Topic : Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

I am new to this board.  I am 38 years old and have been married to my husband for almost 14 years. 

My reason for writing is that my husband shows little or no interest in sex with me at all.  I feel I must be unattractive to him because he is just not interested. 

We have no children (another story although I desperately want to be a Mom). He tells me he isn't good at anything so he wouldn't know what to do if he had a child.  He tells me he feels guilty that we have been married this long and he hasn't wanted a child. 

The last four years we have had little sex, a period went past for two years and we had no sex.  We have had sex twice in the last 12 months.  He was unfaithful to me in January 06 with a 48 year old married woman he used to go to school with interstate! 

I am not trying to be vain, I am 120lbs, not unattractive, I am affectionate towards him but it is often only returned because I initate it first.  He won't willingly hold me and if I am upset then forget it.  I am on my own.

My family live interstate and I don't tell them about any of this.

I don't understand why he doesn't want to ravish me, why he is not interested and I did tell him twice that I had been 'hit on' by a guy at my work and I told him that I wasn't interested.  My husband just shrugs his shoulders and I am at the point now where I cannot spend another 14 years let alone 6 months living the way I do is such a loveless and non affectionate marriage.  It is breaking my heart and my husband said he feels guilty for being the way he has been towards me and he doesn't understand why  I haven't left yet.

I have to change my life in someway soon and I feel so sad that my marriage is the way it is. Nothing I say or do changes him, I feel like walking out to shock him but then again would it really.

I have more to say but I would take up too much time.

Has anyone else been in this situtation, I just feel my husband doesn't love me or is attracted to me.  I don't want the attention from other men I want it from my husband.

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years.  The first 6 months we made love alot.  Then it went to just a booty call about every other month.  Then I had an auto accident.  Since then, about once a year I can talk him into making love.  He says "Is this what you want?"  Otherwise, it is a booty call, with no foreplay about every 4 months or so.  He does like his porn.  He says he loves me, or he wouldn't be here.  He kisses me everytime he leaves, holds me before he goes to sleep, kisses me everynight and says he loves me.  Maybe it is because I am too fat and not pretty enough.  I really do not know.  I wish he would love me enough to make love to me.  Is that wrong?

I'm new to the Dr. Phil web site. I've been watching him since he was on Oprah. I'm only 23 and I read his books and try to take all his advice.

Here's my problem I hope to get some help on. I've been in a relationship now for almost 8 months. We did move things very fast in the beggining. We live together and have for most of the relatioship. My boyfriend is 33 and has more experience than I have. We had issues we have worked through in our relationship and love each other alot. The one thing that still really bothers me is our sex life. Its maybe 2 times in a month. I'm a sexually active person. In the beginning of our relationship sex was almost every day. Then as we had our problems it got less and less and to where is it now. We talked about our sex life before and we assumed that if we were doing better and more attracted to each other because we weren't fighting our sex life would increase. Well it hasn't. He also doesn't talk to me in any sexual manner like telling me I'm beautiful. He has never told me I'm sexy. We never talk about what we like either about sex, because he doesn't like to. He tells me " well try it and see if I like it. " I know hes attracted to me but he never tells me I am to him. He seems though the type of person not to be sexual. He works alot and own his own buisness. Hes stressed most of the time or pre occupied. I don't know how to talk to him about sex or get him to tell me things like I am beautiful or sexy. I have talked to him about before and nothing has changed. Can someone help me?!

My problem goes deeper than this. I do tell him hes sexy and I do try to be sexy for him. I tell him alot more than he does me and it doesn't work. He's not shy about sex. He's had a lot of sex and hes good at it. We used to have sex every day for a couple months than it was twice a week then once a week, then it got worse and worse. One time when we tried to talk about it, he got an attitude and didn't want to talk about it. Also he's not sexual with me hardly at all. We dont cuddle ever... he never holds my hand. Also what I think is strange is that I have never seen him naked in the light. He wont let me. If we ever sex when it light in the room, which has only happened a couple times, he has his shirt on.

We talked about sex one time and I asked why he wasn't having sex with me. At the time I was taking a shower every other day. I dont sweat so I didn't feel the need to. He told me because I didn't take a shower every day.