Quote From: happynana63I seem to always be the one to initiate intimacy. More than half the time, my husband turns me down. It makes me feel unwanted and unloved. I try to talk to him about it, what is wrong, why don't you want me, etc?! He only replies "now don't start that". I'm very sexually frustrated!!!!!!!!!!! When we do have sex and it is just sex, we don't make love anymore, he wants to twist my nipples, play with my cl... and jump in. I've talked to him before about what I like and don't like but it just doesn't seem to get thru. I try to do things he likes but it gets so boring. He doesn't like anything but oral sex, no kissing, no nibbling, no nothing. I"M BORED. He will not reciprocate on the oral sex either. We've only been married for 5 years and in the beginning things were great sexually. Now I almost want to cry. If and when we have sex it's when he wants it, like I said he turns me down a lot when I try to initiate. What do I do??????? Somebody please give me some advice.
No, I do not suspect an affair. He is home with me every evening.
I don't know how often you want sex but if your sex drive is very high then I suggest you buy a small vibrator so you don't have to rely on him to much. (masturbating is always recommended so that you learn what you like and you learn your own body better)
The are there any worries in his life? work, financial or sickness? Worries can reduce a persons sex drive. making love requires a good mindset stress makes this mindset impossible. A negative body image might be a problem aswell (not just women have insecureties about their bodies.)
Now how is your love in general? do you often say you love him? do you tell him what you like about him? Do you give him compliments? Do you make him feel appreciated? And not only verbally think about hugging caressing and kissing. They will strengthen your bond with him.
Then how do you initiate sex? Is it asking? Or is it always the sameway maybe? Try spicing things up a little. Maybe start with a massage at first, then mix in a few kisses and slowly undress him, suduce him! Sexy lingery can go a long way, feel sexy in it, confidence in the bedroom goes a long way. It is important to remember that in sexy clothing more is more leave something to the imagination. Or have you tried a striptease or roleplay? I don't what pushes his buttons of course.
Sometimes a change of scenery might help aswell. if you do it in the bedroom normally, try changing to the shower kitchen or where ever you might like. dress the scene with candles and a lovely smell like insence or flowers.
Of course you can also turn to ancient asian books of love making like Tantra, Kama Sutra and others. (they haven't survived thousends of years for nothing!) Or you might find inspiration in more modern books just learn new tricks, they are always good to spice up the sex. Though don't focus to much on the technique, try to come into alignment with your partner.
If you want to know where to kiss him? welll where do you like to be kissed and caressed? Male and female erogenes zones are not that different. (in essence the whole body can be an erogenes zone if the focus is right but some are more sensitive) Here's an overview:
- The skin on the head which is covered with hair.
- the hairline on the head
- the back of the neck
- the ear(lobes)
- the mouth
- the spine
- the 'inner' elbow
- the nipples
- the navel (not totally sure)
- the inner thigh
- the back of the knee
- the anus
- the head of the penis
- the shaft of the penis
- the balls
- the hands
- the feet
As you see it is a long list for men and for women the genitallia obviously differ.
I think I have said enough for now there is loads more but this allready can help (I hope) but sex has been studied for thousends of years and has as much books about it published so go out and discover. :-)
