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Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

Number of Replies: 501
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:17:04 pm
Author : dataimport
How you feel about your own body translates into how sexy you feel and how your partner perceives you. What do you do to feel sexy?

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January 20, 2009, 2:42 am CST

Sfemme and poster.

Quote From: oet_gaol

I think this is a problem you can't deal with on your own anymore. This problem has gotten to big for the both of you. I think a relationship therapist is helpfull in this situation. She can help you both explain in a contructive way what you want, and help the other understand what they want. She can be a mediator between the both of you.
Ineternet help is good but it is general help which applies to most people and I think it doesn't anymore in your situation. A sex therapist can help you both in reviving your sexlife in a way so that you both find it acceptable again.
Third I think you should see a psychologist to help you with your negative self image. I think it's a shame you half a negative self image and depressed feelings. It takes away your joy from life.

Really find professional help this is not something you can come out of yourself, it has gotten to big. It is something in wich a guide will help you see trough the darkness, there is no shame in seeking help.

From an outsiders perspective, Sfemme, your situation has gotten away from you. Either you lacked self esteem and confidence from the beginning, or he truly managed to chip down your self esteem. It doesn't take long to wear a person down, depending on their frame of mind and strenghts to begin with. It took a few years for me to be able to leave my husband after his sexual neglect, porn addictions, etc. and due to the depression that comes with being with an emotional abuser, which your s/o is, something has to make you wake up to the fact that even if you are not the best thing walking the face of the earth as far as looks, brains, (or whatever it is you feel you are lacking) you still deserve to be happy. This is a right of ours. There is only one reason why we stay in situations that bring us down:  Because we do not know how to take care of our basic needs......try to be a little more assertive, in general. Stop thinking so much what other people think of you, and pay more attention to what you think of yourself. When you start believing in your right to a happy life, you will find it easier to walk away from someone that thinks you are a piece of crap.  good luck.

 
January 27, 2009, 5:43 pm CST

husband isn't interested in sex anymore

Quote From: phares1

My first marriage my husband raped me and did some of the things that my father did to me as a child.  When I had my first daughter is when I found out about the abuse.  I started going to therapy in regards to being sexally abused since birth through 12 years old.  Not only did my husband rape me, but mentally and physically abused me.  I waited before I got married for the second time.  I had different things that I was looking for.  I knew that I needed to truly trust the next person that I was with.  Well I have been married to my husband for 8 years now and dated for 1 year prior.  I have 5 children, luckily no stretch marks and had a great sex life with him until I got pregnant with our first child together.  He mentioned to me while I was pregnant, that he didn't find pregnant women attractive.  He also doesn't find overweight women attractive.  This all happened back in 2001.  I was 5'11 and 135 before this child.  I gained just about 80 pounds and lost most of the weight except for about 40 pounds.  No problem with sex at that time, but not as frequent.  

 

Now last year in October I had to quit smoking because I was having breathing problems.  No doctors have been able to figure out anything.  At that time I had lost about 40 pounds.  Was feeling and looking good about myself.  About 2 months later my stomach started to bloat out and am now at a whopping 215 pounds.  I am not overeating in fact I hardly eat, I have lost my appitite.  My husband and I have not had sex since November of last year.  Wow kind of a coinsidence.  He has an excuse for everything.  He says that his prostate hurts or the kids have been up or whatever.  A couple of weeks ago I came out and asked him does he not find me attractive because I am fat now.  I am still going to therapy  for 3 years with during this marriage and feel that a lot of my problems keep coming back to this situation.  I found someone that I fully trusted with sex and now like a child he has taken the cookie jar away.  Right now it is hard to find a job, I am looking and filling out applications everyday.  As I know that I need to get out of this marriage.  I have grown and with him thinking that therapists are quacks he hasn't.  There are many other ways to  have sex than with his protate if you know what I mean.  I am tired of bringing this up all of the time and feel that he is  not telling me everything. This is now causing me grief as I am hating him for what he is doing to us.  This is why most people get married, meaning that you assume you are going to have sex with your husband.  I am not interested in an affair and I no that he isn't either.  He doesn't like toys, even though I went and bought one.  It isn't the same.  How am I supposed to get out of this depressed and anxious state living like this.  I know now through therapy that it isn't me.  He has some sort of disfunction.  I guess I just needed to get others opinions on this as I believe that I am pretty and deserve some loving.  Let me know what you think.  PS.  We don't even go out on dates.  All he does is work, watch tv or sleep. 

 

 

My husband is almost the same way. We've been married for almost three years now, and dated for almost a year before getting married. Sex life was great up to when i had my son. Ever since then its been less frequant. Now for almost a year (a year in Feb) we've had no sex what so ever. I try and get him in the mood and he says no pushes me away or just plain ignores me. It hurts when he does that. I've asked him why he doesn't want to and even brought up "are you cheating" and he says its him he just doesn't want to. He's not into it anymore. He's my husband, i want to be intimate with him. Even when my parents have our son for the weekend he doesn't want anything to do with it. I've tried over and over talking to him about it, and I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice?
 
January 29, 2009, 12:49 pm CST

not interested

My boyfriend and I have been having some problems lately, and as hard as I'm trying to get over them, I find myself not interested in sex anymore. In the past, my drive was much higher than his, but now it takes me a long time to get revved up. He's told me that if it's something that continues, he will be a bit disappointed. But, we've been together almost 2 years now, and I thought that he would've picked up on some of my cues about what I like and dislike. He's quite clueless in the bedroom! And, he's quite small in certain areas as well, so there are only so many positions that work for us. He's heavier-set, so between his smallness and belly, it makes missionary trying at times. I'm just not satisfied, and am not sure how to handle this. Any ideas?

 
January 29, 2009, 2:02 pm CST

my man is natural

Quote From: bankheadbaby

Hey guys. I have been reading up on circumcision, in preparation of the birth of my child--incase it's a boy. My husband wants him circumcised because he doesn't want him teased. After reading up on it and seeing pics of the procedure, I think he will have to pry the child from my cold dead hands before I let it happen. He's still out of town, so I will wait until he gets back to broach the subject.

It's funny that only about 83% of males world wide are NOT circumcised, the majority of those who are are American. It started in the 1880s when wacko doctors, thinking masturbation caused illness such as blindness, etc. encouraged circumcision to de-sensitize the penis and discourage masturbation. Circumcision as a cure for masturbation!! Come to find out, with the glans exposed and rubbing against clothing, it does de-sensitize and toughen the penis, but that leads to MORE masturbation and harder thrusting during sex. Men with natural penises have more nerve endings, the head is protected and sensitive, so they get more sexual gratification from intercourse...supposed to help the lady keep wet and enjoy more shallow gentle stroke.

I was wondering who out there had partners with or without foreskin, how they felt in bed and if either seemed more prone to porn/masturbation or not. I am really curious. I have only been with four men, all circumcised and none were exceptional, sensitive strokers.
I've been with 4 men as well; 3 circumcised; and my current beau is not. What I've found is that my BF cums a lot faster (like 2 minutes or less) than the others I've experienced.
 
March 10, 2009, 9:04 pm CDT

Body Image & Sex Appeal

Quote From: alesha

My boyfriend and I have been having some problems lately, and as hard as I'm trying to get over them, I find myself not interested in sex anymore. In the past, my drive was much higher than his, but now it takes me a long time to get revved up. He's told me that if it's something that continues, he will be a bit disappointed. But, we've been together almost 2 years now, and I thought that he would've picked up on some of my cues about what I like and dislike. He's quite clueless in the bedroom! And, he's quite small in certain areas as well, so there are only so many positions that work for us. He's heavier-set, so between his smallness and belly, it makes missionary trying at times. I'm just not satisfied, and am not sure how to handle this. Any ideas?

Well, you have to overall lovehim for who he is and appreciate that he is with you and wanting to have sex with you not running around with other women. You can talk with him and see if you can try male enhancement pills the natural ones. There are alot of products out there concerning male enhancement and looking for the right type for him is the best choice. Considering he is heavier han you are you guys can consider maybe a change in diet or work out togethere or try different positions altogether.
 
March 11, 2009, 2:49 am CDT

Let me tell you something, girls.

There is only a few reasons why a man doesn't want sex:

He is cheating

He is spent from jacking off to porn or strippers

He is gay

Or....in the case of some, after a woman has a child, they start looking at us like their mommies. Now, who would want to have sex with their mommies?

 

This is just a great reminder of why I chose to remain single. Who needs to feel this way? If you are not satisfied, then leave the sexual dysfunction man and go find youself a real lover. Good luck.

 
March 26, 2009, 3:03 am CDT

What's going on with me?

I am eighteen, and I have been dating my first and only boyfriend for three years. We waited two years to have sex since it was both our first time, until after we graduated. I thought the time would help but it hasn't.

Here are the problems:
1. I used to feel way more sexual before we had sex.
2. I used to weigh 115lbs in the beginning of our relationships and now I weigh 135lbs.
3. When we have sex I just feel like crying, sometimes out of pain (even though we have been active for eight months now it still hurts me) and sometimes because it just makes me feel dirty.
4. I don't enjoy anything sexual anymore. Not even kissing.
5. I am disgusted with myself, and I feel repulsive, I am so scared that he will leave me, or is depriving himself of something because I am so bland.
6. And this is probably the worst of all - I fantasize about other men. Not in the innocent "wouldn't it be nice" Brad Pitt fantasy...no, I think about accessible men. Friends of ours even, and I find myself enjoying their company more than I do his....I would never, ever, cheat on him. I'm just scared, scared that we will break up, scared that we will stay together forever.

I feel like the worst person in the world.
 
March 26, 2009, 3:51 am CDT

You are 18...give yourself a break.

Quote From: justme504

I am eighteen, and I have been dating my first and only boyfriend for three years. We waited two years to have sex since it was both our first time, until after we graduated. I thought the time would help but it hasn't.

Here are the problems:
1. I used to feel way more sexual before we had sex.
2. I used to weigh 115lbs in the beginning of our relationships and now I weigh 135lbs.
3. When we have sex I just feel like crying, sometimes out of pain (even though we have been active for eight months now it still hurts me) and sometimes because it just makes me feel dirty.
4. I don't enjoy anything sexual anymore. Not even kissing.
5. I am disgusted with myself, and I feel repulsive, I am so scared that he will leave me, or is depriving himself of something because I am so bland.
6. And this is probably the worst of all - I fantasize about other men. Not in the innocent "wouldn't it be nice" Brad Pitt fantasy...no, I think about accessible men. Friends of ours even, and I find myself enjoying their company more than I do his....I would never, ever, cheat on him. I'm just scared, scared that we will break up, scared that we will stay together forever.

I feel like the worst person in the world.

You are asking questions that even adults my age ask. Do you think you are the only one that fantasizies? Do you think your not liking to kiss your boyfriend has never been felt by anyone else before? YOu need to cut some slack and remember that love and relationships are one of our biggest struggles in existance;

 

Join a gym..lost the 15 lbs and try to find out why you feel so repulsed by sex. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that physically you are ready for the intimacy and sexual experience, by emotionally and mentally, at 18, not. Get ready for what is going to be a very long time of asking these same questions. lol

 

The way through all this mess that you feel you are in, is take a break from relationships because it seems you have work to do. Go to good counselor or find a womans shelter and talk to people. Not men.....because I think one of your biggest fears is that you have no self worth inside of you and you are looking for it is other people to gain recognition. Pull your head out of your butt and get to work....good luck.

 
March 30, 2009, 10:02 pm CDT

No sex is negatively effecting my health

I have spent the past several years raising kids, now they are adults and I think I have become a virgin. I have been single 20 years. The last time I had any sex to speak of was...hmm...  1998.  I do masterbate successfully...and after watching the Dr. Phil show with the author of Kosher Sutra I realized I am missing so much. Here's the problem, over the past years I have done my homework, cleaned the closet, found my voice and myself.  So N-O-W....I am 57 and really want a good loving relationship but find none. Internet dating, friends, out and about, hikes, gym, ........nothing. I don't know what is wrong....or right....is it just "slim pickins" in Chico Ca. (I'm from L.A. county) or is it me being, doing,sending out....non verbals saying...."stay away".....Thank-you for any comments. I know, touch, love and sex would really be healthy for me,  my mind, body and spirit (!). Oh, important note to add...I avoid making meeting someone a neurotic project and go about my day  alert to meeting someone. Reaching out.....
 
April 11, 2009, 3:48 pm CDT

Body Image & Sex Appeal

Quote From: ezeltjie

Well, first of all, I am not a very confident person, I never was, and I doubt if I ever will be.  I used to be alot thinner and was pretty ok to look at.  I fell pregnant last year, my little boy is now 3 months old.  The problem I have is that I find it very difficult to get over that fact that I had a baby and will probably never look the same as I did before. My body is a total mess, I have ugly scarring from the caesar, and it looks like I ran naked through a hail storm.  It really is difficult for me to accept all that has happened, and to make it worse, my boyfriend who is also the father of our child, loves & appreciates the female body.  He is forever looking at women on the net, naked (not porn though) or in provocative underwear.  This doesn't really help my self-esteem.  This makes me feel even worse, because I would give the world to look like that for him.  He always tells me that he loves me, and that he doesn't mind the way my body looks after the baby, because he loves me.  Is the problem with me?  Am I making unnecessary strife between us?  I cannot help the way I feel.  As if motherhood isn't tough enough, I have to walk around all day feeling like I'm ugly. Although I could never imagine my life without my little boy in it, and that everything else is worthwhile, I am really struggling to cope looking in the mirror everyday.  It is so bad, because me and my boyfriend used to have a very exciting sex life.  I mean I had a nice body & I'm a very sexual person in general.  But now, I don't like it when he sees me naked, I always cover myself if he walks into the room.  He isn't allowed to enter the bathroom while I'm bathing.  It has an effect on us, and our sex life.  He cannot buy sexy underwear for me anymore, because he says that he never sees me without clothes anyway or we always have sex with the lights off.  Is there something wrong with me?  Am I somehow missing the bigger picture here?
 Have you seen the Valerie Bernadelli commercial or People Cover? She is 48 years old and a mommy and looks like a Playboy model. Now, not everyone is her and can afford Jenny, and a personal chef and trainer. BUT if you really want to lose the weight, it is called "ganas" in Spanish. It means "the desire"....do you really want to leave the Dr. Phil Show behind and go to the gym, and get on the Treadmill for an hour? Do you really want to give up the rich desserts and the McDonald's treats 4 times a week? I had someone who was once special, and she gained 40 pounds after the pregnancy. I am going to sound like a real jack*** here, but the bottom line fact was, as much as I loved her, the desire just wasnt there anymore. She really couldnt turn me on, and this affected our relationship DRAMATICALLY, especially when I would see my friend's and relative's spouses hitting the gym after 2-3 kids and maintaining the body of a 22 year old. Their hubbies were NOT complaining, and they had great relationships. It sounds superficial and hateful, but taking care of our bodies REGARDLESS of jobs, kids and pregnancies is flat out RESPECTFUL of ourselves and our spouses/signifigant others. She would often complain when I spent a lot of time at the gym. So I stopped going, put on weight, and guess what? The little snide comments about my additional weight started right away. I flat out feel better when I weigh a certain amount and fit into certain favorite jeans. It makes me feel sexier, and more outgoing, interested in life. I happened to run into an old friend from 20 years ago, high school, and her body was still the same as then. Guess what? She defintley triggered me sexually. Get yourself a gym membership and an even once every pay period personal trainer, Eat healthier, your sex life will thank you for it.
 
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