlook when you've faced disappointment is hard but it really does help.  Don't give up.

the statement above is so true but it seems today that men are looking for a fantasy and so people like us never get a chance i'm 38 never been married and have not had a date in 10 years and i think its safe to say i will not find anyone in how the world seems today.