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Topic : Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:16:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Do you have sexual needs or desires that you're afraid to express? Share your story.

 
penny_lady
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July 2, 2007, 12:44 pm PDT

Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

Quote From: fh92corptsx

Should your partners partner count matter? i am a  24 year old professional whom is in a  great committed and monogamous relationship. We have been dating for 7 months, and see each other every single day.  My girlfriend is 22 and has been with 33 men since the age of 16. She has experimented twice with group sex, and has given oral sex to over 50 men in her life.  She dresses very conservative and is completing her masters degree in Biology. She is financially stable, and insists she always wanted a committed relationship but kept meeting men that wanted one night stands. If you met her you would think she was a virgin or close to.  To sum it up the relationship is perfect! and she loves me dear. But I am not sure I can marry someone who has been with that many people. She has been tested for HIV and STDs regularly and has never been infected or pregnant. I am 25 and have been with only 7 women in my life.

 

Should I see a marriage in the future? Should I break up? Is headcount a reason to leave a relationship???

No,  I do not think that is a reason to leave a relationship, but hey, that is just me.

What is troublesome to me is the idea that may be trying to get out of responsibility for the sex she has had by saying things like this:

"...and insists she always wanted a committed relationship but kept meeting men that wanted one night stands."

That is MUCH more worrisome to me than how many guys she's been with.
 
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sheismyworld
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July 7, 2007, 8:17 pm PDT

relationship rescue

Quote From: blynn

  Hi I am hopeing to get some real advice from some real peopel. So please don't hold back if u have something to say to me. If I am lucky it just might help me. I am embarced about writeing this but hear it gos.

  Ok I am 32 ys old. I have 2 kids and I have been with my boyfriend for 4yrs now. The other night we got into a little tif, and he said something that realy hurt my feelings. He said I was boring in bed, wow I know. He has said a few other things along this line before but not as mean. I don't think that I am. I am not crazy or anthing. He said he likes haveing sex with me and injoys it very much. But now I am haveing a real hard time beliveing that. And now I am uncomfterbale when we do have sex. I always thought that we had a good sex life and both injoyed oursefs with one another. I know that I need to worke on being a little shy and modest. But I am not a prood I don't think. Should I try things that I am uncomferble with just to make him happy??? And how do you not be boreing and not real crazy or kinky I guess peopel say??? I am just not real shure what to do about this at all. I thought I was comeing round real well but I guess not. I have had 2 kids and my body isn't the way it used to be. and I am very awear of this fact. I have kept a few pounds sence my last child. I have never been one for walking around the house naked or stuff like that. He said its the same old same old, and I thought we did diffrent things not every time but we have. so I just don't understand this. Some one please please give me some advice. thank for your time and reading this.

In Dr Phils book he basicaly says if you were to get divorced tomorrow you would get back in shape work out and try to make yourself a better person for the market.  Why not do it now??  And he is right why not take care of yourself now if not at least for your own well being and mental health.  As for me I am a couple nessages old and I was right there was another man and she is wanting to be seperated.  I am torn apart and worried sick for my kids health and well being.  I will move on.  I did send a message to Dr Phil and I am praying to the good lord that I get a reply.  I hope you the best
 
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hippired78
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July 14, 2007, 2:07 pm PDT

THATS A BIG MISTAKE...

Quote From: mdearest

  

I am in the process of a divorce, but am horny to be quite honest. I don't like just sleeping around and my stbx husband had indicated that he is also horny but is not wanting to sleep with his current lady friend until we are officially divorced ... should we sleep together? If we both go into it knowing that it won't change the overall situation, then we are just two consenting adults with a history, right?  

I KNOW THIS FROM DOING WHAT YOU ARE CONSIDERING AND TRUST ME'NOT A GOOD IDEA'.I HAD A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH MY EX UNTIL WE STARTED TO SLEEP TOGETHER,THEN IT ALL CAME UNRAVELED.WHEN I STARTED TO SEE SOMEONE HE WAS STILL TRYING TO GET ME TO SLEEP WITH HIM.EVEN IF YOU THINK ITS GOING TO JUST BE SEX.ONE OF YOU WILL GET MORE INVOLVED AND WILL BE HURT ONCE AGAIN.JUST TAKE MY ADVICE AND DONT DO IT.
 
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lanelocust48
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July 17, 2007, 3:02 pm PDT

NOT A GOOD IDEA

I WAS INVOLVED WITH THIS MAN AND WE WENT OUR SEPARATE WAYS DUE TO SEVERAL ISSUES THAT WE BOTH WERE HAVING WITH EACH OTHER.

I WAS APPROACHED BY HIM TO HAVE "CASUAL SEX" WITH HIM. EVEN THOUGH HE IS ACTIVELY INVOLVED IN AN ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP. I AGREED.

WRONG THING! I DIDN'T THINK THE SEX WAS THE GREATEST IN THIS SITUATION BECAUSE THERE WAS NO FEELINGS INVOLVED.

I REALLY BELIEVE THAT THIS WASN'T THE BEST DECISION I HAD EVER MADE.

IT HAS AFFECTED OUR RELATIONSHIP NOW. I NOW REGRET HAVING SEX WITH HIM BECAUSE IT HAS AFFECTED MY SELF-ESTEEM AND HOW I VIEW HIM ALSO.
 
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restless728
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July 17, 2007, 4:18 pm PDT

Head Count

Quote From: penny_lady

No,  I do not think that is a reason to leave a relationship, but hey, that is just me.

What is troublesome to me is the idea that may be trying to get out of responsibility for the sex she has had by saying things like this:

"...and insists she always wanted a committed relationship but kept meeting men that wanted one night stands."

That is MUCH more worrisome to me than how many guys she's been with.
How did you find out about the number of people she had been with?  Was it really you buisness?  We should all be careful this day and age but a trip to the health department would be a more acceptable way of making sure you are safe together.  If you dwell on it, it will ruin you. 
 
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minniemouse001
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July 23, 2007, 1:56 am PDT

asking for sex!!!

now as some of you know i am 28 and a virgin!

I really could careless for being a virgin I had many issuses that kept pushing me away from sex!

mainly fear of intimacy and fear of trusthing people and I

Don't like to be touched cause when i was a child my mom use to beat me with a belt when ever i did something wrong! I mena there were days when i was really black and blue!!!

mainly i met this guy so i want to have sex with him but there is a but !

1. he probably doesn't know i'm a virgin!

2. he said no strings I'm fine with that

3 I love how he touches my body it never felt more natural and good !!! men have touched me but i have always refused their touch cause I didn't like it!

4. he sexually turns me on like no one before. :)

 

now the problem is I really want to have sex with him but he is very sexually agressive, I have told him that and he has calmed down a bit! I am also to a point worried how is he going to react when i tell him i'm a virgin I mean I really hope he won't be running for the hills! I have had men leave men when i told them this!

He has called me a tease and I really am not teasing him! I told him i'm not teasing you at all! I really don't feel like teasing someone if i ain't doing anythign about it!

How do i tell the man i'm a virgin!

just blur it out ?

is there an approch ?!

I mean i'm going to tell him the next time i see him i just need to know is there a way to say something like that with out maybe scaring the guy away?!

IS there a sensative approch

knowing me I just blur things out and hope for the best!

;)

 

 
 
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westmoneypit
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July 24, 2007, 5:02 am PDT

Hi

Quote From: fh92corptsx

Should your partners partner count matter? i am a  24 year old professional whom is in a  great committed and monogamous relationship. We have been dating for 7 months, and see each other every single day.  My girlfriend is 22 and has been with 33 men since the age of 16. She has experimented twice with group sex, and has given oral sex to over 50 men in her life.  She dresses very conservative and is completing her masters degree in Biology. She is financially stable, and insists she always wanted a committed relationship but kept meeting men that wanted one night stands. If you met her you would think she was a virgin or close to.  To sum it up the relationship is perfect! and she loves me dear. But I am not sure I can marry someone who has been with that many people. She has been tested for HIV and STDs regularly and has never been infected or pregnant. I am 25 and have been with only 7 women in my life.

 

Should I see a marriage in the future? Should I break up? Is headcount a reason to leave a relationship???

I just found this post.  My advice to you is get over it.  I have learned that many people in this world look and never find the person they are meant to be with.  We are all young and stupid.  Some more than others.  We all wish we had as much fun as she did, admit it.  The fact that she is with you should be all you should care about.  She should not have to "pay" for her past, and if you truely care about her, you will not make her "pay" for it.  It is not your issue to pay for, it is hers.  You only get to judge her for how she is the day you met her and from that day forward.  What you need to be asking yourself is "Is she worth losing over something that is my problem anyway?"  "Do I see myself with this woman for the rest of my life?"  I think that she have never told you about her past and you should have never asked.  My wife and I had a rule when we first started dating.  "Do not ask questions you cannot handle the answer to, because if you ask, you are going to get told the truth."  You asked, she told the truth.  Now deal with it. 

 

Bottom line.  If you love her for her, then nothing else matters.  Learn that now while you are young, otherwise you may never find yourself happy with anyone you ever date or meet. 

 
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evileyedwomen
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July 24, 2007, 1:44 pm PDT

hurt and feeling alone

 i am  35 YR OLD PREGNANT MOTHER OF 2 TEEN BOYS, MY CURRENT PARTNER OF ALITTLE IVER 4 YEARS LOOKS AT PORN EVERY NIGHT WHILE I AM ASLEEP IN OUR BED IN THE SAME ROOM AND NO MATTER WHAT I SAY HE WONT STOP HE JUST LIES AOBUT IT. THIS HURTS ME ALOT , ITS NOT SO MUCH HES DOING IT ALL MEN DO BUT WHILE IM IN THE SAME ROOM FOR CHRIST SAKE. I EVEN BOUGHT AND INSTALLED NET NANNY AND EVEN WHEN CONFRONTED WITH IT HE STILL DENIES IT.  GD PLEASE SOMEONE ANYONE HELP. ID LOVE TO TALK TO OTHER WITH THE SAME PROBLOM AND MAYBE HELP EACH OTHER IM DUE FOR OUR FIRST BABY TOGETHER IN A FEW MONTHS AND FEEL LIKE THIS RELATIOONSHIP IS JUST NOT GOING TO MAKE IT. I LOVE THIS MAN TO DEATH BUT WHY DOES HE HAVE TO DISRESPECT ME LIKE THIS IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE NOTHING THAT IM NOT SEXY OR ATTRACTIVE ANYMORE.
 
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evileyedwomen
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July 24, 2007, 1:48 pm PDT

BEEN THERE !!!

Quote From: lanelocust48

I WAS INVOLVED WITH THIS MAN AND WE WENT OUR SEPARATE WAYS DUE TO SEVERAL ISSUES THAT WE BOTH WERE HAVING WITH EACH OTHER.

I WAS APPROACHED BY HIM TO HAVE "CASUAL SEX" WITH HIM. EVEN THOUGH HE IS ACTIVELY INVOLVED IN AN ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP. I AGREED.

WRONG THING! I DIDN'T THINK THE SEX WAS THE GREATEST IN THIS SITUATION BECAUSE THERE WAS NO FEELINGS INVOLVED.

I REALLY BELIEVE THAT THIS WASN'T THE BEST DECISION I HAD EVER MADE.

IT HAS AFFECTED OUR RELATIONSHIP NOW. I NOW REGRET HAVING SEX WITH HIM BECAUSE IT HAS AFFECTED MY SELF-ESTEEM AND HOW I VIEW HIM ALSO.

 i hunie i have been where u are and its not good is it???  But when u feel storngly about someone  i guess u think maybe they will come back or that the sex might make thenm see what they have lost.  my self esteem was killed doing this as the same thing happened he just wanted me because i was more sexually open minded than his new partner...what a fool i was
 
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toekoes
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July 30, 2007, 5:40 am PDT

Say WHAT??!!

Lol that is prbably the response or the expression you might get when talking about what pleases you sexually but hey it starts with talk. Communication is one of the best ways to start intimacy whether it be through your mouth or through your body language. It is very embarrassing to tell your partner especially if that person is not satisfying you but they can't smell what you want either and they can't always guess and as we all know some of us women are good at FAKING IT but that gets so old. There's more than one wat to get "pleasure" without even penetrating and you'll never know until you and your partner explore one another's bodies.

 

Communication is the key to that hidden pleasures and hinting does NOT  WORK! If you must start by guiding one another do it...it'll only benefit you.
 
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