Message Boards

Topic : 03/29 Cougars and Sugar Daddies

Number of Replies: 1371
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, November 03, 2006, 01:01:10 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/08/06) When it comes to dating, they say age is just a number. But what happens when the man is more than two decades older than his girlfriend, or the woman is 15 years older than her young lover? Forty-year-old Sanjay is a wealthy cosmetic surgeon who met 18-year-old Jacqueline on the Web site SugarDaddie.com. They’ve only been together four months but are already talking marriage. Sanjay’s friend, Mike, is convinced that Jacqueline will put him right in the poorhouse! Is there a chance that Sanjay has found true love, or is Jacqueline just in it for the money? Then, 24-year-old Ryan is engaged to Angela, a woman 15 years his senior. Ryan’s friend, Donovan, fears that Angela is alienating Ryan from his buddies. Will Ryan have to choose between his college friends and his soon-to-be wife? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

More March 2007 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

March 29, 2007, 9:45 pm CDT

03/29 Cougars and Sugar Daddies

First of all i think that if you meet some one on a site called "sugardaddy" that is definately not a good start...especially considering that man the 18 year old girl met is almost twice her age and obviously has money...from another girls perspective, she knows its about the money and if he stopped now that would have an affect on the relationship for sure.  And for the older women and her little 24 year old man i just think that evenly he'll won't want to be playing the role of a daddy of a bunch of kids that will probably never except him as a father figure anyways and never have real respect for him...i saw this because i know from experience.  I feel the women in the relationship is old and she probably feels unwanted and maybe suffering a mid life crisis, and someday the guy is going to want his own real family and the women won't always look so HOT, as she gets older he'll probably want to find someone younger...he's too younger to be settling down with a women of her age.  anyways i just wanted to comment on this issue because I'm the daughter of a divorced family, with a mother who i feel has been going through a mid life crisis and wants to date such young guys to make her feel as though she can still be young.
 
March 29, 2007, 10:00 pm CDT

Not all in it for sex!

I am 20 and my partner is 35.

We knew eah other through a youth organisation for several years before we started dating (he was a leader). Contrary to poular assumption NOTHING happened while we were in this organisation (please, i have integrity). After i left, we texted each other occasionally, and became friends over time. Our friendship was based soley on mutual respect.

The realisation that we had fallen inlove came as a suprise, but we both knew it was right. Dating someone 14 years different in age comes at a cost of widepread social ridicule.

I was 17 and he was 32. Was my parents mortified? Yes, of course. Both my friends and his friends were extremely worried about us. But over 3 1/2 years later, everyone accepts us,and sees that we are great together, and we love each other very much.Our relationship is better than any of my friends who all have 'same age' realtionships. It works.

But my point is that all posts i have read so far run  on the presumption of sex. We did not have any sex for the first year and a half of our relationship, until we were both ready and comfortable.

PLEASE, IF YOU KNOW ANYONE IN A DIFFERING AGE REALTIONSHIP, DON'T PRESUME THAT IT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH SEX AT ALL. Because it may not be. 

 
March 29, 2007, 10:03 pm CDT

how our memory fades..

First off, I find it amazing how quickly people tend to forget how, umm, insane we were in our late teens and early twenties. At 30, I consider myself crazier than a rabid dog in my early 20s; and I'm sure when I'm 40, the same will be true of me now.  My brain had not settled in my head yet.  It was very telling with Jacqueline when she kept asking Dr. Phil how he knew what she had been through.  She kind of reminded me of my 5 year old screaming about how she wants to be a big girl.  My brother had a taste for much younger ladies about 10 years ago.  I told him, just as I would Sanjay, "You don't understand.  Their heads are just not right yet."  The sad situation is that this young woman will continue to be infantilized for the remainder of this relationship.  What happens if they do marry, stay happy, and he dies?  I considered my mother independent.  But when my dad died, she was lost .

I've known of gigantic age differences that survived.  A lot of times these tend to be stories of a cousin's friend's ex-roommate deal.  There is a seven year difference between my husband and myself, and I still scratch my head with him.  He's 37, not 23.

 
March 29, 2007, 10:07 pm CDT

03/29 Cougars and Sugar Daddies

Quote From: iluvjai

I am 20 and my partner is 35.

We knew eah other through a youth organisation for several years before we started dating (he was a leader). Contrary to poular assumption NOTHING happened while we were in this organisation (please, i have integrity). After i left, we texted each other occasionally, and became friends over time. Our friendship was based soley on mutual respect.

The realisation that we had fallen inlove came as a suprise, but we both knew it was right. Dating someone 14 years different in age comes at a cost of widepread social ridicule.

I was 17 and he was 32. Was my parents mortified? Yes, of course. Both my friends and his friends were extremely worried about us. But over 3 1/2 years later, everyone accepts us,and sees that we are great together, and we love each other very much.Our relationship is better than any of my friends who all have 'same age' realtionships. It works.

But my point is that all posts i have read so far run  on the presumption of sex. We did not have any sex for the first year and a half of our relationship, until we were both ready and comfortable.

PLEASE, IF YOU KNOW ANYONE IN A DIFFERING AGE REALTIONSHIP, DON'T PRESUME THAT IT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH SEX AT ALL. Because it may not be. 

See, I have NOTHING against age differences, but I'll be honest with you. I find it creepy that you are now involved with a man who used to be a youth leader for you.

Also, the brain of a teen, yes even a 17 year old, is not that of an adult yet...and a grown man wanting to date and be romantic with someone that young creeps me out.

JMO of course.
 
March 29, 2007, 10:09 pm CDT

My Story

My husband was 52 when he died and I was only 26. I was pregnate at the time with oue second child.   I would have never ever considered him my "sugar daddy" though, even though I did call him daddy, even before we had our children. I cannot explain this, it was just a nickname that came to be.  Anyway, I met Dave at a resturant and he took me on my first motorcycle ride the night we met. My parents did have a problem with this at first, but by the time they got to know Dave and realize that he was a good person, they considered him part of the family as did the rest of my family.

The age difference was always an attraction for me and a smaller one for Dave. This was definatly not the only reason I loved him so dearly. He was killed in a motorcycle accident when I was seven months pregnant and our little girl was 13 monthes old. 

I believe that for some relationships, an difference such as this is a sexual attraction. But as things progress, if they do, that attraction hides and goes only in the bedroom and true honest family love stays in the home and everywhere else. I dont know if I am making myself clear. Sometimes I dont word my feelings as well as I would like.

 

 
March 29, 2007, 10:11 pm CDT

30 years and still in love

Dr. Phil, my husband is 62 this year and I will be 79 this April.  We married in 1979 after living together for three years.  What I wish you would stress to these couples is; it takes committment, maturity, character and a desire to work together to reach a common goal.  This to us is our formula for successful relationships.
 
March 29, 2007, 10:13 pm CDT

So sad...

I feel so sorry for the young woman, Jacqueline. She is really more child than woman. She doesn't have a lot of life experience and coming from a background of modest means...has become enthralled by someone who can give her trips to Hawaii, and expensive gifts. (Did anyone else catch that the Mercedes was the deceased WIFE'S car??!!!. Sanjay has tons of money, why not buy her a new car?) I was disappointed in Dr. Phil for not being tougher on Sanjay (who didn't want the amount of his wealth talked about, but was fine with showing his face to millions of people as a someone who bought the love of an 18 year old child). Shame on Sanjay and shame on Dr. Phil too. If Jacqueline was only 17 when she started seeing Sanjay...shouldn't he be have been dragged off to jail? While I think that Sanjay is still grieving for his wife, and I do have empathy for him on that level, it is still shocking that a cosmetic surgeon with more money than God apparently, has to go to sugardaddies.com for a relationship. Jacqueline, honey, if you read this, I wish you the best and hope you don't get hurt. Enjoy life and if it doesn't work out with Sanjay, you deserve part of his wealth. You are giving him your youth and that is priceless.

 
March 29, 2007, 10:17 pm CDT

03/29 Cougars and Sugar Daddies

Quote From: auburn9

I married a man l3 years younger than me, everyone said it would not work, he was 27 I was 40,  That was 34 years ago.  And so far it's still working.
I married a man 14 years younger than me. That was 12 years ago. Still together.  And shame on Dr.Phil when he made a comment about her having a teenage daughter and if he thought she was cute.  I had a teenage daughter at the time I met him. I was 38 and he was 24 when we met.  My daughter was 15 at the time.  And why can't he be a role model for her kids? My husband is an excellent role model.  When my kids need help, they call him, not their dad.  And now, my daughter's kids call him grandpa. I am 50 now and he is 36. Still very much in love.
 
March 30, 2007, 2:36 am CDT

Know how it feels

Quote From: penny_lady

See, I have NOTHING against age differences, but I'll be honest with you. I find it creepy that you are now involved with a man who used to be a youth leader for you.

Also, the brain of a teen, yes even a 17 year old, is not that of an adult yet...and a grown man wanting to date and be romantic with someone that young creeps me out.

JMO of course.
I saw the show on thursday and said I wish I could ask the 18 year old about what will happen in the later years. My father was 31 years older than my mother. My Dad was 47 and my Mom was 16 when they married. Don't get me wrong. They were happy. They were married 43 years when my dad passed away. At the age of 91. My mom found how it was to take care of a husband that wore diapers and depended solely on his family. (Meaning my Mom, my middle sister and myself. My oldest sister left home and joined the military.) He lived in the nursing home for almost a year before he died. We just couldn't take care of him at home any more considering we all three had full time jobs.  My Mom was faithful to visit everyday but two during those months. And then it was snow and sickness that kept her away.  I'm the youngest of 3 girls. He has an older child from his first marriage. My Mom helped on the farm until my dad retired at 62. Then Mom had to go to public work. My mom took care of us, helped with the garden, did her housework, provided an income and still continued to do things as they always had been. Until my Mom was between 40 & 50. She decided she wasn't going to do things like that. She used to get up every morning at 4 a.m and cook homemade biscuits for my dad who arose early (very early) and then went to her job. She stopped doing things like that. It was  big adjustment for him. My dad was 57 when i was born. I love my Dad but he was old my whole life. He was too old to play with my sons when they were born. Things like that is what people need to think about. Yes age is just a number. but like anything else, it's the effect that is has on others. I'm not saying marrying someone younger or older is bad. But don't act like that the society is against you. Just remeber that things we do effects others too.
 
March 30, 2007, 3:49 am CDT

It's not the age difference per se

In answer to Sanjay's question: why is an older man-younger wife scenario accepted in most other cultures -- that is clearly because most traditional societies are patriarchal and believe men should have more power than women, hence favor relationships in which husbands have more age, authority, maturity, money, etc. If Sanjay doesn't want an equal, egalitarian marriage, that is fine, but I hope his US born and bred bride-to-be understands this. Because as she ages and comes into her own, if she expects equality and he is looking for a paternal role forever, they will probably not make it.

I have less problem with the age DIFFERENCE between Sanjay and Jacqueline than I do her age. At 17 (and a young 17 it appears), she doesn't know herself and what she wants. I myself am married to a man 9 years my senior, but I was 29 when we got together and we were two adults. As many people have commented, I don't think Jacqueline is a full adult yet.

While I felt Jacquline might have stars in her eyes from the lavish gifts and experiences Sanjay was giving her, and self-involved regarding his ex-wife, I did not think she was a golddigger and thought Sanjay's friend was entirely rude and out of line with his comments to that effect. I thought Dr. Phil should have given him time to say his piece and then shut him up.

I hope Sanjay doesn't marry Jacqueline out of fear that he "can't compete" for more mature women with high expectations or out of a sense of loyalty to his first wife. I could imagine that he doesn't want a full marriage that involves his whole heart and soul again after being so deeply wounded, and has decided to pursue a less emotionally involved relationship in his second marriage so he cannot be hurt that way again. If that is the case, he may regret his decision in a few years as he moves through his grief more.

Regardless, I do not have high expectations for the success of his couple. Not because of the age difference, but because of the immaturity and lack of depth in the relationship. I didn't hear anything about common values, interests, or admiration of each other for anything other than superficial things. Perhaps it is there, but it did not shine through on the show.
 
First | Prev | 118 | 119 | 120 | 121 | 122 | 123 | 124 | 125 | 126 | 127 | Next | Last