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Topic : Tired of Being Single

Number of Replies: 3875
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:12:41 pm
Author : dataimport

Have you had enough of the single life? What are you doing to find happiness? Share your story. For your safety and privacy, please do not post personal information such as phone numbers, addresses, social security numbers or any other private information. Please use common sense when using this message board and never give out your personal information online.

 

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May 24, 2009, 12:47 pm CDT

My relationships don't work

I'm 29 years old college graduate.  I haven't had a "real" relationship since 2000.  Every relationship after that has been a nightmare.  And now I have these emotional scars I can't shake off.  I'm absolutely terrified of men and getting into a relationship.  I honestly feel that if I got hurt again I wouldn't survive it.  And I fully realize and acknowledge that I'm to blame (50%) for these terrible relationships.  Even though I take partial responsibility, my inner voice goes on a negative rampage of killing my self-esteem.  The negativity my inner voice inflects on myself is horrid.  I haven't been truly happy in a long time.  And many smiles I show are fake.  I have lost my ability to be happy with who I am.  I've lost the person I use to be.  Now, I'm constantly timid and terrified.  I don't know what to do.  I spend most days crying and feeling sorry for myself.  I'm at the end of my tunnel, how do I get my light back?
 
May 25, 2009, 4:40 am CDT

Greetings from New York!

Quote From: destined1979

I'm 29 years old college graduate.  I haven't had a "real" relationship since 2000.  Every relationship after that has been a nightmare.  And now I have these emotional scars I can't shake off.  I'm absolutely terrified of men and getting into a relationship.  I honestly feel that if I got hurt again I wouldn't survive it.  And I fully realize and acknowledge that I'm to blame (50%) for these terrible relationships.  Even though I take partial responsibility, my inner voice goes on a negative rampage of killing my self-esteem.  The negativity my inner voice inflects on myself is horrid.  I haven't been truly happy in a long time.  And many smiles I show are fake.  I have lost my ability to be happy with who I am.  I've lost the person I use to be.  Now, I'm constantly timid and terrified.  I don't know what to do.  I spend most days crying and feeling sorry for myself.  I'm at the end of my tunnel, how do I get my light back?

Hey Destined.........I hear you.  I hear you are down and I hear you are hitting a very scary place. I also hear that you are sooooooo close to being happy, but you cannot see it because its not making itself visible to you right this moment.  What is happening to you is you are discovering the reality of people, of life and of your vulnerabilities in it.  You are acknowledging that you "do not have all the answers" that you are not wise enough to know how to handle all the life circumstances, that you have been psychologically affected by people and life.

 

I would even bet that you did not have a safe, loving, nurturing relationship with your dad or an emotionally healthy relationship with your mom?  It could be reversed.

 

Self esteem and self worth are not the same. Self esteem is how we feel at a given moment in time; self worth is what we feel about ourselves all the times, despite hardships, wrong choices, etc.  It is something that was given to us the moment we were born and it is our relation to the world, all people, ourselves, family. It is who we truly believe we are, despite what may be happening, or what happened in the past.  Self worthi is your morals, ethics, your being, your spirit and soul. 

 

You have not lost your ability to be who you are, but self esteem, things, people, situations, have beaten it down and your suffering is because you are not able to see you right in front of you.

 

The one thing that  I have found that holds much much weight is this:   An inability to trust people is good in our society where people lie so distrust is a possitive.

 

:   Work on being the most trusing person you can and you will discover that you will notice the liars much more easily.

 

:  Become a trusting person and another trustworthy person will appear to you.

 

:  Spend an hour or two a day feelinng sorry for yourself because you have a good right to but also know you have a right to be happy on a daily basis as well.  If you are having a hard time finding balance, force yourself to do something for you, even if its staring out the lake, but little by little your soul will realize the door is being open again for the real you to step in and play again.

 

At 29 your questions will bring you enlightenment and the journey to find oneself is one that not many venture to go on.  Understand that your life is happening with perfect harmony and syncronicity with the flow. Don't fight it, laugh at yourself more, and become the "light at the end of the tunnel".....don't look for it.....feed yourself with good things, and your light will get brighter and brighter.  Promise.

 

Kimi

 
May 28, 2009, 5:54 am CDT

Welcome to my world =P

Hi I'm a 21 year old guy, still in college. I've never had a serious relationship my whole life, not even a real "girlfriend" (just friends who were girls). I've tried to stay true to myself but it's really hard. I'm not that great looking and I feel that that is what seems to matter most to girls around my age. I'm a decent guy, funny, cheerful, strong and independent but also emotionally available. I consider myself a great catch but I'm just not sure of myself right now. I don't know why I can't ever seem to have a girlfriend. Sometimes I feel like I just stand out in a crowd but not in a good way - in the way that makes girls avoid me for some reason. Does anybody have any suggestions on what I should do?

 
June 4, 2009, 6:48 pm CDT

Lonely and not sure what to do about it...

I'm turning 30 this year, been single since I divorced in 2004 (young, dumb and... history). Anyway, as a result I'm also a single mom and I do not really do much. I travel quite a bit so when I'm home, I like to be home. I have some really good friends, all married or in really great relationships. HOW do I meet someone? I think the only people that want to date me are old enough to be my father. I'm not bad looking (could loose about 15 pounds) and I think I'm fun to be around. Of course I wouldn't be a good critic of that because I'm always around myself so I best be able to tolerate myself. 

 

Any ideas how to meet someone would be great. Still not sure I'm ready to give up and go with online dating (though no offense to anyone who does it).

 
June 4, 2009, 7:25 pm CDT

Tired of Being Single

Quote From: hwt003

Hi I'm a 21 year old guy, still in college. I've never had a serious relationship my whole life, not even a real "girlfriend" (just friends who were girls). I've tried to stay true to myself but it's really hard. I'm not that great looking and I feel that that is what seems to matter most to girls around my age. I'm a decent guy, funny, cheerful, strong and independent but also emotionally available. I consider myself a great catch but I'm just not sure of myself right now. I don't know why I can't ever seem to have a girlfriend. Sometimes I feel like I just stand out in a crowd but not in a good way - in the way that makes girls avoid me for some reason. Does anybody have any suggestions on what I should do?

I know its lonely but you need to work on your confidence some. School is important, looks are not. Focus on your good qualities and keep staying true to yourself forever! Sorry that's all the advice I have right now, I'm in the same lonely boat.

 
June 8, 2009, 5:25 pm CDT

Crushing

Hi, I am a 30 year old woman and I've never had any serious relationships let alone a date.   I am a shy individual but I stay true to myself and have a good self-esteem.  Right now,  I am reading Dr. Phil's  "Love Smart" book but I have a couple of problems.  There is a section where you have to analyze your past relationships and I've never had any romantic relationships so would it work if I analyzed my relationships with my friends?  Also,  I have a major crush on this guy.  Actually, I really like this guy but I'm way too shy to ask him out and I'm also afraid that if I do I might scare him away.   I used to have crushes on guys I knew I would never want to have a relationship with but with this guy,  I would like to have a relationship and if he did like me, I probably could have a relationship with him.  The only problem is I don't know if he likes me and I'm not very good at reading people's body language especially those who I like.  I'm trying not to think about him but I can't stop thinking about him.  He's all I think about most of the time.  I need help.
 
June 22, 2009, 9:53 am CDT

How long do you wait

I have been dating a guy for what will soon be 5 years....He has never brought up the subject of marriage?

He says he loves me and he spends weekends with me. I never spend a weekend at his house because he has 2 grown children who live with him. Both in their 30"s...they both have a job but contribute nothing to the household. Work just to spend there money and pay for only clothing, cell phones and cars? I work a fulltime job and struggle to make ends meet, He does not want me to mention anything about his grown kids taking advantage of a good thing. He has 2 pampered dogs and expects me to lap them up the way he does...I love animals but I don't want them by my side 24/7. I had a dog, but due to rent circumstances had to let the dog stay with him..He brings the dog with him on the weekends and the dog gets babied and if I mention that maybe I need a little more attention he goes off the deep end? I have brought up the subject myself that I think it's time to tell your children that you have me in your life if I am important enough. Who should be more important now?...His answer to not making any commitmenst to me is always...."well you know my circumstances"?...It is really getting to me and stressing me to no end. If he does love me, don't you think he would change something....Help!...What do I do?..Am I wrong?

 
June 29, 2009, 7:10 pm CDT

29 year old still a virgin. still going out and approaching

im about to turn 30. im indian american in nj. i never had a date, kissed, got number.... i am a virgin. i have been approaching girls since i was 18. i was born and raised in nj. i started a journal when i turned 26 to see what am i doing wrong. at the end of the year i had approaching over 600 girls (from 2006-2007),asked them out. i only got one number from all those approaches, which turned out to be for blockbuster. i get looks all the time from girls, i get smiles, there girlfriends will tell me my friend likes you. i approach and than nothing happens. i get the line i have a boyfriend all the time.

 

my dress style is: blazer, dress shirt, sand blasted jeans, kenneth cole shoes when i go out.

 

i have been approaching women in malls, clubs, bars, lounges, food markets, streets. before my standards were high. but after the age of 23 i have no standards, hoping that will me get a girl. my friends are in the same boat. we are all successful in our career, but dating life is not good. any tips would be appreciated.

 

 

 
June 30, 2009, 2:56 am CDT

Hi

Quote From: cj5320

I'm turning 30 this year, been single since I divorced in 2004 (young, dumb and... history). Anyway, as a result I'm also a single mom and I do not really do much. I travel quite a bit so when I'm home, I like to be home. I have some really good friends, all married or in really great relationships. HOW do I meet someone? I think the only people that want to date me are old enough to be my father. I'm not bad looking (could loose about 15 pounds) and I think I'm fun to be around. Of course I wouldn't be a good critic of that because I'm always around myself so I best be able to tolerate myself. 

 

Any ideas how to meet someone would be great. Still not sure I'm ready to give up and go with online dating (though no offense to anyone who does it).

It is very possible that the guys your age do not want someone with a child already so you are going to attract a more sophisticated bunch. Not everyone wants to be around a young person especially when they are in the throes of their young life at age 30. You made a decision to be a parent, so now you are living the life of a mom, only without a dad. Making the decision to have a child is big and with it comes ups and downs. Ups being all the love and needing and friendship and responsibility to be a good parent and then successfully being one. The downs, all the love and needing and friendship and responsibilty leaves only a little time for anything else. This is why people get married and have children so that they don't have to do it alone.

 

I had many opportunity to have children, but didn't because I didn't want to face being a single mom. It is a choice I do not regret but with it comes the emptiness of not having roots of my own. I haven't resorted to dating online because I met my ex through a similar method, only to find out he was not a very nice person. It is better to know the person the best you can so that you don't have any sudden surprises that can throw you out of the water. At your age, you should be thinking about your career, raising your child and being a role model for them, love will come.

 

Another thing you will want to look into would be single dads with kids. There are more out there then you can imagine. Some men that have custody tend to be unable to give time to their women because they have careers, then homelife, but somehow you can fit nicely into a groove that already has a made family as well. Don't be kidding yourself to think that only 15 lbs is no big deal. In the dating world, you must remain slim at all times. Men do not like chubbies. They want model types so don't kid yourself. Get to a gym or start a diet your choices will much more if you shake those few lbs. Men are still very shallow and want a women that will make them look good.

 

I am 48 and single; probably will be for the rest of my life. But I had enough relationships in the past to hold me over for 10 lifetimes. Learn about yourself and delve into something that excites you. You may also be single the rest of your life. You will need something that makes you feel good about yourself. This is more important than some fleeting love affair. Good luck and if you do go on line for dates, expect to spend a lot of money traveling, and meeting a lot of lonely losers. Find your passion and  you will find your love.

 
July 29, 2009, 9:28 pm CDT

Don't give up!

Quote From: redxhood

im about to turn 30. im indian american in nj. i never had a date, kissed, got number.... i am a virgin. i have been approaching girls since i was 18. i was born and raised in nj. i started a journal when i turned 26 to see what am i doing wrong. at the end of the year i had approaching over 600 girls (from 2006-2007),asked them out. i only got one number from all those approaches, which turned out to be for blockbuster. i get looks all the time from girls, i get smiles, there girlfriends will tell me my friend likes you. i approach and than nothing happens. i get the line i have a boyfriend all the time.

 

my dress style is: blazer, dress shirt, sand blasted jeans, kenneth cole shoes when i go out.

 

i have been approaching women in malls, clubs, bars, lounges, food markets, streets. before my standards were high. but after the age of 23 i have no standards, hoping that will me get a girl. my friends are in the same boat. we are all successful in our career, but dating life is not good. any tips would be appreciated.

 

 

You may feel your esteem diminished because of past with women but don't give up. Ask your friends, the girls who are in your life like cousins or sister, or even any girl you approach, what they see that needs to change. If you have been going around the same mountain year after year then maybe there's something you're not picking up on that is turning them away, sometimes it's insecurity that turns girls away.

You're style seems right on and the fact that you are not shy to approach a girl is great too.

Also, how old are the girls you are trying to date? Look for someone closer to your age or a little older, we tend to realize that looks don't matter as much as personality and security! If you are ok with kids, consider single mothers too! They are looking for someone who will stand by them through think and thin!

Best Wishes

 
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