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Topic : Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

Number of Replies: 722
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:16:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Do you have sexual needs or desires that you're afraid to express? Share your story.

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October 24, 2005, 2:49 pm CDT

Hi again..... :-)

Quote From: kmsloane

I guess I'm not entirely sure what you mean with any of that.  Let him think Christmas is early this year?  It sounds like you think I wanted to know how to ease him into letting ME do oral sex on HIM.  That's not the problem.  The problem is that he's too nervous to return the favour. 

  

So I'm just really confused... 

  

KMS 

Nooooooooooooooooooo ...................... I was on about you making him feel relaxed..... feeling safe, feeling natural with you.... he will follow your lead. Got it now??? 

  

My expression "Let him think Christmas is early this year" means, let him know he´s being spoiled and he´s in for a surprise. 

  

Come again if if don´t understand my Uk English :-) Good luck :-)   Don 

 
October 28, 2005, 8:57 pm CDT

Sorry to ask this... but it is driving me CRAZY!

 Hi everyone,
Okay sorry to ask this question.....
My fiance and I have been living together for two years now and we still have a good sex life. Execpt no foreplay, and worst of all....... there is absolutely no "pleasuring me" at all!! I'm sure you all know what I mean, but why won't he give me oral sex?!? I have very good hygene, So what is the problem?

He used to do it a lot, but only when we FIRST started dating. In the past 16 months I have recieved a total of 2 times...and the amount of time for both, 15 seconds! And I have counted!

I am just fine with pleasuring him orally.. I have no problem with it and I try to do it all the time just out of wanted to please him (not because I think it is fun or anything). I was under the impression that "the more you give, the more you get". But it has not worked for me!

Does anyone have any advice for me? Is this normal or is it just me?? I feel like there is something that is gross about me now, that's why he won't do it..... but what could it be?

Sorry about the graphic message, but I'm just so bothered by this!!   :)

Thanks,
Nat

 
October 29, 2005, 12:08 pm CDT

talk to him

Quote From: nataliea86

 Hi everyone,
Okay sorry to ask this question.....
My fiance and I have been living together for two years now and we still have a good sex life. Execpt no foreplay, and worst of all....... there is absolutely no "pleasuring me" at all!! I'm sure you all know what I mean, but why won't he give me oral sex?!? I have very good hygene, So what is the problem?

He used to do it a lot, but only when we FIRST started dating. In the past 16 months I have recieved a total of 2 times...and the amount of time for both, 15 seconds! And I have counted!

I am just fine with pleasuring him orally.. I have no problem with it and I try to do it all the time just out of wanted to please him (not because I think it is fun or anything). I was under the impression that "the more you give, the more you get". But it has not worked for me!

Does anyone have any advice for me? Is this normal or is it just me?? I feel like there is something that is gross about me now, that's why he won't do it..... but what could it be?

Sorry about the graphic message, but I'm just so bothered by this!!   :)

Thanks,
Nat

Have you talked to him about this issue?  Apparently there is an issue with it otherwise he would do it, if he use to.  Maybe you can guide him down there when you are in the act of something sexual.  Play phone sex or text him during the day and then somewhere in the middle say ... I have been craving you going down there and can't wait for that tonight!  See what he says, if he ignores it.....there is something really wrong.  He may not like it and only did it for your sake earlier.  But find out, it cant hurt to discuss it.  Ask him how he would feel if you didn't do the same for him.  

SORRY, this sucks!  

 
October 29, 2005, 12:40 pm CDT

It's hard for me to ask him

Quote From: latingirl

Have you talked to him about this issue?  Apparently there is an issue with it otherwise he would do it, if he use to.  Maybe you can guide him down there when you are in the act of something sexual.  Play phone sex or text him during the day and then somewhere in the middle say ... I have been craving you going down there and can't wait for that tonight!  See what he says, if he ignores it.....there is something really wrong.  He may not like it and only did it for your sake earlier.  But find out, it cant hurt to discuss it.  Ask him how he would feel if you didn't do the same for him.  

SORRY, this sucks!  

 Thanks for you advice. It is just so hard for me to ask him... I think it is the feeling that I don't want to make him feel like he is doing something wrong or NOT doing enough. I guess I don't want to hurt his ego.

But I am at the point where I resent him a lot as I am giving him oral sex. In my mind I am thinking "Wow, here's your third time this week, and when will I get even my third time in a year and a half?!?"

I think that he maybe just doens't like it in general. From my understanding, before he and I met, he was sexual active with a lot of women. It upets me, but he has had A LOT of partners at least 6 times the number of partners I've had... yet he has only givien two of his partners oral sex (including me)... and the other woman was a long term relationship as well. So maybe he really doen't like it.

I think it bothers me most remembering when he used to give me oral sex at the begining of our relationship... so I know he CAN do it. And I haven't changed down there at all... I've even improved on something  that he  requested ( shaving down there). I did that fo rhim because he likes it, but I'm still not getting any action!
I will try what you told me to do though.... try to playfully ease into the subject.. That might work... the last thing I want is to make him feel bad.... but I'm very bothered by this situation (as I'm sure a lot of people would be)!

Thanks,
Nat
 
November 2, 2005, 4:23 pm CST

Am i insecure or inexperienced?

Here's the thing... 

Throughout my sexual history, i have had what i term "a boring sexlife"! By that i mean it's either missionary, doggy or me riding him. I have only ever had an orgasm once when i was 17... i dont think i've cum since then either. (sorry to be graphic lol) 

Now, i was in a physically violent relationship a few years back and in that time also had my youngest son. Due to the beatings etc, apparently my internal muscles were/are "stressed" which in other words is like saying the elasticity in my muscles isnt there anymore!  I no longer FEEL sex like i used to, its harder for me to be pleased and i feel like im too loose to be able to please him (my partner). He's told me that 'I ROCK'  but here's the kicker - i'm not getting anything out of it!! I'm at a point where i love him so much that i want to experience so many things, sexually speaking, but because of the fact that i've never had any GOOD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES in my life.... i wouldnt have a clue how to ask for it!  My partner's not a "huggy" type of guy or one who shows emotions or sentimentality by any stretch of the imagination - no I LOVE YOU's etc... he gives off the COLD SHOULDER type of personna... but i know he loves me with all his heart and that its just the way his adopted family brought him up.  There's no fourplay, no different positions, no... NOTHING! I give oral, he doesn't, he gets to orgasm/cum and i dont.  Its kinda like he gets and i dont scenario!  I know i'm gaining a bit of weight but i'm trying not to let that affect my thinking. We live some distance away from each other and when i see him, my heart just melts!!  I would love to enrich our sexlife but i have absolutely no idea how to ask with the type of personality that he has. I have tried a couple of things like a sexy nightgown, giving him a massage while hes having a bath... but because of his personality, i have no idea if he even likes it or not cos he DOESNT SAY! 

  

PLEASE... how do i ask for more? How do i spice it up?  I have no intention of 'straying', so thats not even an option.  I would like to go from a BORING and dull past-sex-life... to a ZANY and spontaeneous sexlife with a never ending range of options both sexually and emotionally! I cant just say EAT ME! or CAN U PUT YOUR HAND ON *HERE*.............. that would be too embarrassing.  In essence think of it like this.... WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM! kinda sex life!! (with no excitement or fun/joy in it for me AT ALL!)... how do i ask him for what i want? I KNOW I'M EMBARRASSED at the thought of asking for *whatever* so how do i overcome that one too?   

  

Your advice is eagerly awaited and thanks for reading!  Have a great day!  

 
November 2, 2005, 4:33 pm CST

Do aspects of sex embarrass you?

Scenario: 

things like phone sex, verbal converstaions about "it" with ur partner, role plays, porn flicks, nudity (your own in front of someone), initiating sex or "moods"... do these kinds of things embarrass you or make you feel uncomfortable? 

  

What would ur advice be to people with these kinds of problematic situations? 

  

**my apologies for hi-jacking ur thread mate, but i dont know how to start a thread of my own!** 

 
November 2, 2005, 8:24 pm CST

Please help a girl out

I really don' t do things like this and just post information about my personal life up so strangers to see but i really need to get some feedback and know if i'm doomed to have a terrible sex life or if it was just a bad experience. I can't talk to my mom or my sister about this because they would flip out about it cause they hate the guy and don't want me even talking to him. I know my best freind would be understanding and supportive but she doesnt like to talk about sex and thinks that you should wait until you are married. i obviously didn't (in case you didn't catch that by now). I am 18 and today I had sex with one of my guy freinds. well he isnt just a guy freind we dated for awhile a few years ago, he is the ex-best freind of one of my  VERY  close guy freinds (like i think in the long run we will be together, cause no mattter waht happens it always comes down to the two of usstill being there for each other), and my neighbor across the street. he is the only guy that i have actually fooled around with and i know i am not the only girl he has been with. I am a very flirtacious person and very suggestive, my big problem is that i do not want to be  a tease and i have trouble saying no so i end up doing things that i know are mistakes (like this). this guy is the same way and i think thats what pulls us together so much. one of my problems when im with him is that i end up following his "game" and not doing my thing. so anyways, his was my first time and there were things that were very awkward (im not going to get into details) and painful. even though he tried to make me happy it didnt work, partially cause there wasnt much floor play ( the entire thing was over in less than twenty minutes,idk but that seems quite breif) and i dissociate. thats one of my main concerns, i like the "high" from being able to get guys aroused but when im doing anything like that i dont feel anything physically, emotionally or mentally (mentally im usually thinking of the outcome of doing whatever). this is something my best freind actually talked to me about and said that as long as im doing it i mine as well enjoy it but i just cant be that open. because of this and the fact taht i am an extremely shy person (except for when it comes to leading guys on) i don't speak up and say what does or doesnt work for me. my second problem is that i found out from the guy i slept with that my very close guy freind is thinking of asking a girl out he just has to straighten out a few things. i could be wrong but i am thinking it might beme just cause i got mad at him a few days ago and then we have been dealing with that, and he doesnt really seem to be pursuing any other girls in that way, and we talked about being each others first when he comes ome for thanksgiving (yeah i know i majorly blew that one). if its not me then hes a jerk for leading me on a talking about having sex and stuff (which is so not him, he is the sweetest guy i know and he said he would never do anything like that to me) but if it is me then i just made a huge mistake and may have killed any chance of anything between us. which brings me to one of my questions, if it comes up (or we are going to sleep together) should i tell him? my other questions are how do i connect when i am with a guy? how do i speak up and say what i want? and please tell me its jsut a first time thing and it wont always be so awkward. thank you for reading this, i know i tend to ramble on but its a complicae mess. any thoughts or comments at all would be apprecited (and i am expecting people to say i am a terrible slut for having sex with someone im not in love with so any negative feedback will not be a surprise)
 
November 3, 2005, 10:41 am CST

too naive

Quote From: penny36

I really don' t do things like this and just post information about my personal life up so strangers to see but i really need to get some feedback and know if i'm doomed to have a terrible sex life or if it was just a bad experience. I can't talk to my mom or my sister about this because they would flip out about it cause they hate the guy and don't want me even talking to him. I know my best freind would be understanding and supportive but she doesnt like to talk about sex and thinks that you should wait until you are married. i obviously didn't (in case you didn't catch that by now). I am 18 and today I had sex with one of my guy freinds. well he isnt just a guy freind we dated for awhile a few years ago, he is the ex-best freind of one of my  VERY  close guy freinds (like i think in the long run we will be together, cause no mattter waht happens it always comes down to the two of usstill being there for each other), and my neighbor across the street. he is the only guy that i have actually fooled around with and i know i am not the only girl he has been with. I am a very flirtacious person and very suggestive, my big problem is that i do not want to be  a tease and i have trouble saying no so i end up doing things that i know are mistakes (like this). this guy is the same way and i think thats what pulls us together so much. one of my problems when im with him is that i end up following his "game" and not doing my thing. so anyways, his was my first time and there were things that were very awkward (im not going to get into details) and painful. even though he tried to make me happy it didnt work, partially cause there wasnt much floor play ( the entire thing was over in less than twenty minutes,idk but that seems quite breif) and i dissociate. thats one of my main concerns, i like the "high" from being able to get guys aroused but when im doing anything like that i dont feel anything physically, emotionally or mentally (mentally im usually thinking of the outcome of doing whatever). this is something my best freind actually talked to me about and said that as long as im doing it i mine as well enjoy it but i just cant be that open. because of this and the fact taht i am an extremely shy person (except for when it comes to leading guys on) i don't speak up and say what does or doesnt work for me. my second problem is that i found out from the guy i slept with that my very close guy freind is thinking of asking a girl out he just has to straighten out a few things. i could be wrong but i am thinking it might beme just cause i got mad at him a few days ago and then we have been dealing with that, and he doesnt really seem to be pursuing any other girls in that way, and we talked about being each others first when he comes ome for thanksgiving (yeah i know i majorly blew that one). if its not me then hes a jerk for leading me on a talking about having sex and stuff (which is so not him, he is the sweetest guy i know and he said he would never do anything like that to me) but if it is me then i just made a huge mistake and may have killed any chance of anything between us. which brings me to one of my questions, if it comes up (or we are going to sleep together) should i tell him? my other questions are how do i connect when i am with a guy? how do i speak up and say what i want? and please tell me its jsut a first time thing and it wont always be so awkward. thank you for reading this, i know i tend to ramble on but its a complicae mess. any thoughts or comments at all would be apprecited (and i am expecting people to say i am a terrible slut for having sex with someone im not in love with so any negative feedback will not be a surprise)

I understand how you feel, I too went through the same thing the first time with a male friend, actually an ex-boyfriend.  Yeah, in time, I realized I was used...but really I knew that deep down.  You are not his girlfriend, so why sleep with him again and again.  You are too young and naive right now to understand that a sexual relationship is very complicated and needs a certain kind of maturity.  He is not treating you like he wants more from you, so don't even consider sleeping with the guy again!  You need to realize that it's never too late to change your mind, but you NEED to speak up. If you adult enough to have sex, you NEED to be adult enough to speak up and tell someone what you think.  You can't do something you don't want to do just because you feel bad for leading them on!  First, maybe you should realize that turning guys on, isn't something to always be proud of.  You want to turn on your guy, your boyfriend, please HIM.  Make it worth something.  Men at this age, want sex, that pretty much sums it up for them.  So don't let use you and don't let yourself be protrayed in this light.  Being a tease, is not fun in the long run.  Look what it did, it made you doubt yourself and that is not worth it!  

 
November 7, 2005, 12:35 pm CST

Going without

Hello im a 36female in a commited relationship for 5yrs and sex is far and few between.  Our sex life has never been all that but it is lots worse now.  I love him dearly and know he is faithfull but he just isnt all that interested.  Leaves me very lonely and always wondering if its something about me even knowing its not.  I do love him dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with him and plan too even with this sad sitution.  Just hoping for that awsome event to take place. 

 
November 7, 2005, 8:14 pm CST

Help

My husband loves to watch porn and look at half naked or naked skinny girls, he even checks out girls while we are both out shopping (even in the supermarket). I would love to do the same but there's nothing satisfying out there. 

  

I tried to find porn wich I like but can't find anything. There's always tons of hot girls but you can't see the men or they are bud ugly or there is a lesbian scene in it (which disgust me a lot) and I'm not turned on by looking at gay men. So, since I'm not lesbian and not bisexual, I feel like I'm a member of a dying out minority - I'M A STRAIGHT WOMAN. 

  

Does any woman out there feels the same? All I want is the possibillity to be able to enjoy a porn with my husband but when I see the 'normal' porn, I don't get turned on because there's nothing nice, not even mention hot, to look at for me (sorry, but I don't get turned on by 'hot' looking girls). 

  

Does any woman out there know of some good porn, web site (free) or magazine (NO gay and Playgirl is dissapointing) with actually hot looking guys (not what the media wants us to beliefe)? 

  

PLEASE let me know and guys, no cursing of bad words about this because if your wifes/girfriends would have something satisfying for themselfs, they won't complain about you watching porn or looking at all those naked girls and would let you do your thing. 

 
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