Topic : Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

Though I don't know if it will work you could try this:

Try setting a romantic mood, so candle lit dinner, shower/bathe together and then go to the bedroom candels lit rose pedles spread across the bed you know the lot... Maybe that will get her in a different mood then crazy sex.

Otherwise try talking to her about it when you are both not in the mood.

though this message seems old I'll still reply on it:

You could also choose a middle way: say you never had a girlfriend but aren't a virgin either. so still lots of room to interpret. But in any case get tested...

well love isn't a constant love changes over time. You fall in love and feel emotions given in by chemicals in the brain. But like drugs you need more and more to keep feeling the same feeling of love for your partner. after about 4 years the body can't keep up with producing those chemicals and the initial love you felt fades away.

Instead different chemicals set in so that you form an enduring relationship with your partner that hopefully lasts a lifetime. So in short no, unless you fall in love with someone else some time in the future, but I guess that wasn't what you ment.

What you can do is help those chemicals a bit: being close to your partner, touching each other, doing nice things for each other (have sex) etc these all release different chemicals in the brain which make you feel happy and closer, more intimate to your partner.

As for the sex, he can't change what he deosn't know. So next time guide him a bit, start subtly emphasising something you like in your body language or by saying oh that's good. and if that doesn't help get more explicit. Mutual masturbation can also show him what you like (and you what he likes) so you can also try that maybe. In any case you need to make him a better bedpartner for you, he can't do it because he isn't aware of the problem and even then he ain't you so he doesn't know where and how you like it best.

it seems to me that your way of interpreting things is an integral part of the situation. You interpret that she not wanting intamacy is because of you. Therefor you get a low self esteem negative mood etc, not healthy. You should try to evaluate the situation more objectively. Start asking yourself questions, is it really you or does she have a part in in too? Did anything happen in her past or during the day that might help to explain her lack of intimacy?

Btw do you feel that you are at fault of something a lot? Do you give yourself credit aswell or do you think that it was just lucky or something? Is this something you feel that happen in other parts of your life? If so it might be usefull to go into cognitive therapy and or drama therapy to help you change your way of thinking and rebuild your confidence

What it sounds to me is that you are married to my X~  My EX has narcissistic  personality disorder, while they think, they are the greatest thing since slieced bread, the best lover, friend, dad, provider (you get the picture here...).  They aren't.  He has sucked every fiber from my being over and over again.  Had I only known then, what I know now.  NPD(narcissistic  personality disorder) people do not have the ability to love although, they think they want the marriage, kids and family, white picket fence....they will never get to it.  I was married 18 years.  To this day, being finally divorced after 3 years of chasing a divorce.  He met and married the first "stray' that came along and "met his needs".  He still doesn't leave me alone.  He constantly tells me he loves me and misses me and wants to have sex with me while his new wife doesn't have a clue. I tried to tell her, and she wouldn't listen.  Made up things as to why I knew where they were on vacation why I knew when the flights were...why I knew when the last time she went to the bathroom was...because he was calling me 92 times a day.Stupid me, answered the phone.  So, one day, I decided I wasn't going to put up with this anymore.

Number one, if he will not leave the house...then, you need too.  I had to take my three kids and move out because the law also said that he had the right to be there. I have the right to move.  Take your kids and fight it out in court who gets to keep the house...if it isn't you...then, move on.  YOU have to decide just how much of you , you are willing to give him. GET OUT go somewhere else, he will get the hint.

Number 2...quit making excuses as to why you are where you are with him.  The sooner you quit making excuses the better off you will be mentally.  RIght now he has you where he wants you...dependant on him.  (just so you know, I am 39, and  I have stage 4 colon cancer an three children to support and no money to do with iwth...fight him for alimony and child support!!!!!)

Number 3....STOP FEEDING his ego~!  The sooner you stop paying attention to him, the sooner he will quit barking up your tree...(YOU have to do this for your own mental health and your child watching what you are going to do next.) are you the one that is co-dependant?  PROBABLY.

Number 4....CARRY ON WITH YOUR LIFE as if there is no tomorrow...there is really more to life than the prison it sounds like he has you living in.  GET out and save yourself and your child.

I promise...I will be there for you if you need me.  My email is ANJTTM@aol.com.  Learn from this email.

with loves and hugs...been there done that...