Topic : Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

I have never told my bf, but I was sexually abused by my bio-father and my best friends father. I have also been physically and emotionally abused by several boyfriends and one of my ex-husbands. My wonderful bf has asked me what I would like or if I have had any "fantasies", but I have been too embarrassed to tell him what I want to try or do. How do I tell him without being embarrassed about it?

Help Please!!

Discussing sexual fantasies with a male partner can be tricky sometimes, because some men can't handle a woman having sexual desires other than vanilla type thoughts. Not all men are as well understanding when it comes to "their" partner being sexually abused, and it can be a turn off. Realize this is "their" problem, (as far as the negative attitude towards what has happened to you) not yours. What happened to you as I hope you realize was absolutely not your fault whatsoever.

 

Discussing the abuse that happened to you when you were young is something you should discuss with him only when you are ready, and you are at least kind of certain your relationship is strong enough, and he is open enough for you to be able to discuss it. Again, not because of you, but because of what his attitude might be, as far as being understanding towards it. Once you feel you can discuss this type of thing with him, it may very well help in him understanding what has gone on with you, and why you feel the way you do.

 

First, if you haven't felt your past is something he could handle at first,  you should have just a general talk about sex with your boyfriend and see where he stands in all these issues, and get the feel how he would react. Try and get him to discuss some of his own sexual fantasies first and then that will at least give you an idea where he stands.

 

Once he is able to talk about some of his, and if any of them are in the direction of what you have an interest in, then go with that in maybe a role playing activity, and then maybe you could expand on how it might be more exciting. This could lead to a time when you might feel more comfortable in talking to him about your past, and what desires you have in fulfilling your fantasies.

 

Fantasies are just that. They are something for playing, and not necessarily something you would want to act upon in real life. Sometimes one does act on them, but I must say to be careful if you do, as many relationships have broken up when fantasy becomes reality and one is not prepared, or ready to take it to the next step.

 

I hope this gives you at least an idea of how to start a first step. Good luck, and great sex! Keep us informed how things are going, as it may very well help someone else having the same type problems.

when I was a teenager, I was to watch pornographic movies, this excited me and could not share this excitment with a man, cause i have no boyfriend, I used to masturbate my self.

Now it's difficult for me to have orgasms unless my husband masturbates me, other wise I would be freezed.

I am sad about thsi, I hoped to share a normal life with my husband.

Please help me solve my problem.

What do you mean exactly? is it that you cannot masturbate yourself anymore? if that is it then I guess it is a psychological cause. A sexologist could help you with this problem.

 

If it is that you cannot have an orgasm when he has entered you then I can only say that you are totally normal. Most women cannot have an orgasm during intercourse. THere is nothing wrong with you and you do not need any help. Just enjoy the way your husband masturbates you :-) 

 I have been with my gf for almost 4 years and our bedroom relationship is good on her side. but i am afraid to tell her my sexual fantasies cuz they are embarising. ever since i was a teenager ive wanted to incorporate fecal matter into the bedroom (i.e her defecating on my face chest genitals, her licking my poopy butt,etc) am i strange how do i share this with her?

     Ive been wit my gf for almost 4 years and our love life is good on her side. im not completly sastisfied because i embrassed to tell her my fetish. Ever since i was a teenager ive wanted to incorporate fecal matter in  the bedroom (i.e somone defecating on my face genitals or watching my partenr ingest fecal matter) is there somthing wrong with me? how can i share this with her??

I agree. Lots and lots of women don't orgasm during sex, but there are lots of ways, positions and techniques that you can use to involve clitoral stimulation during sex. You could go to a local bookstore (doesn't even have to be just an adult one, a regular bookstore like Borders or Barns and Noble) and check out some books on sex. There are some pretty good ones that talk a lot about things like this, and different ways to stimulate both yourself and your partner in the bedroom. My boyfriend and I even have one that has a sex position for each day of the year.  Books like that can be found near the psychology sections, or the health sections, depending on the bookstore.

 

If you can't masturbate by yourself, then there are several reasons for that. It could be, as was stated in the quoted post, a psychological thing. You may not neccessarily need a sexologist to help you, there are a few ways you could try to help yourself first. For one, you've masturbated before, so why wouldn't you be able to now? Tell yourself that you can, and you have. You could try some sex toys, like a vibrator or a clitoral massager, because those are always fun and they work too. If it's a thing with pornographic material, and you don't want to use that anymore because you have a partner now, then maybe you could ask him to take sexy pictures of himself for you, and you could use those to stimulate yourself.

Okay, my boyfriend and I have a good sex life. We have sex whenever we can, which isn't always as often as we'd like, but that's because of reasons beyond our control XD. Anyway, we have a duffle-bag full of all kinds of sexual things that we call our "sex bag" even. So bottom line, sex is gooooood.

 

Anyway, sometimes I'm into roleplaying, 'cause it's a bit of a turn-on. We've done the whole "slutty student, horney teacher" thing (Ah...I laugh at myself when I say that....XD) and he and I are into furries ( He was really happy to find out that I liked furries too) so we've done that a few times too. No actual fursuits involved though.

 

Anyway, there's one thing that I would like to do that really would get me in the mood, but I'm really embarrassed to ask him to do it.

 

He and I both love video games, you could call us gamers definately. There's one game that we like to play at LAN parties called "Team Fortress 2." My favorite character class is the Scout....because I think the character is hot....and I would like to roleplay with my boyfriend being this Scout...I was fantasizing about this the other day, and it realllllly got me wanting to do it, but I'm just waaaaaaay to nervous to bring it up.

 

I know it's normal for people to find fictional characters attractive, or to even be aroused by them (otherwise the hentai industry would be non-existant) so that's not particularly the part that makes me nervous, it's just...I don't know. I think maybe because there is this one anime character that he used to masturbate to when he was much, much younger, Felicia, (pubescent boys....ugh...) that he used to be into and I've come to really hate her because of that. I feel like I'd be making a hypocrite of myself if I told him I was so turned-on by the Scout, but get all upset when he brings up Felicia. He doesn't even talk about her anymore because he knows how much it bugs me.

 

I really want him to roleplay as the Scout, but I don't know how, or even if I should, ask him.

You don't have passion, intimacy, sex, or romance? & you want to stay with him?

Hey, you my very well be a freak, but freaks deserve love, respect, & sex just like anyone else.

You deserve better & I hope you can get it.

Thats wild.

If you guys have a vanilla sex lilfe & have no idea what 'easy' kinks like b&d s&m are like she is going to be very shocked. Unless you somehow found a secret fecal freak just like you.

The chances of that happeneing are slim to none as s*** eating is concidered 'out there' by the people who have full dungons.

 

'Hey Hunny, I wanna poop on you, here are some flowers, & some German fecal porn. Love you!' I just don't see how that is going to work.

 

Start her off slow with kinks, let her tie you up with a pair of her nylons. Give her a little spanking. try & ingrain in her mind that kink = playfull fun.

Go to a couples councler & get some s*** on the table (hahah punny) & see if she can handle it. If she can't , & this is something thats going to be a big part of your life & sexualty then you need to respectfully pull the plug & troll craigslist for fecal freak like you.

 

BTW a fetish is something someone can't become aroused without. So if you can get a hardon with her without thinking of poo then it's not a fetish but if you need to sneak off to the bathrook & huff brown panties then thats a fetish & I would reccomed seeing a sympathic councler who will help you deal with this without self hate & high risk behaviors.