Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

Wow, sweetie.  That is tough.  I understand about marriage.  There just are seasons of high and low tide.  You don't want to ditch a long term relationship over a doldrum.  

  

If this was me, I would start concentrating on YOU not him.  Think about what makes YOU feel sexy.  Get out and walk lots, with good tunes on the earphones. Look after your grooming and apply make up that makes you feel gorgeous. Dress to give yourself pleasure-fabrics you like, colours that make you happy.  Buy the best underwear you can afford-NOT WHITE.  

  

Then be less available. Make plans to be away a bit-take the kids to swimming lessons in the evening or something else unobjectionable. Don't be too easy to approach for sex for a bit.  Let him set things in motion if he wants sex.  Then when he does, make sure that YOU are enjoying it.  Ask for what you want and don't be afraid of being demanding. Men need to feel the challenge of wooing us. 

i am a  whale. just look at my picture!

my fat ripples like waves of amber grain as a walk around my apartment naked.

to all of you out there that put so much on the shape of your body... 

i have been thin, anorexic in fact, and i have bordered on obese as well. for once in my life i now feel happy with my 'normal' body. i have a bit of flab on my stomach, i have saggy boobs from breastfeeding my son, i have stretchmarks on my legs from gaining and losing weight. when people look at me fully clothed they think i have the perfect figure, but in fact i have nothing near a perfect figure. i thought being thin would make me happy, it didnt and i was miserable at 28kg, i was just as miserable at 50kg. give yourselves a break. i no longer stress over what i eat and what i weigh, and i am finally happy with my imperfect body. do yourself a favour and love yourself flab and all. at the end of the day your body has come a long way with you, keep it healthy but trust me, being thin will not make you happy!! 

While dating, sex was very very good. But, we hadn't been married long when my husband started to be very uncomfortable if I tried to initiate. It got to the point where he'd actually laugh at me if I put on lingerie or whatever. If that wasn't humiliating enough, he finally said to me (long before we even had children), "Hon, you're just not sexy. You're more the motherly type."  

  

I realize now that little statement completely changed the way I felt about myself, our marriage, and sex. I proceeded to put on 60 pounds since he thought I was frumpy anyway--so why bother? Of course, I never risked the humiliation of wanting sex again, either. Most troubling to me is: this happened years ago and I seem to have completely blocked it out of my memory until last weekend. He came up behind me in the kitchen and started to initiate sex. When I was obviously responding, he pulled away from me and said, "I'm really tired. Goodnight." and went to bed leaving me standing there feeling like I'd been sprayed with ice water. Suddenly the memory of the "motherly type" comment smacked me right in the face. I tried to talk to him about it the next day but he got angry and spent the next 2 days not talking to me at all. 

  

SO. . .I don't feel sexy because my partner says I'm NOT, and I've put on enough weight to prove him right.  

This made me a laugh (not at him, just in a general sort of way). 

  

I'm 28 and, my God, I don't think I could get a date if my life depended on it.  I admit it's my own fault--I got teased a lot as an adolescent and have zero self-confidence with men, so I tend to go right into platonic "buddies" mode before they have a chance to get any vaguely romantic ideas.  I have guy friends who are great people and who think I'm great, but that's it. 

  

I was talking to a friend on the phone a few weeks ago and we realized we'd both finally gotten over the body-image thing (at least for now).  Neither of us is pretty but we're not monsters, and she is tall, athletic, and has a million-dollar personality--any man that doesn't think she's awesome clearly has no taste.  Who wants a guy with no taste?   

  

We're just mad that the fashion industry doesn't think we're as perfect as we think we are.  I have a 27-inch waist, 41-inch hips, and big thighs, so there are virtually no pants in the world that fit me.  No flattering pants, at least.  I make myself skirts--I have the cutest skirts and the fashion Nazis don't get  my money.  I do need to be in better shape but it's simply because I need to take better care of myself, not because I'm overweight or want to be rail-thin (I am not overweight, and besides, I could starve myself to death and I would still be pear-shaped.  It's just my body type). 

  

  

So, in a nutshell--dude, it's probably something else.  I know it's my demeanor.  I expect men to pass me over because I learned when I was 12 that it hurts a lot less to be ignored than it does to be tormented, and if they do pay me positive attention, I shut them out.  My own fault.  It doesn't make me happy but it has nothing to do with my body.  I'm not stunning but I'm not really any worse off than any other girl, and I've seen plenty of other people who are "less attractive" (by conventional standards) than I am who are very happily un-single. 

You aren't lacking anything...just be yourself..don't settle for anyone that wants to change you...If you want to change yourself then so be it.. 

And always remember this this is a big world I am so sure you haven't met every woman in it...  

there is someone out there for everyone, just takes some longer for some than others to find that someone. 

And when you do finally make that journey down sexs path, it should be with someone special, not someone that means nothing to you, or someone that you mean nothing to them....actually sweety to tell you the truth you are ahead of the game.. 

Girl please...never let a man determine your self worth.. 

Because believe me, if he doesn't want it there are plenty of men out there that do.. 

I am not in any way saying to go cheat on your husband in any way, because then you would be the one in the wrong. 

Just let him know that he is very wrong for treating you like that. 

What your husband told you was inexcusable - it was a hostile act.  You feel smacked in the face because you WERE! my suggestion?  One of 2 paths - you can try counseling.  Or, make your life without him - I don't mean with a new man, I mean a new life for YOU.  get your act together, find your own interests and good friends who will support you.

Well, I was married back in October and have the most wonderful husband!!!  He makes me feel wonderful and has always let it be known that he loves me and my body.  I however, have a different opinion.  I have always had a very low self esteem when it comes to my body.  Starting in the 6th grade when kids can be brutal, I experimented with eating disorders.  I have battled both anorexia and bulimia ever since.  I have destroyed my body on the inside from this and have nothing positive to show on the outside for it.  My husband knows that I have been battling these problems and is very supportive in trying to help me overcome them....But he doesn't understand that it just isn't that easy.  Even when he tries to tell me that i'm sexy or that he wants to be with me, it makes me feel sick inside.  I guess mainly because when I look at me I can't see anything appealing so I can't imagine that he would.  It's frustrating for him, and even more so for me because I want to badly not to even worry about it ever again.  I have lost a little bit of weight recently and it made a big difference in how I viewed sex and myself, however I still think I have a long way to go and I'm worried that if I can't overcome these problems psychologically that I might push him away.  Any advice from people who have been through similiar things???