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Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

Number of Replies: 501
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:17:04 pm
Author : dataimport
How you feel about your own body translates into how sexy you feel and how your partner perceives you. What do you do to feel sexy?

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September 16, 2008, 1:22 pm CDT

Circumcision

Hey guys. I have been reading up on circumcision, in preparation of the birth of my child--incase it's a boy. My husband wants him circumcised because he doesn't want him teased. After reading up on it and seeing pics of the procedure, I think he will have to pry the child from my cold dead hands before I let it happen. He's still out of town, so I will wait until he gets back to broach the subject.

It's funny that only about 83% of males world wide are NOT circumcised, the majority of those who are are American. It started in the 1880s when wacko doctors, thinking masturbation caused illness such as blindness, etc. encouraged circumcision to de-sensitize the penis and discourage masturbation. Circumcision as a cure for masturbation!! Come to find out, with the glans exposed and rubbing against clothing, it does de-sensitize and toughen the penis, but that leads to MORE masturbation and harder thrusting during sex. Men with natural penises have more nerve endings, the head is protected and sensitive, so they get more sexual gratification from intercourse...supposed to help the lady keep wet and enjoy more shallow gentle stroke.

I was wondering who out there had partners with or without foreskin, how they felt in bed and if either seemed more prone to porn/masturbation or not. I am really curious. I have only been with four men, all circumcised and none were exceptional, sensitive strokers.
 
September 21, 2008, 5:56 pm CDT

Body Image & Sex Appeal

Quote From: bankheadbaby

Hey guys. I have been reading up on circumcision, in preparation of the birth of my child--incase it's a boy. My husband wants him circumcised because he doesn't want him teased. After reading up on it and seeing pics of the procedure, I think he will have to pry the child from my cold dead hands before I let it happen. He's still out of town, so I will wait until he gets back to broach the subject.

It's funny that only about 83% of males world wide are NOT circumcised, the majority of those who are are American. It started in the 1880s when wacko doctors, thinking masturbation caused illness such as blindness, etc. encouraged circumcision to de-sensitize the penis and discourage masturbation. Circumcision as a cure for masturbation!! Come to find out, with the glans exposed and rubbing against clothing, it does de-sensitize and toughen the penis, but that leads to MORE masturbation and harder thrusting during sex. Men with natural penises have more nerve endings, the head is protected and sensitive, so they get more sexual gratification from intercourse...supposed to help the lady keep wet and enjoy more shallow gentle stroke.

I was wondering who out there had partners with or without foreskin, how they felt in bed and if either seemed more prone to porn/masturbation or not. I am really curious. I have only been with four men, all circumcised and none were exceptional, sensitive strokers.

I am a man not circumcised. (european that explains a lot =) ) And well it is true that a penis is less sensitive when circumcised. The procedure is not necessary, so when not doing it out of religious reasons I would advice against it. (I like it the way I am.) (every procedure brings a little risk with it even if it is only a very tiny risk there is a risk.)

 

The masturbating or watching porn has more to do with sexdrive and personal preference then cicumcision I guess, even though I have no evidence to support that theory. As for the partner thing well I couldn't say anything on that, I'm not homosexual so... =)

 
October 13, 2008, 7:36 am CDT

No longer sexually attracted!

I have been with my current boyfriend for 3 years now living with him for 2. The relationship in the beginning was great, but at the time i weight 125lbs and was active ever since i have been living with him or since i have moved in i seem to be depressed all the time cant find myself to do anything and i currenlty weigh 173lbs :*( He tells me all the time he wants me to lose weigh that i am a fatass when i say something to him about it he tells me that he is "just picking" or "playing around with me" knowing that my weight bothers me why would he choose that one area to pick on me with? But my biggest concern is he wants to have sex at least every other night and i cant seem to get myself in the mood, or he says im not in to it. I really need help i love him and want to work things out but i cant continue this journey it things dont get better.
 
October 14, 2008, 6:07 pm CDT

Tales from the other side

Quote From: discoverncgrl

I have been with my current boyfriend for 3 years now living with him for 2. The relationship in the beginning was great, but at the time i weight 125lbs and was active ever since i have been living with him or since i have moved in i seem to be depressed all the time cant find myself to do anything and i currenlty weigh 173lbs :*( He tells me all the time he wants me to lose weigh that i am a fatass when i say something to him about it he tells me that he is "just picking" or "playing around with me" knowing that my weight bothers me why would he choose that one area to pick on me with? But my biggest concern is he wants to have sex at least every other night and i cant seem to get myself in the mood, or he says im not in to it. I really need help i love him and want to work things out but i cant continue this journey it things dont get better.

My wife says the same things and don't tell her she needs to lose weight. 

I love my wife but she keeps turningme down for sex because she doesn't like her body.

NEWSFLASH... Most guys don't care about how much you weigh as long as you are having sex with him.

I have recently been reading "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" by the guy that did "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus".  He writes about a couple of really good points.  Women need to feel love to want sex and men feel love while having sex.  Basically though having sex he feels closer to you and more love while you are needing him to make you feel loved to make you want to have sex.  Perhaps by thinking about what he is telling you by wanting to have sex with you... he wants to be with you and wants to feel connected to you... on the flip side you need to find a safe way to tell him you need more... generally men are really bad about taking hints and arguing just provokes the tough guy thing.... I don't know him so i can't say how to handle it but in my mind he still loves you and wants to be with you you just need some outside help in getting the communication thing going  .... try counselling

 
October 18, 2008, 4:19 pm CDT

Same topic, different slant

I have an odd issue.  I am overweight at 235 lbs and 5'3.  My boyfriend/fiance is also overweight, but much more so, at 350 lbs and 6'2.  I think he weighs more and is lying, because he is just expansive.  He flesh doesn't even know where to go anymore, it just folds everywhere.  I, myself, have self esteem and body image issues due to my weight and now I exercise (walk or bike) everyday for an hour.  I have lost 15 lbs since I started and weighed 280 a little over a year ago.  However, he says he is losing weight and I'm just not seeing it.  What I see is him bringing home groceries and rushing a bag to his room as if I don't know he has sweets in it.  I find wrappers of Ho-Ho's and other bad-for-you trash in his room.  He tries to hide it more, but it is obvious.  We went to mom's house and he made two types of dips (he's a great chef) and then devoured three plates of it, then went back an hour later to snack on it, barely leaving any for my sleeping brother.  We are sexually active, but it is getting difficult for his eating habits and weight to not affect how I see him sexually.  I couldn't even get turned on after giving him a massage because I made the mistake of asking him to shed his clothes in the light and saw every bit of him in the unforgiving illumination. I know I am fat as well, but I am just completely disgusted by him. I love him, and I want to marry him, but I don't know if I will be able to stay with him if he does not get healthier.  He thinks his work is enough exercise (wrapping DVD's at a factory) and I've never once seen him physically exercise (I work from home).  I also don't see him maintaining a habit of eating small portions unless I am up his arse.  This is getting tiring, I don't want to look at him, let alone talk to him because I am so angry and disgusted.  I have always had hot, lean men and he is the first big man I've ever been with.  I keep trying to look past it, and in every other instance of our relationship I can, but I can't when it comes to sex.  I just can't. I don't care what anyone says:  I know I'm fat, too, and that he looks past it, but I'm just not that good of a person.  I wish I could get Dr. Phil's opinion on this. I've been trying to be nicer about it to my boyfriend and not nag him on his eating habits as much, but then I just see them worsen instead of improve.  Does anyone else in the world have this issue, I know I cannot be alone in this.
 
October 24, 2008, 2:43 pm CDT

My husband is not interested in sex at all

My first marriage my husband raped me and did some of the things that my father did to me as a child.  When I had my first daughter is when I found out about the abuse.  I started going to therapy in regards to being sexally abused since birth through 12 years old.  Not only did my husband rape me, but mentally and physically abused me.  I waited before I got married for the second time.  I had different things that I was looking for.  I knew that I needed to truly trust the next person that I was with.  Well I have been married to my husband for 8 years now and dated for 1 year prior.  I have 5 children, luckily no stretch marks and had a great sex life with him until I got pregnant with our first child together.  He mentioned to me while I was pregnant, that he didn't find pregnant women attractive.  He also doesn't find overweight women attractive.  This all happened back in 2001.  I was 5'11 and 135 before this child.  I gained just about 80 pounds and lost most of the weight except for about 40 pounds.  No problem with sex at that time, but not as frequent.  

 

Now last year in October I had to quit smoking because I was having breathing problems.  No doctors have been able to figure out anything.  At that time I had lost about 40 pounds.  Was feeling and looking good about myself.  About 2 months later my stomach started to bloat out and am now at a whopping 215 pounds.  I am not overeating in fact I hardly eat, I have lost my appitite.  My husband and I have not had sex since November of last year.  Wow kind of a coinsidence.  He has an excuse for everything.  He says that his prostate hurts or the kids have been up or whatever.  A couple of weeks ago I came out and asked him does he not find me attractive because I am fat now.  I am still going to therapy  for 3 years with during this marriage and feel that a lot of my problems keep coming back to this situation.  I found someone that I fully trusted with sex and now like a child he has taken the cookie jar away.  Right now it is hard to find a job, I am looking and filling out applications everyday.  As I know that I need to get out of this marriage.  I have grown and with him thinking that therapists are quacks he hasn't.  There are many other ways to  have sex than with his protate if you know what I mean.  I am tired of bringing this up all of the time and feel that he is  not telling me everything. This is now causing me grief as I am hating him for what he is doing to us.  This is why most people get married, meaning that you assume you are going to have sex with your husband.  I am not interested in an affair and I no that he isn't either.  He doesn't like toys, even though I went and bought one.  It isn't the same.  How am I supposed to get out of this depressed and anxious state living like this.  I know now through therapy that it isn't me.  He has some sort of disfunction.  I guess I just needed to get others opinions on this as I believe that I am pretty and deserve some loving.  Let me know what you think.  PS.  We don't even go out on dates.  All he does is work, watch tv or sleep. 

 

 

 
November 20, 2008, 7:27 am CST

Are men really like that?

Quote From: eyesonlyvideo

My wife says the same things and don't tell her she needs to lose weight. 

I love my wife but she keeps turningme down for sex because she doesn't like her body.

NEWSFLASH... Most guys don't care about how much you weigh as long as you are having sex with him.

I have recently been reading "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" by the guy that did "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus".  He writes about a couple of really good points.  Women need to feel love to want sex and men feel love while having sex.  Basically though having sex he feels closer to you and more love while you are needing him to make you feel loved to make you want to have sex.  Perhaps by thinking about what he is telling you by wanting to have sex with you... he wants to be with you and wants to feel connected to you... on the flip side you need to find a safe way to tell him you need more... generally men are really bad about taking hints and arguing just provokes the tough guy thing.... I don't know him so i can't say how to handle it but in my mind he still loves you and wants to be with you you just need some outside help in getting the communication thing going  .... try counselling

Ok you say that you dont tell her she needs to lose weight but do you actually tell her how beautiful you think she is?
I hate my body really badly, but i still want to have sex with my husband, i think about it quite alot!
But im way to scared to go through with it because im scared that he'll see my body and not want to anymore...
Do you men REALLY not care about how much we weigh?
I find that so hard to believe!
 
January 17, 2009, 9:37 pm CST

effects of not getting what u need

What are some of the effects of not getting your needs met sexually? i have been in a 2 1/2 year relationship in the beginning he did oral sex twice then that was it..slowly the foreplay faded, barely kissing..i felt more and more unattractive, and unwated..and that it was a job for my boyfriend to have sex with me..always same positions, nothing new or exciting, so i read about advice from sex therapists...they all say ask for what you want, telly our partner your needs, what turns you on..etc..WELL I HAVE OVER AND OVER AND OVER again and it never happens..it has a few times as far as SOME foreplay but it only lasts a few days or so..now i am to the point i wont even go in public anymore my self esteem is so bad...i get depressed whenever i see attractive girls cuz i think that is what he really wants, and if i looked like that then maybe hed care about my needs..ive asked him about the oral thing many times, he says he just doenst do it or like it...he doesnt know why he did it in the beginning...i just feel beyond devastated at this point...he calls me a psycho cuz i cry about it now when he wont have sex with me..especuially when the kids ar e gone and we finally have time alone, he wants to be mean to me and argue NEVER looks forward to time alone EVER...and i cant take it anymore, but i am too scrared to be alone and tell him to get out..he keeps saying to tell other people what else happens in our reltaionship like me being depressed and not wanting to go anywhere..and other things...

but i told him those THINGS wouldnt happen if you cared about my needs and wants an i felt like i was good enough for you i wouldnt have all these other problems..i know ive read about sex effecting all other parts of relationships..so i dont feel i am a psycho for being like this after 2 years of not having my needs met or cared about..i have asked many times *(and i dont feel i should HAVE to ask for anything sexually, i NEVER have before in my life) but all i have asked for was to be kissed on my neck and ears, and more foreplay..thats ALL and he wont do it...ANY OF IT..why? i asked him tonight after our fight over this and he says we ALL DONT GET EVERYTHING WE WANT...and i was like OMG...WHAT? i couldnt believe he said that to me..supposed to love me and he would say that when i tell him my needs? he says that they arent needs their WANTS...every other message board i wrote on tells me hes a VERY selfish and to leave him...someone HELP

 
January 18, 2009, 9:40 am CST

Body Image & Sex Appeal

Quote From: sfemme24

What are some of the effects of not getting your needs met sexually? i have been in a 2 1/2 year relationship in the beginning he did oral sex twice then that was it..slowly the foreplay faded, barely kissing..i felt more and more unattractive, and unwated..and that it was a job for my boyfriend to have sex with me..always same positions, nothing new or exciting, so i read about advice from sex therapists...they all say ask for what you want, telly our partner your needs, what turns you on..etc..WELL I HAVE OVER AND OVER AND OVER again and it never happens..it has a few times as far as SOME foreplay but it only lasts a few days or so..now i am to the point i wont even go in public anymore my self esteem is so bad...i get depressed whenever i see attractive girls cuz i think that is what he really wants, and if i looked like that then maybe hed care about my needs..ive asked him about the oral thing many times, he says he just doenst do it or like it...he doesnt know why he did it in the beginning...i just feel beyond devastated at this point...he calls me a psycho cuz i cry about it now when he wont have sex with me..especuially when the kids ar e gone and we finally have time alone, he wants to be mean to me and argue NEVER looks forward to time alone EVER...and i cant take it anymore, but i am too scrared to be alone and tell him to get out..he keeps saying to tell other people what else happens in our reltaionship like me being depressed and not wanting to go anywhere..and other things...

but i told him those THINGS wouldnt happen if you cared about my needs and wants an i felt like i was good enough for you i wouldnt have all these other problems..i know ive read about sex effecting all other parts of relationships..so i dont feel i am a psycho for being like this after 2 years of not having my needs met or cared about..i have asked many times *(and i dont feel i should HAVE to ask for anything sexually, i NEVER have before in my life) but all i have asked for was to be kissed on my neck and ears, and more foreplay..thats ALL and he wont do it...ANY OF IT..why? i asked him tonight after our fight over this and he says we ALL DONT GET EVERYTHING WE WANT...and i was like OMG...WHAT? i couldnt believe he said that to me..supposed to love me and he would say that when i tell him my needs? he says that they arent needs their WANTS...every other message board i wrote on tells me hes a VERY selfish and to leave him...someone HELP

I think this is a problem you can't deal with on your own anymore. This problem has gotten to big for the both of you. I think a relationship therapist is helpfull in this situation. She can help you both explain in a contructive way what you want, and help the other understand what they want. She can be a mediator between the both of you.
Ineternet help is good but it is general help which applies to most people and I think it doesn't anymore in your situation. A sex therapist can help you both in reviving your sexlife in a way so that you both find it acceptable again.
Third I think you should see a psychologist to help you with your negative self image. I think it's a shame you half a negative self image and depressed feelings. It takes away your joy from life.

Really find professional help this is not something you can come out of yourself, it has gotten to big. It is something in wich a guide will help you see trough the darkness, there is no shame in seeking help.
 
January 20, 2009, 2:34 am CST

A non issue...weight.

Quote From: kathryntilka

Ok you say that you dont tell her she needs to lose weight but do you actually tell her how beautiful you think she is?
I hate my body really badly, but i still want to have sex with my husband, i think about it quite alot!
But im way to scared to go through with it because im scared that he'll see my body and not want to anymore...
Do you men REALLY not care about how much we weigh?
I find that so hard to believe!
As long as the person is a good lover, what difference is a chubby belly, or fat butt, or saggy boobs, or saggy sac? If there is satisfaction, they will come back for more.
 
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