Topic : Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

My wife and I have been married for 40 years and have both been retired for 20 months.  Shortly after we retired, she joined a 50+ on line group called EONS.  Shortly after she was on the site, she was messaging with a married guy from North Carolina.  They messaged back and forth for over 4 months.  She had told me that this was going on, but they were only friends.  I became very suspicious about what was going on.  I have always known that she likes to flirt with other guys, and that she was more that friends with him.  Our sex life was down to 4 to 5 times a year, but after her relationship with him, we were having sex 3 to 4 times a month.  I knew it was not right, but I had access to her email account, without her knowing about it..  So in December of 2007, I started reading her email to him and from him.  I found out  that they were in love and haveing an online sex relationship.  When i confronted her about it, without telling her about me reading her emails, she said that this was not  going on.  I continued to question her about it, and she finally admitted what was going on and that she was in love with him and really wanted to have sex with him. She said that if she could meet him, she would end it after that.  I could see that this relationship was helping our sex life, so I told her she could see him..  They set up a date to meet in a city 350 miles from our home town.  I took her there, and she ended up spending 8 hours a day for three days with him never leaving the motel room.  She would come to our room every night and she said it was just about sex.  They met in our home town for 2 days three months after the first meeting and pretty much the same thing.  She finally ended the relationship in August of 2008 and she was not happy about it, but I told her she needed to do it.  She had signed off of EONS while she had this relationship with him.  Then in January 2009, she got back on EONS and shortly she had a guy from Chicago messaging her and he quickly fell in love with her, and they have been having this sexual relationship with him and now they are calling each other about once a week.  I have told her now that I have been reading all of her emails and she is really upset with me. That she has no privacy.  I have told her to end this new relationship, but she is having a hard time, because she does not want to hurt him.  What do you think I should do.  We have a great relationship when she is not messaging others.  We have 4 children and 4 grand childern that are such a big part of our lives.   

I'm sorry that your going thru this, but as Dr P would say "we teach people how to treat us" and you have taught your wife that her vows mean nothing and she is free to have one affair after another.  Telling her to stop does not mean that she will.  She gets off on the attention and the sex that she is having with these men.  She is disrespecting you and your marriage and its time for you to decide if you want to continue to drive her to have her affairs or if you have the backbone to tell her she is a cheating you know what and find a nice woman who will treat you with respect and love you the way you deserve. 

I wish you much luck, this has been going on for years and since you let her do this in the past, she will continue to.  She thinks you will just continue to be treated like a door mat and she is scraping her shoes off on you every time she does this.  Contacting men on line is cheating even if she hasn't slept with them yet.  The operative word here is yet, that is what she is looking to do.  Maybe she is looking to replace you and just hasn't found the one who is willing to take her yet?  Be careful if you have sex with her that you are using a condom to protect yourself from the sexually transmitted diseases that she is getting from these slime ball men she is meeting for sex.  All the best to you and keep in touchRed