Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

      I am a young women. I feel the pressures of society... stay thin... be beautiful. I am no angelina but i feel that i am attractive. Lots of men hit on me, ask me out , and always say... you are hot!!!! but  I don't always feel that way. My husband to be seldom touches me, and he almost never makes me feel attractive. When he does... it's during sex. Then he will tell me how great i am . Duh?..... what guy wouldn't. I want to feel beautiful all the time, especially when i am with him. Why must i take other guys' compliments? My boyfriend needs to step up right?  Because of this I feel i should look more like angelina, then he would say i'm hot!!!

         I am sorry for your bad luck; no really, i'm not just being sympathetic, but can also relate. I think you're like me. You feel so ashamed of your past that you cannot possibly be secure with your present. He knows but you wish he didn't. What happened to you is not your fault, and for the blow....you will never change it.  We must move on. Then we will be secure.. with ourselves and then with our partner. Then belly   fat and  small boobs will make no difference. We will be free in a sense that is free... and who cares what is "free." We will fix ourselves first. 

    As for the rest of your woes,  I don't know what to say. Worry less about scars and more about respect. I am sure he loves you, and hates to be closed out. If you love him, I think it will be more fulfilling to you, if you help him understand you, and let him touch your stomach. And if he can't usually get an eraction, he probably is not worried about kids. 

thanks nikki and seven for your input. i had never thought of it that way about my husband. my ex had left me for a 14 year old girl after 5 months of marriage and i guess i never got passed that so i've been taking it out on my husband to be honest i have a crush on vin diesal the actor and have for well since he first started acting my husband looks nothing like him but i too am not sexually attracted to him. i have felt so guilty about my own discretions that i was horrified when my beloved husband of 4 years admitted his with no guilt or remorse of his own. i took it way too hard for way too long. when i do it myself. thanks you two. Kat

I totally identify with what you are saying here!!!! I worked for a year and a half to lose nearly 100 pounds, got into the best shape I had been in for a very long time. Not a super-model mind you, but comfortably a size 8 with a semi-muscular build, decent tan and feeling relatively all right about my appearance. 

  

Now, 5 months pregnant, I have already gained almost thirty pounds, feel flabby as heck, it's getting hard to even shave anymore, I feel fat/frumpy/totally NOT attractive. I have had some early contractions so I am not supposed to walk/exercise a lot, and if I DO do too much I end up in bed again to get contractions to stop. This makes it very hard to even try to keep in shape at all which is frustrating because i had very grand plans about walking every day and keeping my body toned up and strong during this pregnancy. Yeah, right. 

  

My hubby says the same thing your fianc'e does...that I am beautiful right now partly BECAUSE of my big tummy with our baby growing inside of it, that I am the love of his life, blah blah blah....then I notice how he loves to browse boy-short ads and sexy underwear advertisements. Okay, THAT is NOT how MY butt looks, so I guess I can tell what he really does like to look at and it is definitely not me.  Nevermind the head-turning when we pass a beautiful young lady with it "all done right", while I am waddling along in this fat preggo body (should I even mention the moo-cow syndrome occurring just below my collar bone?? Where did these gigantc leaky things COME from???????). 

  

He can tell me all day long that I am the one he finds most beautiful and I am the only one he truly wants to look at, but frankly I don't believe it. I think he says that because he tries not to hurt my feelings but the truth is he would be ecstatic if my body looked like some of the other ones he looks at.  

  

Now, even as a size eight, I have the previous history of havingbeen heavy in the past and have borne two other children so my body and skin are far from perfect. I am in my mid-thirties so I don't have BAD skin, but I  do not have the skin of a teenager, either. This all means that even when I'm NOT pregnant, the view of my backside in a pair of tanga panties or lacy boy shorts is...well to put it politely...a little frighening. A little tight butt I DON'T have, and the one I DO have really ought not be dislayed in such dainties...yuk. Now, especially being pregnant I definitely do not have the guts to try wearing lacy little dainties, and I have a hard time even finding bras that fit in plain old white let alone some other pretty configuration. For now I am living with one tan bra that actually fits well and hoping that my really big not-maternity undies will fit for at least a while longer because I don't know what I'll do when they get too tight...haven't found maternity undies that don't "creep" badly. That's a whole nother complaint saga in itself. 

  

So now that I have totally gone ker-splat all over this messag board, I hope that if nothing else you might know that you are not alone in how you feel about all of this (seemed to me there were a lot of responses exactly the opposite of what you were experiencing), and that I really do understand and actually am struggling with some of the same things. 

  

Hang in there, perhaps we can chat a bit more. 

  

Blessings, 

"Feel like a Moo Cow" 

I can relate to both of you.  When I got pregnant with my first child I was in good shape as well and I gained over 50 pounds.  After I had her I lost most of the weight and then I got pregnant with my son I gained another 50 pounds.  I think that my kids are worth every pound and wish I could have another one.  I had to have a hysterectomy 2 years ago because of some major problems I was having.  Please feel so lucky that you can have children.   

And also, I think that any women that are pregnant are beautiful and sexy. 

hi everyone, i am a twenty year old female from northern california, and my post is about my body image sexually, so i will get to the point. i was very skinny and athletic through adolesence and did not start puberty until almost 16 years old, which i heard was very late. i heard this was considered delayed puberty.  Since then my menstral cycle and everything has been normal, and i have been on birth control for four years now.  

my breasts have made me feel different all my life, since highschool gym class... i noticed that other girls breasts had a more round shape to them, although mine were sort of round they were hardly there but my areolae were protruding, they looked puffy and swollen, not flatter like most girls breasts. this made them appear pointy, not like erect nipples, but the areola were puffy and made my breasts look pointy. my breasts most recently have gotten fuller as i am older now, and they were extremely late in developing...  

my areolae are really what bother me a lot. they havent changed and flattened out at all, they stick out when not erect (when my nipples are erect my breasts look round and 'normal') a lot and it makes me too self conscious to wear certain things, because most of the time my nipples are soft and protruding. i noticed no one else had nipples like me out of all my friends. i went online and every site i look at says this is a normal stage of breast development. breasts develop a mound on top t=of them where the areolae are, and it says that after that the final stage they flatten out and round out.  but i am 20, i think i am done growing my breasts, my breasts should have rounded out by now and the nipple should be flatter.  are my breasts not fully developed? will they develop or are they stuck at this premature stage? 

with the images the media bombards society with, women with breast implants, and perfect breasts, it makes me feel like if i ever get naked in front of someone they will think i look wierd. i know other girls have this and i looked it up on the internet thouroughly but i find no answers as to wether i am stuck like this for life or it will flatten as i age.  most articles about it say that the areolae will flatten and round out in the final stage of breast development, but i am already 20.  

i saw a picture of someone who has tuberous breasts, and my nipples look just like thiers, only on fuller breasts. can anyone let me know if they are experiencing this same thing, if it is normal, or if it will ever go away. i have what people call 'puffy' nipples. it doesnt look like anyone else's breasts i have ever seen except the ones i looked up online. 

PleaseREPLY! 

thanks for listening 

  

pregnancy was my favorite time in life.   

  

I have always ranged from a 10 to a 12 (14 once briefly) since puberty.  During pregnancy, I didn't want my  labor to be hard, I didn't want my baby to have unwanted fat cells and I didn't want to look bad out of the hospital and lack energy, so I ate very  nutritionally during pregnancy.  Lean chicken, fatty fish, tons of veggies and fruits (not fried veggies) and 5-7 servings of whole grains every day.  I ate ALL I wanted of these things but stayed away from saturated fats and sweets.    

  

I'm 44 now and boy did it go fast.  My precious babies are 26, 22 and 14.  Pregnancy is an amazing time and it only lasts a few months.  Enjoy it and take care of your beautiful self and baby.  You're part of a miracle right now! 

  

All blessings your way!!!!!!!! 

 Well, I probably have low sex appeal since I have a rather negative  feeling about my body. Intellectually I have a strong self image but at 44 years old I am a virgin. Never had a girlfriend; I'm told that I'm too thin and women just aren't attracted to this. Maybe it's true. At any rate,  it's a bit difficult to have a great image of my self physically when  no women are interested in me at all. I must be lacking something.

Just a bit of advice ppl won't find you attractive if you don't first find yourself attractive! just let go and feel more positve and confident and they will flock to you! godo luck

Yup, that's what you have.  There's nothing wrong with it.  In fact, that's quite normal. I'd rather that than nipples that were larger than a door handle!!!  haha!! 

You're fine.  Try wearing padded bras so they don't show through so much.  You started your period at a time that is normal too.  Gymnasts, because their body fat is so low, they don't get their periods until they are around 17 or even up to 21 years old.  You are not weird or under-developed in any way.  Who knows what will happen with them, this may just be your body's style, or if/when you decide to have kids, if you breast feed or not, pregnancy totally changes breasts and nipples.   Unfortunately, usually making nipples larger and darker, but not neccessarily so. And also, I believe that the female body doesn't stop changing until after 22 years of age.   

Who knows what will happen, but you're fine!  Don't be ashamed!