Topic : Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

Nooooooooooooooooooo ...................... I was on about you making him feel relaxed..... feeling safe, feeling natural with you.... he will follow your lead. Got it now??? 

My expression "Let him think Christmas is early this year" means, let him know he´s being spoiled and he´s in for a surprise. 

Come again if if don´t understand my Uk English :-) Good luck :-)   Don 

Have you talked to him about this issue?  Apparently there is an issue with it otherwise he would do it, if he use to.  Maybe you can guide him down there when you are in the act of something sexual.  Play phone sex or text him during the day and then somewhere in the middle say ... I have been craving you going down there and can't wait for that tonight!  See what he says, if he ignores it.....there is something really wrong.  He may not like it and only did it for your sake earlier.  But find out, it cant hurt to discuss it.  Ask him how he would feel if you didn't do the same for him.  

SORRY, this sucks!  

Here's the thing... 

Throughout my sexual history, i have had what i term "a boring sexlife"! By that i mean it's either missionary, doggy or me riding him. I have only ever had an orgasm once when i was 17... i dont think i've cum since then either. (sorry to be graphic lol) 

Now, i was in a physically violent relationship a few years back and in that time also had my youngest son. Due to the beatings etc, apparently my internal muscles were/are "stressed" which in other words is like saying the elasticity in my muscles isnt there anymore!  I no longer FEEL sex like i used to, its harder for me to be pleased and i feel like im too loose to be able to please him (my partner). He's told me that 'I ROCK'  but here's the kicker - i'm not getting anything out of it!! I'm at a point where i love him so much that i want to experience so many things, sexually speaking, but because of the fact that i've never had any GOOD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES in my life.... i wouldnt have a clue how to ask for it!  My partner's not a "huggy" type of guy or one who shows emotions or sentimentality by any stretch of the imagination - no I LOVE YOU's etc... he gives off the COLD SHOULDER type of personna... but i know he loves me with all his heart and that its just the way his adopted family brought him up.  There's no fourplay, no different positions, no... NOTHING! I give oral, he doesn't, he gets to orgasm/cum and i dont.  Its kinda like he gets and i dont scenario!  I know i'm gaining a bit of weight but i'm trying not to let that affect my thinking. We live some distance away from each other and when i see him, my heart just melts!!  I would love to enrich our sexlife but i have absolutely no idea how to ask with the type of personality that he has. I have tried a couple of things like a sexy nightgown, giving him a massage while hes having a bath... but because of his personality, i have no idea if he even likes it or not cos he DOESNT SAY! 

PLEASE... how do i ask for more? How do i spice it up?  I have no intention of 'straying', so thats not even an option.  I would like to go from a BORING and dull past-sex-life... to a ZANY and spontaeneous sexlife with a never ending range of options both sexually and emotionally! I cant just say EAT ME! or CAN U PUT YOUR HAND ON *HERE*.............. that would be too embarrassing.  In essence think of it like this.... WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM! kinda sex life!! (with no excitement or fun/joy in it for me AT ALL!)... how do i ask him for what i want? I KNOW I'M EMBARRASSED at the thought of asking for *whatever* so how do i overcome that one too?   

Your advice is eagerly awaited and thanks for reading!  Have a great day!  

Scenario: 

things like phone sex, verbal converstaions about "it" with ur partner, role plays, porn flicks, nudity (your own in front of someone), initiating sex or "moods"... do these kinds of things embarrass you or make you feel uncomfortable? 

What would ur advice be to people with these kinds of problematic situations? 

**my apologies for hi-jacking ur thread mate, but i dont know how to start a thread of my own!** 

I understand how you feel, I too went through the same thing the first time with a male friend, actually an ex-boyfriend.  Yeah, in time, I realized I was used...but really I knew that deep down.  You are not his girlfriend, so why sleep with him again and again.  You are too young and naive right now to understand that a sexual relationship is very complicated and needs a certain kind of maturity.  He is not treating you like he wants more from you, so don't even consider sleeping with the guy again!  You need to realize that it's never too late to change your mind, but you NEED to speak up. If you adult enough to have sex, you NEED to be adult enough to speak up and tell someone what you think.  You can't do something you don't want to do just because you feel bad for leading them on!  First, maybe you should realize that turning guys on, isn't something to always be proud of.  You want to turn on your guy, your boyfriend, please HIM.  Make it worth something.  Men at this age, want sex, that pretty much sums it up for them.  So don't let use you and don't let yourself be protrayed in this light.  Being a tease, is not fun in the long run.  Look what it did, it made you doubt yourself and that is not worth it!  

Hello im a 36female in a commited relationship for 5yrs and sex is far and few between.  Our sex life has never been all that but it is lots worse now.  I love him dearly and know he is faithfull but he just isnt all that interested.  Leaves me very lonely and always wondering if its something about me even knowing its not.  I do love him dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with him and plan too even with this sad sitution.  Just hoping for that awsome event to take place. 

My husband loves to watch porn and look at half naked or naked skinny girls, he even checks out girls while we are both out shopping (even in the supermarket). I would love to do the same but there's nothing satisfying out there. 

I tried to find porn wich I like but can't find anything. There's always tons of hot girls but you can't see the men or they are bud ugly or there is a lesbian scene in it (which disgust me a lot) and I'm not turned on by looking at gay men. So, since I'm not lesbian and not bisexual, I feel like I'm a member of a dying out minority - I'M A STRAIGHT WOMAN. 

Does any woman out there feels the same? All I want is the possibillity to be able to enjoy a porn with my husband but when I see the 'normal' porn, I don't get turned on because there's nothing nice, not even mention hot, to look at for me (sorry, but I don't get turned on by 'hot' looking girls). 

Does any woman out there know of some good porn, web site (free) or magazine (NO gay and Playgirl is dissapointing) with actually hot looking guys (not what the media wants us to beliefe)? 

PLEASE let me know and guys, no cursing of bad words about this because if your wifes/girfriends would have something satisfying for themselfs, they won't complain about you watching porn or looking at all those naked girls and would let you do your thing.