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Topic : Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

Number of Replies: 722
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:16:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Do you have sexual needs or desires that you're afraid to express? Share your story.

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September 13, 2008, 2:59 pm CDT

Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

Quote From: turkalurk

I don't think CSI was trying to portray the average furry.  Some people are just like that, they see something on t.v. and assume its the norm.  When you said you didn't dress up in costumes, I figured it would be about like you described.  That's pretty neat that you guys just so happen to be interested in something like that.  How did you guys meet?  Is it a popular thing where your from? 

We met in theatre class our first semester of college. We talked a little bit here and there, noticed eachother because we were wearing the same Reservoir Dogs shirt, but didn't really start doing things outside of school until I did a monologue from Romeo and Juliet, where he was my (dead) Romeo. XD

 

Hm, I don't really know how popular it is, but it's really widespread on places like Deviantart and the forums that I go to, so I guess it might be more popular than he and I think. I'm not sure, I never really thought about that...

 
September 14, 2008, 10:20 pm CDT

Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

Quote From: redfeathers

We met in theatre class our first semester of college. We talked a little bit here and there, noticed eachother because we were wearing the same Reservoir Dogs shirt, but didn't really start doing things outside of school until I did a monologue from Romeo and Juliet, where he was my (dead) Romeo. XD

 

Hm, I don't really know how popular it is, but it's really widespread on places like Deviantart and the forums that I go to, so I guess it might be more popular than he and I think. I'm not sure, I never really thought about that...

Oh yeah, I remember the romeo and julio story, and wow I see it gets even better as you guys we weraring the same shirt.   Kick ass movie by the way, but I myself have yet to even see a reservoir dogs tshirt!  I was just asking because it seems you 2 were either really lucky to bump run into each other, I guess it could be your interests that brought you two together or maybe many people around your location share similar interests like those that seem unpopular here where I'm from.  Just seems like you were very lucky to have some rare interests in common.
 
September 15, 2008, 1:18 pm CDT

Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

Quote From: turkalurk

Oh yeah, I remember the romeo and julio story, and wow I see it gets even better as you guys we weraring the same shirt.   Kick ass movie by the way, but I myself have yet to even see a reservoir dogs tshirt!  I was just asking because it seems you 2 were either really lucky to bump run into each other, I guess it could be your interests that brought you two together or maybe many people around your location share similar interests like those that seem unpopular here where I'm from.  Just seems like you were very lucky to have some rare interests in common.

You should have seen how happy he was when he found out I was into the same thing. XD

 

What I find odd though, is that before we even told anyone we were together, people were congratulating us 0_o

 
September 29, 2008, 7:33 am CDT

Sex Deprived at 41

 Hi I'm sex deprived & afraid to ask for it.  Need to know why husband will not have sex with me.  Why he isn't like all the other guys out there who want sex everyday.   What do I need to do,, who can give me advice.
 
September 29, 2008, 3:20 pm CDT

Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

Quote From: sexdreprived41

 Hi I'm sex deprived & afraid to ask for it.  Need to know why husband will not have sex with me.  Why he isn't like all the other guys out there who want sex everyday.   What do I need to do,, who can give me advice.

First of all, not every guy out there wants sex every day. You have to understand that. If you actually believe that every other man aside from your husband really wants sex every day, you are mistaken. That's a big generalization and it isn't completely true. Some guys like having lots of sex, some prefer it in moderation. Every man's sex drive is different. You dilude yourself when you tell yourself that every other guy wants sex every day.

 

Second, we need more information on your situation. Why do you feel deprived? How often do you have sex? How often did you used to have sex? How often is he the instigator of sex? How often would you like to have it compared to how often you get it? What is your marriage like? Do you have children? If so, how much time do you spend with them compared to time with your husband? How often does he spend time with them?

 

There's a lot of things that you need to tell us before we can even begin to give you advice. There are a huge number of things being "sex deprived" can mean.

 
October 16, 2008, 4:03 pm CDT

Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

I do not believe that masturbation is a sin either. I believe that masturbation is only bad when it becomes a problem. Like if it begins to interfere with a person's life. If someone becomes addicted to it and blocks out other things just to be able to get off. Like if they make themselves constantly late for work because they wanted to get some masturbation time in before, or when someone begins turning sex down for masturbation and refuses to participate in the sexual side of their relationship. Only when it starts becoming a problem do I think that it's bad.

I notice a lot of naivete in your post. There are lots of other sexual things we can do besides masturbate, but it mainly depends a lot on the individual's personal choice. Some people chose not to do it, some people choose to do it a lot. Some people have sex more often than they masturbate. It all depends. And like I said before, just because someone masturbates does not mean that they cannot have sex with someone else. Get out of that mindset.

That's the thing. Say that I do want to get married to someone that I love, & will want to have sex with her. But what happens if I don't want any children? Another thing, what I said about masturbating as a substitute because they can't have sex with someone else, I meant by that people can't have sex with anyone outside of marriage that masturbation becomes a substitute. That's what I meant to say.
 
October 16, 2008, 5:07 pm CDT

Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

Quote From: manofgoods

I do not believe that masturbation is a sin either. I believe that masturbation is only bad when it becomes a problem. Like if it begins to interfere with a person's life. If someone becomes addicted to it and blocks out other things just to be able to get off. Like if they make themselves constantly late for work because they wanted to get some masturbation time in before, or when someone begins turning sex down for masturbation and refuses to participate in the sexual side of their relationship. Only when it starts becoming a problem do I think that it's bad.

I notice a lot of naivete in your post. There are lots of other sexual things we can do besides masturbate, but it mainly depends a lot on the individual's personal choice. Some people chose not to do it, some people choose to do it a lot. Some people have sex more often than they masturbate. It all depends. And like I said before, just because someone masturbates does not mean that they cannot have sex with someone else. Get out of that mindset.

That's the thing. Say that I do want to get married to someone that I love, & will want to have sex with her. But what happens if I don't want any children? Another thing, what I said about masturbating as a substitute because they can't have sex with someone else, I meant by that people can't have sex with anyone outside of marriage that masturbation becomes a substitute. That's what I meant to say.

Well, you should have been more specific.  If you don't want children, you need to discuss that with your spouse and not just replace them with masturbation. There is such thing as birth control, condoms, and vasectomys. If you start replacing sex with your spouse with masturbation just because you don't want kids, you set yourself up for some very serious marital problems.

 

And I think that if someone is using masturbation to stop themselves from having extramarital affairs, there already are problems in place. That shows there's a commitment issue, as well as any number of other possible issues. It shows that the person substituting affairs with masturbation, as well as substituting sex with their spouse with masturbation, they are disconnecting from the sexual side of the marriage, and I wouldn't be suprised if they were disconnecting from other parts of the marriage as well. It also might mean that the person doing that is already thinking about someone besides their spouse while they do it. That's a situation in which masturbation becomes problematic. It should not be a substitute for sex with your spouse, nor should it be a substitute for extramarital affairs. Seriously, I don't lay myself down and think "I can't have sex with anyone besides my boyfriend, I guess I'll masturbate to stop myself from cheating on him." No. I don't even consider sex with other people. That's not a thought that crosses my mind when I masturbate. I masturbate because sometimes I like having that kind of time to myself. So does my boyfriend. He doesn't do it to stop himself from cheating either. Masturbation should not be used for that reason.

 
October 24, 2008, 6:15 am CDT

now what? do I as a woman, ask for more?

with this 30jr old man I got in my life, he is very good to me, but because I had a loveless marriage, I want to express my sexual needs with him, but it feels if I will come forth as never knew sex? don't know how to explain this.. but once a week is not enough for me.. it is like baking powder in a relationship, if I'm wrong, please help.. I told him last night, ok, just turn your back on me, I can see you tired, just want to sleep, here I am lying, working myself up.. feel, if he wants me, he will touch me, is it normal to feel him first, or touch him first? is it ok for a woman to start the foreplay first?
 
October 24, 2008, 3:43 pm CDT

Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

Quote From: castlemanelsa

with this 30jr old man I got in my life, he is very good to me, but because I had a loveless marriage, I want to express my sexual needs with him, but it feels if I will come forth as never knew sex? don't know how to explain this.. but once a week is not enough for me.. it is like baking powder in a relationship, if I'm wrong, please help.. I told him last night, ok, just turn your back on me, I can see you tired, just want to sleep, here I am lying, working myself up.. feel, if he wants me, he will touch me, is it normal to feel him first, or touch him first? is it ok for a woman to start the foreplay first?
Yes, it's completely normal and actually very, very common for a woman to initiate. A lot of men sometimes wish that their women would make the first move. Don't just assume that he will always make the move when he wants it, that's putting all the responsibility and control of your sex life and sexual satisfaction on his shoulders. Don't do that. Eventually he may get tired of it, and start to wonder why you never initiate and why he always has to be the one to do it. My boyfriend once even said to me, "Y'know what would make things more exciting? If you would initiate more often for me." I agreed. Don't let him always be the one to take control or start up first. That creates and imbalance in your sex life, and obviously it creates a lack of satisfaction for you. Sometimes he may really want it, but be waiting for you to start first. If you never do that, he may end up dissapointed.

Don't let people tell you that it's not okay for a woman to start first, or it's not normal. It's perfectly okay, and perfectly normal.
 
November 6, 2008, 8:39 pm CST

the pill

HEY!!!
ok so i'm 18 and i was on the contraceptive pill for about 2 years and skipped my period for probly something like 18 months or so of that 2 years (is that bad?) then i decided 4 months ago to take a break from the chemicals so i stopped taking it for about 3 months.

During that 3 months my sex drive sky-rocketed and i NEEDED sex everyday or i'd get cranky lol (luckily i had a very understanding boyfriend lol) is that normal?

My bf is in the army and has 2 go away for months at a time and recently he has been on a bush course for almost a month now so i decided 2 go back on the pill because i dont think i would b able to handle no sex for that long without being on the pill, and my sex drive has gone back to non existent...

 

just wanting to know if all thats normal!

:D

 

Thnx

 

xoxo

 
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