Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

*best smile*

Yes...the magic has to be there.  

Ya know, we all have our quirks.    This woman probably never thought about having a problem with this "aspect" of this particular man, but suddenly there it is, the feelings are fading and she feels shallow for it.

But anyone's feelings can fade or change after he or she becomes more familiar with a romantic interest  for a variety of reasons.   

She laughs and talks too loudly or he has chronic bad breath.

I mean...it  could be anything that changes how we feel and sometimes, much as we hate it, we just can't help it.

I hope she's able to come to terms with her feelings because she said he's a great guy and great guys, as I said before, are so very hard to find.

But...if she can't change how she's feeling, then would it be right for her to stay with him?    He doesn't need that sort of  "charity" even though it would be coming from a very good place.

This is a touchy topic.   I guess I'm saying, everyone has their preferences...sometimes we can't help how we feel about something.  

let's take you, for instance, have you ever dated a very nice woman, but there was just something about her that you couldn't overlook...try as you might?

Well on a dating site you will have to select women by some standard (why message x instead of y) so having some abitrary guideline will probably help narrow the search. And hey it's not a big secret that men are visually oriënted so they always want eye candy (I leave in the middle what eye candy defines as since it differs from person to person.)

Then there are different sorts of atraction. if it is purely physical then it will only be a good one night stand. on the other hand if it is based purely on sharing interrest then it will only be a friendship relationship. so you need to meet somewhere in the middle to make it work as a romatic relationship.

I am not criticizing you by the way I'm only trying to explain the psychology that goes into it, hope you don't mind. :-)

all my life ;-) I have always felt the same way that I can find something attractive in most people. Once we hit a certain age and re-enter the dating world it seems even harder to meet someone who is nonjudgemental or vain. Granted there must be some sort of chemistry on a first date but you have to at least get to the date first instead of putting so much into the physical features of the person in the begining. I have dated many shapes, heights, differing education levels etc. I tend to always look for the ones I can carry a meaningful conversation with regardless of the way they look. There are many days it seems like I may never meet my "soul mate" but I refuse to give up because I know he's out there somewhere. Maybe soon he will find me, until that day comes I will keep going with the flow and not let society rule how I select a potential partner.

I agree with you.  Perhaps you should take it as a sign that you are avoiding the superficial people, or people who might be uncomfortable with themselves to the point they judge others too harshly physically.  You have to take into consideration also that different things are important to different people.  Being female, and having looked at dating sites in the past, I have to say that the male profiles that were very broad kind of worried me beacause it made me think that if you weren't selective at all, which is one of the luxuries to a dating site, are you just looking for a good time with whatever you can get? 

Also, attraction is important!  If you don't have physical attraction, how are you going to have real sparks in the bedroom?  With all the emphasis placed on looks in our society, it is hard to filter that out of our minds.  I for one was always attracted to a certain "type" of guy physcially, and lo and behold the man that I know is "the one" fits that look. 

Don't dwell on what others are doing, I would focus on the fact that you embrace people for who they are.  I wouldn't let that deter you from online dating since it offers the opportunity to get to know someone for who they are.  Good luck!

Okay here is what I would like you to try: instead of focussing on what you don't like on your body I want you to focuss on what you do like, because this is getting unhealthy if it continues.

Okay here goes: I want you to stand in front of the mirror and in stead of looking at what you don't like I want you to find something you do like. and repeat that out loud a few times for yourself. Everyday you have to find something different. and repeat that what you found in previous days aswell

Also you might want try to sit on the bed with your partner across each other looking in each others eyes. Take turns by saying something about your partner that you like. (don't do it to quickly take your time, so it works better)

These two excresizes might help you to accept your body once again. And please remember that we ALL have issues about our body (me included), even the top models have their insecurities. So don't allow it to control your life (that is a decision you will have to make.)