Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

Before I answer completely Honestly because that is what I AM all about because quite frankly why would I even be here improving my life really?  May I ask you a question please?  Who is the person posing the question and what is your function and qualifications here at the Dr. Phil message boards.  Thank You very much for your response to my questions.  This is not a gun in your face nor do I take these questions light hearted airy or fun..  This place Dr. Phil.com actually saved my life 53 days ago I kind of think of it as a "Think tank" and I appreciate your response.  Thank You.  xox

I will respond....When My question is answered and BOY is it a DOOSIE!

For me, this is a really hot item. I know that I avoid relationships because of the way I look (I'm wheelchair bound and had several surgeries). When I see a woman I like, I don't dare to approach her, just because of this. This is especially the case when the woman is very good looking. I guess I feel intimidated then, and back off immediately.

 

Jo

LOOK SWEETIE LOOKS ARN'T EVERYTHING I HAVE BEEN IN MANY SHALLOW BASED RELATIONSHIPS WHERE ITS ONLY LOOKS  AND I JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU I WOULD SO MUCH RATHER FIND A MAN I COULD RELATE TO AND HAVE SERIOUS TALKS WITH AND SOMEONE CONSIDERATE ABOUT MY FEELINGS AND WHO ACTUALLY CARES WHAT I HAVE TO SAY I JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU JUST BECAUSE YOUR IN A WHEEL CHAIR DOESNT MEAN YOU SHOULD FELL YOU DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO OFFER A WOMAN SERIOSLY YOU HAVE SO MUCH MORE GOING FOR YOU AND FROM YOUR PICTURE YOU DONT LOOK SO BAD SO GOOD LUCK IN FINDING THAT GIRL THAT CAN SEE THE TRUE YOU BECAUSE IF THEY CANT THEN THERE NOT WORTH YOUR TIME

 

                                                                                                                                 KAYLEE

Hello Kaylee,

 

I know you're right, I really do. It just has to sink in.

 

Jo

THATS WONDERFUL I HOPE IT DOES AND I HOPE YOU FIND THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOUR LIFE COMPLETE AND  MAKES YOU FORGET ALL OF YOUR WORRIES. NOW CAN I ASK YOUR ADVICE ON SOMETHING I KNOW THE ANSWER IS PRETTY CLEAR BUT I JUST NEED TO HEAR IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE IF YOU WERE DATEING SOMEONE AND THEY COMPLETLY TOOK YOU FOR GRANTED I MEAN I DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM YET NOTHING IS ENOUGH HE'S SO HORRIBLE TO ME HE ABUSES ME (VERBALLY,MENTALLY , AND PHYSICALLY) AND I KNOW ITS NOT RIGHT BUT I ALLOW IT BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AM I STUPID FOR STAYING WITH HIM. I'M ONLY ASKING BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I CAN TALK TO YOU IF I'M INTRUDEING PLEASE JUST TELL ME TO LEAVE YOU ALONE SORRY I NEEDED TO GET IT OUT.

                                                                                                                          KAYLEE

I was in an abusive relationship for ten years.I was 16 and he was 21 and I left him a numerous times before I finally grasped my own personality and left him for good.please dont stay in that relationship.It will get alot worse.If you want to talk to me more about that issue ill listen ive been there.my email address is najewski@yahoo.com

Don't let life pass you by,because you kinda think you are not worth it.If a woman turns you down because of you being in a wheelchair,well,heck,she was not worth it.Who wants a shallow person by their side??? Not me. 

Life is too short to worry about looks,etc.. 

Don't be intimidated,you will get hurt (yes,cruel people are out there),BUT you will find the one special person just for you. 

I went thru a lot of B/S,abuse,etc..Had enough of men,dated a few,but that was it.One day,at a party I started to talk to a guy,not handsome,not ugly,not skinny,not fat.Just a guy,two inches smaller then me.And we talked,the next day he called me for a date.I said yes,don't know why.I'm glad I did,we are going to be married for 6 years on the 18th. 

Don't let life pass you by,grab it. 

  

  

Well, first of all, I am not a very confident person, I never was, and I doubt if I ever will be.  I used to be alot thinner and was pretty ok to look at.  I fell pregnant last year, my little boy is now 3 months old.  The problem I have is that I find it very difficult to get over that fact that I had a baby and will probably never look the same as I did before. My body is a total mess, I have ugly scarring from the caesar, and it looks like I ran naked through a hail storm.  It really is difficult for me to accept all that has happened, and to make it worse, my boyfriend who is also the father of our child, loves & appreciates the female body.  He is forever looking at women on the net, naked (not porn though) or in provocative underwear.  This doesn't really help my self-esteem.  This makes me feel even worse, because I would give the world to look like that for him.  He always tells me that he loves me, and that he doesn't mind the way my body looks after the baby, because he loves me.  Is the problem with me?  Am I making unnecessary strife between us?  I cannot help the way I feel.  As if motherhood isn't tough enough, I have to walk around all day feeling like I'm ugly. Although I could never imagine my life without my little boy in it, and that everything else is worthwhile, I am really struggling to cope looking in the mirror everyday.  It is so bad, because me and my boyfriend used to have a very exciting sex life.  I mean I had a nice body & I'm a very sexual person in general.  But now, I don't like it when he sees me naked, I always cover myself if he walks into the room.  He isn't allowed to enter the bathroom while I'm bathing.  It has an effect on us, and our sex life.  He cannot buy sexy underwear for me anymore, because he says that he never sees me without clothes anyway or we always have sex with the lights off.  Is there something wrong with me?  Am I somehow missing the bigger picture here?

• hello everyone, i have a question to ask. i want to know if i should dump my boyfriend of almost 9 years because of this problem we have..i found i letter that my boyfriend wrote and this is what it said......

 

"I have a girlfriend who I have been with for 8 years. She is a very pretty girl and she is also my best friend. We get along and agree on everything. We enjoy most all of the same things and I am very much in love with her. There is only one small little problem, She is skinny as hell. I mean she has a very nice shaped body, it is merely to thin. She is about 5' 3" and weighs between 115-117 Lbs. I always thought in the back of my head she would gain weight over the years, but she has not. Her mother is large and so is her brother, most everyone in her family except her. She always opts for low calorie foods and has a very small appetite in general. I however am suffering in a big way because I am VERY VERY attracted to fleshy, chubby women (whatever one wants to call them). I see them in stores, at the park on the streets, wearing their tight shirts and jeans. And as I notice the large soft supple beauty I feel my stomach go into knots because I know there is no way I can ever be with a woman of this caliper. I never have been able to touch and most likely never will *tears* You might notice the quagmire, MY best friend /love of my life or soft luscious beauty. Of course I am not so shallow, I need my best friend and I love her and do not want to leave her, but my craving for what I need on a sexual level is growing almost unbearable. Anyways, I tried to talk with her about it. She knows exactly how I feel but absolutely will not try to change anything to gain weight. She finds the whole idea to be repulsive and some form of self mutilation. She hates when I encourage her to eat or gain.  The funny thing is , I love BBWs as much as the next guy but I am so desperate here that I would be really happy and consider it a huge improvement if she were to simply gain to like 130/140 Lbs Which is much better then 115Lbs. She will not even consider it. She actually loves me so much that she has fought with herself over this and occasionally caves out of frustration and says "I will do whatever you want" but that always lasts only for about a day. A day that feels very unnatural, I might add. She is miserable the whole time and It becomes very militant like I have her in boot camp. Not the kind of loving, feeding, nurturing I would like to share with her, as if it were to just be that way naturally. Some guys are so lucky just to have a chubby girl anyways and not have to be in this situation. I truly am burning with envy for all you lucky bastards, ( think of that next time you get to caress your womans soft belly roll in your hand. ) Atleast if I had that I could silently appreciate her chub even if she hated it. OHHHH I am sooooooo depressed. This has been a constant struggle in my head for 8 years. Please somebody help !!!!! Questions, comments , suggestions ,similar stories!! Anything would be GREATLY appreciated." 

 

 

 

• now my concern is that i dont want to be oblagated to change my body type. i wounder if im being selfish or to vain. this as become such a problem that, i think we may be better off not together. i dont really know what to do