Topic : Tired of Being Single

I am a happy well adjusted divorcee.  I have not had a date since my divorce.  I have tried eveything, singles groups, college courses, internet (what a waste of time).  What do I have to do to meet someone.

I am a 42 year old woman.  I recently made a command decision that I will not sit alone in my home on any more weekends, and that I will find that healthy-good-for-me man.  I am not saying I am an expert at this, but I would like to share my approach. 

I recently read a study for job applicants.  Basically in my age group and gender, I would need to apply for 27 jobs to get one interview.  I realized this job hunt is just a numbers game, and I wondered if the same was true for finding a great mate.  So to test my hypothesis, I put together a project plan, with a committee, complete with status updates, and weekly review meetings. 

My committee identifed several ways to meet people, including internet dating, coffee shops, similar interest clubs, outings, dog parks...etc.  They helped me feel more approachable, and were a fantastic support circle. I had a weekly report  due every sunday over brunch, on how and who I met and what great qualities they displayed, and the red flags they showed.

It took about 3 weeks to really get rolling with my plan... But once it took off, I dated 18 men, in one month. I had coffee or dinner with them, wrote up a review, and crafted many polite follow up emails stating the the candidate did not get the position...so to speak.  I was exhausted, because it was hard work, and I worked on it every evening for about 2 months.

I know I sound nuts, but I found a nice guy to date.  We have only been dating a few months and I have no idea where we are going with this, but I do know one thing... I don't sit at home alone on Saturday night anymore.  And my good friends (aka "the committee") had a great time meeting, reviewing, and helping me out, along with some wonderful sunday brunches.

Hey, I am just saying...one woman's approach.

I understand that it canbe hard sometimes to open up but what you must realize is the fact that you will kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince. Many of us have had trouble finding the right one but in order to find "the one" you have to be willing to let your guard down and open up. The more you do this the more you will be able to weed out those who arent for you and those who have potential. The good guys do genuinely want to know about you and the things that are important. It just doesnt happen overnight and you have to be prepared to take some falls. When you fall however, pick yourself  up and dust yourself off. Try again. Believe you are special to someone out there and go into it with a positive attitude and you will radiate and attract them like bees to a flower on a lovely summer day!

Before you step out there make a list....what you want in a man  what you dont want. The latter list  comes easy for me becase I know what I absolutely will not settle for and I am true to my heart. Then go out and have some fun...

I think that  a ever single because of my fear of intimacy... went through some traumtic experiences as a child/teen, like open heart heart surgery and think that this has a lot to do with why I have trouble with getting intimate emotionally and make connections with people, the kind of connections that lea o satifying, lasting relationships. I keep trying to over come it b forcing myself to go out,meet new people, get in touch with my emotions,pray and have a relationship with God...    feel I am making some progress,but ulimately,  feel like I shouldhave found that perfect guy and have gotten married already. Reaso why I thnk this is because I have trouble with social and general anxiety. I sometimes feel it is a constant battle.

Anyideas as to how I can take even greater steps toward intimacy?

Hello Lauren.. It's good to hear that you found someone you really like.But don't psycologically profile the relationship before it gets started. All relationships are different because of personalities.It's okay to have fears of not being hurt, but don't turn that fear into a method of sabotaging a relationship. Maybe the best thing to do is let go of the past and talk to this person, be honest with your feelings and thoughts and if this person truely accepts you then take the leap of faith.. Good luck with all your endeavors and may every day bring you prosperity and happiness......

                                     James