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Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

Number of Replies: 501
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:17:04 pm
Author : dataimport
How you feel about your own body translates into how sexy you feel and how your partner perceives you. What do you do to feel sexy?

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February 17, 2006, 5:50 pm CST

Body Image & Sex Appeal

Quote From: bluetears

I am dating a guy that I love very much. I am also sure that he loves me. The only problem I have with our relationship is that when we are out he stares. I am not talking about just looking at other women...that I can live with...I am talking about staring so hard and so long that the woman he is staring at gets uncomfortable with it. It is like he goes into a trance and I disappear.  He will scan the room when we walk in and pick out one to stare at. He then watches her every move. To me this is disrespectful not only to me but to the woman he is staring at. We have had many discussions on this and he says he doesn't realize he does it. In fact he thinks I am making it up. It is always the same kind of woman. She is always slim, young and blonde all that I am not. He told me that he would have liked to have a woman like that but he knows they wouldn't want him...he's 53, so he found me. He said that he doesn't compares me to the other women. He said it would be like comparing apples and oranges. That we are different.  I already have a bad body image and for him to stare like he does makes me feel worthless. He said it is a man thing...just being a man and that he likes to "look" at other women. He said it makes him happy and that I shouldn't care, after all he is not actually having sex with them.  I have gotten to the place that I would rather not go out anywhere with him. I love him and I want him to stare at me just once like he does them. I asked him too, he tried...I'm just not it. I know men look, but this is beyond looking.
You know, there is a difference between a look and communication.  I like to look at guys a bit, but I am trying for them not to see me do it.  It sounds like your guy is looking at a woman with the nonverbal message that he is available. That kind of eye flirting is subtle, but he knows he is doing it.  Sorry-no "feel good" message from me.  If I was feeling like that, I'd leave.  He wouldn't deserve me.
 
February 17, 2006, 6:07 pm CST

Body Image & Sex Appeal

Quote From: scat233

    I have been married four years. The man i married was my best friend for along time. So i knew what type of woman he was looking for.Like most men skinny and blonde. When we married i wieghed maybe 110 lbs. The sex was better than anyone could dream of. One year after we were married my son from my first marriage passed away from cancer. This is my second marriage. Shortly after that i started getting sick i was having panic attacks. Then found out i had asthma, high blood pressure, nerve problems. The meds. i had to go on cause a lot of weight gain that was the side effect from the asthma meds. I have gained 60lbs. and don't know how to get it off. With asthma you have to be very careful. I don't eat that much. I don't eat things that are very fatting. I feel so fat and ugly i don't see how my husband can stand to look at me. But he always tells me he loves me and thinks i'm sexy.Now when we make love i make sure the light is out but its not the same. I'm afraid of losing him. I so ashamed of myself i make sure that anyone that knows me don't see me i hardly ever go anywhere I'm lonely, depressed, fat and ugly. Can any one help me? 

                                                                                                               Sherry 

Oh honey.  Do I understand.  Prednisone?  Ughhh, miserable stuff.  I have been with my husband for 28 years.  I have crohn's disease, so when I get sick, I often fail to absorb nutrients (it is great, you can eat ANYTHING...cept you don't feel as much like it). So there are times when my weight has dropped alarmingly. I look sick, tired and thin as a bulimic.  Then sometimes I have had a bad flare up or a few small ones in a row, and they make me take prednisone. It really packs the weight on-I was 185 lbs once! 

  

The entire time, I know that my husband has loved and been turned on by me.  We have had a wonderful sex life, one that would absolutely sound made up-all the way through those 28 years, except when I really was just too sick or too pregnant..   I think I was able to love him like this because I never felt any body image problems.  Don't allow that to rob you of so much in life. 

  

Trust me, when someone loves you, they don't love your physical body.  They love you...that soul that peeks out of your eyes. Try and imagine if this happened to your husband, would you be turned off if he grew a bit of a belly?  Me neither.  I love my guy, not his body.  You too?  Then why can't you just trust that your guy loves you-really loves the you inside? And that he really wants and desires YOU...in a wanton way, eager with hungry eyes, with the lights blazing or at least candles burning:)  

  

Wishing you well. 

 
February 17, 2006, 6:12 pm CST

Body Image & Sex Appeal

Quote From: artanis000

I have to admit, I am neither ugly or beautiful when it comes to my body. I am pregnant and due any day now with baby #2. Any woman knows what having a baby does to her body. My boyfriend has a porn fetish. I feel ugly around him, and I am always ashamed when he sees me naked, especially right now with my big prego belly. He says he thinks I am beautiful, but said once that he wished my breasts were more perky. I wanted a boob job before, and now I really want one and my most desparate wish is that there was a way to remove stretch marks. He doesn't have a perfect body either, but I still find him to be attractive. This summer I want to lose weight so that way I will look sexier, for him. So he will want me, not anyone else. He has been with over 40 women, and that bugs me too because I know I am not the best, nor the worst. I try so hard to feel comfortable around him, and I really want to believe him when he says that he thinks I am hot. He says it's me he wants to be with for the rest of his life. But I can't help but feel uncomfortable. I feel like he thinks I look gross compared to the porn women. But if he really felt this way, he wouldn't have sex with me anyway, so obviously there is something desireable about me. I just wish that I could stop feeling like I have to compete with the fantasy.
I wish you could stop competing with that fantasy...but this is about you, your feelings about yourself, not about him. It obviously isn't a real competition, just something in your own head but until you can figure that out, you won't stop feeling like you are not measuring up. I don't know how to make that switch in your head but you need to :) Good luck!
 
February 23, 2006, 11:28 am CST

Body Image & Sex Appeal

 hi my name is kela and i'm kinda new to this so here it goes well i'm 25yrs old and married for about almost six years a stay at home mom with three kids and just had my last one about 3months ago so of course i don't have the same body as i did in the begining but my husband is a wonderful person and has never and will never cheat on me but are problem is the sex thing he is always for it and i'm never am expect for sometimes and that isn't very often well anyways i feel like i'm the one with the problem there is never any drive to want to do it and sometimes i feel that if i lose some weight that maybe i would get in the mood a little more i mean he doesn't have a problem with my weight it but i do and i really don't want him to see my body like this and i feel that if i don't try to find a way to put some spark back into it then something will really change. So if somebody could possibly help that would be great thanks
 
February 27, 2006, 7:17 am CST

a little story to lighten the load

we all get a little insecure about our looks from time to time- look at all the tiny young girls on tv we get to compete with for our honey's eyes.  Well, I am pregnant for my 5th child and I think I look pretty good for having so many kids.  I have a pooch belly, but I am in shape and I make an effort to look good- you know, throw a blouse and makeup on instead of the sweats.  It really helps. 

  

Well, it gets the best of us confident women, too.  For instance, my old man was watching the Sopranos on tv and there were topless strippers on there.  It wasnt a scene or two it was the whole cotton pickin show.  Well, it got to me- being pregnant emotional and watching him as he drooled for the hour.  When the show was over, I went into the bathroom and cried.  He heard me in there and invaded my space demanding to know what the problem was.  I remember yelling at him and throwing the air freshner across the bathroom (what can i say- darn hormones) then he proceded to throw my clothes on the front porch (he can be very italian at times).   

  

Of course, we laugh about it now, but that was one crazy moment.  It had a good outcome though- I told my mom that story while she was waiting at the hotel for grandma to get accepted for the operation to remove the tumor in her lung.  My two aunts and grandma were there, too, and they made fun of me and told me the next time he did that to shake my set in front of the tv so he could see something "real". :] 

 
February 27, 2006, 10:05 am CST

TO ARTANIS000

Quote From: artanis000

I have to admit, I am neither ugly or beautiful when it comes to my body. I am pregnant and due any day now with baby #2. Any woman knows what having a baby does to her body. My boyfriend has a porn fetish. I feel ugly around him, and I am always ashamed when he sees me naked, especially right now with my big prego belly. He says he thinks I am beautiful, but said once that he wished my breasts were more perky. I wanted a boob job before, and now I really want one and my most desparate wish is that there was a way to remove stretch marks. He doesn't have a perfect body either, but I still find him to be attractive. This summer I want to lose weight so that way I will look sexier, for him. So he will want me, not anyone else. He has been with over 40 women, and that bugs me too because I know I am not the best, nor the worst. I try so hard to feel comfortable around him, and I really want to believe him when he says that he thinks I am hot. He says it's me he wants to be with for the rest of his life. But I can't help but feel uncomfortable. I feel like he thinks I look gross compared to the porn women. But if he really felt this way, he wouldn't have sex with me anyway, so obviously there is something desireable about me. I just wish that I could stop feeling like I have to compete with the fantasy.

Hi I am new to this board and I feel so much for you.  My name is Ivy and I am 26 years old and have 2 children (8 years and 6 months) and a 41 years old husband.  He was really into porn and I swear it is the worst feeling.  Not only are you asking, "are you not attracted to me?" , but also, "am I not doing what you really want me to?".  It is so hard to feel in competition with those chicks because they do do crazy and at times sick stuff that you know appeals to your mans eyes and member.  It got to the point my husband would sneak when I went to bed and watch porn, would wake up two hours early before work and sneak on the computer even when I just went to the store.  I became so fed up that I stopped having sex with him and then threw him out.  I called him every type of pervert in the book.  When I knew he first started with it I told him how I felt adn he still continued that's when I became angry.  He always says that I am so beautiful and it means nothing.  Well now he no longer watches it cause it has to be the most unattractive quality in a man, especially one that is in a relationship and has the real thing right in front of him.  Also the fact that he had to sneak watching it means that he could sneak doing other things.  I don't know,  I just say good luck to you and I hope to hear from you soon.  I am usually on other boards so I will chack in later this afternoon or early this evening. 

  

IVY 

 
February 27, 2006, 10:47 am CST

About Asthma

Quote From: scat233

    I have been married four years. The man i married was my best friend for along time. So i knew what type of woman he was looking for.Like most men skinny and blonde. When we married i wieghed maybe 110 lbs. The sex was better than anyone could dream of. One year after we were married my son from my first marriage passed away from cancer. This is my second marriage. Shortly after that i started getting sick i was having panic attacks. Then found out i had asthma, high blood pressure, nerve problems. The meds. i had to go on cause a lot of weight gain that was the side effect from the asthma meds. I have gained 60lbs. and don't know how to get it off. With asthma you have to be very careful. I don't eat that much. I don't eat things that are very fatting. I feel so fat and ugly i don't see how my husband can stand to look at me. But he always tells me he loves me and thinks i'm sexy.Now when we make love i make sure the light is out but its not the same. I'm afraid of losing him. I so ashamed of myself i make sure that anyone that knows me don't see me i hardly ever go anywhere I'm lonely, depressed, fat and ugly. Can any one help me? 

                                                                                                               Sherry 

I have exercise induced asthma, not fun.  I can only walk or run for about 5 minutes before I'm dripping with sweat and gasping for air.  Ask your doctor about an inhaler you may be able to take about 5 minutes or so before you exercise, that may save you from a flare up.  And, maybe go on a detox diet, that may help clean your intestinal tract from all the medicine you're taking and help flush out toxins that may be storing fat. 

It does sound like you're very stressed out and depressed.  Maybe counselling on how to manage your feelings will help you cope, so that one day you may not need as much medication.  Other things, meditation and prayer can help too.  Ask your husband to join in so he can understand how to help you cope.  He may need some information for himself on how to help you.  Since we all are not psychologists, we could all use some guidance on how to help others! 

I hope this helps! 

 
March 4, 2006, 10:15 am CST

Body Image & Sex Appeal

Quote From: pink1381

 hi my name is kela and i'm kinda new to this so here it goes well i'm 25yrs old and married for about almost six years a stay at home mom with three kids and just had my last one about 3months ago so of course i don't have the same body as i did in the begining but my husband is a wonderful person and has never and will never cheat on me but are problem is the sex thing he is always for it and i'm never am expect for sometimes and that isn't very often well anyways i feel like i'm the one with the problem there is never any drive to want to do it and sometimes i feel that if i lose some weight that maybe i would get in the mood a little more i mean he doesn't have a problem with my weight it but i do and i really don't want him to see my body like this and i feel that if i don't try to find a way to put some spark back into it then something will really change. So if somebody could possibly help that would be great thanks

It's probably nothing more than hormones, weight and being tired but loss of your sex drive can be a signal of a more serious health issue.  Talk to your doc about it.  If you get a clean bill of health, then you want to deal with the problem.  Tell your husband that you need an hour a day to yourself.  That means he needs to put an hour a day into being the caregiver. If that really isn't possible, try and work something our with a friend, family member or a hired babysitter. 

  

First, you are probably too sedentary.  A brisk half hour walk will do wonders and if you put on ear phones with your favorite tunes it can be a real break-a recharge of your batteries. 

  

Second, you probably feel wa-a-a-y more "mommy" than yummy.  That's another half hour problem.  When you come back from your walk, baracade yourself in the bathroom and take a slow, scented bath.  Do all the grooming you need to feel fabulous-shave, lotion, condition, make up. While I do this, I imagine what my husband and I will be doing later...even touch myself.  I love thinking that I am grooming my body for his pleasure. Keep breathing slow and hold onto that warm, sexy feeling while you dress and dress to please-cute undies (or none! with a skirt: ) and a revealing top.  

  

Big, small or middling- you ARE sexy when you feel sexy. Have fun! 

  

  

  

 
March 9, 2006, 11:40 am CST

Body Image & Sex Appeal

Quote From: pink1381

 hi my name is kela and i'm kinda new to this so here it goes well i'm 25yrs old and married for about almost six years a stay at home mom with three kids and just had my last one about 3months ago so of course i don't have the same body as i did in the begining but my husband is a wonderful person and has never and will never cheat on me but are problem is the sex thing he is always for it and i'm never am expect for sometimes and that isn't very often well anyways i feel like i'm the one with the problem there is never any drive to want to do it and sometimes i feel that if i lose some weight that maybe i would get in the mood a little more i mean he doesn't have a problem with my weight it but i do and i really don't want him to see my body like this and i feel that if i don't try to find a way to put some spark back into it then something will really change. So if somebody could possibly help that would be great thanks

Hi, 

i am new too and 

 
March 9, 2006, 11:57 am CST

great hubby but he can not stand to make love to me

Hi, 

I have been married for 20 years and I have a great husband. He treats me good and is respectful of me. He is a great father. He is my best friend. He said he loves me more than anything and that I am his soul mate. He says that yes he does fantasize about other women but it is me he wants as his wife. The problem we have though, is that he is disgusted with my body and does not find me attractive at all physically. I have gained 50 pounds, as has he. He can not stand my body and of course with age and children, my breasts sag terribly. This is a great turn off for him. I have had several children and my stomach is, as best I can describe it, like bread dough. I do have cellulite on my legs and buttocks and agian this turns him off. We do have sex......I want to cry when we have it as it just a place for him to ejaculate. He is willing to give me an orgasm or two but I have difficulty dealing with the way he feels about me physically. I am ashamed and humiliated and want the emotional pain to stop. I have been working out and trying to lose weight and firm up but things don't happen over night. I am devastated with his feelings and I don't know if I will feel any different even when I do lose the weight and firm up. It is hurtful and breaks my heart. he knows this and says he wants to make it better. I love him no matter what weight he has gained and no matter how flabby parts of his body has become. He is so incredible in so many ways. I am not willing to walk out and end the relationship. He wants to be with me. He has not physically had an affair but has had more than a crush on other women and has told me that he has been with them emotionally. Help me....any good advice is so welcome. 

 
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