Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

My wife says the same things and don't tell her she needs to lose weight. 

I love my wife but she keeps turningme down for sex because she doesn't like her body.

NEWSFLASH... Most guys don't care about how much you weigh as long as you are having sex with him.

I have recently been reading "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" by the guy that did "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus".  He writes about a couple of really good points.  Women need to feel love to want sex and men feel love while having sex.  Basically though having sex he feels closer to you and more love while you are needing him to make you feel loved to make you want to have sex.  Perhaps by thinking about what he is telling you by wanting to have sex with you... he wants to be with you and wants to feel connected to you... on the flip side you need to find a safe way to tell him you need more... generally men are really bad about taking hints and arguing just provokes the tough guy thing.... I don't know him so i can't say how to handle it but in my mind he still loves you and wants to be with you you just need some outside help in getting the communication thing going  .... try counselling

What are some of the effects of not getting your needs met sexually? i have been in a 2 1/2 year relationship in the beginning he did oral sex twice then that was it..slowly the foreplay faded, barely kissing..i felt more and more unattractive, and unwated..and that it was a job for my boyfriend to have sex with me..always same positions, nothing new or exciting, so i read about advice from sex therapists...they all say ask for what you want, telly our partner your needs, what turns you on..etc..WELL I HAVE OVER AND OVER AND OVER again and it never happens..it has a few times as far as SOME foreplay but it only lasts a few days or so..now i am to the point i wont even go in public anymore my self esteem is so bad...i get depressed whenever i see attractive girls cuz i think that is what he really wants, and if i looked like that then maybe hed care about my needs..ive asked him about the oral thing many times, he says he just doenst do it or like it...he doesnt know why he did it in the beginning...i just feel beyond devastated at this point...he calls me a psycho cuz i cry about it now when he wont have sex with me..especuially when the kids ar e gone and we finally have time alone, he wants to be mean to me and argue NEVER looks forward to time alone EVER...and i cant take it anymore, but i am too scrared to be alone and tell him to get out..he keeps saying to tell other people what else happens in our reltaionship like me being depressed and not wanting to go anywhere..and other things...

but i told him those THINGS wouldnt happen if you cared about my needs and wants an i felt like i was good enough for you i wouldnt have all these other problems..i know ive read about sex effecting all other parts of relationships..so i dont feel i am a psycho for being like this after 2 years of not having my needs met or cared about..i have asked many times *(and i dont feel i should HAVE to ask for anything sexually, i NEVER have before in my life) but all i have asked for was to be kissed on my neck and ears, and more foreplay..thats ALL and he wont do it...ANY OF IT..why? i asked him tonight after our fight over this and he says we ALL DONT GET EVERYTHING WE WANT...and i was like OMG...WHAT? i couldnt believe he said that to me..supposed to love me and he would say that when i tell him my needs? he says that they arent needs their WANTS...every other message board i wrote on tells me hes a VERY selfish and to leave him...someone HELP

My first marriage my husband raped me and did some of the things that my father did to me as a child.  When I had my first daughter is when I found out about the abuse.  I started going to therapy in regards to being sexally abused since birth through 12 years old.  Not only did my husband rape me, but mentally and physically abused me.  I waited before I got married for the second time.  I had different things that I was looking for.  I knew that I needed to truly trust the next person that I was with.  Well I have been married to my husband for 8 years now and dated for 1 year prior.  I have 5 children, luckily no stretch marks and had a great sex life with him until I got pregnant with our first child together.  He mentioned to me while I was pregnant, that he didn't find pregnant women attractive.  He also doesn't find overweight women attractive.  This all happened back in 2001.  I was 5'11 and 135 before this child.  I gained just about 80 pounds and lost most of the weight except for about 40 pounds.  No problem with sex at that time, but not as frequent.  

Now last year in October I had to quit smoking because I was having breathing problems.  No doctors have been able to figure out anything.  At that time I had lost about 40 pounds.  Was feeling and looking good about myself.  About 2 months later my stomach started to bloat out and am now at a whopping 215 pounds.  I am not overeating in fact I hardly eat, I have lost my appitite.  My husband and I have not had sex since November of last year.  Wow kind of a coinsidence.  He has an excuse for everything.  He says that his prostate hurts or the kids have been up or whatever.  A couple of weeks ago I came out and asked him does he not find me attractive because I am fat now.  I am still going to therapy  for 3 years with during this marriage and feel that a lot of my problems keep coming back to this situation.  I found someone that I fully trusted with sex and now like a child he has taken the cookie jar away.  Right now it is hard to find a job, I am looking and filling out applications everyday.  As I know that I need to get out of this marriage.  I have grown and with him thinking that therapists are quacks he hasn't.  There are many other ways to  have sex than with his protate if you know what I mean.  I am tired of bringing this up all of the time and feel that he is  not telling me everything. This is now causing me grief as I am hating him for what he is doing to us.  This is why most people get married, meaning that you assume you are going to have sex with your husband.  I am not interested in an affair and I no that he isn't either.  He doesn't like toys, even though I went and bought one.  It isn't the same.  How am I supposed to get out of this depressed and anxious state living like this.  I know now through therapy that it isn't me.  He has some sort of disfunction.  I guess I just needed to get others opinions on this as I believe that I am pretty and deserve some loving.  Let me know what you think.  PS.  We don't even go out on dates.  All he does is work, watch tv or sleep. 

My boyfriend and I have been having some problems lately, and as hard as I'm trying to get over them, I find myself not interested in sex anymore. In the past, my drive was much higher than his, but now it takes me a long time to get revved up. He's told me that if it's something that continues, he will be a bit disappointed. But, we've been together almost 2 years now, and I thought that he would've picked up on some of my cues about what I like and dislike. He's quite clueless in the bedroom! And, he's quite small in certain areas as well, so there are only so many positions that work for us. He's heavier-set, so between his smallness and belly, it makes missionary trying at times. I'm just not satisfied, and am not sure how to handle this. Any ideas?