Topic : Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

I've never really thought abou posting n a message board like this but when I saw the title, I just had to put in. My wife and I have been together for 5 years now. The first two years, we were both in high school, the next two, we were out of school and the last one we've been married. The first three years we never had sex. Both of us said we wanted to wait until we felt we were definitely going to be together as long as life. Then when we were engaged, we decided to experiment, and I had an apartment away from our parents' as I was on active army duty for a year. Our sex life was great until "Angela" was coming down with morning sickness after our third month of marriage. Then it got less, but still tolerable. It picked back up again after the baby was born. Now we're 1 year and 5 months married, and a girl who's 7 months old. Angela found out a month ago she's pregnant again, and has not had sex with me in the last month. I wish I knew why, but all she will tell me is "I don't feel sexy." No matter how many times I've told her how beautiful she is, how many times I've told her all of her features that I love so much, and how much I want her; it just doesn't seem right. I am definitely not afraid to ask, but all she does is push me away and say maybe later. 

  

new here. married two kids. i have never got into the whole sex thing. our sex life is very very boring. however, i don't know where to begin as far as what i do or don't like. sometimes i think i a going a little crazy for not knowing but it is the truth. not a prude or anything. does anyone have advice or thoughts? thxs-j

Hi,  

  

Im good fan of Dr. Phills show.. ive been watching this for more than 5 years in the oprah show. How ever i have a head ache like question which could be like a joke for some (undoubtably) but i dont know from whom and where to get answer to them so as the last option i thought i should publish this here. 

  

First of all im 26 years old guy and im a virgin. The reason to be a virgin is that all my friends and my bro and my father (who ive seen in the shower room) have bigger penises and they have girl friends or wives, except me Therefore since there proud of having a bigger penis and they reckons having a bigger penis is related to a man's manhood and women luv to have sex with men with bigger penises and ignors the one with small's. I dont know for what reason, i have a small penis which is about 5 inches long when it's fully erected for this reason i was dicouraged to meet women and sleep with them, cus i thought they gonna laughed at me etc. and i know women talk about whom they have slept with with their girlfriends therefore i thought if the girl talked about it with other women and they talked about this with other men, i was a afriad that i will get socially humiliated.  

There were so many opportunities came to me to have sexual relationships and some are genuine relationships(soul mate type) but i refuse them cus of having a small penis. Becuase of the refusals my friends and work mates starting to doubt that im am a homosexual, whom NOT! so at the moment im dealing with a lot of social psychoogical issues and also at the moment i starting to hate women  (which i never want  to do) 

  

I need some one to help with me regarding this, either Dr Phill or some one whom with expertise ..... Does size of the penis matters to women? If a person has a small penis, it means he doesnt have a women in his life? How can i solve my problem? 

  

Cheers, 

Dillon 

I'm 49 so I'm no kid, and I've seen my share of penises.... I don't think you should be so asshamed of your penis. Honestly 5 inches is ok. Your putting to much pressure on yourself and your not giving the woman who falls in love with you much credit.  Unless you had a measuring tape and saw your father and brother fully erect and measured it then you really don't know how big they are. The average is 5-7 inches, so you are well within this average normal range and have nothing to worry about. 

Women fall in love with the person first and foremost. If we are treated well, loved and respected and vise a versa, then the sex part is a bonus. If your a nice "guy" first and foremost and you have more than 3inches fully erect, then there is nothing for a woman to complain about. 

Since your lacking some experience under your belt, then when you do find that "special" person to have a sexual relationship with, don't tell her your a virgin. That would be a bigger turn off than the fact your insecure about the size of your penis. Fake it, pretend you know what your doing, be gentle, ask her what she like. Do some reading on sex, sexual positions etc. Get informed before you go out there looking. 

When you get into a relationship find out ahead of time(have a conversation) does she like to be on top, does she like to have her clitoris stroked hard or flicked, does she like to kiss during sex, does she like her nipples kissed or stroked, does she like oral sex.....etc,etc.  

Women like to please as much as be pleased in bed, tell her to tell you if your doing something she doesn't like as well as doing something she does like. Take your time and enjoy the wonderful world of intimancy.... 

I think maybe you need some birthcontrol. This poor girl is pregnant again and has only had her body to herself for 7mths! No wonder she doesn't feel sexy, she probably doesn't rememeber what it feels like to be sexy! She is probably starting to equate sex with being pregnant and doesn't want you to touch her. 

Get some good birthcontrol going once this one is born and let her get her body back and her sanity. She is going to have 2 kids to look after so close in age, and is going to be exhausted and if you arn't the type to pitch in and help with the kids then you may be out of the picture for having anything to resemble a normal sexual relationship for a long time. You guys are young, and an ideal suitation would of been for you to have fun and enjoy your time together for a few years before you brought children into the mixture. Its hard enough to be married but to have a baby that keeps you up at night, to consume your thoughts, it easy for the two of you to forget and push aside why you got married in the first place. Remind her that there was a relationship first between the two of you and it still needs to be nurtured, and that means beyond just sex. That means having fun together, touching without the act of sex, holding hands, cuddling. Tell her your sorry she is pregnant so soon again, and that this will be the end of being pregnant for a while so she can get backinto her tight jeans and feel like a sexy woman again. Good luck 

Thanks for the advice

I'm in a wonderful relationship with a man who has had very little sexual experience prior to our getting together.  One thing he has never done is perform oral sex on a woman.  We talked about it briefly when we first got together and he's said that he wants to do it sometime but he's very nervous about it.  I've let it go in order to let him get comfortable with me and we've managed to do that.  So my question is how do I try to ease him into it?  How do I attempt to make him comfortable with it?  I'm usually the less experienced person in the few relationships I've been in, so I have very little experience with taking the lead and "teaching" someone.  Thanks! 

  

KMS 

Having read your letter, my mind wondered to "that special time" in my life. We all go through it, somehow, some way. 

  

In my case, I remember not wanting to "appear stupid" or "appear immature" - so, it was best not to even go there (No pun intended)   *smiling* 

  

I would suggest that, you in your wisdom, don´t pick a deadline, but choose the atmosphere. Through out the day ...... let him think Christmas is early this year. 

  

You could for example, use massage where he is on the floor, and you, at some point, are kneeling above him massaging his chest, his face, stroking his lips, nibbling his neck/ears - bearing in mind to move away [not to be obvious], now and again and do your thing with him, a little at a time. 

  

I don´t think I need to elaborate more. Do I? I bet you it works............       Believe me, I know!!  

Just a "quickie" - 

  

Believe me - your wife is not pushing you away. Sure, that´s the way "us guys" read that "re-action" 

  

Try and see it from her side of the table - she needs something more than sex. She needs to be reassured, by actions - not words. Try dating her again, without the payoff being sex, for example. 

Treat her like your date, your girlfriend - the one and only :-) 

  

You know ........ us guys get what we put into a relationship back tenfold! 

  

Good luck and all the best to you and yours.  

I guess I'm not entirely sure what you mean with any of that.  Let him think Christmas is early this year?  It sounds like you think I wanted to know how to ease him into letting ME do oral sex on HIM.  That's not the problem.  The problem is that he's too nervous to return the favour. 

  

So I'm just really confused... 

  

KMS