Topic : Body Image & Sex Appeal

we all get a little insecure about our looks from time to time- look at all the tiny young girls on tv we get to compete with for our honey's eyes.  Well, I am pregnant for my 5th child and I think I look pretty good for having so many kids.  I have a pooch belly, but I am in shape and I make an effort to look good- you know, throw a blouse and makeup on instead of the sweats.  It really helps. 

Well, it gets the best of us confident women, too.  For instance, my old man was watching the Sopranos on tv and there were topless strippers on there.  It wasnt a scene or two it was the whole cotton pickin show.  Well, it got to me- being pregnant emotional and watching him as he drooled for the hour.  When the show was over, I went into the bathroom and cried.  He heard me in there and invaded my space demanding to know what the problem was.  I remember yelling at him and throwing the air freshner across the bathroom (what can i say- darn hormones) then he proceded to throw my clothes on the front porch (he can be very italian at times).   

Of course, we laugh about it now, but that was one crazy moment.  It had a good outcome though- I told my mom that story while she was waiting at the hotel for grandma to get accepted for the operation to remove the tumor in her lung.  My two aunts and grandma were there, too, and they made fun of me and told me the next time he did that to shake my set in front of the tv so he could see something "real". :] 

Hi I am new to this board and I feel so much for you.  My name is Ivy and I am 26 years old and have 2 children (8 years and 6 months) and a 41 years old husband.  He was really into porn and I swear it is the worst feeling.  Not only are you asking, "are you not attracted to me?" , but also, "am I not doing what you really want me to?".  It is so hard to feel in competition with those chicks because they do do crazy and at times sick stuff that you know appeals to your mans eyes and member.  It got to the point my husband would sneak when I went to bed and watch porn, would wake up two hours early before work and sneak on the computer even when I just went to the store.  I became so fed up that I stopped having sex with him and then threw him out.  I called him every type of pervert in the book.  When I knew he first started with it I told him how I felt adn he still continued that's when I became angry.  He always says that I am so beautiful and it means nothing.  Well now he no longer watches it cause it has to be the most unattractive quality in a man, especially one that is in a relationship and has the real thing right in front of him.  Also the fact that he had to sneak watching it means that he could sneak doing other things.  I don't know,  I just say good luck to you and I hope to hear from you soon.  I am usually on other boards so I will chack in later this afternoon or early this evening. 

IVY 

I have exercise induced asthma, not fun.  I can only walk or run for about 5 minutes before I'm dripping with sweat and gasping for air.  Ask your doctor about an inhaler you may be able to take about 5 minutes or so before you exercise, that may save you from a flare up.  And, maybe go on a detox diet, that may help clean your intestinal tract from all the medicine you're taking and help flush out toxins that may be storing fat. 

It does sound like you're very stressed out and depressed.  Maybe counselling on how to manage your feelings will help you cope, so that one day you may not need as much medication.  Other things, meditation and prayer can help too.  Ask your husband to join in so he can understand how to help you cope.  He may need some information for himself on how to help you.  Since we all are not psychologists, we could all use some guidance on how to help others! 

I hope this helps! 

It's probably nothing more than hormones, weight and being tired but loss of your sex drive can be a signal of a more serious health issue.  Talk to your doc about it.  If you get a clean bill of health, then you want to deal with the problem.  Tell your husband that you need an hour a day to yourself.  That means he needs to put an hour a day into being the caregiver. If that really isn't possible, try and work something our with a friend, family member or a hired babysitter. 

First, you are probably too sedentary.  A brisk half hour walk will do wonders and if you put on ear phones with your favorite tunes it can be a real break-a recharge of your batteries. 

Second, you probably feel wa-a-a-y more "mommy" than yummy.  That's another half hour problem.  When you come back from your walk, baracade yourself in the bathroom and take a slow, scented bath.  Do all the grooming you need to feel fabulous-shave, lotion, condition, make up. While I do this, I imagine what my husband and I will be doing later...even touch myself.  I love thinking that I am grooming my body for his pleasure. Keep breathing slow and hold onto that warm, sexy feeling while you dress and dress to please-cute undies (or none! with a skirt: ) and a revealing top.  

Big, small or middling- you ARE sexy when you feel sexy. Have fun! 

Hi, 

i am new too and 

Hi, 

I have been married for 20 years and I have a great husband. He treats me good and is respectful of me. He is a great father. He is my best friend. He said he loves me more than anything and that I am his soul mate. He says that yes he does fantasize about other women but it is me he wants as his wife. The problem we have though, is that he is disgusted with my body and does not find me attractive at all physically. I have gained 50 pounds, as has he. He can not stand my body and of course with age and children, my breasts sag terribly. This is a great turn off for him. I have had several children and my stomach is, as best I can describe it, like bread dough. I do have cellulite on my legs and buttocks and agian this turns him off. We do have sex......I want to cry when we have it as it just a place for him to ejaculate. He is willing to give me an orgasm or two but I have difficulty dealing with the way he feels about me physically. I am ashamed and humiliated and want the emotional pain to stop. I have been working out and trying to lose weight and firm up but things don't happen over night. I am devastated with his feelings and I don't know if I will feel any different even when I do lose the weight and firm up. It is hurtful and breaks my heart. he knows this and says he wants to make it better. I love him no matter what weight he has gained and no matter how flabby parts of his body has become. He is so incredible in so many ways. I am not willing to walk out and end the relationship. He wants to be with me. He has not physically had an affair but has had more than a crush on other women and has told me that he has been with them emotionally. Help me....any good advice is so welcome. 

Wow, sweetie.  That is tough.  I understand about marriage.  There just are seasons of high and low tide.  You don't want to ditch a long term relationship over a doldrum.  

If this was me, I would start concentrating on YOU not him.  Think about what makes YOU feel sexy.  Get out and walk lots, with good tunes on the earphones. Look after your grooming and apply make up that makes you feel gorgeous. Dress to give yourself pleasure-fabrics you like, colours that make you happy.  Buy the best underwear you can afford-NOT WHITE.  

Then be less available. Make plans to be away a bit-take the kids to swimming lessons in the evening or something else unobjectionable. Don't be too easy to approach for sex for a bit.  Let him set things in motion if he wants sex.  Then when he does, make sure that YOU are enjoying it.  Ask for what you want and don't be afraid of being demanding. Men need to feel the challenge of wooing us. 

to all of you out there that put so much on the shape of your body... 

i have been thin, anorexic in fact, and i have bordered on obese as well. for once in my life i now feel happy with my 'normal' body. i have a bit of flab on my stomach, i have saggy boobs from breastfeeding my son, i have stretchmarks on my legs from gaining and losing weight. when people look at me fully clothed they think i have the perfect figure, but in fact i have nothing near a perfect figure. i thought being thin would make me happy, it didnt and i was miserable at 28kg, i was just as miserable at 50kg. give yourselves a break. i no longer stress over what i eat and what i weigh, and i am finally happy with my imperfect body. do yourself a favour and love yourself flab and all. at the end of the day your body has come a long way with you, keep it healthy but trust me, being thin will not make you happy!!