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Topic : Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

Number of Replies: 722
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:16:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Do you have sexual needs or desires that you're afraid to express? Share your story.

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December 31, 2005, 5:02 pm CST

response to misty

Quote From: misty_eyes

Why do most men rather have there needs met before worring about pleasing the person they are with? Well that is the question men so fill us women in. Now I know this is a tackle question for most to anser with an honest answer. But I always experienced men who just worried abuot pleasing themselves. But the person who I share my life with now rather it be the other way around. On making sure I am taking care of more then he is. And I did find he is not afraid to try new things that come to mind. Some men think some things are alittle to extreme to try. And if that is the case then you should start talking to your partner, and get the other side of the story of feelings and thoughts about interests that you like also. It is not always about you. It is about both getting the full effect of the whole experience of pleasures.  

  

So, "  Who is going to brave this question with honesty? "!!!! 

Speaking only from personal experience the question begs to be asked...what is the attitude of the lady?....is she demanding?...pushy?...arrogant in her request?...while I am in know way insinuating that is your attitude, I have found that when a woman acts this way in my presence I dont stay in hers very long.   Its a turn off.  You get what you give.  

after talking with my lady , her experience has been that younger men tend to be more selfish and seeking their own pleasure. Most are so full of themselves they really dont know who they are.  Maybe thats the difference between sex and sex, love and passion combined.  Personally i gain no satisfaction unless my woman is pleased.  My lady knows this not by my words but by my actions and because of my putting her first "what goes around comes around" ya know? 

Part of the problem i also believe is that we live in a "fast food" mentality.  go in get it quick and get out....i believe this mentality has pervaded every aspect of human life and this is not just a problem that women have experienced from men.  

  Sex to a guy seems in my opinion to revolve more around their penis and there tends to be a preoccupation with it.....along with the pressure to perform (real or unreal). Especially with younger guys. what i have learned...and what my lady has reiterated is that to a woman its not about the  penis but about the experience.  Martians meet Venutians. 

I hope this helps in someway 

  

 
January 3, 2006, 5:39 pm CST

Should I put my foot down?

My name is Ava, and I've always noticed a problem I have since I first became sexually active. The problem? I could never produce my own...lubricant.. This was never a problem in my previous relationship because we always wore condoms, but my new boyfriend refuses to wear them, so I went on the pill. Our sex life just completely dropped, and I've told him it's my problem, not his, but he doesn't listen. I try talking to him about buying lubricant but he won't use it because he "feels he shouldn't have to do that." I don't want our sexllife to be nonexistant.  I want to be able to have a normal relationship. Does anyone have any advice as to what I should say to him? Any piece of advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
 
January 4, 2006, 5:12 am CST

Afraid to Ask for What You Want?

Quote From: kitten056

My name is Ava, and I've always noticed a problem I have since I first became sexually active. The problem? I could never produce my own...lubricant.. This was never a problem in my previous relationship because we always wore condoms, but my new boyfriend refuses to wear them, so I went on the pill. Our sex life just completely dropped, and I've told him it's my problem, not his, but he doesn't listen. I try talking to him about buying lubricant but he won't use it because he "feels he shouldn't have to do that." I don't want our sexllife to be nonexistant.  I want to be able to have a normal relationship. Does anyone have any advice as to what I should say to him? Any piece of advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Hey Ava. First of all his answer was very typical of a man who thinks that using a lubricant would somehow damage his manhood..GOD. Listen,my advice would be to extend the period of foreplay.. Let him touch you more..maybe you're not too excited when you're having sex so your body can not produce its own lubricant. And are you sure he is tested for STD'S and other infections and HIV? You shouldn't let trust put your life at risk. You have an opinion as well..If he doesn't want to wear a condom,or buy a lubricant well then i think you guys have a problem..In case he doesn't come around,Just cut him off and stop sleeping with him!
 
January 4, 2006, 7:51 am CST

Afraid to Ask for What You Want?

Quote From: rayven85

Hey Ava. First of all his answer was very typical of a man who thinks that using a lubricant would somehow damage his manhood..GOD. Listen,my advice would be to extend the period of foreplay.. Let him touch you more..maybe you're not too excited when you're having sex so your body can not produce its own lubricant. And are you sure he is tested for STD'S and other infections and HIV? You shouldn't let trust put your life at risk. You have an opinion as well..If he doesn't want to wear a condom,or buy a lubricant well then i think you guys have a problem..In case he doesn't come around,Just cut him off and stop sleeping with him!
 He has been tested and he came out clean. I asked him what he thinks we should do, and he said just stop having sex. I love him a whole bunch, but it just hurts knowing my own boyfriend can't support me on this. Thanks for the advice.
 
January 4, 2006, 7:56 am CST

Stuff...

Quote From: kitten056

My name is Ava, and I've always noticed a problem I have since I first became sexually active. The problem? I could never produce my own...lubricant.. This was never a problem in my previous relationship because we always wore condoms, but my new boyfriend refuses to wear them, so I went on the pill. Our sex life just completely dropped, and I've told him it's my problem, not his, but he doesn't listen. I try talking to him about buying lubricant but he won't use it because he "feels he shouldn't have to do that." I don't want our sexllife to be nonexistant.  I want to be able to have a normal relationship. Does anyone have any advice as to what I should say to him? Any piece of advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

  

You know, sometimes it can be stress to not allow yourself to produce any lubricant.  But, other times, it can be the pill.  Or an STD.  Either way, sometimes a woman just doesn't produce it that much. 

If maybe he's afraid it will ruin him, then buy one for yourself, and everytime you two go for sex, tell him you're going to try it.  If he refuses, provide him with medical evidence that it will not affect him in anyway.  Even a note from your doctor if you want.  Or maybe your doctor can help you with that as well.  It could be hormonal, hence the birth control.  When you're pregnant, you dry up so to speak, and the pill acts the same way in your system.  Maybe if you found a birth control that has low estrogen, or a system with not estrogen, that might help. Maybe a warm bath might help, or oral sex could help too, his saliva could help. 

Either way, he's being foolish.  It's not him who shouldn't need to do it, it's you.  Your body.  And I'd tell him if he were good enough at producing his own, then you wouldn't have to worry, but he doesn't produce enough for your comfort and neither do you. 

If he still refuses, then you refuse, tell him it's uncomfortable and hurts, if he still refuses, knowing it hurts or is even just uncomfortable, he's a jerk and really doesn't care about your needs.  He should not be making you uncomfortable, and low to no lubricant IS uncomfortable. 

Hopefully, he'll listen to you, if not, he's not worth it, don't let yourself be walked on, especially something so important as sex. 

Good luck 

 
January 6, 2006, 9:08 am CST

too littele sex !!!

i have really big broplem. i am know 3 years marrige and happy. 

when we start together we make love 3 times a day untill its lasting like 2 years. and after that 6 month 2 times a day and now only 1 day. i am really safering mush but my husband say that bekoce mush work and stress he is not think sex that mush. PLEASE IF there is somebody how understand or give me wise i am so happy.  

now i understand my friends husbans when they have to safering bekose otherone not give sex mush. 

Do you think that i ask too mush sex ? 

i just cant stop my self to be horney and wanting my husband so mush. 

 
January 8, 2006, 5:15 am CST

sex

Quote From: kitten056

 He has been tested and he came out clean. I asked him what he thinks we should do, and he said just stop having sex. I love him a whole bunch, but it just hurts knowing my own boyfriend can't support me on this. Thanks for the advice.
hi kitten i think that premaritial sex is totally wrong.god instituted sex for marriage and thats where it belongs.condoms are good protection from aids and the hiv virus but i think that a person should abstain from all sexual activity until they are properly married in the eyes of the church and the eyes of god.1 corinthians 6:13 further quotes:meats for the belly and the belly for meats.god shall destroy both it and them.now the body is not for fornication but for the lord and the lord for the body.as far as birth control is concerned birth control of any kind shouldnt be used.its up to god wheather the child should be born or not.and its up to go to determine wheather the child should live or die.
 
January 8, 2006, 6:58 pm CST

Afraid to Ask for What You Want?

Quote From: ursula69

i have really big broplem. i am know 3 years marrige and happy. 

when we start together we make love 3 times a day untill its lasting like 2 years. and after that 6 month 2 times a day and now only 1 day. i am really safering mush but my husband say that bekoce mush work and stress he is not think sex that mush. PLEASE IF there is somebody how understand or give me wise i am so happy.  

now i understand my friends husbans when they have to safering bekose otherone not give sex mush. 

Do you think that i ask too mush sex ? 

i just cant stop my self to be horney and wanting my husband so mush. 

hey whats up, yea i kno what you mean, but obviously your man is tired from working all those long days at the office. All i can say to you is that once a day is pretty nice seeing as alot of us women dont even get that. but the sex must be great if you are always craving your man. but if it isnt that good and you just arent satisfied all i can tell you to do is get a vibrator to hold yourself over while he is at work. 

 
January 8, 2006, 8:54 pm CST

Thanks for answering openly.

Quote From: jazzman

Speaking only from personal experience the question begs to be asked...what is the attitude of the lady?....is she demanding?...pushy?...arrogant in her request?...while I am in know way insinuating that is your attitude, I have found that when a woman acts this way in my presence I dont stay in hers very long.   Its a turn off.  You get what you give.  

after talking with my lady , her experience has been that younger men tend to be more selfish and seeking their own pleasure. Most are so full of themselves they really dont know who they are.  Maybe thats the difference between sex and sex, love and passion combined.  Personally i gain no satisfaction unless my woman is pleased.  My lady knows this not by my words but by my actions and because of my putting her first "what goes around comes around" ya know? 

Part of the problem i also believe is that we live in a "fast food" mentality.  go in get it quick and get out....i believe this mentality has pervaded every aspect of human life and this is not just a problem that women have experienced from men.  

  Sex to a guy seems in my opinion to revolve more around their penis and there tends to be a preoccupation with it.....along with the pressure to perform (real or unreal). Especially with younger guys. what i have learned...and what my lady has reiterated is that to a woman its not about the  penis but about the experience.  Martians meet Venutians. 

I hope this helps in someway 

  

Well I thank your response. But I am not a pushy person. I like to please my man to and sometimes it seems he is more worried about my pleasures being meet. Which is very gratefull. But I like to give back what he shows and gives just as well. And yes its true its not about the pneis size, its about how you want to experience the time together. But thank you for your response.
 
January 8, 2006, 9:01 pm CST

Sorry its been awhile, to answer u back.

Quote From: misty_eyes

Thank you for the reply. Least I know I am not the only one who would like to seek some kind of insight from a man's point of view.  am not trying to dog any man out there. And it does make us women anger, when men don't share what we want also. 

So, please any man come forward to help us on understanding you!! 

Well I do agree with you. Our partners need to realize to we like to give back what they give to us . But I know some actually take the time out to make sure we are taking care of in all areas some men do anyways. but I hate it when he tells me to just relax and enjoy. When i want to also give to him in pleasures just as well. I mean afterwards we always cuddle next to each other, and talk. Which is so great, of him loving that bond time we share as well. i couldnt ask for a better man to be with. I am not dogging any man. But some need to learn to speak and communicate more with there partners to get a better understanding on what they both want out of a relationship.
 
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